I'm having a rough evening

It's raining buckets here tonight and I am feeling so blue tonight. :(

I hate this distance between us and I hate not being able to talk to Remi more often. We haven't talked now in 8 days. He did send me some offline messages this morning and told me he'd try to be online tonight. But, as I write this, it's 3:30 a.m. his time and I seriously doubt he'll be online tonight.

Oh I know that I'll hear from him soon, and we'll talk about how I'm feeling and all will be ok. But, right now, I'm feeling pretty darned bad. It's times like this that cause me to wonder if I can really continue to wait to be with him. But, what's my alternative??? To walk away completely just because some distance is getting on my nerves???? What kind of alternative would that be to not have him in my life at all... to not have a goal of being together one day?????

Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated tonight. :(

I can relate to what you are going through. There were times when Hasan and I were apart that I thought if I don't get to hear his voice I am going to crawl out of my skin!

Usually on days like that I would call up my best girlfriend and invite her over for a good crying session. Or I would put on one of my favorite movies, make some popcorn and sit back and cry all though it (because my favorite movies are romance).

It's ok to have a pity party sometimes.

Sometimes I would put on some music as loud as I could without disturbing the neighbors and I would sing along to everything.

I would also go to my email account and read all the beautiful letters that Hasan had sent me. Those gave me a lot af comfort, knowing that he loved me. I also would stop and think about how difficult this can be for him too. You are not alone in this.

I would also get online and find an e-card to send my sweetie and write a bunch of mushy stuff to him.

Turn out the lights, put on some soft relaxing music, light some pretty smelling candles...pour a glass of wine (if you drink) and think about how wonderful it feels to be a woman in love with the most wonderful man in the whole world, and count your blessings that you found him.

Then cry some more until you have cried it all out.

Hug your pillow, beat it up, and hug it some more.

Curse and swear at the gods for the distance that separates you and then thank them for leading you to the man of your dreams.

HUGS

Katrina, some weeks ago it was me, remember? You were all there for me, and it made me feel so much better!

Something that helps me is writing letters. The ones you send by normal mail, remember those? Putting my energy on them, making little silly envelopes, spending time finding the right cards, all that helped me.

Think of the time you'll have together. Go online to seek new ideas for your wedding! You have a whole world of ideas waiting for you to find them!

WR,

It will be alright and you are entitled to feel bad tonight, you know? LDR's really suck and there gets to be points in them that you feel like they just maim your life.

Somehow we manage to get through these times by sheer will and determination. Like a lot of other things in life our relationships are about what we can live with AND what will make us happy. From what I read on your posts, this relationship with Remi has been very good for you both.

You are a Kentucky Woman, girl, you have lots of grit and determination. Remi loves you. You love him. It is enough, ok? Everything else will fall into place when it is time.

Keep the faith. Phil will FINALLY be here in two weeks. I've waited a long time myself and these last few days are dragging.
I really do understand.

All the best, you are a sweetie!
Bubs

Thanks Guinavere, Maria and Bubbleee. I knew I could count on my ageless LDR sisters to help me through this evening.

I have spent the past hour working on the I-129F petition for him to be able to come here. I just wrote Remi a long letter that I'll be sending him when I mail the G-325A form to complete. Doing that filled up my time, but I am missing him horribly tonight.

So many of you others in LDRs have been able to talk to your partners every day, or several times a week. I so wish that I could talk to Remi anytime I want. :(

The only other person I know who only got to talk to her b/f once or twice a week while in their LDR is my employee, Lisa. She managed to deal with the distance for about 18 months before he was able to come here and marry her. So, I tell her all the time that she is my role model. I met her husband at our Christmas party last December. They are clearly very much in love and have proven that you can successfully transition from LDR to in person. If she can do it, I can, too.

Thanks for offering me words of support tonight. Yes, Bubbleee, I am a very strong Kentucky woman. :p As you all know, I don't usually post on here needing advice and support. So, when I do, you know that I'm having a very tough time. Thanks so much for helping me get through this horrible evening without him.

