How did you know they were The One?

[As before: if you don’t like long posts, feel free to skip down to THE POINT…]

After a first four months filled with drama - both good (hot sex! sweet love! sweet love and hot sex!) and bad (my best friend can’t be happy for me! he’s too close to his sister! I’m insanely jealous of his ex!) – I’ve gotten to spend a month just being… happy?

Going to his apartment at the end of day, a tiny little walk-up in Chinatown. My calves have toned up to withstand the climb and I’ve got my own key now. :) Mouthwatering smells from the kitchen, and there’s a man who loves me in there - tall and skinny with an adorable tush. I tousle the thick black hair I keep nagging him to get cut and hug him from behind, pressing my cheek against his back. He patiently lets me vent about the latest outrage from my jerk office manager, even though I know he’s not the least interested. The meal is delicious and he won’t let me clean up afterwards because I “don’t know how to do it right.” Then instead of watching a Seinfeld re-run for the fiftieth time, I continue my quest to beat him at least once at Scrabble. (I have a bigger vocabulary, but he’s much better at managing his tiles and exploiting the premium squares.) When defeat becomes imminent, I change the rules by crawling over the board and unzipping his jeans… And the sex is amazing because my trust in him is so deep that I can completely abandon myself. And afterwards he holds me in his arms and we laugh about absolutely nothing until he falls asleep. And even his snoring – a soft metronomic sawing that continues all night like the tocking of a grandfather clock – endears him to me.

You know… happy.

Even the aforementioned best friend made a gesture of détente, inviting us to dinner at her place. My guy went out of his way to be friendly, even though he remembered well her shabby treatment of him the last time. (“It’s a Jew thing,” he explained later. “We forgive, but we don’t forget.”) The three of us were conversing politely when her 5 year old daughter, one of those unbearably cute Cindy Lou Who types, began methodically crawling backwards into the living room. After several minutes of silently observing her progress, my friend finally asked her, “Whatcha doing, sweetie?”

“Oh, Mom - you spoiled it!” Cindy sulked adorably. “Now I have to start all over again.”

A few minutes later, she asked my guy if he would do a coloring book with her. My friend quickly rushed to his defense but he didn’t seem to mind at all. With perfect nonchalance, he joined her belly-down on the carpet. “Can I do Dory?” he asked. “Blue is my favorite color.” She gravely nodded her assent and they began their collaboration.

My friend began telling me about some disappointing shopping trip to Bergdorf Goodman, but I was more interested in the conversation from the floor. “Did you know there are more fish than people?” my guy asked Cindy.

“There are not,” she protested – suspecting he was pulling her leg.

“It’s true,” he insisted. “That’s why we don’t let fish vote. Otherwise we’d have a fish for President.”

She giggled maniacally. “That’s silly. You can’t have a fish President.”

“Some people might think it was an improvement,” he suggested. “You color very well, Cindy.”

“It’s hard not to go over the line,” she complained.

“Georgia O’Keefe had the same problem,” he sympathized.

“Who’s that?”

“She was a famous painter. You can see some of the pictures she painted in that funny round museum near the park.”

“They have a [i]zoo in the park,” Cindy confided. “I went there for my birthday.”

“Which was your favorite animal?”

“The POLA BEAR!!” she growled.

“They’re really big. Were you scared?”

“Nuh uh,” she said proudly.

And as I listened to them, I felt something I’ve never felt before. I couldn’t quite pin it down at first. The words in my mind were: “He’ll make a wonderful father.” But the feeling in my heart was: “I want to give him a child.” With my 41st birthday coming up, that isn’t likely – unless I can find the number for Geena Davis’s gynecologist. But the yearning to become a family with him was still there.

And that’s when I realized that, relationship-wise, I was in uncharted territory now. Only instead of “Here Be Monsters”, the map read “Here Be Marriage”. I knew, without doubt, that this was the man I wanted to grow old with. (Of course, I’d be getting there well ahead of him, but nevertheless…)

So, THE POINT…

For those of you who have made lifetime commitments – in front of catered guests or in the privacy of your heart – how did you know they were The One?

