New here, new relationship!

Hi! Just found you guys. I found my soulmate. He's 15 years older than me (he's 57, I'm 42). I've never been out with an older guy-I always was with the younger ones. I'm a young widow-my late husband died in a work accident 2 years ago. I hadn't even been out with anyone else, and wasn't even sure I was ready. June 22nd, I was in New Orleans for a convention, and went to a local karoake bar with friends. A man sat down next to me, and we started talking. By the end of the night, I knew I had found my soulmate. I knew I was going to marry him. Nothing like love at first sight!

We saw each other every day, and night that week! He was from England, me from Philly. We said goodbye on Friday, and vowed we'd see each other soon. I didn't hear from him all weekend, and was climbing the walls. Monday afternoon I get a phone call to come get him at the airport-he was in Philly!! He delayed returning for another week so we could make sure what we felt was real. He met my two young sons, who instantly bonded with him, and we had a glorious time this week. It hasn't been two weeks, but I know I'm in love, want to marry him, and spend the rest of out lives together.
Here's the problem-When I first met him,he told me he was 48. One of the reasons he came to Philly was to come clean. He's 58. Age doesn't bother me-he makes me laugh, we're already best friends, and the physical relationship is the BEST I have ever had!! He was living with someone in England, and is going back to break up with her. He's coming back in August, then I'm going there in November, and he's coming back in December for the holidays. We're hoping to get married next summer. Wednesday, when he told me this, I gave him immunity to tell me anything else he might need to-there was nothing else. We've talked, we're both mature enough and logical enough to talk through everything to make sure that this is not just something magical from NO,but is real. It is.

He left today, and I was in tears. I miss him. I'm a bit worried about the age, only because my sons have lost one father, I don't want them to go through that again. He's in the best of health (was a Royal Marine for 20 + years),and I know you can't predict anything. Everything is moving so fast-but I'm SO happy!!

I'm really glad I found you guys. At the moment, I'm not sharing everything with family and friends, only because I know how I feel, and know that they will be very concerned about the spped of this relationship, and his age. I know how precious every moment is.

Just wanted to share a little about myself. Hope to get to know you guys better! Wish me luck!! I am so very happy!!

Well, congratulations on your new love! It's amazing how love finds you in the most unexpected places and the most random times. I hope everything goes well and best of luck in your new relationship.

Well first and foremost WELCOME TO AGELESS.....

I don't find your age difference bad.. My husband is 17 years older than I am .. I am 29 and he is 46 so When I am 40 he'll be 57 so we are close to your difference.....

Don't be worried about death.. age does not determine that..that could happen at any age.. I lost my fiance of 7 years when i was 23 and he ws 25 years old.......

Its only been two weeks? Or have you known each other longer?

Now what concerns me thru this is that he is living with someone... I would just make sure that he really is and you have to trust him in this....because I don't want you to get hurt if he is leading you on.... so please be careful n that situation...

But good luck and congrads on your new love... and I hope it all works out the way you want it to :)

Thanks for the great comments! I'm not concerned about the soon-to-be ex in England. One of the reasons he came over was to get away from her for awhile. Things were going south before he met me. I trust him. I also know that I don't play games, and either does he. He is eventually going to move to the US, so that also shows me that it's over. He is letting her make him be the bad guy, so she can kick him out and preserve her dignity. What he and I have comes along once in a lifetime, and we both know it. I'm visiting him in November, maybe earlier, so he won't be able to hide anything. He's coming over here before that, again.

Remember that people always say that things are going badly in their current relationships when they meet someone else they are more interested in.

You don't know each other yet. But you do know this about him:

a) He has a problem with honesty - telling you he's 48 when he's in fact 58.

b) He's impulsive - showing up in Philly like that. Sometimes impulsiveness is a good thing, but I bet you won't think so when he impulsively finds someone else.

c) He's a cheater. It doesn't matter what he tells you about her. He could tell someone else all about how things are going so badly with you to justify cheating on you, too.

Sorry, but this has red flags all over it.

Thanks for you comments and concerns! I do understand where you are coming from.

You said:

You don't know each other yet.

>>>I know more about him, and know him, more than I do anyone else. That includes my late husband. We have literally talked all night for several nights, sharing everything. Since he's been back in England, we talk twice a day, for at least half an hour each time. I'm not looking forward to my phone bill! (I call him once, he calls me once).

a) He has a problem with honesty - telling you he's 48 when he's in fact 58.

>>>To me (and that's just me), this is the only thing he hasn't been honest about, and he came clean. I knew before he even said anything, and if he had gone back to England w/o telling me, there would not be an us. I can live with this, but he also knows that I wasn't happy that he wasn't honest. It wasn't the lie as much as it was that he thought I would have a problem with the age difference.

b) He's impulsive - showing up in Philly like that. Sometimes impulsiveness is a good thing, but I bet you won't think so when he impulsively finds someone else.

>>>I look at this differently, I had the freedom to tell him I didn't want to see him. He was ready to fly from Philly to England, if he had to. He did not come to my house, he called me from the airport. He went to considerable trouble to get to Philly, not knowing if I wanted to see him, but knowing that we needed to affirm or deny whatever feelings we had for each other in NOrleans. I trust him. He will not impulsively find someone else. Neither will I. We have talked through our feelings, going step by step. We are adults, both experienced in love and relationships, as well as life, and neither of us naive. I love him, he loves me. What he did, flying to Philly, was daring, yes, but to me, it was romantic and wonderful, and something I will never forget. Just my view! We're allowed to have different perspectives!!

c) He's a cheater. It doesn't matter what he tells you about her. He could tell someone else all about how things are going so badly with you to justify cheating on you, too.

>>>Honestly, I read this answer the most. I do understand where you are coming from...I have been on both sides of a cheating relationship, unfortunately (Been cheated on, been the other woman). I also know that now, I can call him on his landline or cell phone, any time, day or night, and he wil answer. He doesn't whisper as if he was trying to hide something, and is now living alone-they have broken up. He answers any questions I have had about her and the breakup, and was honest with me in every way as far as how it was going breaking it off with her. I truly believe what we have is real. I am not looking through rose-colored glasses. I know that there were some questionable things. I am going into this with all senses open. I also am willing to chance this. I truly hope I am the one that is right about this, and not you. If it does falter, it was a learning experience. I will be hurt, but will know better next time. My gut is that we are good for each other. Now I listen to my gut. He will not hurt me. This is a chance I have to take. I could not live with myself if I didn't.

Sorry, but this has red flags all over it.

>>>I am seeing the forest and the trees. As of right now, there are no red flags to me. My opinion-my life. I do appreciate your honesty and thank you for making me think some more. I appreciate your concern!!

The most important thing-I am happier than I have ever been. My kids love him. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He treats me as I always thought I deserved to be treated. I truly feel like he is my soulmate, my best friend. He feels the same way for me.

I'm glad you feel happy! I really am. I guess I just think you should be careful. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can know ANYONE that quickly! You really can't. BUT -- I know that you can feel like you do, and that's where you have to be really careful.


I know, I'm so negative and boring! ;) After having said all that, enjoy it! Just don't be careless.

Pink Cat
First-you're not negative and boring-you're a realistic person, who obviously cares about others or you wouldn't have taken the time to answer my post. I will (am being) be careful. I really appreciate your concern-I did not take it as negative, I took it as something to think about. Hopefully, I can share good news in the future about our relationship. I already feel as if I have support from this board whichever way this goes, and feel welcome and comfortable. Thank you!