I feel so hurt

I guess my saga with the young man i liked for so long is finally going to close. I found out today he is moving with his job to Philadelphia. He is doing extremely well with his job. He has pretty much avoided me since he left work. Today a coworker was talking to him and asked if he wanted to talk to me and he said no, did that ever hurt. I knew him 4 years and slept with him and it has come to this, not even friends. I am just so low right now, i have faith i will see a brighter day but for now my heart is broken. Thank you all for all the support you have given me. I'm really not sure i will continue to come to this site, the warm love stories are too painful for me to read. Again thank you all for just being the supportive community that you are.

Oh no! I'm sorry, Sassy. That is so sad. You must be feeling so awful right now. Please don't leave the site forever; come back when you're feeling better. Don't forget that there are also others on this site who are dealing with breakups, and you might feel better having others to talk to about it. I hope you feel better soon:(

I'm very sorry to hear that you've been hurt this way, sassy. It is the WORST feeling in the world. Believe me, I know. But just keep in mind that there are brighter days to come...and that everything happens for a reason. True love will come along when you least expect it to. Someone who will respect, love, and adore you for REAL. This I know, as well. :cool:

I wish you the best of luck and happiness.

Sassy, I'm so sorry. I know how much that hurts. :(

My dear friend Sassy,
I'm so sorry...{{{{{Hugz}}}}}. But you know what, I'm not that surprised. I just dont think he ever treated you right. But please, whatever you do, dont give up on finding love. It IS out there somewhere. You never know, there just might be someone right here on these boards that you might fancy;) . Take some time to take care of yourself, but keep coming here - the women are wonderful, supportive friends, and the guys are younger than us:p !!

Love ya girl,
Sherry

I think that you should do a little more searching within your heart and memories before you give up on your man! Does he act like a man who does NOT care about you??? Maybe I've read too many Cosmo's, but if you love a guy don't give up so easily or be put off without a fight. (I'm talking memories and shared experiences not fists, mind you. Promises he's made to you are good as well....) From your post it sounds like you got third hand information about him. NEVER rely on that! EVER! If you were with this man for four years he should at least speak to you and let you know up front how he feels. Don't be fearful of approaching him! You are NOT in the wrong to ask for answers. This may not change your situation with him, but at least it's the civilized way to handle the breakup of a longstanding relationship.

Sassy, I'm sorry your YM turned out to be less than you thought he was. Some people just aren't as nice as we thought they were. It's criminal that he won't even talk to you, he should be ashamed of himself. It sounds as if he doesn't have the courage to face you, so he hides. I know it hurts now, but its better you find out what kind of man he is now before things got more involved.

I don't agree with you Witchy, if a man treats you like this, you are better off without him. No one needs a man like this in their life.

Sassy, I know you will find someone who will treat you as you deserve. Its tragic that you have to go through this kind of pain. Never settle for less from any man -- you deserve the best.

(((HUG)))
Jane

it means so much to me to hear from all my dear friends. I was at the doctors yesterday and she recommended an antidepressant called effexor for me, has anyone else tried it? I need something, i have no motivation and all i do is weep every so often out of the blue. I am so numb and bitter right now. I will continue to come, i'll just avoid reading all the new posts about how wonderful and special the new relationships are, it reminds me too much of the way he use to be. I am also disapointed that he has become so driven by money, i remember him saying he would never move to a big city and now he stands to make six figures, he was already making double what he made at our job. He was one i thought money would never go to his head, how wrong i was, but then again i was wrong about so much.

Sassy,

I'm so sorry for your loss right now. I know exactly how it feels to be in a committed relationship and then all of a sudden -poof- he could care less - or so it seems. You start thinking, was it all meaningless?

My best advice is to stay here and let everyone help heal your wounds, that is, if your info was in fact, true. This is the BEST place you could be.

BTW - let me know how the Efexor works if you take it. I have comtemplated something like that recently.

Take care of yourself!