;)
exactlly those feelings of softness, tenderness, safeness..

love...

Ok, if he wasn't skinny and his hair wasn't black and he didn't live in NY he could be our Best Man, Howard. Howard is Jewish and would be a superb father. He adores children and loves to be with them, talk to them, care for them -- even bakes cakes for their birthdays...you get the idea.

Last summer Howard married Mary, who is your age and maybe a bit more. At any rate several years his senior and children are out of the question. So how could a man who would make a perfect father marry an older woman...?

He loves her. He adores her. He laughs with her and he makes love with her. He plans to spend every minute of the rest of their lives being in love and being happy. He doesn't need to be a father in order to love children. His big Jewish family is full of them and now Uncle Howard has Aunt Mary, who is pretty cool, and they can have all the kids in their lives that they want. Best of all these kids go home at night. :)

Not every man who would be a good father actually *wants* to be a father with accompanying responsibilites. Even the ones who do don't always have partners who can have children. Never mind age, there are other reasons such as illness and infertility to prevent conception. So are these men to just dump their infertile wives and go running off after someone who can drop kids by the litter?

I don't think you'd agree to that...I certainly wouldn't and neither would Howard.

Now, how do you know he's the one. The fact that you are asking says that you already know. It's not a spotlight from Heaven that suddenly illuminates him to a Heavenly choir. It's the little things like knowing you want to have children with him. Knowing you want to wake up next to him, take care of him when he's sick (even if he barfs) and that you know that he wants these things with you as well. It's knowing that you absolutely trust him. And it's knowing that he trusts you equally.

Hugh Jackman, my favorite actor and role model, said that he knew Deb was his "partner for life" when he couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else. He got a lot of flack for her being older, but she is his other half and they just celebrate their 8th anniversary. She couldn't carry a child, so they adoped delightful Oscar and deliberately chose a mixed race child to make sure they were giving a home to a child who might otherwise have a hard time.

Good people recognize one another and they make it work, agegap and infertility are not obstacles when you love someone.

There was no moment I realized that Dave was the one. It was all the little things, like his loyalty, gentleness, tenderness, concern for my feelings and willingness to compromise to please me and his utter delight when I did something special for him. I suddenly realized that he made my heart sing and that I wanted to make his sing for as long as I possibly could.

I think you already know...now you just need to become comfortable with it.

Peace,
Jane

Plain and simple: he listens to me! He always listens to me. He can sense my every mood, my every thought.....every subtle nuance. He can read a person like a book...right away. He cares. And most of all, ..... he listens...without me having to ask him to.

Originally posted by DaughterOfEire
For those of you who have made lifetime commitments – in front of catered guests or in the privacy of your heart – how did you know they were The One?


When I first saw Remi's face, I knew he was the one, although my conscious brain tried its level best to not believe it. But, his face was always on my mind. Then, over time, as we became closer, I realized that I had found a man who listens to me, a man who talks to me, a man who shares in the commitment to our relationship, a man who is capable of saying that he's sorry when he is wrong, a man who is devoted to his family, and then finally, but most importantly, a man who can make me laugh like there's no tomorrow. :)

One day I was walking along a quiet street on my school's campus and I was incredibly stressed out for a million reasons. School, money, my future, problems with family, everything had just been piling up on me.

I was really starting to feel like I was close to my breaking point, when all of a sudden I thought about him. And I realized that no matter how chaotic my life feels or how much anything else changes, he will always be there for me. And I'm not sure I've ever felt so good about anything in my whole life.

It's those kinds of moments that let me know.

