New with ???

I want to say hello to everyone, I have been "lurking" in the background and reading your posts/messages. This board has made me feel not so "unusual". I am a 37 years young woman involved with a 18 YM. I am very new to this and really don't know how to start. I never thought I would be attracted to much less involved with someone almost 20 years my junior, but you know what they say about the best laid plans.

First and foremost, the people on this board are truly amazing :) I have read the stories, and the answers to questions posted. and I was delighted and amazed by the responses and the warmth.

OK now for my question(s); I never imagined, dreamed, thought etc that "I" would be involved with someone so young, but it happened. Number 1 my family would never understand, although I have a very loving daughter age 18 who is completely for it. In her words, you took care of me now it is your time. My question is this YM says he would feel akward (sp??) with me in public as I am the same age as his mother. Also, his cousin who is a year older likes me so he feels guilty about us being together. Now that being said my question is should I just go with the flow or is this headed down a dead end road?

After reading many of the posts on this board I feel that I can get some good advice since this is totally out of my area of expertise. OK a few things that I know will come up 1) I did not think that I would have feelings for him 2) when I am with him the world around me seems to disappear 3) we have talked about going forward, but decided a day to day approach would be best. I think it is a first for both of us. OK I have rambled on long enought.

Hi There,
The first thing that popped into my head was this, you both need to get over hang-ups about being seen together and what other people think or you won't have the strength and connection needed to be able to go the distance. You both need to hold your heads high and be fearless to family, friends, or society at large.
Easier said than done, I know, but very important.
Best of luck.
Littlewing

I want to agree with Littlewing. That is one of the most difficult things for me, getting used to being seen in public. Luckily I have never cared ~too~ much what "everyone else thinks", however, it sometimes bothers me when I catch strangers looking at us funny. ( Guess you both have to be a bit of a rebel at heart. ) Ultimately you both have to decide/realize that what you feel for one another is more important and more real that what "other people" think. Gods forbid that anyone should live their lives based on what "other people" think....remember that famous quote by Abe Lincoln about pleasing people. "You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time." SO you just have to please yourselves! Good luck to you both and welcome to Ageless. :)

Thanks for the input, I guess I knew the answer but wanted to hear from others :)

WELCOME to ageless MYSTIC!!:)

18 yr. olds are 'difficult'=)....on one hand...they are an adult...on the other...they are still very much 'growing' into the adult man they wish to be. My advice...if only my 2 cents worth...is to take it slow and become good friends first. Yes, it IS difficult to be seen in public...with men so young there are many ?'s that come to mind about the why of the relationship. Only YOU and your younger guy can answer those....it really doesnt matter much what others think IF you have resolved those issues between the two of you. Please remember that 18 yr olds ARE very impressionable.....while he may say...and DOES...love YOU...experience in love and what it takes to make a longer term loving relationship....is often missing. You CAN grow together....many here have....and struggle through growing pains. ANY relationship has those struggles....but with men so young....you not only have regular relationship issues, but also those that come with the age gap. I wish you BOTH the patience and love to determine where u go from here. Nice to see you on the boards! Darla

(1) Here's the thing, David and I are 28 years apart, and we were both self conscious at first. But, much to our surprise, NOBODY has ever stared, or been negative. We have had a rare occasion where someone would ask if he was my son or? But not in a negative way.
The only times it's been a problem is with someone who hears about us, but doesn't know us together. He actually lost a job because a charge nurse my age decided there was something wrong with him being with someone her age, and made his life so miserable that administration had to choose between him and her. Three days before his probation period had ended they told him he had to leave. If she'd not been so close minded, and gotten to know us, she'd probably have wound up like everyone else who has, and not even noticed anymore.
I wound up leaving my job, as my superviser had much the same attitude. She also refused to talk to him and get to know him as my other co-workers had. One of my best friends at that job, still says he's one of the good ones.
If you treat it like something to be ashamed of, others will as well, if you treat it like something normal, and wonderful even, others will too.
Strangers are much easier to deal with than people you know. We learned to brace ourselves for the dropped jaw look when introducing each other to people we know. It doesn't last beyond the initial meeting.
Even my 94 year old uncle took the time to visit with him and says he's a heck of a nice fella.
(2) Of course it does! That's what's supposed to happen when you are falling in LOVE
(3)With the young ones, you have to be really adaptable, and learn to shut up. Not an easy thing to do for me. A good friend of mine in a similar gap, married for six years now, told me to watch out for saying the words, "you need to". Drove her husband insane when she'd say that to him. He finally told her to please stop, as he didn't need another mother to boss him around. She hadn't even realized she was saying it till then. Made a world of difference when she stopped.
Its hard, for instance to watch someone not write a check in the register, check the balance only on ATM's and then be surprised by an overdraft, without saying, you need to keep track of the checks you've written. He learned without me nagging, by having to pay $75 worth of overdraft fees. Much the same way I had, in fact, LOL. And his ego didn't have to take a beating by hearing me say I told you so.
He now uses carbons, and online banking, and is better at it than me.
I think it all boils down to having respect for each other. Too often someone 18-22ish is met with a great deal of disrespect, a "you're a kid, what do you know?" attitude, even here. If they are choosing to be an adult, be in an adult relationship, live an adult lifestyle, they deserve the same respect anyone would give another adult.