ABby

I am sorry to hear about this as well, as you story was around when I first joined. Time will heal this as we all know it can, even though it is hell now. BUT I can shed some light on Effexor. When my ym and I decided to call it quits (after 3 attempts to stay together), I too became depressed for the first time in my whole life (and being in menapause didn't help either). I could not sleep, yet I did not want to get out of bed. I cried all the time, even at school. I would be at my desk and tears would just fall for no reason. I called in sick more that month than I ever had in a year, so I could just walk the beach. I then decided I needed help and my dr. gave recommended that drug. I took it for only 3 months and it really did help me, but it took about 3 weeks for it to "kick in" if I recall correctly. I began to exercise and ride my bike as well as still walk the beach. BUT I had stopped cold turkey rather than getting smaller doses to wean myself off like she told me I should do (I think in retrospect, I wanted to get get off of it as soon as possible for I am NOT a pill taker at all...not even aspirin!)and that was NOT good, for I would like hallucinate and free weird. SO, in my opinion, get the drug, fior I think sometimes we just may need an "extra something" to help but do use it properly!

Hugs to you,
Linda

Hi Sassy,

I don't know you very well as I am relatively new on the boards myself. But I really do feel for you right now and send you my support. All I can tell you is that I recently went through a break-up too (my thread is called Sad Heart) and it is devastating to see someone you thought you trusted with your feelings apprently suddenly change because "something" else comes along. In my case, found himself attracted to someone else - well you can read the story. Interesting thing, though I haven't posted about this yet, is that unfortunately, people may often act without thinking first, then realize later what they may have lost. I just got an email to this effect yesterday from the YM I wrote about. I am not over the moon about it, because too much hurt has happened inside me, to want to open myself up yet to even friendship. The thing is I didn't think I would even move on to this point - but with the help of the people on this fabulous board (BTW, was the Board down yesterday?) I am at a point where I know I will somehow make it through.

I also was prescribed an antidepressent and I too, would recommend considering it - the kind I took is called Celexa. It won't numb you to the feelings - but after a period of time, it really helps you take the edge off, so you don't feel so overwhelmed by the emotions. Whether or not it was the pills, (I think it was) I found I was able to "engage" a little more in life again - enabled me (I guess because they provided me with that sense of "not falling apart so much") to also start a walking/running program (also fabulous for getting endorphines going which can only add to the antidepressed effect), bike (which I never really was into before), get back into painting, and sign up for some courses.

So by all means, consider it. One month ago, I would never believe that I'd be writing these words - it does get better. Sorry this is so long, but I really do feel for what you're going through.

(((HUGS)))) Carole

Hi Sassy, I'm so sorry for your pain right now. My younger man left my life 15 months ago. I'm still not over it, and it is quite a struggle. I was so bad when it first happend my doctor prescribed Lexapro (an antidepressent) for me along with something for sleep, and a mild tranquillizer for really bad days. I took the Lexapro for 5 months, and it did help me cope, but all the antidepressents have a horrible side effect of weight gain. I gained 20 pounds in that 5 month period. They also have sexual side effects with the inability or extreme delay in acheiving an orgasm. I went off them for both those side effects, and maybe that's why I'm still not over things. I wish you have an easier time than I am having. Take care. Lucia

thank you again for all your support. This is the only place i feel i can go to get real support. Looking back now i really regret sleeping with him, we probably could have remained friends. I feel i always mess things up with men and i really want to give up. This relationship would have never happened if we hadn't worked together, i would have seen the dangers in such an age gap, but when you work side by side with someone 4 years and they are so sweet to you and treat you so special and you are physically attracted to them how can you turn off your feelings. I am feeling so many emotions now, i have been coming to this site for almost 4 years, right after i started liking him. Looking back he has changed from the young man i knew back then, as i would expect. He is into a successful career and i feel i meant nothing to him, just a stepping stone. When i first called him after he left he acted like he wanted to see me but we didn't set anything into concrete. I left 4 months go by before i sent him a card and then an email. He did respond to my email saying it was good to hear from me. I kept emailing him every 2 weeks but no response. I called him when i found out he might be moving and told him i'd like to see him before he went and he said about seeing me that weekend and he would call but he didn't. So i asked my coworker who is good friends with him if he was moving she said she didn't know so she called him and that's when i asked he to ask him if he wanted to talk to me too and he said no. I did call him last night and left a message on his cell phone as well as email him to express how hurt i was and basically spill my guts, i had to do it for my piece of mind. My coworker said he cannot deal with confrntation and not to expect him to respond. I just miss his friendship so much, it was never about sex, he made me feel so calm and at peace, it was a good feeling. Thanks for listening, i may have to vent my feelings some more

