Wedding in Iowa...Advice for dats please!!

Hey guys, long time no hear from. The weekend of the 20th of June Dats has a wedding in Iowa for a friend of hers in which I'm going with her. Here's the question: Should she tell her parents who she's going with or lie? Seeing that she's still living at home, just finished her degree and looking for work, plus her mother makes her life a living hell with just the mention of my name I know if her mother knew she was actually going to this wedding with me, spending a night in a room together she'd freak out and make more problems for her while at home for hopefully not too much longer then need be, I told her not to be honest even though I'm not sure, she on the other hand said she will not lie which I respect, but from my prespective I hate to see her go through hell when she might not have to, I even don't really want to go to this wedding just to save her the headaches. This isn't a huge issue thats why I posted it in Chit Chat instead of Relationship support. But any suggestions would be great. :confused:

Well.. her mom will kick and scream.. but she knows you both are dating each other... so I say don't lie.... it's hard to say..... because sometimes what they don't know won't hurt them..... so if there is any chance she could find out tell her...if she won't then just don't mention it... if she asks?? I dunno.. it's hard to say...

I was going to say the same thing.
Why even mention it at all?
Dat can just say: I'm going to a wedding, be back tomorrow!
And if her mom asks, she can just say she knows she'll be drinking and a bunch of friends are getting hotel rooms together.
On the other hand, Mom's not stupid....so maybe she'll put two and two together, but still, I say don't even mention it.

i agree. don't even mention it but, a white lie that doesn't hurt anyone is Ok too.
Just as long as you are sure that nobody will find out, becuase even though it's a white lie its a big issue for her mom. So, proceed with caution

I say don't volunteer any information, but don't lie if asked a direct question.

For example:

"Bye mom, I'm going to a wedding in Iowa for the weekend."

"Who are you going with?", or "Are you going with Baker?"

suggested answer:

"Yes, of course I am going with Baker. Mom, you know I love you so much and respect your feelings, but Baker is my boyfriend and he is a part of my life, and if I ever have a date function, he will be my date. I will call you when I get there, and you can reach me at ___ number. "

I say don't even entertain arguments or hell-raising. If she tries to start an argument, just be matter-of-fact and non responsive. Say things like, "I am sorry you feel that way." and "It really hurts my feelings when you speak to me that way." or "I would love to discuss this with you, but I don't want to fight, so please let me know if you would like to have a calm discussion." Dat, you might even want to suggest family counseling with her mother so that a neutral person can help her see that she is pushing you away, perhaps for good. I'm sure she has your best interests at heart and doesn't want to lose you, but that is what is going to happen if she doesn't change her attitude very quickly.

Good luck.

My parents have known I'm going to this wedding for a long, long time. I've known this guy forEVER and besides the invitations have all come to my parents' house, pointedly stating "Datura and guest." I've led them to believe I'm going alone, which I can't believe they'd BUY, because that car is SUPER old, not in good shape, and truthfully I'd rather not drive to the bottom of Iowa alone in that rat trap. My dad did ask me once if I was planning on going with "anyone," by which I know he meant the OM, but I wasn't sure if he could at the time so I said no. I hate lying, I'm sick of it, and besides I know the truth will come out eventually. They undoubtedly WILL know that he was there, whether it be from pictures or thank-you cards or whatever. So all a white lie could do is postpone the knowing. It's not as if they can stop me from going, they've known for months, they know I'll be gone overnight, they know it's important to me, they just don't know (for sure) that I'm going with Baker. I don't WANT to go alone, I don't want to drive alone, or stay alone, or sit through a wedding alone, when I've had a boyfriend for almost two years who is able to be with me. That would be stupid. I just know my mother would be mortified that "other people" that might know her or me will be there and see what a "shameful" relationship I'm in. Then they would think badly of me, and of course her. I know it will be nothing but a slew of insults and threats if she did know. Frankly I'd think they should be relieved, since they're not thrilled about the prospect of my alone-ness on a road trip, but considering the alternative I don't know. My sister gave me exactly the same advice as Emmie. Don't announce it but don't lie if asked. I see how lying might be easier but tell me, is it really worth it?

dat,

i know it's too late for next weekend, but as emmie suggested, would your parents be into going to family couseling with you? every time i read about their behavior i'm appalled, you shouldn't have to put up with that at your age.

hope you have a good time at the wedding anyway, i'll be thinking of you! :p

~cat

Wow...go with Emmie's advice...scratch mine and go directly to hers!! :)

Lying is not worth it. You would just be sinking to their incredibly immature level. If you are asked a direct question then give an honest and calm answer. That is the adult thing to do.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this behavior. Insults and threats sound like tactics used by 13 year old girls, not adults.

Amen Emmie! :D

I don't have any advice about the wedding but if you're going to be in Des Moines....

Make sure you try Tasty Taco's, they're great!

LOL at SomeNight! Silly.