I've known it intellectually from the start; Jane's right...you easily recognise a good person, who is right for you, who treats you the way you deserve. The relationship becomes exponentialy better with time. You can share the deepest, darkest demons in your heart and he'll listen, and somehow find the words to make them go away. He thinks I look better chubby than skinny. When he looks at me, his gaze is so long and soft...I know hes totally in love and I hope he sees the same expression in my eyes. We have our own language, especially when it comes to humor. We both prefer each other's company. He jumps around with total excitement when I come home from work and kisses me everywhere. He considers our relationsip more important than anything, and can't understand couples who break up for a career or overseas trip.

He seems so very happy all the time and I'm so glad he he is, because he deserves it!

I think for me, I know he's The One because I genuinely want him to be happy. His smile, which just lights up his face, makes me feel like nothing else matters.

Ditto to what everyone else said! (Half the time I don't bother to post because it would just be a big "ditto" ;) )
I have thought I was "in love" many times in the past....this time, although there are some elements that are similar..nothing really feels the same as it did before..and every day he and I share I find more reasons to love him. Even when we have a problem, it fades to insignificance beside the feelings we have for one another, and we seem to always work out a compromise, because we each genuinely want the other to be happy.

I still find out everyday that he's the One. I just feel it.

Others have listened to me, have been kind to me, have been my friends, have made me feel close to them in different occasions. In my case, it's more than these things that have made me feel that Jason is the one.

For the first time I have felt all those things together with a man. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, it's complete, it's a whole.

It still amazes me how I finally understood what people mean when they say I just knew it!

It's true. I just know it.

DoE, excellent thread!

Everyone~ beautiful posts from beautiful people.:)


originally posted by BearsAngel

Now, how do you know he's the one. The fact that you are asking says that you already know. It's not a spotlight from Heaven that suddenly illuminates him to a Heavenly choir. It's the little things like knowing you want to have children with him. Knowing you want to wake up next to him, take care of him when he's sick (even if he barfs) and that you know that he wants these things with you as well. It's knowing that you absolutely trust him. And it's knowing that he trusts you equally.


I don't know if I am super hormonal right now, but what Jane said here made me cry. That is beautiful Jane, and so true.

My ym who is yet just my best friend, is the only guy I have ever connected with on all levels. Truthfully, on a mental level, no one can compare. We have similar senses of humor, we talk for hours, we listen, advise, can sense when something is not right and give comfort, support and ecouragement to each other, we love the same kinds of music and have very similar spiritual views, the list goes on.

One thing that drives me wild about him is that he can calm me down in a firm sort of way but at the same time respectful. I need that sometimes because I can get very out of hand with my wild imagination and over-analyzation of everthing, lol.:p He is such a man and I respect him so much. He's my sweet cheeks, lol. :p

So many answers that you "just know." And you just do.

1Love, you got me thinking about what happened yesterday. I let my Irish temper get out of control over cooking. I hate to cook and I'm not good at it. Dave and I are *both* allergic to wheat, corn and rice and products containing them so now darn near everything that we eat has to be made from scratch and I'm having to find new things to eat made with "alternative" flours and grains. I am overwhelmed by it.

I ended up in tears yesterday and then I got mad because I was feeling incompetent. I was in mid rant when he just took me in his arms and kissed away the tears. He settled me down and then helped me fix dinner, doing most of the work himself. I suddenly realized that he had done something no one in my life had ever done -- he had seen through my anger and reacted only to the pain driving it. He saw the REAL me and he loved that person enough to help.

I looked up at him and realized that I didn't think I could live in a world without him in it. It's a feeling that is beyond love or need...it is life itself.

I guess that IS a Heavenly chorus and a beam of light from above...

Peace,
Jane

originally posted by BearsAngel

I ended up in tears yesterday and then I got mad because I was feeling incompetent. I was in mid rant when he just took me in his arms and kissed away the tears. He settled me down and then helped me fix dinner, doing most of the work himself. I suddenly realized that he had done something no one in my life had ever done -- he had seen through my anger and reacted only to the pain driving it. He saw the REAL me and he loved that person enough to help.