Dragonfly, what a beautiful post, i truley admire and respect the young men that can get past the material things in life and the superfical things and love the person's soul. I truley loved the soul of this young man for who he was and not what he became. Everyone i know that has worked with him thought he was such a wonderful person, and i was on the recieving end for so long of his special treatment. I just don't know what transpired from him leaving work to now. He works 6 or 7 days a week sometimes 10 to 12 hour days and he seems so driven. I know before he left work he said he would never work in a big city and now he is moving to one. It is about 2 hours away from here. I just wish i could confront him that he would tell me something, anything that is going through his mind. I thought maybe he had met someone else but apparently that isn't so. I know he is close with his boss, he wants him to move there with him to start a new company. When i called him one night he was going to his bosses house to get his hair cut so they must be close. I just don't know, i am so so confused, i know he cared and he wasn't the type to not even want to talk to someone, i hope i can get some answers somehow, it's like part of me wants to say baby i want to see you so i can give you the biggest kiss and hug, my feelings are so conflicting. It is funny how ones occupation can change a person so quickly, which is what seems to be happening to him.

Originally posted by sassy
. I just don't know, i am so so confused, i know he cared and he wasn't the type to not even want to talk to someone, i hope i can get some answers somehow, it's like part of me wants to say baby i want to see you so i can give you the biggest kiss and hug, my feelings are so conflicting

Sassy - the above is me talking too. They are my feelings exactly. You NEED answers. You want one more chance to love him hard and make him realize. Truth is, both would be nice, but you don't need either. I am saying all this to myself also. We shouldn't have to sell ourselves to these YM's - they should see what they are doing to us and have some sense of remorse and caring. I have come up with every excuse for what is going on with my (ex!)ym right now but there's no way I can get any satisfaction on any level unless I move on.

Like Maria said in the post on my Self Esteem thread here. I have GRADUATED from this course! I believe that it is true of this life lesson. I will never get to go back and compare notes with Matt. Anything else coming from him towards me I will see through different glasses. I could never trust him again, or his motives. Your situation might be different than mine, but I know we both hurt. I actually was considering evolving into just friends - but he got me good. I knew I was heading for some hurt and was trying to avoid it, but it backfired!

Let me tell you what I am doing for my own self=preservation - besides ageless. This is a very shallow thing, but it puts things in another light. One where I see that there ARE other people out there that MIGHT just like me for me! I registered with a dating service. I have been talking back and forth with a few guys and it is good. Whether I ever meet them I don't know and I don't care, but it surely puts Matt into perspective and if I can keep from thinking about all those GOOD things about him, I can stop dwelling on him. I hate to even admit it because it is SO shallow but it really helps.

Feel free to PM me Sassy. We are going through similar things honey and we don't deserve it. I heard a guy on Oprah, who had cheated on his wife, make the statement that "Women love hard" very perceptive for a cheater, but he is so right. We do love hard, and deserve someone who loves us back, just as hard!

Do you remember the old Mamas and Papas song that goes:
"Unrequited love's a bore,
and I've got it pretty bad.
But for someone you adore,
It's a pleasure to be sad..."