*H's*

hang in there...and as was said, it is OK to feel completely hopeless, angry, sorry for yourself, and hating the world for the distance. i have been there a number of times myself.
it ends katrina, and as wilko has told me a number of times, they also feel the sadness... you are not alone.

i feel you, whiterose...it's hard not to be able to talk to that one person just at the time you need it most.

i'm in a temporary (thankfully) LDR right now, but he's coming home in 4 weeks.

that's great that you can do something (filling out the forms) that relates to him coming here - but, i hope you are able to talk to him very soon.

it will be worth it, hang in there! :p

I'm sorry you are feeling blue Katrina-
it's raining buckets here too.
But that is a good thing, (we need it!)

All I can say is just remind yourself of all those
rainy nights you spent alone without missing a man
that loves you.
That is probably little comfort to you-
but your day will come and nights like these
will fade into the past.

Not sure if you kept a t-shirt of Remi's to hold tight
while you are separated, but if you did, hug it close and
send up your prayers of gratitude.

Not all of us have a t-shirt to hug.....
or a man that writes us sweet nothings from afar.

You are a lucky woman - rejoice!



<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/femme.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide?
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
Not easy living in my mind
a little peace is hard to find
my every thought is undermined
by all the history inside</FONT>
<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Staind</FONT>

Whiterose,
also remember to stay strong.And remember that Remi loves you,and you loves him.A song comes to mind,"Somewhere Out There",it has picked me in hard times.
Remain strong,girlfriend.Count your blessings,and remember he loves very much as do him.


Michael

We've all felt that way at times Katrina. Its when you just can't cope with the distance and then you start to question yourself and the guy you love and your relationship and everything under the sun. I think its just like a little place in our minds that we go to to keep us from screaming about the unfairness of it all. And it is unfair. We should be with the guys we love. I'm sure they feel the same way although, lets face it, they're not women and don't react the same way to situations as we do. But, I know that when Addy tells me he misses me, he means it. I'm sure that at moments when I feel the way you do now, remembering his words is the only thing that really helps me.

Just keep in mind that Remi loves you and don't let those thoughts, powered by distance, interfere with that. Hang in there.

Thanks everybody. I appreciate your words of support.

Lots of advice here... but I like Sage's about the t-shirt.... did you get one from him and bring it home? I am not sure if you mentioned it anywhere and I have been selective in reading threads. Also, did he get his cell phone back? My friend, Marko, has become a text message king! I love to wake up and find a beautiful message from him while I am still in bed..... I cannot believe it, for I now get messages like in half an hour from when he sends them. I do not know the cost for him, but for me to reply, it only costs 25 cents! Also that ring once thing is wonderful too, for I know he is thinking of me. If Remi does not have his cell yet, may I suggest that be on his "to do" list? I mean even if he cannot afford to send one you could, and he could respond with a "missed call"! At least that is something!!! And believe me... that "something" always put a smile on my face and in my heart.

<Hugs>.

Linda

Hi Linda. Remi apparently did get his cell phone back within the past week because his offline messages to me yesterday said that he tried to use it and his account has been made inactive since he hasn't used it for nearly two months. I tried calling him last night and it only went to voicemail. But, believe me, he had better get that darned thing activated soon before I go completely mad.

I didn't bring home any of his clothes, although I sure wish now that I had. I actually did think about it for a few minutes while I was there, but I know he doesn't have alot of clothes. So, I didn't want to take something he might need.

Here I sit again tonight wondering if he'll be online. Everyone say a prayer that I hear from him soon before I go nuts. :D

Aww, Katrina, it's going to be okay!! {{hugs}} I know how hard it can be, believe me. It seems an eternity when you're apart.
I'm thankful every day that Cade and I get to talk as much as we do.

I'm sorry you're feeling so blue, but Remi loves you and there's no doubt in my mind that wherever he is, he's thinking about you too.

