Ever Get "Tired"?

Ever get tired of talking on the phone? LDRs can be so hard. I love the moments where I can talk to my ym but sometimes I find myself dreading the phone ringing. Not because he's calling, but because it's just another day where we're not together. Does that make sense?

It makes me feel really guilty, especially now that things are finally going well. I wish we were in the same place now, not later. *sigh*:(

molly, it makes perfect sense!!! right now i am in the netherlands with my YM, and we have started the immigration for him to come to the states.
LD is not for the faint of heart... the communication limited to IM's, phone. unless you are "ïn it" one cannot imagine the heartache of wanting yesterday that which you have to wait till tomorrow to have, and a semblence of "normal"

Originally posted by molly
Ever get tired of talking on the phone?


YES

I will be leaving NH in less than 2 weeks and I am already getting nervous about it... we suffer so much when we are apart! But as I always say, what's the option? He's everything I want and if the price is this, well, I will pay!

There's really no recipe but patience and hope, I guess... so many people don't have anyone in their lives, some are happy with that, but those who are not would probably prefer to have someone even far than solitude.

I hope you'll feel better soon. When are you meeting?

Christina, until when do you stay there? To think I'll be in Amsterdam (the aiport) on the 24th, I'd be happy to call you!

Yeah Molly, I hear you loud and clear.

I'm not a whiner, but being in an LDR (7 difficult driving hours away) just sucks. Phil is transferring to a college near here and will relocate in just 25 days. I should be jumping up and down for joy (and I am happy) but the constraints of the LDR are still wearing me down. I'm sick of the phone, i'm sick of email, i'm sick of that little white IM box, you know? I want my real live man!

I remember when he was thinking about staying there for another year. I said that it was ok but if he chose that I'd have to move on. The thought of another whole year of an LDR was just more than I could deal with. And I do love him with all my heart and soul but being together about 30-40 days out of a year and a half is just not enough, you know?

As beautiful as the relationship is to me, it robs me of NOW and our opportunities to be and grow together NOW. Life is short and there are no guarantees of longevity, are there?

I feel your pain!

Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt. :)

Dave and I did 15 months long distance. During that time we worked out not only our agegap, but his depression and self-esteem problems. Sometimes it seemed that each phone call was to put out a fire. One particularly bad day we talked for 8 hours straight, collapsed into bed, got up and talked for another 4 hours!

We spent so many hours on the phone that once Dave said "goodnight" fell asleep and then woke in a panic thinking he had fallen asleep while he was still talking to me. He was so worried that he had just "left me hanging" that he could hardly stand it until I sent him a note telling him that he had indeed hung up before falling asleep. LOL Now *that* is spending entirely too much time on the horn.

I never dreaded the phone ringing, but my heart did often ache that we were apart especially when he was troubled and I wasn't there for him. It's hard to listen to someone weep when you are 500 miles away.

There is nothing wrong with wishing that you are together. You only know that you have a problem when you dread the phone ringing because you don't want to talk to him. If that happens...worry...until then, you are just being normal.

(((HUG)))
Jane

*nodding in agreement with maria* although i am "here" there is still the dread, and sadness, that once again we will have to seperate. i HATE the atlantic ocean *mumbling someone drain the d@mn thing!*
and as bumblebee stated...there are no guarantees...and there comes a time when you can go on no longer. even with immigration in process, i am just worn down. but finally, the days are not as bleak...always keep the goal, and as hard as it is, remember..its not always going to be LD


maria, that would be nice! i'll PM you about the phone number. i was just about leaving the states when the boston meeting was, and i leave amsterdam on the 25th. i would love at some point, when you are back in NH, to show my SO the white mountains, and would love to meet you!

I honestly don't know how you folks in international relationships manage the LDR. We have quite a few here, don't we? I suppose distance is distance whether it's 500 miles or 5,000 miles. That ocean is a huge barrier for certain.

Somehow a webcam and a phone don't take the place of strong loving arms or a shoulder to cry on, do they?

Everytime I read WR's location I smile. I believe it says, "Long Distance Relationship Survivor". That kind of sums it up, doesn't it?

occasionally yes, i dont feel like talking on the phone and then i remember how fortunate my fiance is still stationed in Italy and not Iraq. So, i make a memo to myself be grateful.

today we found out his leave was not what we hoped for, he will have 11 days total including flying from italy to miami and back again, we saw each other on christmas and new years, i love him more since then, i have gotten to know him even deeper as a human being and my love grows. I am fortunate he has been gone 1 1/2 years and no Iraq, please keep Adam in your prayers to return safely, the world is a more beautiful place with him in it.

kittylane...of course he is in our prayers...


bubbleee... sometimes i'll be d@mned how we do it too! ;) but we focus on the gift offered, and know it won't be forever.
and sorry i got your name wrong in my last post...