No it ain't!!

hugs

This morning we had to take my mom to the hospital, she had sharp pains in her stomach They are keeping her over the weekend and doing a colonoscopy Sunday. Apparently she has a mass in her intestines. I pray to God it is nothing serious. Please say a prayer for her. After this event the event with Matt seems insignificant. At first they thought it might be liver cancer, but they ruled that out, thank God. Dragonfly and Abby you both wrote very good replies, and i am going to make it my mission to see him before he leaves and i will be able to tell if he has changed. I do think i intimidated him after we slept together, i just know we both wanted it but it changed the dymamics of things. I know i have the right to get some answers because of the way things were left. I have been going to singles dances in Fredrick Md. and i have a great time there however all the guys live over an hour away. I just don't know how i'm going to see him, any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks all you are a Godsend

Sassy - now you really need to collect yourself. i know how hard it is to have a "MATT THING" hanging over your head while you are tending to a serious family problem - it doesn't help at all!

Keep us posted honey - we love you!

I was just reading the symptoms of colorectal cancer and my mother has alot of the symptoms, i'm so scared, she is all i have. I live next door to her and she is my best friend. She is getting a colonoscopy on Sunday. She has been loosing weight, tired, blood in stool and now pain in stomach. Does any one know of any other problems that exhibit those symptoms? I need to feel a little encouragement. I am a basket case right now

I am praying for your mother and for you. Sassy, please let us know the results of the tests.

Jeremy always tells me to wait until I know that I have something to worry about before I worry....but it's so hard for me to do. I know how you're feeling, but you will wear yourself down by worrying before you know anything. I'm giving you advice that I, myself, need to hear.

Just please let us know when you hear the results of your mother's tests.

I am having problems sleeping, it is 3 am and i keep waking up, my mom is 86 years old so i worry that she has that against her. Thank you for your prayers. I will keep you posted, i'm a nervous wreck.

These girls certainly have the voices of reason. I am also a pre-worrier, a what-iffer. DragonFly is right. Just focus on the facts and be positive. At least she lives there beside you - that is a BIG plus.

I am touched that you say she is your best friend. Although my Mom isn't and never was(but she is still sweet) my daughter and I have that relationship. It is a wonderful thing!

Love ya Sassy.

I was reading also that once the symptoms of cancer present themselves it is often too late for treatment. I hope and pray it is something else.

Sassy, I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now. It must be so hard. I will pray for you.

The doctor said today he is pretty sure it is cancer because of her symptoms, she gets the colonoscopy tommorrow,PLEASE PRAY FOR HER, i'm so scared.

Take up skydiving......That will get you over it. When my ex cheated on me while was in Iraq, yeah I was hurt at first. Then I started doing civilian jumps. It was easier to forget about her than to forget about deploying my chute! LOL

Originally posted by dblantly
Take up skydiving......That will get you over it. When my ex cheated on me while was in Iraq, yeah I was hurt at first. Then I started doing civilian jumps. It was easier to forget about her than to forget about deploying my chute! LOL

Dude, do you read entire threads before posting on them? Or do you just spout off anything that comes to mind? :rolleyes:

today is the day my mother gets her colonoscomy, please wish her luck and say a prayer for her. The waiting is so hard.

We are Sassy - keep us updated sweetie.

How scary. I don't know what I can say that would help, but I am thinking of you and wishing you strength.

Today my mother had colon surgery, she did have a mass in her colon. The surgery went real well and she is recovering nicely. Prayer really does help. She went through the surgery real well and the doctor was pretty positive about getting it all. The results of the biopsy will be back later this week. I tell you after this i have no concern for Matt anymore. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Hi Sassy,
I'm so glad to hear your Mom's surgery went well. And I'll certainly keep her in my prayers, especially these next few days. Yeah...prayer does help ;)

Sherry

Sassy, I'm glad to read your mom's surgery went well. Best wishes for the both of you.
Hugs

I'm so glad to hear that the surgery went well. I hope that your mother will recover quickly. Please let us know the results of the biopsy when you know.

Terminal, when I was going through the pain of separation, of being left by someone I loved, I didn't see the light in the end of the tunnel either. I felt rejected, useless, I felt my life had no sense anymore.

What got me going was the fact that I had been through pain before and I knew by experience that one day, as much as it seemed impossible at that moment, I would feel better. I knew that it would even be possible that I looked behind and thought, "what, I thought it was over because of that person?" and would then almos feel surprised...

