Sooo Glad I found this site!!!

And Ill say it again...IM SOOO Glad I found this site!!!
I was watching A&E and what should be on?? May December Romances!
Im a 50 year old woman who is living with a 21 year old man.
Whom i might add came to me from England 2 years ago.
We met on the internet, got to be good friends or as I say we got to know each other from the inside out.
I have been married 3 times, my last husband passed away 3 years ago.
I have had in my lifetime many relationships, but Ill have to say never anything like this.
I have never been treated with such respect and gentelness, nor have i ever felt so loved.
He is still the same after 2 years as he was the first day we met face to face.
Hes always calling me his "beautiful baby"
Tells me how much he loves me EVERYDAY.
Thanks me for cooking him a wonderful meal no matter what it is,
LOL.
But still....and there it is...that but....I cant relax and trust him not to hurt me by finding a younger woman.
He goes to university here in florida, and also works on campus.
The times i go to pick him up i sit in my car watching all these sweet looking, beautiful little girls with a bodys the likes of which ill never see again in my mirror again, and think to myself what on earth is wrong with him??
Oh and Ill have to add, he was a virgin when he came to me.
Another point ill have to make is im going through the change.
Can it get any worse??
He hasnt even reached his sexual peek and mine is dieing.
Im looking to this site for some support .
I sooo need it!
Im full of self dought, and have no confidence.
I have met his family.
His mother flew in from england after he had lived here for a few months.
Prior to that we never spoke.
We formed a " sort of relationship"
Last summer his whole family came to florida from england and we spent 2 weeks together in the same house.
He has a wonderful famile who supports him in what ever he wants to do.
His mother and father both have told me that although they think this isnt the ideal relationship for there son, they see that hes happy and well and accept this.
They have sent me and my daughter and there son airline tickets to travel to england this summer for a 2 week holiday.
Another point I have to make is I have children and grandchildren.
An 11 year thats with me and 2 older daughters 25 and 32.
Both say GO MOM!! And 4 grandsons.
Im needing someone to talk to, and im looking forward to meeting older woman with younger men.
Because sometimes I just feel overwhelmed with dought, and even feel that Im sucking the life out of this beautiful man who loves me so much. I think that he should be with a woman his age, that he would be an awesome father.
Please anyone...someone...talk to me..I need your input...output..advice..support...what ever you can offer.
I love him dearly. But feel sooo guilty.

HELP
Kat54

Originally posted by kat54
He hasnt even reached his sexual peek and mine is dieing.


Honey your sexuality isn't dying. Your ability to reproduce without scientific intervention is coming to an end. This is not the same as your sexuality. There are many stunning women your age in this community and involved in incredibly successful relationships with younger men. Stick around.

:)

He hasnt even reached his sexual peek and mine is dieing.

Hey, welcome to Ageless. I am 58 and also going through perimenopause. My interest in sex is not dying--I still love sex! You might want to talk to your gynecologist about this issue. She might have something to help you in that area. But, your problem may be that you are nervous about your age gap. That could be affecting your sex life, too. Why don't you just relax and enjoy your relationship? The guy wouldn't have moved all the way from England to live with you if he didn't think you were a goddess.

Do you really think that he is shallow and uncommitted enough to cheat on you with a schoolmate? Have you any evidence that he is sneaking around? If not, then thinking that way because of unfounded suspicion is kind of insulting to him. Hopefully, after spending some time here with us, you will realize that your guy loves you because of your age rather than despite it.

Cheers!

Welcome Kat!! You've found the right place. All the feelings you are feeling are normal.

I laughed out loud when I read what you would about wondering "what's wrong with him" when all the beautiful younger ladies walk by. LOL!!! I have said the same thing so many times. ;)

I completely missed the A&E special. Wish I had seen it because everyone is suddenly talking about it. Does anyone know if it's going to be shown again or if we can order the tape?

Back on subject.... Kat, sit down, relax, make yourself comfortable. You'll find the support and advice that you need right here.

Amen, sista!

Nessa you make me laugh!

