Need some input on LDR, thanks :)

Hi Everyone,

Well C and I met and everything was just as its been both online and on the phone. We really clicked and we spent the whole week just hanging out and he even extended his stay like 4 days so he could spend the last 2 with my daughter who hes known over the phone for the last year, originally I was not going to let him meet her but once I saw how sweet etc. he was I was ok that he meet her. He slept on the couch for her sake of course, once she came back from her dads.

At the airport she about broke everyones heart, she fell to the ground crying and he could barely get on the plane. I was just numb, I didnt feel anything as he got on the plane, and in fact I felt rather numb most of his visit but I knew we were clicking, I think I was just in self protect mode. Im like that :/

WHen I say numb I dont mean not love him numb, or not want him numb, inside I didnt want him to go, but I knew he had to so I just was sort of detached from that or Id have broken down just like my little girl and I had to be strong.

Anyway.......

Once he got home since then I have to say Ive been the biggest whiner Ive ever seen in my life. I dont like to admit it but Ive been horrible.
Everyday I either cry that I miss him or I get real grumpy with him for not calling me when he says (which he is really good about but Ive been on hyperalert or something)
So its been either grumpy or weepy or in between happy but sort of sad. So I guess I saved my reactions for after he left.

We talk a lot on the phone so that isnt the problem. I just....miss him :(

And I think I might be taking it out on him. Does anyone else unintentionally do this and does anyone have any coping strategies?

Also Ive been feeling insecure about us, our age gap etc. WHich before we met I was ok, since we met I keep thinking maybe it wont work because I have so much responsibility..etc.

Ive just turned 39 in April and he will be 23 in the very end of July.


I just dont know what to do :/ I dont want to suggest he come live with me as I have my daughter and what if that didnt work out? Ugh, it would break her heart. But part of me wants that, plus Im afraid he will think Im nutty. Then another part wants to maybe suggest he stay a longer trip, say a month. Last time was just a week.
At the same time I want to see him on a somewhat regular basis so we can progress as if we ever want to have a child we dont have 5 years or anything (my doc says probably til im 42 to 44 since my mom had my brother at 42.)

So can you tell I am utterly confused? ha.

Any input will be much appreciated, this is so hard on me right now. And him, especially because Im sure not making it easy.

I want him here so much but dont know how we go about working to that goal. Im afraid to ask him how to work to that goal for fear he will feel pushed.

Thanks guys. Im afraid I will sabotage it if I keep up the current behaviors.

Heather

Hi Heather. Wow. Those first few weeks after the first visit are a killer. People forewarned me about that after I met Remi for the first time in March. But, despite that, I truly was not prepared for how rock bottom I hit for the 4-6 weeks after that visit. I cried nearly every day. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't going to work out after all. You name it and I thought it. So, know that the emotions you are going through are normal right now. But, it does get better. :)

About what to do about moving him there. Well, that's difficult. I'm not sure how far away he lives from you. Does he live close enough that he could fly there to be with you periodically... like every 3 months? Or, is he in another country?

one of the roughest rides i have ever taken ;)

everything you have said heatherlynn, i have done, at times still continue to do. the pain after the first seperation was unbelieveable!! and yes, the tears and grumphy were an everyday occurance. i was such a joy to be around! ;) right now he and i are stuck on a delay with immigration, and i'm pretty much going back into full swing...

the hyperalert i can also relate to... the seperation sure does a number! doubts and things sure do raise their heads, but it passes as the relationship gets stronger. and we get the confidence in ourselves. for me, that was the main issue. my god! i was worthy!!

coping skills?? i'm clueless! still searching! ;)
honesty..with your man. i think we send a lot of mixed messages because we don't honestly address our emotions and lash out at the one we love. somehow we think their fault? distance ourselves from the pain of seperation. a fake sense of anger, easier to operate from.
for me, it was always hard to say what was in my heart... but when i finally got the security to do so in this relationship, i found what i wanted/needed were the same as his, and then we were both able to continue moving forward.

you aren't alone... we are here to help you through