I wish I could say that I am tired of the phone calls. :( Unfortunately, Remi doesn't have a regular phone. He did buy a cell phone just before our trip in March. However, ever since the end of our trip, his cell phone has been sitting in his mother's house far away from where he is, because he left it there. So, it has now been 40 days since I heard his voice. *sigh*

He and I can only communicate once or twice a week right now and then only through yahoo messenger or email.

But, I try to think that things could be worse. I have an employee who maintained an international LDR with her fiance in Croatia for about a year and a half. Neither had computers, so they wrote letters. They did talk on the phone every Sunday, though. But, no webcams to be able to see each other!!!!! Only pictures sent through the mail occasionally. EDIT: I meant to add that they have now been happily married for 4 years.

Then, I also remember the time just a few short years ago when I was completely alone and never would have believed I could fall in love again. EDIT: I meant to say that what Maria said was exactly right. It's better to love someone this way, than not at all, IMO.

So, when I put everything into perspective, and I focus more on doing all I can to get him here, then I realize I can make it.

But, I could not do it without the help of all my friends here. :)

I sent Joannalee a PM earlier suggesting that they consider a special section for LDR's since there were so many of us in this situation. This would help newbies find people like us who can relate to their issues. I know that's what I was looking for last summer when I posted my thread about "looking for others in my situation." I not only wanted to find others who were in an age gap, but also involved in a LDR.

Thankfully my LDR isn't overseas. I honestly don't think I could handle something that far off. Caden's only 1300 miles away. It's an easy flight, it's just correlating schedules for travel which can be such a pain. Right now we can't get together until well into September - I'm not messing with models anymore, it's not like I'm flying anywhere. lol The finances, new jobs for both of us and timing is just lousy.

He's still working on finding a job out of state which, once that is taken care of, I'm outta here faster than you wouldn't believe!

I don't mean to sound like I'm whining, I'm not. I'm grateful to be able to talk with him as much as I do, it's just very frustrating sometimes.

You have every right to whine, so don't apologize. Sometimes whining is what makes me feel better! :D

In regard to Whiterose's idea (I received your PM)...would all of you involved in a LDR like your own section of the board? And if so, where do you think we should put it?

Im all ears here....*hugs*

Well, it doesn't matter to me. I am happy with or without a special forum for the LDR's. I seem to keep connecting with others who are in them and their support sure has been invaluable. Hmm....maybe a forum would be nice. I have no suggestions as to where!

How about a docked string inside the relationship area? That way it doesn't move and those of us that need it can just post?

this past March I ended it. Sorry I have to disagree with you, Maria, if I'm going to be alone then so be it. but nowhere does it say I have to be lonely, there is a difference. I mean how many ladies have left their relationships due to loneliness and their men/husbands live in the same house. This is the 2nd ldr I've had and I've just decided that its just not worth it to me, maybe if I were 24 or 34 but 44 nah...why so I can say I have someone...nah, not good enough.

Life is too short for me to spend money neither one of us had until he decided what he wanted to do. The visits here and there left me emotionally starve (for him too) and as a student were quite expensive. Now its...honey, if you're not in my backyard literally...put the fence up a little higher, I don't need to see ya...love is not suppose to be this hard, relationship are not suppose to be this complicated, I don't think, goodness knows I'm not; but I know what I want and I deserve to have it as we all.

So I commend you ladies and men who can do this year after year. If you're committed to it for the long haul, then you've gotta do everything you can to maintain that contact at whatever cost. I just choose with a person on the same time zone, then someone who so far away he's gotta be needing that contact as well. I couldn't do that to him as it would also not be fair.

Paris

Originally posted by blondie
Close Proximity rules.


You said it sister! Amen to that!

Originally posted by molly
Ever get tired of talking on the phone? LDRs can be so hard. I love the moments where I can talk to my ym but sometimes I find myself dreading the phone ringing. Not because he's calling, but because it's just another day where we're not together. Does that make sense?

It makes me feel really guilty, especially now that things are finally going well. I wish we were in the same place now, not later. *sigh*:(

I second (or maybe 6th ;)) that! I even got tired of being on the computer when Devon and I were apart. I loved speaking with him and seeing him, but ughhhhh I began to resent that box so much!

Proximity does rule......

Paris, I said that there were two groups, one okay with being alone and one that would prefer to have someone, even far, to having noone.

You belong to the first, and I am happy for you, but Trish knows that some people who are alone do feel lonely.

Two groups, two different feelings.

I do have to say I would never be able to recommend a LDR to anyone. I would not actively pursue one again either if I were ever single again. It is just too hard.

Past two relationships have been long distance...

It does get tiring, that I can attest to. It's even harder, though when you want to put forth effort into doing more, and the other person kind of seems...oh....complacent? With how the relationship is...at what level it is...

