Preparing for another round of LDR

I was going to put a sad smile on my thread, but decided otherwise. I can't start something already being sad, I have to see this as a phase I just have to go through and survive, until we meet again. You all who have already met and have had to say goodbye at one point, know what I am feeling now.

We still have three days to go, but everytime I am in his arms, I miss him already. I touch his soft skin and feel his scent, and wish I could be powerful enough to keep this impregnated in my memory and in my body, but I know that it's impossible, that I will soon forget how it felt and just miss the sensation of it.

We have no other option for now and we have to be strong. We have to survive. There are no magical recipes, only survival techniques that we stubbornly use until we can't deal with it anymore... and as love is great, we always have some energy left until the day to meet comes.

I should just stop counting the days.

Preparing yourself to leave until the next meeting is perhaps one of the hardest things couples in LDRs do. The constant shuffling in your head about how you can change things to keep your partner with you or for you to remain with your partner... and the unshakable feeling of grief during your separations... Its really hard stuff. You are in my prayers and thoughts Maria and Jason!

The last three days of my time with Remi was definitely the hardest. I spent so much time crying in anticipation of leaving that it only added to our stress. But, there's no way to keep from getting upset, is there?

Then, once I was back home, I went through a weird transition period as I had to become accustomed to our "virtual" relationship again by communicating only online or on the phone. It just flat out seemed weird.

Maria, you can IM me on yahoo any evening my time if you want to talk. I'm here for you.

Thank you, Marcy and Whiterose. I'll certainly need all the help I can get to get by the days when missing him will seem unbearable. I don't want to spoil our last days with my tears and my whinning, so I am quite discrete about it, almost "prude". I don't want to later regret having spent hours crying when I could have been kissing him!

I hope all the little things we can do for each other from the distance will help us get through. I hope he'll be okay, too, because he works so hard and is so by himself (his own choice, but I would so much prefer he had someone cooking and doing the house chores for him), but Jason has a rich interior life and I'm sure our distance will inspire his writings, his poetry, his music. He may even stop writing horror stories to write some love ones? ;)

Back in '98, when my then love came from Colorado to here, at the airport, I told her...."This isn't Goodbye. This is, 'Until next Time'...because, remember, even though I am across the country...I am only an email away, an Im away or a phone call away....

I remember when I went out to California a year later. I was out thier from Sunday to Sunday. Around Friday...I was getting visibly upset about leaving. She, was strong, so it seemed. I, on the other hand...was not. I'd sit up in bed and start crying. On Sunday, though...after lounging around in the morning in bed nude...we had to get dressed. I was in the bathroom getting ready and I started to hear her cry...I bolted out thier like a bat outta hell....

I had given her my handkerchief to dry her tears. On the way home, on the flight...I cried into the same handkerchief. On Monday, I slept most of the day...and I slept clutching that handkerchief...her scent still on it....

That was the last time we ever saw eachother, the relationship faded away after that. But...as others have said, thier is no easy fix. Lord knows, if thier was....I'd snap my fingers so that all my friends in LDR could be happy...I'd also be rich as hell...*LOL*

All you can do, is try to "zone out" the saddness, and hold close to your heart, the happy memories that you shared. Weather those memories are of love making, eating meals together, going out places, or just watching TV in the evenings. Each second of a memory, if you allow it, can replace a single tear...and each second can bring a smile to your lips...

Of course it's going to be sad, of course it's going to hurt. No bones about that there isn't any other way of experiencing and feeling the "leaving" situation...

All you can do...is search for that in your heart, that will lessen the blow...

Of course, as I said to my gf at that time..."If I didn't act like such a wreck...if I didn't cry like a little boy whose best friend, who is female, is moving away and he doesn't understand the concept...if I didn't cry like that now? It would mean I didn't love you so dearly, so deeply. The fact that I am? Should show you, just how much you mean to me in my heart and my life."

~Dan

I really like the idea of the handkerchief. I think I have to buy one, I only have tissue papers.