And Kat, my bf and I have about the same gap as you and yours and he's just WILD about me in every way! Last time I kissed him, he almost passed out, seriously :)

And stop thinking how old and unattractive you are. I'm 50 too. Last weekend I was at a friends party and the son of another friend of mine, (who is 26 but mentally disabled, sadly) looked over at me during the party and said, "You remind me of a song" and I thought OH NO, I'm gonna, get blasted here... Then he quietly said, "you remind me of that song, "Pretty Woman". He continued to say that he thought I was so pretty, just like his mom (who is my age and a beautiful woman). I just about cried.

When a young disabled man says something like that, it comes from the heart, you know? Your boyfriend sees you through the eyes of love, it comes from his heart and you are beautiful to him in every way.

Revel in the love of this young man! I've waited for the love that I get from my vym for my entire life.

Like almost every other relationship, between people of any range of ages, nothing lasts forever. From what you've written I would guess that he loves just as he says and expresses. To excessively worry and think of him meeting someone younger might possibly push him away.

Try to think of it this way, and I'm speaking from my own personal experience. When i was 19 I dated a 36year-old woman while stationed in VA. I loved everything about her except the constant third wheel in our relationship..her always-present fear that I would want to hook up with a younger woman. I told her from the get-go that older women are the only ones that really do it for me but she just wasn't able to hear me. At the time, I would have young things approaching me or trying to get my attention but I couldn't have cared less. I feel that some women have this internal radar that hones in on men that are happy, content, and not wanting anyone else. I certainly don't think its because I look like Brad Pitt or something. On one occasion, a waitress was so rude as to start flirting with me at the table, with my girlfriend sitting right there. I let her know right then and there in no uncertain terms her attention was unwanted. Mentally, and not just because of her rudeness, her blonde hair and tanned body just didnt do anything for me, on any level..including my mental fantasy file. Regardless of how I handled it, my girlfriend still continued to fret and second-guess me every step of the way and eventually I tired of it. I was really crazy about her but she being unable to accept my love lead to me shutting down and ending it.

Accept not what he says, but what he shows and expresses. Actions never lie, at least for any length of time. A partner that is cheating starts to drop the ball and stops doing the little things that shows how much he loves you. For him to cheat, while still loving you, would indicate some mental issues and in the end you would be better off without him. Hopefully, you would find out and be afforded the decision to stay or leave. I hope this helps in any small way. :)

Hi Kat, and welcome to Ageless. You came to the right place for support. :) I'm 56 and my husband of nearly 2 years is 30. We have been together for five years and couldn't be happier. He tells me every day that he loves me and is looking forward to spending the rest of his life with me. Sounds kind of like your partner, doesn't he?

The difference between you and I is that I don't worry that Dave will find someone younger. The only thing someone younger can offer him is children and he doesn't want children. I don't *choose* to buy into the myth that older women are less desirable and that any man is crazy not to want one. A LOT of men don't want a younger woman for a variety of reasons, usually having to do with maturity. Some, like Aloysius, simpy prefer older women, the way some men prefer blondes. For guys like him those buffy young things just aren't that attractive. I know how he feels, I can't figure out what the fuss is over Brad Pitt and the like because I love big guys who are overweight...just like my beautiful husband.

There's nothing wrong with Aloysius because he prefers older women, or with me because I'd rather see "Shrek" (who I think is sexy) than "Troy." You can't change who a person is attracted to, all you can do is be damn glad it's you! And...you have to believe them when they say it, because it's true.

So he was a virgin...big deal. A number of YM here were virgins untl they met their partner. Being the first never has been the criteria for a lasting relationship. Being first is very special, but no man or woman ever stayed with someone if that was the only thing about their relationship. With all the information available today, YM are quite aware that they have other choices. Those that stay with us stay because they love us, not just because they don't know any better. Sheesh...woman...give your guy some credit for being smart enough to know a good thing when he sees it. And give some to yourself for *being* that good thing. ;)

As for the big M. I've been in menopause for about 7 years. The one great thing is that we don't need to worry about birth control. Yippee! The bad thing is...wait there IS no bad thing...

Sex is great! If you aren't sure, check out our Sexually Speaking forum. I have noticed no loss of sex drive because I'm menopausal. Dave gets a kick out of it especially since I've cut way back on hormones and don't have periods anymore. As for my looks...I never had any to lose. I've never been pretty and I've aways been overweight. He still likes me to run around nekkid and loves me stretch marks and all. Woo hoo!

