OM and starting a family

Hi,

I am new to this site and this is my first posting....I am 36 husband is 50 (love him to pieces!) Anyway, we have been talking about starting a family and he is completely open to having a child with me but I am afraid of him having to deal with a teenager at 70. My concerns are strictly mine because he isn't afraid. He has three boys from a previous marriage, 21,27,30 and we have a six year old grandson. We have an awesome marriage and he is a great father. I'd like to hear from other couples who have had children later in life.

Its interesting to me that you say its not an issue to him but is to you, it is the total opposite in my relationship. He wants to have a baby but pretty much wants to do it now or never because he doesn't want to be a grandfather to his kid (his words). He said if we are going to do it it has to be in the next year or so because he thought he was too old when the last one came along and now he says he is definintley too old (37) and if he turns 40 its out of the question. I don't feel that way, I always point out to him that people have kids into their 40s, but he isn't hearing me. Its a problem for us because I'm not ready to have kids and probably won't be for another 5 years until I am completely done with school. Going to school full time and working leaves no time to have a baby and I don't want my baby raised in day care or to not know its mother. By the way, there is the same amount of years between me and JD as there is between you and your husband. The thought does cross my mind about him being in his 60s (my grandfathers age) before the child is even grown but then I think about my stepfather who is 58 and has a 14 old with my mother, as far as I know no one has thought twice about it, it doesn't matter to either or them.

Hello
Welcome. Me 31 & my man 52 want to have kids right after we get married. I'm concerned about my kids not having a father when they get older, but there is no guarantee that if i married someone my own age that he won't die unexpectedly & my kids still won't have a father later in life.

This girl I work with her father had her at 52 & her sister at 54, she is now 26 & her sister 24. I asked her how is was growing up with an older father, if anyone said anything about having an older father. She said, "its been great, my father is the best, i wouldn't trade him for the world & no the age thing never came up."

Not that i should talk, but : don't worry about 10- 15 years from now, worry about today, there are no guarantees that any of us will be here tomorrow.

GO FOR IT!!

Dawn

Thank you both soooo much for you advice.

Growing up I had a few friends that had 'older fathers'. Both were great fathers to their kids. One had a father who was retired by our sophomore year in HS, which was great because he had a lot of time to spend with her. He had patience to teach her to drive, he helped wit homework a lot, he drove her places she needed to go, he was at EVERY competition....it does have it's advantages. Good luck!

Hi, this is my first post. I am 40 and my partner is 59, we have been together for about 7 years, and we have a 16 month old son. My partner has 4 daughters from his first marriage, all of whom are in their mid 30s -- one of them has a daughter just 48 hours older than our son! My pregnancy came as a big surprise (I thought I couldn't get pregnant and had been pretty much totally work oriented for years) -- we were shocked then thrilled. We have what you might call a "passionate" relationship, and have had lots of difficult times over the years. Still, we can't avoid the idea that all of our troubles are pretty much meaningless in light of our incredibly beautiful son and the chance we have with him. We have important generational/cultural differences when it comes to childraising, and it hasn't always been easy, but we have both been trying really hard to accept them as interesting rather than problematic. I won't deny that most of the burden of day to day care falls on me, but he is an incredibly loving father with something very special to give. There is no doubt in my mind that he is and will continue to give his son many things that at another age would not have been possible. Another interesting aspect is that the experience of being a "new father" again has made him reflect deeply on his experience the first time around with his daughters -- he always had the idea that he was a good father to them (which he was/is) but he is much more involved in little things now with his son than he ever was with them -- he was at the beginning of his career then, and put most of his energies into working hard being a good provider for his family, rather than spending what is now called "quality time" with his daughters. Now that he is nearing retirement, he has the time and luxury to get more involved in things he wouldn't have dreamt of doing with his daughters when they were little. Fortunately his daughters are old enough and mature enough to recognize this, and are not threatened by it -- I think they enjoy watching him. Sometimes he dwells a bit too much on the possibility of not being around, or being "too old" when our son is becoming an adult -- maybe I am just in denial about this but in my mind there is so much he can do between now and then that will have a lifelong impact. Overall, having a baby in our relationship has had the same positive and negative impacts that it does in a same age couple, I think. Given that our baby took us by complete surprise, I am honestly not sure if I could recommend that someone in the same position go and try and to get pregnant, only you will know if this is the right thing to do. Hope this helps, good luck!