18 "is" young. And I say that having fallen in love with a nineteen year old when I was 35. We're still together five years later - living together for four years - so believe me, I'm not AT ALL being discouraging.

But do understand that with a guy that young, you are going to have to do some stretching to accomodate him as he grows and changes and finds his way into being an adult.

Is it worth it? Sure it is, if it's the right person. But it does take some work and it will certainly push you up against a lot of things in yourself that may be more settled.

Change is completely the name of the game.

I know the "other people" stuff can seem overwhelming at first. But actually that's not nearly so hard as the lifestyle gaps that almost always rear their head at some point down the line.

Most people really aren't looking at you - they're worrying about what YOU think of them - and the casual off-the-cuff remarks about boy toys and so on ....are much easier to take if you realize that they just don't have anything to do with you and what the two of you are engaged in.

Family can be trickier, but if you really have each other's best interests at heart - and make sure you do - then that's what will show through in the end.

Good luck!

I am 36 and my b/f is 19. We have been together a year now. These relationships can work, but of course they take a little extra support and effort.

Thanks to everyone for all the advice. I will take it to heart. Just as an update we went to a movie last night and it wasn't bad at all. I don't even think anyone was paying any attention to us. We both had a really good time and enjoyed a good movie together. Guess it was just me. Thanks again and I will just take this slowly and enjoy our time together.

last week adam and i were buying roses for our wedding and he was walking around picking out flowers and i pointed out a few wemon gawking at him, he had shorts on and his MANY tattoos were showing, plus he moves like a moose or ox, i told him we get that all the time, he noticed this week, it is amazing to us that people can be so judgemental, before i was shy, now i wrap my arm around his shoulders and kiss him and tell him how proud i am of him, i have been calling him moose for such a long time and he has started calling me mouse. so we are a moose and a mouse a very unlikely couple who have everything in common.

you know what is really sad.... my adam is defending our country plus his heart is so lovely that i aspire to be more like him, and i tell him this, what a kind and lovely soul, i am a feminine type and most likely appear to be a bit of a priss, yet even if i look more socially acceptable i will tell you that it is adam that makes this world a sweeter place for many people. i aspire to his qualities of strength and kindness..... he is very handsome, but i suppose the world would have us with people who look like they match, i flaunted us these last 11 days, it was wonderful, i think i told him 5 or 6 times that we are just trendsetters and when other wemon find out what i found in my younger man there will be many more couples like us. although in reality, there are very few like adam. i am blessed and happy and looking forward to our future. take care, kitty

Originally posted by kittylane

he is very handsome, but i suppose the world would have us with people who look like they match

IMHO you do look like you match, because you both look so happy together. :)

I think that's the best gauge of how "good" people look when they're together. Do they look happy? Yes! 'Nuff said.

How many people look like little Ken and Barbie dolls straight out of the package -- same age, gorgeous, trim, toned, teeth capped, clothes just so... and it's so obvious they're miserable that they act like strangers with each other? I can think of a few Hollywood couples that fit this description. They're the ones that the world watches and judges.

But a happy, self-assured couple always looks good together. The worst reactions you'll get in that situation is from people who are either jealous or overly judgemental -- and who gives a damn what people like that think anyway? ;)

People stare at us when we're out. I thought, for a long time, it was b/c of our age difference. I'm 32, he's 23.
BUT it's not the age thing they are looking at. It took two total strangers coming up to us in the mall once and at a restaurant once for me to realize it. On both occasions, these total strangers walked up to us and said "Are you on your honeymoon b/c you look sooooooo in love"... and the other one said "I just wanted to tell you two that you are adorable and look so happy".
That was the moment I stopped worrying what other people think. We still have our issues, but how others perceive us isnt' one of them.