You have a great family. He has a great family. He loves you and you love him. You are NOT sucking the life out of anyone -- you are giving him a life...a life with you. At some point you will just have to face the fact that you can be happy about all this. Accept it and rejoice woman... you are LOVED!

Peace,
Jane (56) who adores her Big Bear Dave (30)

Ps. Bubblee that story about the YM and the song made me mist up. Thanks for sharing it.

Jane, that was a great post! I especially like the part where you said:

"You can't change who a person is attracted to, all you can do is be damn glad it's you! And...you have to believe them when they say it, because it's true."

Kat, there is a 25 year difference between Joe and I and I don't think about it at all. Why? Because I am damn glad it's me!

If you think for one minute that you are safer with an older man, don't. My ex of 25 years cheated on me and lied to me and I learned that it doesn't matter the age of a man . . . a rat is a rat and if a man is prone to cheating, it's gonna happen. Age has nothing to do with it.

You need to quit worrying and enjoy your man and not waste precious time fretting about what "could" happen.

Yup! What everyone else said kat. :)

Accept today for what it is and let tomorrow worry about itself. There are no guarantees but I truly believe that old addage "it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all".

Life is a learning experience and we learn from every relationship. Relax and enjoy every minute of this beautiful thing.

My belief is that love is soooo beautiful and even getting your heart broken is part of that beauty because we learn from it and we become better because of it.

Welcome to ageless! :D

First things first, welcome to Ageless, Kat. :)

To all the ladies here: I love you! <3

feel that Im sucking the life out of this beautiful man who loves me so much.

Kat, you're NOT taking anything away from him! On the contrary, I'm confident that you have given him a lot more than you realize in this moment of confusion. True love is a very important thing in our lives. Yet, not too many people ever find it. Your ym found true love in you at such an early age. Please, embrace that. There's nothing wrong with him. If nothing else, he's one smart AND lucky young man! :)

There is perhaps one gift you yet need to give him, and that is a true acceptance of his love for you and his choice of being with you. He sees that age is meaningless in matters of the heart and knows what he wants despite what others may think. Not only that, you do have his family support. You are one lucky woman, too, if you ask me! Can you see it?

Please, don't think for a moment that there's something wrong with him because he's not interested in girls his age. Most importantly, respect that that's the way he is. Saying he should be with a younger woman is disrespectful to him. I think Aloysius's post can help you better see what I'm talking about.

Kat, honey, try to live the moment. We can't predict nor live in the future. For all that we know, the breath we just took could be our last one. Why worry about what will be? Why focus on the shoulds and oughts? Accept and embrace what you've got right now. Enjoy the time you have with your ym. Let things take its course.

I hope you stick around here. I look forward to hearing more from you and wish you and your ym the very best.

Peace,

~Elle

Welcome!

Don't worry about your YM's being around the yum-yums at his university. I speak from experience here; if he's like I am, he doesn't even notice them much. I live in Los Angeles, breast-implant capital of the world. Bathing beauties! Aspiring actresses! Starlets! And you know what, I don't pay any more attention to that kind of beauty than I do to other pleasant aspects of the So Cali scenery, like palm trees, for instance.:D

Now add 20-30 years to those cute girls. Then, by gosh, you'll have the kind of woman I'm apt to gaze at so long that I'm in danger of rear-ending the driver in front of me!

Cheers, and again welcome (to both of you)

Dave

Welcome to the board, kat.

My best advice is the same as your daughters... GO FOR IT. It would be nice if life came with a manual that could explain and define everyone's mutual attraction. Nice and BORING.

You've definitely got some trust issues to work through in order to believe your YM when he tells you how he feels about you. As others mentioned, this can wreck a relationship if you let it get out of hand. The key then is to not let it get out of hand. Talk to your YM about it.

And about feeling guilty.... why? Guilty for being happy? Guilty for making him happy? Guilty for letting him make you happy? HELLO?!? Society likes to impose these pressures on us that tell us that were not supposed to be happy when we have every right to be. Of course, I'm not advocating you become a hedonist, but letting yourself live life to the fullest is everyone's right.

Good Luck!

David (30) who absolutley loves his sweet Jane (56).