We are fortunate enough to be able to make plans to see each other in two months and then in October. I know I am a very lucky person to have found someone who is like me, and will follow me as I would follow him, to the end of the universe. I have no doubts that distance is not a risk, just a burden. The greatest risk we took up to now was to spend 5 weeks together, that might have killed our relationship, not the unknown, but that was all so good.

We come out of these 5 weeks more sure than ever that we are made for each other. Even the fights, that were rare, were very good for us to get to know each other better.

And now I have one more thing to add to my shopping list, a handkerchief! Thanks Dan. :)

Hey Maria,

I know what it`s like to feel you`ve left half of your heart on the other side of the Atlantic. After being in a long distance relationship that lasted two years i really don`t envy anyone starting one. But hey, we know from the people here that as much as it hurts to be apart from the one you love it can work. I know i never found a way to make it hurt less, but i think as long as you can talk as much as possible and be there for eachother it will be ok. And I know you well, so i know you`ll be strong, and i just know you`ll get what you want in the end :D

ironic...the days fly together, and one apart equals a year . the shift back to the days apart...the remembering just last week, has it only been that long????? cruel jokes, that i yet to find any humor in. LD has been one hell of an undertaking! but makes each moment together more alive, more appreciated, more vibrant. adds a whole new perspective to love...

look forward...it is the only saving grace. know that the future is promised and will be obtained. dreams come true...
we are in this for a chosen reason...cherish the gift

maria...i too will be facing another 2 months till we figure immigration visa will be granted. we stomp our feet together, cry, have a drink...whatever gets us through till then. keep looking forward as best you can.

Steve!!!! How nice to see you, and yes, my friend, you went through all that, I remember. You were so strong but always afraid of the moment of saying goodbye. I understand you better now.

Christina, we'll have some wine together, won't we? Let's all have a wine (whining?) party from time to time in this forum because the reality is... distance is a bad thing!!!

Oh Maria, I will be thinking about you..I think that the days leading up to the separation are just as bad as the actual
separation itself. Feeling thier touch, looking in thier eyes, feeling like running (but to where??) to avoid having to leave.
My Chad and myself held hands so hard at the airport that we actually had marks imbedded on our fingers. We have gone through this many a time but I truly think it gets worse as
time goes on. I think you almost go through a weird grieving process. I know I get sad, then after a few days back home
mad at the situation and then the acceptance where you just start looking towards the "next" time. There is many a moment when I think-My God there are all of these men here and I pick one that is thousands of miles away!! But I believe in this and will see it through till the end. I know in our case it makes our relationship stronger, as we go through the sacrifices neccesary to eventually put these two puzzle peices together...hopefully forever. Is it hard...sure, but we know it is DEFINITELY worth it!

Hugs!!

Joi

Thanks, Joi. We have been so much closer these last days, I guess it's normal, we glue to each other whenever he's not at work.

He took tomorrow and Saturday off, and we are planning to have some fun, talk, and just love each other. Two months will pass before I'll touch him again, I just want my skin to get as much of his as possible.

Any special advice for our last two days? Any ideas? I am planning to leave little messages around the house, I hope he won't read this forum for a while... and anyway, they'll be hidden!

http://www.smilieland.com/graphics2/pflanze27.gif

Notes are great. I also leave him with a bottle of my perfume and make certain to spray a bit on his pillow before I leave, as
well as an article of clothing that I always seem to forget ;)
Last time, I actually had some baloons sent to his home so that when he arrived back from taking me to the airport he would be cheered up when he saw them. One thing that we always do...our first full day apart is set a time (it is a little more difficult with the international time change thing) and we both go outside and look up to the moon (or sun..) and shut our eyes and in our hearts, promise to love each other forever. Hokey yes...but it helps us get through that day. Personally the return plane ride is the worst..
I hate it..We have actually gone through this 10 times and counting...I see him in July for 10 days...But Maria, with all of our life's experience we get through it..until the next time! We are the lucky ones though - so many spend thier entire lives looking
for love like we have found to no avail. I am at least closer now as when we first went through this I lived in London, England!! At least I am in the same country now;)

Joi

I was in an LDR twice, once a long time ago and once a few years back.