Jane~

YOU HAVE TO STOP! You got me crying again. I just wonder how you come up with one more beautiful wonderful example of perfect love! ;)

XOXO

1Love, it's easy to come up with examples when you are surrounded by it. I've compared being loved by Dave to standing under a waterfall of love. I've never known anything like it before, but I know that others here have partners who are just as loving.

It seems as if some people are starved for love and when they find the opportunity to both give and receive it, there is no limit to their ability to love. When you find someone like this hold onto them forever for they are truly the "pearl without price"

Peace,
Jane

babes...you took the words right out of my mouth! exactlly how i felt, exactlly how i am feeling! especially the jealousy part... and although i believed in soul mate, i had given up till now..

I knew from our first date that my YM is the one. while he was out of town for Thanksgiving, I cleaned my house (that wasn't very dirty) from top to bottom because he is allergic to cats, my cat. I love doing things for him and most of all I love cooking for him. I love to bake and cook but it's been just for me for so long, I didn't enjoy cooking for anyone else. I love cooking dinner for him. The most significant sign for me so far (we've been dating since last Thanksgiving), was when we went to see the movie Troy with all the "nearly" nude scenes of Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt. During those scenes, I honestly thought, "why would I want to see that when I have the sexiest man on this earth sitting right beside me?" He laughs but knows I honestly feel this way.

I really don't believe that there's just ONE for all of us. If I believed that, I would've had to shoot myself in the head after my husband died when I was 31. I didn't and don't.

There is however, a limited quantity of people who can be our partners and the world is a big place and we don't meet somebody special all that durned often.

So when we do, it's a good idea to cherish the daylights out of them :)

If they give me enough of what I want, and just a little of what I don't want, if they enhance my life and make the good things better and the bad things not quite so bad, and if above all, they make me feel comfortable and at ease, then that is good enough for me to say they are one of the ones .....

that I can love.

I am going to post, even though I have not yet tied the knot, DoE.

I became good friends with my GF, and somewhere in that time, someone said something somewhat negative about her, and I found myself much more offended than I thought I should have been. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted more than a friendship.

As time went on, we both went through some things and offered eachother mutual support, and our romantic relationship soon followed. I am not sure of the precise moment I knew that she was "the One", but now, six months into the relationship (we were friends for a couple of years beforehand), I am more than sure that she is the one.

I don't have any experiences of hot sex with her, but she is a very loving, caring person, and I just know that she is the one. I wish that I could pinpoint a precise moment, but alas, I cannot. I believe that it was through a long journey of friendship that we arrived at the destination of a romantic, though non-physical relationship.

At this point, I cannot immagine myself with anyone else, and I am looking forward to one day tying the knot.

Danelectro

Well, I didn't know he was the one when I met him....in fact far from it. I was too busy looking for reasons why he could not be the one!

And even now...although we have great moments, we also have the bad ones, and its not the fairy-tale happy ending in the least. However, almost 4 years later through all the ups and downs...I still roll over to find him laying next to me in the morning. Despite the fact that I have 3 children, financial problems to no end, and family members who not only disapproved but were flat out rude...he is still in love with me, and none of it scared him off.

I always said it would take an exceptional man to accept me with the life I have, and I found one. I love him for the beautiful times, but I think sometimes I love him even more for the difficulties we made it through and the things we have overcome, and for letting me know that I am worth it all. ;)

As I was reading this thread, the thought that kept creeping into my mind was that I thought each one of my love's had been the 'one'. You know? The chemistry was there in each instance.

So I guess that fits into Desert's theory as well. And as with Desert and Jo Admin, there aren't constant love stories going on. I mean we have ups and downs. We do ok.

And I bring a large package into my relationships; so a guy has to really love me to wade through it all.

Cindy

I have SUCH an important question for you, Daughter....could you pm me? There isn't a pm button under your post.
Karen