WELCOME TO AGELESS KAT
hey i am the same way as ladave i actually almost had a accident last week looking at a older lady on the freeway.. man alive see what older women do to you i can't explain it he loves you and isn't going no where.. trust me i am still searching for the perfect ow

Wow, what great posts from the guys! They should allay anyone's fears about her younger man being lured away by a young woman.

Originally posted by Patricia
Wow, what great posts from the guys! They should allay anyone's fears about her younger man being lured away by a young woman.

Yep, it's awesome to hear these things from young men that we are not emotionally attached to. It helps us listen to our young men when they say the same things. :)

Thanks guys!

Welcome, Kat! This is such a great website; stick around, and you will meet the most wonderful people here.

Don't feel guilty about being in love with a younger man. There are many of us here who are in relationships such as yours. Most of us are people who refuse to let society or other people dictate who we can or can't or should or shouldn't love!

I am 51, and my sweetheart of a husband is 24. If I had allowed others' opinions influence my decision about marrying him, I would have missed out on the most fabulous, loving, wonderful relationship I've ever experienced!

Good luck and stick around:)

Oh my what a responce I got !!
I laughed, I cried.....and I felt.......Lighter emotionally.
I cant find the words to tell you all how much this means to me.
Im looking at my YM in a new light...and he looks like an angle.
Thank you ...all of you who sent a reply to my post.
Not only do I feel that I can accept this relationship for what it is, I can do it without guilt.
I didnt see how lucky I am. How could I be so blind??
When he came home today he wanted to take my daughter and I out to lunch at the beach.
For the first time I didnt feel "guilty" while we walked hand in hand on the pier while the " old folks" looked on with amusment.
I didnt look once to see what there reaction was when he kissed me!
I feel FREE!!!
Its amazing !!
I LOVE this SITE!!!
I feel like Ive made some friends here already.
Everyone of you touched me.
I should have written down names.But after reading all the posts I had to reply NOW ..lol.
More to come later. I want Alex....thats his name, to read what was sent to far and get his reaction.
Again.....IM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE!!
A million thank yous my friends.
I wish I could hug everyone of you.

Kat54

kat my screen name is kitty, i also live in florida and when you said you walked on the pier, what pier is it???? my boyfriend will be home on June 10, i have not seen him since christmas, the big news is we plan to be married, he is 24 and i am 45, anyway, i am really hoping you live near by, please let me know!!! kitty

Kat, I am so happy for you. I'm so touched by your post, too. It brought tears of joy to my eyes. Great to have you here with us. Welcome, once again. :) ::hugs::

Hi Kat! I'm pretty new here too, this is a wonderful place to find wise advice and loving support.

Your sexuality dying??? Not on your life! I'm 52, my man is 34...and let's just say he has a hard time keeping up with me. Once the change is over ( I went through that very young, at 37) and you stop with all that monthly nonsense, it's all green light go all the time. Things will only get better in that area!

As for the doubt issues..I really sypmpathize. I'm having to struggle with that myself, all the time. He says I'm beautiful, I look in the mirror and see all the new little lines and sags I didn't use to have...and I just can't see what he sees. I know he loves me for who I am, and not what I look like..but still..we are so conditioned by our society and the " youth culture" that it is very hard to shed the stereotypes. Luckily, my man is very understanding and supportive, and never seems to tire of reassuring me. It is a difficult battle I face every day. Just talk to him about your fears...if he is as wonderful as most of the men who write on these boards, he will understand and be willing to give you all the support you need.

Good luck with things! :)

Hi Kat,

What a wonderful letter! I'm so glad you let yourself believe what we said. When I came here 4 1/2 years ago, so worried about a 26 year gap I found many people who were happy and in good relationships. It really helped Dave and I to see that everyone is an individual and you can't generalize about anything let alone the age you *should* be to be in a relationship with someone.

We just lost Tony Randall. He was 50 years older than his wife. Friends said that they never noticed the agegap and were very much in love. For them, it was right. For Dave and I and many people here -- it is right. :D

I can honestly say that neither Dave or I have every noticed anyone looking at us strangely when we go out. We have had a lot of smiles, but no weird looks and he is *very* demonstrative in public. When people look at you they see love first and age last. People like to see loving couples, so just keep on smiling and let them see how happy you are.

