Question for everyone

Do you and your SO have a lot of friends in common? Also do any of you find it hard to make new friends while in a relationship/marriage? I've been struggling with trying to create a social circle for myself in my town because I find it hard to tear myself away from my husband. It's great, we're best friends, but you've got to get out some, you know?

I want to make friends who my husband would also like, but I find that most people my age tend to "look up" to my husband instead of treat him like a peer. What do all of your social circles look like--mostly older? mostly younger? Or do you have a broad range of ages?

Hey tereska!!

First, I didn't get to give you a proper welcome....
WELCOME TO AGELESS!

Now, lets get to your question.
When I was with D, there was a 17.5 year age gap.
He had his friends.
I had mine.
We met each other's friends and accepted them all.

The good thing was that D had a good friend J - who is no 29 and his wife wasd 50+. We hung out with them a lot. Also J's mom who is 51 and her husaband is in his late 60's. We got lucky and found others in an age gap relationships.

Just keep in mind that it's okay to detach from your honey every once in a while...ladies nights are always needed...epsecially in an age gap relationship.

Good Luck!

EM

We do to a point considering we worked together for awhile first....but He is friends with my friends... and I am with his... So I guess that's in common.....but my husband should be involved with everyone in my life as I in his

Right now, neither of us have meet the other's friends as of yet.

Even though we have been together for a year, the relationship is still a work in progress.

Dats has a couple of close buddies whom I have not much if anything at all in common with. I run into one more often then the other but I could care a less. Me, I have a few friends mostly who I don't see much, one guy who I work with who I do things with every once in a while, personally, I go out alone more often then not and enjoy it, I have people to talk to when needed, I enjoy just running into people and having conversation about whatever, I guess I've never needed a lot of friends, too many are a pain in the A$$ if you ask me, but I moved a lot as a kid and I still like to move around, change always interest me more. But I see your point, everyone needs to have their time, I'm a space needer, I just so happen to enjoy it more alone.

there's nothing wrong with that...I enjoy my alone time too :)

I too have moved quite a bit over my life time, actually about 20 times. Since I've been married to my OM, I have no problem getting a friendship started but once these people I've met find out that I'm married to my OM, their whole demeanor changes and even after exchanging phone numbers and discussions of possible lunch dates or whatever, nothing ever comes of it. I've gotten very discouraged and tend to isolate myself because I don't want to face another possible rejection. I know I shouldn't give two ( you know whats), but it does bother me. This web site has given me new hope. Since I've moved so much, I don't feel this is my last stop. I'm originally from New England. I've been in N.C. for almost three years now and don't feel like this is my final destination. Anyway, there are a couple of people I consider good friends and I know they'll be there if I need them.

In my case.This relationship is all new but I have been having problems with the women friends or the wives of his male friends. They don't seem to like me at all and well..rude to be quite honest.

I don't understand why. I am nice and friendly and make attempts to talk to them. I am not flirting with their men but yet they act as if I am the one who is wrong. They treat him fine but I am the one they have a problem with.I don't get it.

WELCOME N.C. GIRL!
I'm glad you found us. This is a safe place and I'm sure you'll love it. I haven't been in an age gap relationship for about nine months and I just can't leave...the people are too wonderful!

Sthrn~

I'm sorry to read your post :( I think that they are just jealous. And I'm sure they are upset because they think that their S/O's or husbands want someone young too. They may think that your OM is setting a bad example...blah blah blah...Poo on them!
Don't let them rain on your parade! Just let them talk, but remain super sweet to everyone...kill them with kindness :)

Thanks for the support Emcad80. It really means a lot to me!
I agree with the "kill them with kindness" philosophy. As much as I feel alone sometimes , I know I'm the bigger person by being myself and being true to myself. The friendships will come. I've been with my OM ten years now and even though those doubts creep up from time to time and you wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side, I always go back to how he made me feel like he was made for me. I had a gut feeling I never felt with anyone I'd ever dated before. That is what keeps me going.
Thanks again! Just getting how I feel off my chest makes me feel better. I'm so grateful for this web site!

NC~

I'm glad you feel better! :) Did you say you and your OM have been together for 10 years....hmmmm you would think people would see that as a positive and friends would stick around. That's a thinker. Well, the ones that do stick around are definately friend worth ;)

It was a little difficult at first but, It got easier when we got maried. My atitude chnaged becuase i was amrried women and i had a lot more in commonn with the wives of my husbands friends. You know women tlk about thngs like men. These women are not my close firnds but, we talk abotu sex and doing our nails and cleaning the house and etc. I didn;t have those things to talk about with them when I was dating Bill. I am sure they looked at me diffrently becuase i was younger then Bill but i was mature enough to hold an adult conversation. I wore two hats at the time. With the friends my age i was a 19 nyear old girl and with my husbands friends i was a 19 year old wife. Most of my fiends that I have met now and are close with are parents of my kids friends.We have a group and we all accept each other. We are close. I lost all my firends except for one when Bill and I started dating. The one friend I do have is my buddy and then I have you here on the boards

Jennifer, I don't think I've met you before. Hi! What's the age difference between you and your husband? Also, why did you lose all your friends? They just couldn't accept the age difference?