I absolutely have the same experience as Mannic....although my husband was 67 when our son was born! ( i was 40 and the pregancy came as a complete surprise). My husband was very anxious and worried about his age during my pregnancy but the there for me the entire time! The moment our son was born he competely fell in love again and was the first to hold our son in the hospital. There is a specail bond between them and mutual adoration. My husband now says that he thanks God every morning and every night for the 'gift" of our son. I too, have more of the responsibility in taking care of our son physically, but I couldn't possibly find a deeper bond and love between father and son. My son adores his daddy! Right now at age 5 he sees absolutely no age difference....he only see HIS daddy and his buddy. My only fear is that if it ever becomes an issue it would break my husbands heart! I also know realistically that he won't be in our son's life for as long as I had both my parents. But life is not without problems and we will deal with them as they arise. Right now, I know that many of his friends spend time between 2 parents homes because of divorce and they hate it! I feel our son benefits from seeing a truly committed and deep love between his parents. We are truly blessed.... the doctors had ME very concerned as this was my first child at age 40 , but when our son was born the doctor quipped "Not bad for old eggs and old sperm:)" My pregnancy was very healthy and without any kind of problems except that my son was 10lbs and required a C-section because he was so large!!! My husband and continue to fall more deeply in love every day and thank God for this truly wonderful blessing in our lives!

Sorry to anyone who had to scroll through my reply twice!!
Don't know how or why this happened....for any inconvience to anyone...my apologies.

Hey there.. welcome to ageless... I corrected it foryou and deleted a post for you....

You can delete your own posts if you like or edit them... Just click on edit at the bottom of the reply box and follow the directions from there :)

Originally posted by jenniferkh
Hi,

I am new to this site and this is my first posting....I am 36 husband is 50 (love him to pieces!) Anyway, we have been talking about starting a family and he is completely open to having a child with me but I am afraid of him having to deal with a teenager at 70. My concerns are strictly mine because he isn't afraid. He has three boys from a previous marriage, 21,27,30 and we have a six year old grandson. We have an awesome marriage and he is a great father. I'd like to hear from other couples who have had children later in life.

Welcome Jennifer to Agelesslove!!!!

first of all, Im new myself & i dont have any kids but i would love some & Im so happy that yall deciding to have kids:) And I also have a story on here if you like to comment on it but Congrats!!!!


"ALWAYS KEEP GOD FIRST & THINGS SHALL FOLLOW"

Hi and welcome....I am fairly new too but have posted other replies. My husband is 70 and I am 45. Five years ago I found I was pregnant after miscarriages. Our five year son is the love of our lives (other than each other!) My husband was VERY nervous all through my pregnancy but the moment our son was born, he was the first to hold him and absolutely and completely fell in love with BJ !! They have been buddies ever since! Our neighbors and friends are all terrific and the other kids in our suburb don't even seem to "notice" that his daddy is old enough to actually be his grandfather. My husband is very young for his age. I do worry however, what life will bring down the road... only that our son could have his daddy for a much shorter time or that kids may start to make fun of him as they get older and start to "notice" . But you know what? There are no guarantees in life anyway....I have a friend who lost her husband at age 32 and her kids have really never known their dad. AND ....kids are probably going to be mean about SOMETHING at some point in his life..so we'll just handle whatever life brings! I feel so blessed because my son have two parents who love each other and him more than anything in the world! There are a couple of kids on our street whose parents are divorced and they are constantly shuffled between their parents homes. I know my son is in a very loving home and being raised to be a man because of his daddy's loving example. Plus....he gets his daddy a lot more than other kids because my hubbie is semi-retired. God bless you and your husband... I say GO FOR IT! You will never know any greater joy than in having your own child!