It would be great if Alex would join our community. It's always nice for us to hear what our YM think. We hope you both feel free to participate in discussions and to help support others who are worried about this agegap thing.

Peace,
Jane (56) happily married to Dave (30)

Hi Kat, Where are you in Florida? I am in the Tampa Bay Area.
Wow I think quiet a few of us have quoted almost verbatum what you just said. My ym is 18 years my jr and are relationship is very strong although it has been like an emotional roller coaster ride for me. When we are around the mall etc I too look at all the girls his age and think "what is he thinking??" For the first year I did nothing but try and convince the poor guy that he was either suffering from dementia or extreme vision loss..Then one day he yelled, yes actually yelled at me and said that he did not want those young girls that all he thought about was spending the rest of his life with me and please stop being such a pain in the a--! Well I guess he told me!! Now, I still worry (I truly think that is human ow going through menopause nature :) but I feel as though even an older man, same age man, ugly man, well anyman could leave me for ANYBODY! And if I waste my time worrying I am just wasting beautiful time with my love. So I try and let it go. And when I can't I come here to my oasis in the desert, and these beautiful, strong women who are such an inspiration to me! PM me anytime if you need to talk!!GO TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING!!

Joi

I can honestly say that neither Dave or I have every noticed anyone looking at us strangely when we go out. We have had a lot of smiles, but no weird looks

I've seen both. Many people look at us and smile because they can sense the love that exists between us. They just feel the energy and the rest doesn't matter to them. There are those, however, who can't sense anything. They only see the outside, the age different and that's that. To understand what we have going is beyong their abilities. I tend to focus on the positive and supportive energies and dismiss the negative or unsupportive ones. There has been instances, for example, at a restaurant that we frequently go to, where people have come up and told us directly that we are the cutest, happiest and most loving couple they have ever seen. Of course, there are the "weird looks" that come with a mix of confusion and judgement, but as I said, I really don't pay attention to those. I know who I am, I know who he is and I know what we have going - and it's beautiful. That is all that really matters to me.

whisper, great photo, my hair is long now also, your hair color is so pretty, i am also a blond but my grey comes in pure white, my hair dresser really likes it, but i like a more blondy color. and sorry for off topic, but whats with your skin? i am on a new skin regimen, i went for just a consultation with a friends plastic surgeon and he highly recommended a product line called "obagi" I am pleased so far. your skin is beautiful in the picture.

anyway, back to KAT, where do you live in florida??? it amazes me that our members are from ALL over the world, so it is exciting to think you may be close, let me know.

Originally posted by kittylane
whisper, great photo, my hair is long now also, your hair color is so pretty, i am also a blond but my grey comes in pure white, my hair dresser really likes it, but i like a more blondy color. and sorry for off topic, but whats with your skin? i am on a new skin regimen, i went for just a consultation with a friends plastic surgeon and he highly recommended a product line called "obagi" I am pleased so far. your skin is beautiful in the picture.

Thank you for the compliments, kitty. I think I must have been blessed with good skin because people comment on it a lot.

As far as my hair goes, so far I don't have any grey - my father had black hair until the day he died (age 72)....maybe I'll get lucky. I pull mine through a cap and highlight it myself about every 6 months. I also like to pull it through once or twice a year and do a reverse-sunstreaking/tortoise shelling type of thing on it (using a red based light brown shade). You might ask your hairdresser about it. I prefer it because it gives the hair depth so that you don't get that all over, one-color blonde look.

I did get my hair cut (for the first time in years) about a week ago. It was almost down to my waist in the back, and I just got sick of it hanging there. I got several inches cut off, and I think that cutting it took a few years off my age.

I've never heard of Obagi....I just use something I buy at Costco called Cetaphil or something like that. It's a moisturizer and seems to work well for me. I *love* being in the sun and look much better with a tan, but I stay out of the sun now (except in my convertible - an unhealty vice) because I don't want to get wrinkles or skin cancer. Dang, I miss lying out in the sun, though!

Sorry for getting off track here.

Originally posted by Inahnia

Your sexuality dying??? Not on your life! I'm 52, my man is 34...and let's just say he has a hard time keeping up with me.
I'm 51 and my husband is 24. The poor guy has to keep up with me and it's no easy feat, lol.