NCgirl, I totally understand what you wrote. When I meet new people my age, they tend to be pretty weirded out when they meet my husband. They love him, everyone loves him because he's really friendly and funny, but they just start acting strange...it could be just my projection. I think a lot of younger people are not used to hanging out with older people socially. I feel like some potential new friends my age get nervous...most older people they come across are parents' friends and professors. They're not used to just kicking back and throwing down beers with someone who owns life insurance, you know? They practically call him "sir" and then check to make sure their shirts are tucked in.

I don't feel like many people are rude...except single women his age. They HATE me! I guess they kind of resent young women taking up all the eligible bachelors their age. Understandable, but still rude. We had a party the other night, and a 40-something year old woman kept making cracks about how young I am

"my 19 year old son is in college...he's probably not much younger than you!" and "so...you like the older guys." She was such an a$$hole, I almost kicked her out of my house!

tereska, I love your attitude! My husband is pretty quiet and is totally fine being a loner most of the time. I need social interaction more than he does. The area I live in is known for being very religious and conservative. You'd think being married to an older man was a sin for crying out loud. I have a tendancy to be too honest most of the time and instead of knowing when to keep my mouth shut, I open mouth, insert foot! I may offend people sometimes. Living in an area where people, it seems, live by textbook, church every weekend, know the right people, say the right things, I feel so out of place! Circumstances that happened a few years ago brought us here and my husband loves it, otherwise we would have moved a while ago. I try to be positive, because I hate people that are negative all the time, so I'm trying to make the best of it here. We have a beautiful house in a beautiful location, it's just in the booooonnnnnniiiiiieeeeess!
Atleast what I was used to in Mass. Anyway, sorry to rattle on.
For someone so young, you seem to have great confidence, that is so awesome!

NC and Tereska - YOU BOTH have great attitudes...exactly what is needed here. Your strength gets passed on to our readers...you guys are awesome :)

Hi Tereska nice to meet you and welcome to ageless love. My friends all stopped being friends with me becuase of my realtionship with Bill. T first they urged me on to stay involve with Bil becuase i was no sure if I could handle the age difference ot not Bill Is 19 years and 4 months older then I. I staretyd dating him when i was 17 and he was 36 and we got married when I was 19 and he was 39. we have benn happily married now for 16 years. so, anyway after Bill and I got serious about our realtonship my friends thought i was too bsuy with himand didn't have time for them so, they didn't bother with me anymore as much as I kept in touvh with them. Yes, I was involved with Bill and eiven though we were not married i was basically Bills wife. I cooked for himId di the laundry and I cleaned his house and di all the chores that I do now that wea re married. I wante to do it . I love being a wife and taking care of himand our children. So thats my story ina nutshell

Originally posted by n.c.girl
My husband is pretty quiet and is totally fine being a loner most of the time. I need social interaction more than he does.

I find this too. He doesn't need to be social - he is an introvert.

My husband is actually gone most of the time. His job makes him commute from San Francisco (where we live) to Cleveland 4 days a week. He is here from Thursday evening to Sunday morning. So, I tend to devote all that time to being with him when I can.

I do realize though that I need to make some friends here. It is hard to be alone in the house most of the week, and I am very new here, too, so I get lonely.

So glad I get some personal interaction here at Ageless!

Madbess, I know what lonely is all about. I think the older I get the more I resist change and making friends gets harder. Where I've moved so much, it's getting harder and harder. If I lived closer, I'd invite you over for coffee or something. In the meantime, Ageless is the place to be. You'll make friends in your own time. :)

Thanks, n c girl! I appreciate the offer!

Well in the next few months I will be going to San Jose to visit one of my dear friends and while I'm up there I'll take the 45 min (or so) drive up to San Fran and say hello to one of my dearest "online" friends! That would be soooo great to meet you :D

Madbess, I know how you feel. I moved to L.A. pretty recently from San Francisco, where I grew up and I haven't really been able to meet a lot of people. Ah! to live in San Francisco again!

Los Angeles bums me out. I feel like it's difficult to make friends here...all that driving and isolation! But, I shouldn't complain, it's not the worst either.

But I really, really miss San Francisco. I still go up there all the time, but it's not the same. What to you do there, are you working?