What is going on here?

Well....I am going through a really wierd time and I just wanted some feedback. Maybe it was just the full moon, but just in the last few days it seems like every single insecurity issue I have ever had has raised it's ugly head and attacked me. I have found myself feeling totally unworthy of my ym's attentions..I look in the mirror and see all my faults..I feel jealous of all kinds of people, including ones in his past....it's like I have suddenly become this ugly jealous old harridan and I can't stand myself. Am I tying to drive him away? Here we are, we have found each other by several miraculous "coincidences"...and for some reason some evil part of me seems to be trying to take over and ruin it all. Yesterday I just felt like my head was going to explode. Luckily, he is still being extrememly patient and understanding..he keeps telling me he loves me..but it's like I can't let myself believe it for some reason. ACK! I feel so weirded out!

ah yes... been there, still go back there sometimes. and as nessa said, scared causing it. the other shoe has to drop doesn't it???? lets see if we can MAKE it drop...

We have been living together now for only 2 months, and I have not been in any kind of romantic relationship for 4 years. I had almost given up completely on that part of my life and was sliding ungracefully into middle age when this all happened. We first started talking last February, and he knew right away I was the "one". I was pretty sure too, but not because I "knew" it but because I kept getting "signs" from above that made me believe I should give things a chance. It's like my daughter said to me today..I have NOTHING in my past history that this is like..EVERY relationship I ever had turned out badly. So..how long does it take for you to get "over" it? :rolleyes: I want to get back to the happy feelings I had before.

Yep, that sounds pretty familiar. Like everyone else has said, it can all be traced back to fear. I still do that, but fortunately my ym sees right through it. :rolleyes:

Finally I decided I had two options:

1) Give in to the fear and push away the chance to be part of something truly wonderful.

2) Recognize that the fear is an illusion and refuse to feed into it.

I once read that when you're little, you think all the monsters are lying under the bed.

When you grow up, you realize that all the monsters are actually inside you.

They're still big and scary, but only as much as you imagine them to be. And they still react the same way to light (i.e. openness, honesty, illumination).

They melt away. :)

I know that when lots of people feel and act like that, they are trying to push their partners away... but when I act that way, I am actually seeking reassurance (but it doesn't always produce the desired effect). Do you think this might be the case with yourself? If so, you need to tell him so that he can reassure you, so that you can work past this. Otherwise, it may end up pushing him away.

Good luck! :)

for me... its talking about it... wanting to get over it. realizing i AM good enough to have someone wonderful in my life, i AM entitled to be happy, i AM a worthwhile person, who is loved...
and having a partner who can "read" me, listen to what i'm saying and not saying...and giving me the reassurance i need...

Stop it with that insecurity crap. You are a beautiful sexy woman and that's all that needs to be said...you are beautiful.

i totally understand your feelings, but understand we are like babies when it comes to these feelings of love, we have no or little point of reference because of past hurts, you did not date for four years probably because of past hurts..... if you have no point of reference you have to make up the present and plan for the future, there is nothing comfortable to fall back on knowing what will work and what will not.... what you are feeling is fear.

Fear is not faith based, fear will stunt your feelings and not allow you to grow, fear will stop you from experiencing love. if you believe that you are to live in the moment then relish in it, make the moment as lovely as you can bear, and finally i hope you realize that the moment is yours to keep. this requires taking a step forward, make up your mind if you chose to stay where you are or take a step forward, and if you do, never look back. you DESERVE this happiness, as you said before this is a gift from above, who are you to question that?? I do not mean to be mean, i just want you to understand i know how you feel and i had the same feelings, it is ok to go and enjoy the moment. take care, kitty.