Whether it's the fact that you want to move from just emails/IM's to more phone calls...or whether you want to go from email/IM/phone to real life meetings...and it's like a constant up hill struggle...

I think what happens, sometimes, is what I said above, but rather...both parties become complacent for awhile. They are perfectly happy to be able to hear eachother's voices so often and for so long. And then, when the lonliness and the yearning finally waffle you upside the back of the head and heart? It becomes a very heavy blow...and then it's a heavy burden...

Like Tru said, I would never recommend a LDR to anyone. My view is...if it happens? It happens. If it doesn't? It won't. Kind of like what I experienced on the cruise. You don't think back in my mind I had this fantasy that if Vanessa and I did "hook up"...that she would then want to leave her job and stay on land? *LOL* But, it wasn't meant to happen and I wasn't going to force it...

But, I digress....*LOL*

Tru, I would never recommend LDR to anyone either. But if it happens, and it's with a wonderful person, I am sure you would just give hints to the person of how to try to survive the sad moments, wouldn't you?

It's painful, yes, but once we are in, and we are in love, the alternative of leaving is just impossible to choose. :(

But if it happens, and it's with a wonderful person, I am sure you would just give hints to the person of how to try to survive the sad moments, wouldn't you?

I think sad moments aren't the hardest part. What gets to me is the living life in parallel instead of intersecting. The little snippets of time you don't get to experience. Looking into a box instead of a warm human face. Not being able to share a glance, a smile, a laugh or a kiss on the spur of the moment.....

Its moving from day to day and week to week, surviving somedays and living others. It's looking in the mirror and knowing he or she loves you, but you somehow wish you could catch a glimpse of them somewhere in the reflection. It's hard, its lonely and it's demoralizing at times.

I told Phil yesterday that if he weren't coming here in three weeks or so I'd quit. Maybe it's just harder near the end, I don't know.

What does everyone think of the suggestion I made to add a new section in the forum for LDR's? I was thinking mostly of the new people who may come here with a specific need to locate people in a similar situation? (see Joannalee's post above).

We could have one thread for us, like stuck to this forum, what do you think about it?

bubblebee, i so thank you for that post, you are right it is the day to day life without Adam is the hardest.

if it werent for where he was and what he was doing, i couldnt manage. and i get glimpses of panic thinking one day this will be over and we will have normal life and i get gittery.

he will be home in approx one month for less time than we thought, 11 days including travel time from italy, and i already dread him leaving, i got to this nitch of being ok alone again and sleeping through the night, of late i have thrown myself to work, which is good i suppose but a poor substitute.

i am such a weirdo, i have gone since christmas since we have seen each other and now i am panicking over the precious time we get to see eachother, what the heck is that about??? i need to take my own advice and not project and live in the moment and not put expectations on us, we will be fine, we have gone thru a mountain load of crap and keep coming out smiling, anyway, i do get the whole intrepidation thing, there is always a limb we gotta go out when we choose love. i guess it is just the way it is. kitty

I hear you, Kitty, I think your case is even harder because you can see less of each other than Jason and I can, but I have heard this from Tru before and I know what you both mean: I am already thinking of how hard it will be to get used to sleeping without him again, to not hear him opening the door every day and saying Hey Baby, I'm home!

I'm already starting to feel sad before time, and it's so difficult to control this. He tells me not to suffer before the day comes, and I think he's doing this because he has to be strong, men are conditioned to be always in control, to take care of us, and we get the impression we are the only ones fearing that moment...

I hear you and I don't know what to say.

Originally posted by MariaLux
We could have one thread for us, like stuck to this forum, what do you think about it?

Most people don't seem to like stickies. And, I would think it may be hard for new members to find. Maybe it could be a subsection of Relationship Support??

I know of another site that I'd like to highly recommend everyone look at before deciding. In that site, there are various different kinds of threads being posted under their LDR section. It's a nice set up. They even have a separate section called "Cyber Romance" for those involved in relationships that began online.

But, I know I am not suppose to advertise for another website, so if anyone wants to know the name of it so you can check it out, please PM me.

Some people don't like stickies, but not most. Most don't ever say anything! And we don't have any here, it would be no problem.

I don't know about the sub-section, that's an idea, too. :)

Maria and Kitty, i think its that we get into this rythym with the guys being with us and it seems just as we get started, it is time to wind it up again and say goodbye. There have been times when I haven't seen him for six months and I've needed some re-entry time, just to get used to his being there, his touch, his scent, even though I love him and missed him so.

Some folk here saw each other two or three times in an LDR then were able to be together. People like me and probably you two and countless others had to say hello and goodbye so many times and each time saying goodbye gets harder. I would venture that I've said goodbye to Phil about a half dozen times in the last 1.5 years and have another one to go through until we are really together forever...sigh

I don't think either of you are crazy. I hardly know what to say myself. But it does help to know that I'm not alone in how I feel. I'll take whatever help I can get, you know?