Katrina, it's hard to call when we are abroad, I tell you! I couldn't even call my mom from NH on mother's day because:
1. Jason only has a cell phone and no landline, his internet is all done by cable. His cell phone from verizon doesn't allow international calls. I tried with my visa card, it would cost me about 13 dollars per minute!
2. I called from his mom's place, but my dear mother was not at home, she is always somewhere else, and we couldn't spend the day there waiting for her to come back.
3. Gosh, is it really hard to find the right phone card and call Brazil or is it my impression?I didn't see many signs, and I was a bit lost over there.

I hope Remi will call soon, but I know sometimes it's not easy if you don't have the landline at your disposition. We take these things for granted!

Marko just told me that from Serbia, it costs only 3-5 cents per message sent.... and to me that is GREAT! No wonder I am getting so many as his is 3 cents. Maybe it will be comparable for Remi! My best to you tonight!

I FINALLY got to talk to Remi just now. First time in 10 days. WHEW!!!! I got him to agree (finally) on setting up a specific day when we'll be online together. So, we'll see how it goes.

But, it was just as I suspected... he's been spending much of the last week travelling back and forth between where he lives to where his brother is hospitalized about an hour north of him to where his mom lives in Sibiu, several hours west of him and back again. Poor guy. Everyone please say a prayer that Alin (the brother) gets better soon. He has had a serious head injury that is not healing very quickly. He is able to speak now, but is struggling with finding the right words. And, he is apparently not moving himself in the bed at all. Remi said he's lost lots of weight, too. So, please everyone say lots of prayers for him.

Remi's family has had a very difficult year this past year. It's time for something positive to come to their lives. Like, maybe.............a wedding? :D

Oh, I am happy everything is fine with Remi, and yes, I'll pray for his brother Alin. I am going to bed now and I'll include them in my prayers.

A wedding, what a beautiful thing! If it's between october and january, who knows, we might go see you! ;)

so glad that you 2 finally connected!

and yes, Alin is in my thoughts and prayers

Glad you heard from Remi, WR. Phew. I can imagine how anxious you feel just waiting to hear from him.

That's really sad about his brother. Somehow when it rains it pours, doesn't it? I hope he gets on the mend soon.

I'll hold good thoughts for him and his family.

I'm so happy that you heard from Remi. I knew there was a good reason you hadn't heard from him. I'll keep good thoughts for him and most especially for his brother.

Woo hoo!!!!! I just got to talk to Remi on the phone. It's the first time since I left Bucharest 59 days ago that I have been able to hear his voice!

We had so much fun talking to each other. It's 100% better than chatting online. My daughter even got in on the fun. They are already cooking up all kinds of schemes and tricks to play on me. :p

I am on cloud nine today!


http://www.gifs.net/animate/gdance.gif

great!!!!

I am SO happy for you!

I can't imagine how you must feel! Keep your chin up, girl!

good blondie! glad to hear he is still coming!

Katrina, I didn't read this thread until tonight. I'm so glad that you heard from Remi and that you got to talk to him. I really feel for you and Liz and all the others who are in these long distance relationships:( It's agonizing waiting to be with the one you love.

Thanks Bubbleee, Liz and Melodee. The first several weeks after I returned from being with him were very difficult for me. I'm sure you all relate. I was on that darned roller coaster ride of emotions. If I didn't hear from him for a few days, my mind was thinking all sorts of "stinking thinking". But, even though we have not had the ability to talk more than every few days, Remi has always been rock steady in his commitment to me. That's what helps keep me grounded. I don't think it's about being needy. I think it's about needing reassurance that this cyber relationship is definitely not a figment of my imagination. :p So, when I get to talk to him, then *poof* all those ugly emotions seem to disappear.

Funny you should mention the 10 day mark, Liz. That's when I start to go nuts, too!!

Thanks for thinking of Alin. He will be undergoing brain surgery sometime within the next few days. He has had collection of blood on the brain since his accident that is not evolving on its own and apparently is continuing to increase in size very slowly. He is not speaking well at all and is not able to move himself in the bed. He has lost alot of weight and is very weak.

The Romanian healthcare system is absolutely outrageous. If the family doesn't cough up some money up front, they don't even want to do any surgery at all no matter how badly it is needed. Finally, Remi's family has been able to pull together enough money to pay for it. But, if they hadn't soon, the hospital had told them to come take him home where he would likely have died. :( I am still pretty worried about him anyway because he has declined so much since the accident 6 weeks ago that I'm not sure how he'll survive this surgery.

