lost the love of my life

Please help me, I feel like my life is over. I broke up back in October with my 5 year boyfriend for another guy. Eventhough we weren't together we still had been in contact and on Valentine's Day we still had strong feelings for each other. THings didn't work out with the new guy and I had given him a chance b/c I wanted to be sure my 5year boyfriend was the one. Now I have realized that my 5yr man was Mr. Right. I tried calling him and we have spoken a couple times. He says he still thinks of me b/c you can't forget someone so special that quick. I sent him a 10 page letter apologizing and telling him my true feelings. I told him i would be willing to change and that I know I would need to gain his trust. When we talk he says he doesn't have time for dating cause he is working 7 days a week. Come to find out after talking to a couple of his friends and his sister that he is going back home to get married with someone he's been in a ldr for 3 mos. He wouldn't admit it to me and all he says is we can only be friends, that he wish I would have felt this way before. But when we saw each other 2 days ago i asked him to hug me and kiss me and he did. He didn't have to do that if he didn't want to right. I can't lose him, he is the love of my life. we were perfect for each other and I hate myself for just realizing it. I know it may be too late but i have to try. Somone told me to not bother him for a couple months b/c he might need to think about what i just told him a week ago but i am scared to. He wants to be my friend. i know i really hurt him but i am soo willing to sacrifice and do whatever it takes to win him back. please help, my happiness depends on it. guys out there, should i just leave him alone and move on? We had stopped talking from March to May and I was the one who called him. He was happy to hear my voice again and always picks up my calls. What should I do? I have until December and I know he only cares for this new girl, he doesn't love her.

Hi bibita and welcome to agelesslove. I am assuming that you two are in an age gap relationship and that you are older than him?

Either way, I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Isn't it ironic that we always figure out what we want when the other person is moving forward?

You can't force him to come running back to you. I understand how reluctant he may feel if you changed your mind and decided that you wanted to end things. Maybe he's still hurt.

I'd recommend that you outline very clearly that you would like to get back together with him. Then, step back and leave it up to him. If he wants to remain friends only, then you need to learn to let him go. The ball is really in his court in this situation.

Your post sounds to me, though, like you've already done this. If this is the case, then yes, you should find a way to let him go. Once you let some go, if they love you, they will come back to you in your own time. If you feel though that you did not communicate this clearly enough to him, then try one more time. But, then be prepared to let him go.

Again, I'm sorry you're hurting. And, I hope this is resolved the way that will make you both happy. :)

Dear Bibita,

It seems to me that you have already done everything you could to get him back. You've admitted to having made a mistake; you apologized; you've expressed your feelings and you told him you want to be with him. The fact that he hasn't come back to you in a romantic way says that he's either not sure that that is what he wants or that he may have truly moved on. There is only so much we can do in order to get what we want, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, as it involves another human being. There comes a point where we may need to let it go. I know it's easier said than done. Letting go is one of the hardest things I've had to learn in this lifetime. But, sometimes, letting someone you love go and allowing them to pursue other things, and even other people, is the biggest act of love you may ever do for them. Also, from what I hear, he has offered you his friendship. Not to make less of romance, true friendship is one of the most beautiful kind of relationships there is. Please, try to appreciate the gift he is giving you. By only wanting him in a romantic way, you may be pushing him away. Most importantly, you may be throwing away a friend you could have for a lifetime.

In this time of pain, please, be kind to yourself. Be forgiving. You can ask him to forgive you, and he may have done so, but have you? Also, try not to regret your attempt at happiness with another man (when you broke up with him). Lessons come in different forms, and if you embrace your decisons rather then resent or regret them, you'll be much more likely to learn something from them. I do understand you are hurting and I'm sure that all of us here at Ageless have hurt like you at one time or another in our lives. So do count on us for support. And try to keep in mind that love, like lessons, also comes in many forms. The most beautiful kind of love comes from within. Be good to your Self right now. ::hugs::