To all LDR survivors out there!

Welcome all people who are now, or have previously been, or are even considering being in a long-distance, age-gap relationship. This is your forum.

When I first came here, I needed to find someone else who not only could relate to my feelings about being in an age gap relationship, but could understand my worries about the long-distance aspect.

Everyone who's been around up to this point knows my story. But, for the new people, I'll give you the condensed version. I am now engaged to a man who lives in Romania. I live in the U.S. We are 5500 miles apart!! We are working on immigrating him to the U.S. so we can marry here. He happens to be 18 years younger than me. The past year has been a roller coaster of emotion for me and I could not have made it this far without all the wonderful people of agelesslove!

This forum is for everyone, whether you're involved in an OM/YW or OW/YM long-distance relationship. I'm hoping you'll use this space to post your thoughts and feelings about the trials and tribulations of being involved with someone who lives far away. This is your place to seek advice, but hopefully you'll share some advice, too!

:)

It can work. It's not easy. It's not always fun, but it can teach you communication skills that will serve you both well in the coming years.

Talk honestly, listen with all your heart and expect the same respect, courtesty and good treatment that you would of a person you were dating in person.

Dave and I are here to tell you that, even with 26 years difference, ill health, mental health issues and money problems, if we could make it work...so can you. :D

Peace,
Jane (56) married to Dave (30) for 22 wonderful months

My husband and I (a 26 year age gap) survived a 5-year long distance relationship separated by 3 1/2 hours drive time. We kept each other close by constant phone/email contact and saw each other at least twice a month. He relocated to my home state shortly after we got married a little over three years ago. The scary part for me was wondering what it would be like when we were together every day as our relationship had always been long distance since we met. I'm happy to report that it is absolutely better than ever and has exceeded all my hopes and dreams for it. My husband is a wonderful man and we have a very happy life together.

I know that I appreciate every day with my husband because I still very clearly remember what it was like to be apart from him. So, for those of you out there in LDRs now, I can say based on my experience LDRs can and do work but don't wait any longer than you must to get your lives together/together as that is just so much better.

Good luck!

Thanks BA and dmbdmo for sharing your wonderful success stories. You are both truly an inspiration to us all. :)

I'm really happy you started this forum. I know we've been talking about it for a long time and I know it will be useful and helpful to all of us in LDR/AGR.

For those who don't know, my darlin and I are way, way out there both in age and distance. I'm in NY and he's in Australia. We met one year ago and although I tried really hard to trun away from this for a while, I couldn't do it. Things seem to just get better between us. We have lots of issues to deal with. Firstly of course, there's the ka-zillion of miles that seperate us. Then, there's family issues - those are going to be real tough! But, we are committed to each other and to our relationship and as tough as it is, I'm looking forward to living together and loving each other for a long time to come. The best two weeks I've ever had were when Addy came to visit. I can't wait to see him again and we're trying to figure out the best way of getting him here. Life is certainly an adventure sometimes!

I'm really grateful to have found Ageless - it's been the only place that I can say how I feel without worrying how someone will react. I've made some really wonderful friends here (:D ) and have had some great advice. I hope that this forum gives us all the kind of support and insight that I know we all can benefit from.

Hi Sunlover! I'm glad to know that things are still going well with you and Addy.

About the LDR forum, the credit really goes to Jo and Rob for listening to the suggestion. I appreciate them doing this for us. I think having this section will make it easier for new people to find those of us in LDR/AGR's that they need to connect with.

As most people on the forum know, my husband (25) and I (47) have survived a 3 year LDR. There were times when I thought that I would never get through it. This place was my support. It was comforting to know that I was not the only one dealing with a LDR and an age gap relationship as well.

My husband is Australian and I American and the distance was and always has been a bigger issue to deal with than the age gap. There wasn't much spontaneity with the time difference. Our calling times and the times we were online together was pretty much routine. So we had to make the most of the time we had while on the phone or on netmeeting.

One advantage I think couples in LDR's have is the opportunity to really get to know someone from the inside out. I have heard many people tell me that there is no way you can really know someone without spending time together face to face. To a certain degree that is correct. However, I think over a long period of time with just conversation only as your means of communication you can get to know someone better psychologically than you would if you were looking at them. Body language is great! And it is important in learning about someone, but baring your soul to someone without a physical barrier has a huge advantage. When all you have is IM or phone calls, you learn very quickly how to communicate what you are feeling and thinking. My husband and I have built a wonderful foundation for communicating to each other, that we believe will carry us through whatever life throws at us along our journey together. We relish the times we can just hold each other and not say a word. But we also are grateful that we know how to talk to each other about anything that may be on our minds.