If he does survive, he is going to need long-term care. So, one worry on my mind is who is going to take care of him after he leaves the hospital. Remi says his mother will, but I'm not so sure how she is going to do that while she works. But, maybe Remi's sister, Madalina, can help. I worry about Alin, but I also don't want anything to delay our plans for him to move here. So, I appreciate you keeping Alin and the family in your continued thoughts and prayers.

I'm sorry to hear that Houssam's brother is ill, Liz. I hope it's not life threatening. I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm glad to hear though that Houssam is still coming to be with you! Keep us posted, especially if there is going to be another ageless wedding. :)

I would love to know the name of that website. The reason we didn't talk for so long was because he had left his cell phone at his mother's house on the other side of the country when they suddenly had to leave in the middle of the night to go be with his brother the night of his accident.

Now that he has it back, I am looking into all sorts of calling plan options so to save money. And, we'll be setting up a regular day to call.

Katrina....

Just an idea that crossed my mind...

Back when I was still with...you know who...*ahem*...for Christmas, I went to Wal-Mart and found this cheap little picture frame. Nice thing about it? It had a little chip inside and you could record a person's voice...

Of course, I recorded mine for it...and since she had some pictures of me, she could put it in...

(I have no idea what ever happened to that thing.)

But, you could always send it to Remi...have him record into it, send it back to you...and then you can put his picture in it and when you have a lonely moment or wake up in the morning...you press a lil button and voila...

The recording isn't the best...
But, you know, sometimes...it's better than nothing.

Just a thought!

~Dan

That's a great idea, Dan! Thanks for that tip. I may do that so that I'll have his voice with me at work. I already have 4 pictures of him on my desk. I could get one of those frames and he could "talk" to me all day long at work! :p

I did video him when I was there and I have watched that video so many times. Taking that camcorder was the best idea I had for the trip. That video is a life saver. So many wonderful moments were preserved on tape.

www.callingcards.com

the link had been posted in another thread also. i chose a plan that had no monthly fees, am saving 7.5 cents a minute over my phone company. $20 dollars gave me 454 minutes..used 3 hours yesterday ;)

That's a great deal. Thanks for the link Chris.

Raven, Remi lives in Vaslui in the northeast part of the country.

Hi Katrina, I didn't see this message until just now. I'm so glad that the ladies and gentlmen here rose to the occasion with suggestions. :D Somehow I missed the fact that Remi lives in Romania. Freakin' *Romania*! No wonder you are having such a hard time. And I was foolish enough to think that Dave being 4 states away was hard.

You should be able to get something worked out with a cell phone. My ex-supervisor is from Zanzibar and has family all over the world. That's what she uses to keep in touch and keep from going broke.

Another suggestion is on-line gaming. Dave and I played Diablo 2. It's an easy game to play with good graphics and it has a chat feature, so you can spend time talking. You start the game and log onto the BattleNet server, create a game and can play together. I was never into games before, but since you can see your character you and he can interact and go adventuring together. It's not like being together in Real Life, but it is more than instant message because you are working together to accomplish a goal, so there are opportunities for laughing and playing together. I'm sure others here have other game suggestions, but Diablo 2 is cheap (no cost except the game) and a lot of fun.

The idea of getting one of Remi's T-shirts is a good idea. I brought one of Dave's home and I still sleep in it. Ask him to sleep in it for several nights and then put it in a plastic bag. That way it will smell like him when you get it. It sounds silly but you will find his scent comforting and it will last for quite a while.

As to how you survive the separation...you just do. You take it one day at a time and do the best you can. What other choice do you have?

I'm sorry to hear about his brother. I hope it goes well. I don't understand how the health care system can operate like that. It's as if people's lives mean nothing. I hope you get some good news soon.

Meanwhile, keep on figuring out ways to feel closer to him. Send him and his family some treats if you can. It sounds like they could use them and it would make you feel better to be able to do a little something nice for them.

