whiterose
07-10-2004, 07:25 PM
It’s that time again! Time to introduce another Agelesslove member who is involved in a long-distance relationship. Let me introduce you to Gilraen who recently returned from visiting her b/f in Denmark. Here’s what she had to say….
Whiterose: How long have you been involved in a long-distance relationship?
Gilraen: Well we have known each other 2 and a half years.
Whiterose: How did you first meet?
Gilraen: In an online game called Anarchy Online.
Whiterose: What type of age gap relationship are you involved in? Ex. Are you the older woman or the older man? And, what is your age difference?
Gilraen: I am the older woman. I am 54 he is 23 almost 24.
Whiterose: Do you live within the same country? If not, which countries do you two live in?
Gilraen: No :( I live in the United States and he lives in Denmark, altho he is Norwegian.
Whiterose: If you met online, how long did you two talk before deciding to meet in person?
Gilraen: About 6-7 months.
Whiterose: How do you keep in touch with each other when you can’t be together? And, how often?
Gilraen: We talk every day when we aren’t together, sometime all day on and off, using the computer with voice chat, saves on phone calls.
Whiterose: How often do you get to see each other in person? How long does your visit typically last?
Gilraen: We met last June in person, we were together 4 weeks, then again at Christmas for 3 weeks, and then for my birthday again for 3 weeks, right now we are together, I just got back from Denmark visiting him for 2 weeks, then he came home with me for 3, after this visit tho I am not sure when we will get together again, it is way expensive.
Whiterose: What kinds of things do you and your partner do to help cope with the distance when you cannot be together?
Gilraen: Talk online everyday, play online games ( we play several) share new pics, web browse together.
Whiterose: How does your partner demonstrate to you that he/she is as committed to your LDR as you are?
Gilraen: Spends alot of his free time with me, and he has been seeing a couples councelor with me, as I have serious issues regarding the gap.
Whiterose: Have you made any future plans to be together permanently? If so, who will be the one who will move?
Gilraen: Yes we have talked endlessly about being together as the long distance is very hard to deal with. I am seriously concerned about marriage at this point so I didn’t want to get a fiancee visa, and I really am thinking we both aren’t ready to get married, The only other two options are lottery, which is a joke, its 2 years away at this point, and if he could find a job, and a boss to sponsor him here. I would move there, in a flash, it is the most beautiful place, I have been, although I have never been outside US before. He doesn’t like Denmark and has always wanted to come to the US. I do own a house here so it is more logical for him to come here.
Whiterose: If you have not made any plans yet to be together in person permanently, have you thought about how long you will be able to continue in this kind of relationship?
Gilraen: As it stands it will be very difficult to keep it going this way, not because we aren’t committed but because the distance is so difficult, I have terrible separation anxiety when he leaves, and I am sure I make it difficult for him to leave. I start thinking about it the second we are together :)
Whiterose: How does this relationship compare to others you have with someone who lives closer to you? For example, please describe the similarities and the differences.
Gilraen: In some ways it is better, simply because we are far from each other we make the time to be with each other daily, we talk alot more than I ever did with past men in my life, and seeing a therapist together( when he is here) at the beginning of the relationship is wonderful showing where weak spots are, our strengths, and what we both bring to the relationship. In fact if I had to say, it is the most solid relationship I have had, I am learning to be intimate in a way I haven’t known before, I am sharing parts of my vulnerable self in ways I never could. I also think he is too, which of course is easy I am only his second girlfriend. Hahaha. Its different, in that I am more honest than I have ever been in my life, in a relationship, which sometimes is so frightening but wonderful too.
Whiterose: If you had it all to do over again, would you still choose to be in a LDR?
Gilraen: NO!
Whiterose: Any other pearls of wisdom or comments you’d like to share with us about LDR’s?
Gilraen: Not really, the only thing I can say is what Trond has said from the beginning, age is a number only love is real. I think it boils down to two people in love, not age. I do think it is wonderful to have this forum, because when I joined I never thought I could do it cause all I focused on was age. never thought others out there had such huge gaps as me. In my past I have always been with younger men the last was 16 years, and I never thought that was anything, so 30 years gap shook me. I have been lucky in that my love is more mature in that area than me, and that we have a great therapist who is only concerned with things working, not whether the gap is morally right. I am grateful for that.