Love to all
Bub

P.S. I don't have a feeling either way about a special place for LDR. I learn something from everyone here. AND THANK GOD i'll be LDR no more in about 3-4 weeks!

Bub, I am so glad for you! It's hard to be in this position right now, but we stay because we hope to live something like you'll start to live and the Hedgehogs are living: a life together.

Sometimes I feel that I let myself fall into some kind of dangerous sadness, I fight it as I can, and his love helps me a lot. He's so sure everything is going to be fine! Maybe I'm too much spoiled and want everything right here and right now, and maybe this is something I had to learn from life. Well, I'm learning!

And I think we'll get a forum for that, the mods have been talking and we'll see what we can do!:)

as to a special section for LD...yes

maria, guess we all do the same thing... begin the sadness of leaving before its time, and think we are the only partner feeling it. and wonder how we are going to possibly survive...
at times i was amazed the amount of tears i could cry and felt so alone

far from ideal.... have been in a LD for 1.5 years now, orginial plan was another year, but that SO changed to immigrate now. it is time to take the precious moments every day

despite all the trials of LD, i tend to think we know our partners better as it takes unbelievable communication to substain LD till the day we can finally be together. it can be exhausting and heartbreaking till that day

Paris, I said that there were two groups, one okay with being alone and one that would prefer to have someone, even far, to having no one.

No, I never said its ok to be alone. I think that's horrid too but it doesn't have to be. But to say you're going to spend alot of time and money on someone miles away from you just so you can say you have someone...its not acceptable to me, I don't need to have someone that badly. Living out of a suitcase was not acceptable to me, like someone else said, I learn to hate the computer at times and being in different time zones was not much fun, me in nyc/he in scotland. Balancing my family and friends and him on weekends was an activity worthy of the New York City Apple Circus.

I think it was easy for me in the beginning to be in a ldr because i felt at that time that it was easier to manage then having someone in your face. Boy was I naive... once I started having feelings for him that's when everything shifted and I had to work too darn hard to maintain it. And if it is going to be that hard I rather have someone who IS in my face. I learned that in a ldr, love, through a series of lights, click and sounds wasn't enough...everytime I said goodbye, love didn't sustain me or him. In a ldr I came face to face with a more selfish part of me. Someone I had to constantly keep in check or she would ruin it for me.

so now if its ldr, it would have to be state side, since I'm the east coast, that's where I'll stay. If i can get into a car/train/bus to meet you under $300 approx. that will work for me (at least while I'm in school). At least we can alternate weekends and feel like I'm in a true blue relationship and not some fantasy that may or may not pop in my face. Now that its over, I'm less tense, less stress, more relax, better rested. but if it works for you and you want to make that effort I say go for it, its rewarding when everything falls into step.


Paris

I hear what you're saying, Paris... but, about the part about trying a LDR stateside, I can tell you this. I was involved with a man who lived in NJ for 5 months last year. I live in southern Indiana. He was the one I saw while I sorted out my feelings about Remi. I truly believed that my relationship with the man in NJ would be easier than one with Remi because it was 4800 miles closer.

However, I actually found that relationship was much more difficult. Because we were only 700 miles away from each other (a 2 hour flight), we wanted to see each other often. We really believed that we were not that far away and could see each other often. With Remi, I just have to accept that it's going to take much longer to be with him. Somehow, that takes the pressure off me. But, eventually, money became an issue in our ability to see each other (guy in NJ). What's ironic is that it cost me almost as much to fly to Newark to see him as it did for me to fly to Romania to see Remi!!

The distance wasn't the only reason we broke up, but we both agreed later that it was a huge part of the split. There was no way he could move away from his daughter there and no way I was going to give up my job and move there.

So, in our case, the distance was a determining factor, despite the fact it was stateside. Pretty ironic that I have found someone even better who lives much further away. Of course, each situation can be completely different, no matter the distance. But, just because it's stateside doesn't necessarily make it easier or cheaper.

There's no doubt that if I could choose, I would choose to date my neighbour, but as I couldn't fall in love with him, and instead fell in love with a man in the other side of the ocean, I just had to try the adventure. It's hard sometimes, but the moments of love we have together and the promises that life is offering us are just too good to refuse.

It's not like I don't have a choice, as I said, I had one, but it was just too miserable to consider, once I had grown to love this man. :)

As you all know by my recent thread .. I got tired.

Would I do it again? Maybe .. I will not look for it but who knows what comes your way.

Sorry so short. I gotta head to work but I would like to elaborate more on this later.

Have a great day :)

Well it's good to see that I'm not alone!!!