(((HUG)))
Jane

Thanks Raven for the link. I'll check it out. I do think it'll be higher for us because he has only a cell phone. He doesn't have a regular phone in his apartment. :( But, either way, there's bound to be a cheaper rate than my international rate of $1.49 a minute thru my cellular plan!!

Thanks Jane for the advice. I wish we could play games together online. And I suppose sometime we could, but our time online is limited to one hour once or twice a week. He has to go to icafe's since he doesn't have his own computer. So, we fill every second of that hour up talking.

I also wish I could mail packages to his family. But, based upon the last two times I mailed packages to Remi, I am afraid I'd be causing the family more trouble than it's worth. All internationally shipped packages going into Romania must go through customs in Oradea. That's on the western side of the country... about 10-12 hours away from Remi. Or, possibly, it's 8-10?? And, they don't deliver the package to you. You have to go pick it up yourself. The last two I sent to Remi were opened before he got there and the contents had gotten wet inside. :( It's more trouble than it's worth.

But, things are 100% better now than a few weeks ago. He is such a wonderful person. He listened to my concerns and agreed to set up a specific night when we'd both be online to talk to each other online. And, we are working on setting up a specific time for us to call on the phone. So, things are so much better now.

I finally feel like I am trusting that this is all real.. that I didn't dream any of this.. and that we will definitely be together sometime in the next few months. :D

I feel the pain of having rough evenings...I'm having one right now. I always thought I was so strong, that I could deal with all this just fine, but it turns out I am much weaker than I thought. It's a gorgeous day out today, the bikes just got into town, and I had a family cookout for my sister's graduation, yet, I am still absolutely miserable.

I feel like just crawling into a hole for awhile...I miss her so much. :(

Awww, Jason. I know how you feel!!! It is so difficult being apart from the ones that we love. I especially miss Remi when I am around other couples.

Hang in there. Believe in the fact that one day you will be together again.

((((( HUGS )))))

no jason...not weak, just human..

Thank you Katrina and thank you Christina for giving Jason support.

It was a sad weekend for us. I had been feeling sad since Friday, then it got really bad, and he got the bug too. We are meeting in about 5 weeks, but the road to it is so hard sometimes.

Rough evening. Rough weekend. :(

Hi all fellow ldr sufferers,

Nordic and I can sympathise too, sometimes it's just so very hard to be apart .. :(

I find it especially when we had some disagreements or arguments/misunderstandings about some stuff - I mean we normally clear the air quickly, but it would be so much better if we could just hug, cuddle and generally "physically" make up.

I think, overall, I probably can handle the ldr a bit better, maybe because I am normally so busy with my job during the day that it doesn't give me times to think - and in the evenings we tend to play online and chat, ... so the main "bad days" are those when one of us is at home while the other one is, rightly so, doing "stuff" ... But even then, we normally make sure to log on and to say nn etc ;) But ofc, some cuddles and irl talks, watching movies together or going out together would be better ... - so the only real good thing is that we will see each other again irl for the next few weeks: I am going to Norway in a few days, and Nordic will come to my place a few weeks later ...

So, I sympathise for all of you who still have to hang in there till the "next time" - and hope time will pass well for you and a happy reunion :D

PS: this will mean that most likely I won't be around much on Ageless this and the next month ... so don't start wondering if I go all silent ^_^

Oh this is great news, Carazy! I hope you two have a great time, and keep us posted from time to time, I would love to go to Norway, as you know I'm crazy about the language, but couldn't find a teacher in Luxembourg...

Fill your "love" batteries, you two, I have the impression that these times together is what keep us going, because we know we wouldn't have those with anyone else... so we wait and it's worth waiting!

Yes, Maria, it is worth the wait. Someone at the ageless gathering asked me over how I can endure this distance. I told them that Remi is definitely worth the wait. Knowing that we will be together again makes it all worthwhile.

Hugs to you Maria. I'm sorry that you also were struck by the LDR distance bug! It's so painful, isn't it?

Carazy, am so happy you and Nordic get to spend some time together. Enjoy every second. :)

Carazy was probably right on the money when she said these moments hit us harder when one of us is not around.