Thanks Gilraen for sharing your story with us. I really appreciate that so much!
Whiterose: How long have you been involved in a long-distance relationship?
Gilraen: Well we have known each other 2 and a half years.
Whiterose: How did you first meet?
Gilraen: In an online game called Anarchy Online.
Whiterose: What type of age gap relationship are you involved in? Ex. Are you the older woman or the older man? And, what is your age difference?
Gilraen: I am the older woman. I am 54 he is 23 almost 24.
Whiterose: Do you live within the same country? If not, which countries do you two live in?
Gilraen: No :( I live in the United States and he lives in Denmark, altho he is Norwegian.
Whiterose: If you met online, how long did you two talk before deciding to meet in person?
Gilraen: About 6-7 months.
Whiterose: How do you keep in touch with each other when you can’t be together? And, how often?
Gilraen: We talk every day when we aren’t together, sometime all day on and off, using the computer with voice chat, saves on phone calls.
Whiterose: How often do you get to see each other in person? How long does your visit typically last?
Gilraen: We met last June in person, we were together 4 weeks, then again at Christmas for 3 weeks, and then for my birthday again for 3 weeks, right now we are together, I just got back from Denmark visiting him for 2 weeks, then he came home with me for 3, after this visit tho I am not sure when we will get together again, it is way expensive.
Whiterose: What kinds of things do you and your partner do to help cope with the distance when you cannot be together?
Gilraen: Talk online everyday, play online games ( we play several) share new pics, web browse together.
Whiterose: How does your partner demonstrate to you that he/she is as committed to your LDR as you are?
Gilraen: Spends alot of his free time with me, and he has been seeing a couples councelor with me, as I have serious issues regarding the gap.
Whiterose: Have you made any future plans to be together permanently? If so, who will be the one who will move?
Gilraen: Yes we have talked endlessly about being together as the long distance is very hard to deal with. I am seriously concerned about marriage at this point so I didn’t want to get a fiancee visa, and I really am thinking we both aren’t ready to get married, The only other two options are lottery, which is a joke, its 2 years away at this point, and if he could find a job, and a boss to sponsor him here. I would move there, in a flash, it is the most beautiful place, I have been, although I have never been outside US before. He doesn’t like Denmark and has always wanted to come to the US. I do own a house here so it is more logical for him to come here.
Whiterose: If you have not made any plans yet to be together in person permanently, have you thought about how long you will be able to continue in this kind of relationship?
Gilraen: As it stands it will be very difficult to keep it going this way, not because we aren’t committed but because the distance is so difficult, I have terrible separation anxiety when he leaves, and I am sure I make it difficult for him to leave. I start thinking about it the second we are together :)
Whiterose: How does this relationship compare to others you have with someone who lives closer to you? For example, please describe the similarities and the differences.
Gilraen: In some ways it is better, simply because we are far from each other we make the time to be with each other daily, we talk alot more than I ever did with past men in my life, and seeing a therapist together( when he is here) at the beginning of the relationship is wonderful showing where weak spots are, our strengths, and what we both bring to the relationship. In fact if I had to say, it is the most solid relationship I have had, I am learning to be intimate in a way I haven’t known before, I am sharing parts of my vulnerable self in ways I never could. I also think he is too, which of course is easy I am only his second girlfriend. Hahaha. Its different, in that I am more honest than I have ever been in my life, in a relationship, which sometimes is so frightening but wonderful too.
Whiterose: If you had it all to do over again, would you still choose to be in a LDR?
Gilraen: NO!
Whiterose: Any other pearls of wisdom or comments you’d like to share with us about LDR’s?
Gilraen: Not really, the only thing I can say is what Trond has said from the beginning, age is a number only love is real. I think it boils down to two people in love, not age. I do think it is wonderful to have this forum, because when I joined I never thought I could do it cause all I focused on was age. never thought others out there had such huge gaps as me. In my past I have always been with younger men the last was 16 years, and I never thought that was anything, so 30 years gap shook me. I have been lucky in that my love is more mature in that area than me, and that we have a great therapist who is only concerned with things working, not whether the gap is morally right. I am grateful for that.
Thanks Gilraen for sharing your story with us. I really appreciate that so much!