Don't worry, Kat;)

Kittylane, I looked for a way to send a personal reply to your question and I dont know if its me but I cant find one ...I also looked on members and didnt see you.
Do you go by another name ??
I live in the Fort Myers area.South of Tampa.
I have lived all over florida, Orlando Ft.Lauderdale, the Keys, Homestead,Naples. I fell in love with this area, but would move back to the keys in a heart beat if i could afford it!
Its absolutly BEAUTIFUL there.
Where are you from??
To topic now = )
Im feeling so much better about this relationship, so much so I think I might be getting an attitude LOL
Im going to go on a diet to improve my figure, dont think it will ever be pre 20s again but I think I can get close.
Alex and I talked today and were going to take walks in the evening when it cools down some.
I think I would feel better about alot of things if I felt better about myself.
Im a small woman 5'2"...so if i gain a few pounds it really shows.
Plus I love the beach and would like to put on a suit that dosent look like it came from the 1930s.
Im going to hang on to this guy and do all I can to keep him wanting me.
Although he says he loves my body I dont.
I dont think hes seen me in light stronger then a candle.
Again i forgot to get the name of some of you that wrote to me,
but I remember what you said.
I so loved the one where you said, " I have never been pretty and and always been over weight...but he loves it when I run around naked!
THATS WHAT I WANT TO DO AGAIN!!
I want to take showers with him, I want to make Love with the lights on.But gravity is not my friend ...lol...I know im going to catch hell from some of you for this...but I need to feel good about me to feel good about this relationship. and Im going to bygoddoit!
You wonderful people have changed my life...or the way I thought about it anyhow.
I have been pushing him away with both hands and didnt know it..and he still stayed!!
What a beautiful, wonderful, loving man I have!
And from now on hes going to always know how much I love and want him in my life.
I was making myself crazy thinking of all that other stuff and not thinking about what I have.
New attitude here....new way of thinking...a better me incoming!!
Thank you all !!
And HUGE HUGS to my new friends!

OH yeah one more thing...
I have been looking at your pictures....
You ladys are Beautiful!!
I can see why any man young or old would be attracted to you!

Kat54

Kat -- to send a personal message you need to click the PM buttom at the bottom of the person's post you want to send a message to. :)

And to check yours you need to click the "Private Messages" section on the main index page. I just sent you one for a test.

Yes, these people here are an inspiration to us all. I came over two years ago upon my ym's recommendation, and even though we are no longer, it is the friends and the support that I love. Not that we have your "heard on straight" regarding the age gap, you need to take a look at the thread "this old body thing" to reaffirm that area as well! Sure, getting into shape and great condition is a fantastic goal, but do it for yourself and not for him! Yes, gravity is beginning to take its revenge, but look at it though a ym's eyes again, as you will see in that post as well. And finally, I agree with every other woman here in her 50's, that my sex drive is greater than it was when I was younger..and that is ONE thing you CAN get a handle on as well!!! My best to you~!

Linda

Hey, Kat...I sympathize with you on being short. I'm only 5'2" myself with shorter than average legs to boot! Do check out the "Old Body Thing" thread in the Sexually Speaking section like suicideblonde said. I never get tired of reading it ( and I read it rather often, LOL).

darn!!!!! i am in west davie, in other words south florida, and i also have a spiritual and emotional attachment to the keys, i so love them!!!

so many posts i wrote before dealt with my self esteem issues, and how i was blessed (no other word for it) to have the experience i have now. all my life i have been with men actually older than myself and never got the attention i am getting today??? I am also 5'2 and understand about how careful we have to be about weight. this relationship inspires me to be everything i can be, had my marriage survived i would not be the person i am today. today i have more to live for and ENJOY.

take care, kitty

Originally posted by kat54
OH yeah one more thing...
I have been looking at your pictures....
You ladys are Beautiful!!
I can see why any man young or old would be attracted to you!

Kat54

Hey, but don't forget we only put up our good pictures. :D

PS: So many of us here are petite! I'm 5'2" too! Oh, and I'm trying to rid myself of a few extra pounds as well. :)

Edited: Here's a link to the thread they've mentioned http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=291