Jason's younger sister graduated and his other two sisters came from another state for the celebration. His mother had them all invited for a dinner on friday night, then his father had this cookout on sunday, he still came online a lot, but it's the fact that important things are happening and we can't physically share them that hurts the most.

We adore each other, and of course waiting hurts, but the only option we see right now is packing and moving in together sooner than we had planned! I want him to get his certificate next June, though, so if we can wait, it will be better.

We have to be strong!

Try www.bigzoo.com... they have incredible prices...

I have used them and can vouch for their reliability.

as I think I may be joining you in the trials and tribulations of a VERY LDR. You see, today the relationship I have with a ym from Serbia took a very serious turn, and tonight we began to discuss in earnest him coming to visit me. I would LOVE to go there as well, so am going to have to begin the passport/visa process ASAP (which will have to begin with me getting a new birth certificate...grrrr), but he told me if possible he would love to meet me on my soil. He is a world traveler and owns a successful business, so we are hoping him getting a visa to come here will not be denied. I have heard stories of Serbs being denied for many reasons, but the main one being they do not have a job back home, hence may stay here illegally. SO it may be in our favor that he does have a good and reliable income.... Anyway.... this journey with its ups and downs will begin soon for us as well. I just hope that when we do meet, it will turn out as happily as the couples on this thread!

Linda

Wow, Linda, how neat that you have someone special. Yes, one of you should travel as soon as possible.

Wow, Linda! Things do seem to be going very well for you and your guy. I'll be thinking of you as you two make your plans to visit. I am sure he will be all that you know him to be right now. I don't think he'll have any trouble getting a visitors visa since he is established financially. And, you will likely only need a passport to enter his country. It only took me about me about 10 days to get a copy of my birth certificate, but the passport took about 4 weeks altogether as I recall. If you already have a passport, I believe they are good for 10 years (??).

Raven, I'm sorry I completely missed your question about the land line. This is honestly something that I've never asked Remi but I will next time we talk. I'm sure that he can't really afford one, but your idea of going half and half may just be the ticket, depending on the cost. Although, maybe it's a good thing that we can't talk on the phone because I really don't want all those long distance costs, no matter how cheap it may be. Because I doubt that once I start talking to him, I'll ever want to hang up! LOL

For everyone that feels a lil sad now and then...

http://img.crossdaily.com/inspirations/friendship/hug/familycircushug.jpg

Hehe, a hug is all I wanted this weekend! Or should I say all we needed!

Linda, I am happy he's coming to see you! An invitation letter is always a good idea, I didn't get one, but I had to give Jason's address at the immigration, just to make sure they had some local contact.

Jason doesn't have a landline either, his internet is cable and he has his cell phone. When I was there I was the one using the cell phone all the time, but it was sometimes a pain because I couldn't make international phone calls and had to call my mom from his mom's place on mother's day. Of course my mother was not home, she had gone for a walk with her twin sister! My mother is never home! :(

Oh, today is such a better day, it's incredible how these sad moments just come like an earthquake, knock you down, and then are gone. Today we talked on the phone (thanks Marcy for the link, he got a lousy phone card and next will be bought at the place you told us about) and we were both feeling better.

Only five weeks to go and we are having our Parisian honeymoon! We are lucky to have you all by our side. Thank you!

I used to keep track with people and talk on yahoo or MSN messenger. It was better than a phone as we didn't have to pay for it. Later, we did phone and I got him a calling card. You can shop around and get some really good ones. For a year, I could get the cheapest one I have ever seen at the 7-11 store from Verizon company. It was upped in price and i was able to find another cheap one at Costco/Price Club for MCI. On that one, I can call and add minutes to the balance via my credit card. Of course the charge varies.

I tried the line that was posted as a really good one and got the message "can't find server" .

It just takes some constant looking for a "sale" card. or one that is trying to get you to change carriers. Isn't there one of those 10-10-something that is good for international calls? Seems like i saw something on TV about that.

It helps to be able to talk. To hear their voice. But it isn't a hug.

:'(