The only thing I can tell you is, live one day at a time. People who lose their children survive, we can survive the loss of someone who rejected us, who left us.

Live each day for now. :(

Terminal, believe me....you will get over it. Right now, it seems like you never will, but you will. Break ups are so hard. It takes quite a while to stop hurting, but the pain *does* end. Just don't give up - you can't imagine how much future happiness lies ahead of you....it just doesn't seem that way right now, but I guarantee that you will one day look back and wonder how you could have felt so despondent over the person who just left you. When the right woman comes into your life, she will love you so much that she will not want to leave you; just wait and you'll see what I mean.

thank you maria lux and whisper. its nice to feel that one can share ones feelings and be understood. i think what my breakup has revealed is that i am not as strong as i thought i was. its just that there are so many unanswered questions. i think the best thing for me would be to shun any social contact. if i stay to myself i will get ok i guess. i just cant go to places and get the same questions again and again.

sassy its wonderful that the operation went well. i wish your mum a speedy recovery. take care and all the best

So glad things went well, hopefully your mom will have a speedy recovery and good prognosis.

Our thoughts and prayers will be with you.

It is so comforting to come to this site and get all the wonderful support from you guys, it really means alot to me. My mom is still in intensive care but she is improving every day. They took the stomach tube out yesterday and she may soon be able to have clear liquids. She has been having some hallucinations, seeing things that aren't there, i guess it might be the medications. She keeps worrying that the tumor was malignant, we will get the results today or tomorrow, i will keep you posted. Thanks again to all of you.

hi Sassy.

I read this is whole thread so frantically so I could get to the part about how your mom is doing after the surgery. I'm glad to hear that the surgery went well and that she's in recovery. I'm not a doctor but I think her "seeing things" is probably normal considering all the medication she must have to take etc. I'm sending positive vibes your way wherever you may be and I hope it all works out! Stay Strong!

Sassy sorry for your Mother and Im sending her My pray's. I to just came out of a four years Reslationship My self. I know what you abby are feeling right You keep telling yourself what happen?What could have I done more...GO! have that last talk.

Talk and keep talking to you have nothing else to say.Sad part like you. I know the love is there BUT other things call... Or was that other females.You might not like what he have to say so be very very ready.Dont leave the site I to came at a time i need it advice to see if i was in the wrong and the nice ladies here help:D .Anytime you just want to vent do it.


I walk around numb sometimes and just guess bewilder.Cuzz 4 years is a long time to give to someone. Dont give up we all are hurting right now and at that end of the tunnel there is light.Your want to here something funny my girlfriend said thank god he gone .You need someone who will treat you a whole lot better.


:D

The doctor got the test results back and said the cancer spread to one of her lymph nodes, therefore it has a 65% chance of reoccurrence. Does anyone know someone older who beat stage 3 cancer, i'm trying to be optomistic but it is hard.

I'm so sorry to hear that it was cancer and that it had spread, Sassy. :(

thinking of you and your mother.

i was miserable but now i am not. i felt that my life had collapsed and that i had messed up etc etc, but now after some time i feel that well "what the hell", i mean life is too short, if some body wants to even think that they can make my life miserable they are wrong.

i think i am all over my broken relationship and the thing that i liked about this period was that i got thorough by taking one day at a time.

i also want to thank the people of ageless they were wonderful in saying the right things.

hmmm...lets see, i am thinking about starting a thread on the best things about being single, but i dont know how to go about it.

if i can start it it will be in relationship support and all people who have broken up recently can write. we will hopefully make it a funny thread in parts because i think personally that humopur is one of the best defences that we have.

What a beautiful post Dragonfly, your words come out so eloquantly, thank's for the moral support, i sure need it. The doctor yesterday was a young doctor and he basically said look at it this way she already outlived the life expectancy of a woman by 12 years, how tactless. My mother's mom lived to be 99 and she was in good health until she was 97 so i want my mom around alot longer. Love you all for being so supportive