advice for a new one

Hello there,

Really glad to have found you. I'm here to ask for some advice, but first - thank you all - out there - for being here. When you come to a new problem, or new opportunity, in life, it's really hard to work out how to deal with it alone. And from reading the responses out here, there's a lot of wisdom (and love) on these boards.

I'm writing because I've just met someone. Just slept with them this weekend, in fact. I'm 29. He's 49. I think he's wonderful. Everything about our time together was wonderful. But, - - and I hate myself for saying this -- I am worried about how I'm going to deal with a relationship with this level of age difference in it. I've been with someone 15, and 10 years older - but 20 feels like a lot (well actuallly it doesn't to me). I'm also worried because I met him through work and I'm a little worried that people will think I'm with him for work related reasons...
I don't know. 'People' seems to be the leitmotif of this email. If anyone has any helpful advice, recommended reading, or words of support, I'd love to hear from them. I can't believe I've met him and he's like magic and I miss him like crazy. It was just not quite - what something in my utterly conventional imagination - had imagined.

love, s

Sophie,
My advice to you is simple...go for it :-) If it's one thing I've learned in this life, love and the type of happiness that is connected to it is one of the most difficult things to find. If you have truly found a partner who makes you happy, and is everything you have ever imagined, then you should never hesitate to acknowledge what an amazing gift Fate has given you.
When you find such a special person, as long as the relationship is legal, don't hesitate to pursue it. Don't worry what other people think, because you don't need the approval of society for who you are in love with, nor does your happiness have to be tied in with the personal sensibilities of others. You can only find true happiness on your terms, not on anyone else's.
As for the problems related to work, you and he will suffer snide asides, some jealousy, and some gossip, that is almost unavoidable. However, you and he have nothing to be ashamed of if your love is truly on the up and up (i.e., not related to career-oriented motives). If he is right for you, and you are truly happy together, this will become obvious in time to even the most dedicated gossip-mongers and "haters" at the office. You may be subject to the all-too common ageist comments, but again, love is not bound to "one size fits all" societal norms, nor should it be.
And IMO, it's better to be open about your relationship at work, so this way the both of you do not have to deal with witnessing the flirtations of other co-workers upon each other since they would be ignorant of the fact that the two of you are attached, and once the two of you are inevitably "found out," nobody can suggest that either of you are ashamed of the relationship.

Good luck on your new love, Sophie, and don't let the ignorance of others taint any choice that you honestly feel to be in the best interests of your future happiness :-)

Italian Knight

Hello

Wecome. I say go for it too. I was once in your shoes in the beginning of my relationship. All the what if this, what if that, etc. But in time I got over that. I am 31 & man of 1 1/2 years is 52. I have never had a relationship like this before. He puts me first in front of EVERYTHING. He treats me like a queen. This is the most wonderful relationship that I ever had. I didn't let 21 years stop me, its just a number, u shouldn't let it stop u either.

GO FOR IT!!!
It might take sometime to get over, but the age gap really isn't a big deal.

Just wanted to agree! It sounds all good.

When I first met my husband, he was actually my boss. As soon as we started dating, he went to the HR department of our company and "came clean" and said that he didn't think he should be in charge of my reviews or raises any more. So they put another person in charge of that for me. Other than that, we basically told everybody we were dating. We had very strict rules for ourselves that when we were at work, we were ONLY co-workers - we never, ever had personal conversations at work. And because we were open about it, no one ever gossipped - no one really cared.

As a side note, we were the 3rd couple to get married from our "team" - there is a 4th getting married this summer and there is one couple who is still living together. Love was in the air! :-)