I am currently in the process of immigration to Australia, because this is where his work is. This is an opportunity for me to get to know his family and friends, the way he was able to do after spending a total of 6 months with me in the USA. Sometimes I get very homesick for my kids and my family. But all of my kids are married and living their lives and I call them regularly and email them often. And I know I can take my holidays to the US to visit them every year or so. Not much different than when I was there and we were spread out. Just a longer flight!

I have made my choice to live my life with the person of my dreams. He lives in another part of the world, and I will live with him. At some point we may move back to the US together and work there and build our life there. We really don't care where we live as long as we are together. At last!

Originally posted by ~Guinavere~
I have made my choice to live my life with the person of my dreams. He lives in another part of the world, and I will live with him. At some point we may move back to the US together and work there and build our life there. We really don't care where we live as long as we are together.

Bravo to that! I could have written that, Juanita, because that's exactly my situation right now. I am still one who thinks that nothing replaces being together to get to know each other, the time I have just spent with Jason was worth months and months of conversation, but that is us and we probably communicate better like this.

I miss him so much, we might have to change our plans to meet earlier!

Tell me, during those three years, how many times did you meet?

Maria

During our 3 years LDR Hasan came to the US twice to see me. We met face to face for the first time in May 2002. That was 18 months after meeting online! He stayed with me for 3 months (his alloted time without a visa). He came the 2nd time in January 2003. Again he was with me for 3 months. Then in November 2003 I came to Australia to see him. We decided to get married here and I am still here.

I agree with you that there is much to find out about each other when you are living together. You really get to know someone as far as habits go, temperament, sleeping habits, hygiene, social skills, etc. I have a friend who told me that it is important to see each other go through the seasons. Some people behave differently in different seasons. And you want to see a person in his/her hot days and cold days. I think it was important for us to spend the time living together (for a total of 9 months) before getting married.

Good luck with your new relationship. I know that you and Jason will find ways to make your relationship work if both of you are committed to doing that.

HUGS

Thanks, my friend! You are one of my inspirations around here!

The first thing to strike me in Jason was the way he was committed to making this work since the beginning. I fell in love with the way he reassured me, the way he would listen to any of my wishes and do his best to grant them to me, and it took me time to notice that I could ask him for anything I wanted and he would do it. As silly as my wishes could be.

I am no longer afraid of asking him to do things for me. I am afraid of asking too much sometimes because I know he'll do them!! :D

OMG! Maria,

Jason sounds a lot like Hasan. He too was committed from the beginning to make this work. He was the one who constanly assured me that the age thing was NOT an issue. And he was adamant about me asking him for anything. He wanted to know all about me. What my dreams were. What my goals were. What my interests were. He was into me! He is still the most selfless man I have ever met. Recently I have been having a lot of back problems and stiff joints (signs of premenopause most likely) and he rubs my back, he rubs my feet, he draws hot baths for me to soak in, and the list goes on.

When you meet a man who really knows how to show love and affection and is not self-absorbed HANG ON TO HIM!

And to really know if a man is truly like that, you have to spend a good deal of time physically with them. (This has nothing to do with my earlier comments on knowing the depth of the soul through long hours of conversation) Anyone can spout words on the phone or IM, but the "proof is in the pudding" so to speak!

Maria, make whatever sacrifices are necessary to spend time together. In the long run it will be worth it. When you are looking at what may be your life partner, getting to know them takes patience and endurance when you are in a LDR.

You bet I am hanging on to him!

God was smart enough (what else could He be?) to show me the alternative before I met Jason, so that I could compare and not take this man for granted!

I am not even talking about the other person per se, but the lack of love in that relationship. I do wish him to find the right love and be the man Jason is for me, to whoever comes to his life.

I am just very happy we are this committed, even more knowing that what we are facing is just distance, something we can change when we decide to. Changing possessive family members is a whole different thing.

Originally posted by MariaLux
You bet I am hanging on to him!

I am just very happy we are this committed, even more knowing that what we are facing is just distance, something we can change when we decide to.



You are exactly right! The distance obstacle is something that can be removed when you make the decision to do that.

Hasan and I decided that we were not going to be apart any longer, so I moved to Australia! He was willing to move to the USA. But for now OZ is our home.