Don't forget to get a T-shirt or something of his to sleep in....best when he has already worn it to smell like him. I also left the little notes around the house. Wish I would have thought to left some of my perfume, but I did spray my perfume on the pillow where I slept, and left some of my shampoo in the shower as my first guy really loved the way my hair smelled. Any little thing you can do to leave a bit of your presence there, and take a little of his with you.

As soon as you can after you get home, start making plans for your next visit together. It gives you something to focus on...something to be excited about.

I feel so much for you, my friend, and I hate to see you sad. ((hugs)) One day soon, there will be no more "visits", and you will be able to be together every day.

And Maria, I almost didn't post, because I know YOU knew exactly what I was going to say before I typed it! lol :eek:

It'll be okay, Maria. Those first few days are hardest, but you've gotten some great advice and like Trish said, you and Jason WILL be together again.

{{hugs}}

Dear Maria
Hi, oh I most definately do know your heartache, when I met my love last summer for the first time in real life, I cried so much I think I made him scared, the second time we met at Christmas, the night he was to leave he called home and asked for another week off, which he was granted, it made the parting more bareable as we then had 3 weeks together, then in March he came again and we had 2 weeks, at the end of which he called and was given more time off, those 2 times helped immensly, and now this June I am going to see him for 2 weeks, at the end of which he will come back to stay with me 3 weeks, it isnt perfect, but if u can see each other as often as possible, till u can be together more permanantly it helps alot, and as you have more time together, instead of that first visit, you may trust there can be more time. Love Gil

Oh Gil and Maria,

I feel so sad for you both! Jo, your idea of the t-shirt is a great one! I hijacked one that Phil loves just yesterday to bring home with me. I love the smell of him that's on the shirt.

When we were talking about parting again last night (even though it's only for a few weeks), we both said how much we HATE to go back to the little white instant messaging box.

I wish I had some magic words but there aren't any really. I just try to let my senses soak as much of him in as possible to carry me through to another meeting. And I know what you mean Maria, about his touch...sigh

Thinking about you today.... hope you are doing as well as can be expected...This is the worst part hon...keep thinking about the next time...and remember that all of us are here to support you..

Joi

Thank you all! It was a hard day for us, and today we had to move from real life to seeing each other on the webcam... but we are doing okay despite the sadness, we have each other and we have you, our friends, and a lot of dreams to hold to!

Love is strong and thanks to airplanes, it's just a few hours (and lots of dollars) away... we'll make it!

maria, i just said "good bye" at the airport in manchester myself...my last moment was watching him riding down the escalator, and that sweet smile of his...

these 2 months will pass...are you coming back here or will he be visiting you?

Such a beautiful airport and such sad memories... but as I said to Jason, thanks God there are airplanes and airports, otherwise we would take months in a ship to see each other!

I am coming back probably in october, Calybo, and before that he comes to Europe, in July. If everything works out fine, it is...

How about you? When are you two meeting again?

oh, july is not so far away, that's great that you will both get to see each other's homes. and yes, i am glad that we don't have to travel by ship anymore! :p

he will be coming home in late june - i can't wait!

Oh Maria that's really good! I'm hoping to see Addy in July too :D , but I've been waiting since February :( .

I was thinking today about how I felt when he left, so I really understand those emotions I'm sure you're feeling. Well, you know it will be ok and you'll be together again soon. Just take out those memories you've been storing while you were together and let them help you get through the time untill you're together again. Thank God for our memory bank!

Oh yes, and thanks to digital cameras! :)

I have just posted some new pictures at the members' album, it makes my heart beat faster just to look at them!

I am sorry you have to wait so long, Sunlover, but July is around the corner! We'll make it! ;)