Need some advice!!!

Hi everyone!! I'm a newbie here!! :)

I know there must be like a thousand threads like this one but I'd really appreaciate if you guys can give me an advice...

I'm 20 and I've been dating a this amazing 40 yr old for about a year now... we're so in love, everything's been great so far!! the little problem is that my parents have no idea of our relationship. He's never been really comfortable with this situation, since day one he's been trying to convince me to tell my parents about us, but I know them and I know they are going to freak out, specially my dad... so I begged my boyfriend to keep it secret... as I said, he hated it, but I thought that was the only way we could actually be together. Now I know he's right, it's a serious, beautiful relationship, there's nothing wrong with it and I know we should be honest about it... but arghhh!!!! I just don't know how to tell my family!!!! I'm so nervous...!!! My family is going to hate him!! I told my older sis (she's 30) about my boyfriend and she nearly kills me.. and she's supposed to be the open-minded one!! Please, help!!!

hello
welcome. I am 31 & been dating a wonderful 52 year old man.
I also kept it a secret for about 1 year, then i told my mom & she didn't care for it at all. We argued all the time about it, but now, she's used to the idea & see's how happy I am & now accepts it. My dad flipped too, but he also sees how happy i am and accepts it. As for my brother, he flipped out a few times, i don't know if he'll ever accept it, but i don't care, that's his problem not mine.

Some people look for a lifetime to find the wonderful love that we have & some never find it. So girl if u found that great love that i did, go for it & don't let anyone stop you. If they love you, they will learn to accept it. Live your life for you, not anyone else.

I also was shaky about my relationship in the beginning but this group has help me throw sooooooooo much. They will help u too.
Its a great group, stick around, you'll like it.

If you ever need any advice feel free to PI me :-)

When I was dating D I was so scared to tell my parents that he was 17 years older. I lied to my mom and shaved off a few years. Then later told her the truth. She didn't care...she was 11 years older than her boyfriend.

I REALLY was afraid to tell my Dad. I'm Daddy's Little Girl, I didn't want to set him off. So when I eventually told my Dad I played off of his words. He told me he went on a date with a 20 something - and after I did the math, I realized she was 17 years younger than him...then I brought it to his attention....then I broke out and said "that's funny, because that's how old D is" :D

Neither my Mom or Dad had a problem with his age. My mom thought he was a bit too old for me, but just wanted to see me happy.

You never know, parents can surprise you!

My husband is 58 and I'm 32, we began dating almost 8 years ago. I waited 3 1/2 years to tell my family about him. It went better than I envisioned but in 3 1/2 years I had plenty of time to imagine the absolute worst! No, it wasn't all smooth sailing, but I was absolutely wrong to be so arrogant about what I thought they would say, do and act without ever giving them the chance to prove me wrong. My advice to you is to ASSUME THE VERY BEST. These are your parents, your family, people who you love. Treat them as though they can handle this in a positive way and they may just surprise you. Even if they don't or can't, the bottom line is you have to live your life for you, not how you think others would want you to live it. Hopefully, with time, they will eventually be able to see the good of the relationship instead of the age gap. And, even if they never do, that is their choice to make.

Keeping the relationship secret was not only difficult but it hurt everyone involved. I've never regretted the day I finally came clean with my parents. However, I absolutely regret that I didn't do it sooner and that they lost those 3 1/2 years to get to know my husband. I also regret the fact that I didn't ever once give my parents the benefit of the doubt or assume that they would be able to deal with this in a supportive way. Looking back, though, I did the best I could at the time and I just try to accept that everything happened as it should.

I wish you the best of luck.

Just a thought, but some may see keeping your relationship a secret weakness as a weakness. It's almost like hiding with your tail between your legs. If you're positive and confident about your relationship, others will take notice and they will soon know that even ifthey don't approve - you are happy!

First of all... thanx for all the advice!! :) I really appreciate that!! I feel a lot better now... :)

Maybe you're right, maybe I'm being very pesimistic about all this...

I told my boyfriend today that I was going to tell my parents about us, and he's so happy we're finally coming clean... he told me that maybe we should take out my parents to diner and tell them the news at the restaurant or do something like that. He really wants to talk to them just to explain them that he's not playing with me and that he really loves me... but I don't know... my dad is so jealous, he's never liked any of my guy friends and he absolutely hates every single guy I've dated, so he's gonna have a heart attack when he meets my boyfriend!! My boyfriend knows this and he thinks that maybe a "man to man" kind of conversation would be the best, but I'm no sure I agree on that...

I guess I should talk to them frist and then introduce my boyffriend to them, but it's just so nerve-racking!! That's why the whole diner thing seem like a better idea, at least I'll have him sitting next to me!! So.... yeah.... I still don't know what to do!! :confused:

I respect your boyfriend on this, bunburina. Actually, what he wants to do is exactly what I would want to do in his shoes.

His willingness to jump right in and do what he can to show your family where he stands, says good things about his character and the courage of his convictions. He could easily have expected you to handle things with your family yourself, and to choose between himself and your family if necessary; but he is instead eager to put himself in squarely in the middle of whatever happens. I don't think he would do that if he wasn't sincere about your relationship, and if he didn't recognize the importance of family.

I am not in a relationship myself, but I am interested in a woman 15 years my junior. (She is a friend, but not interested in dating me.) There are a number of people - some of whom are mutual friends - who know of my interest in her, and to my surprise, not one of them has been anything but encouraging, despite the age gap.

I think this is because they know me - and in many cases they know her. Because of this, they are able to put the age gap in perspective. Only that personal knowledge can allay the otherwise very understandable concerns which the idea of such an age gap inevitably raises.

So I believe that giving your family the chance to get to know your boyfriend is the most positive step you could make.

Just a thought on this subject...has anyone ever seen the movie "Guess who's coming to dinner" with Sydney Poitier and Katherine Hepburn? The main theme is unconventional relationships and breaking it to the parents. And I think it offers some great insight on how to be confident in the choices you make.

For those who haven't seen it... it's about a couple who are in an interracial relationship and AGR in the 1960's. The young white woman (about 23) is so excited to introduce her new love (a black man in this late 30's) to her parents that it doesn't even occur to her that they might dissapprove.

I don't know...I just thought I'd mention that. If you haven't seen it and you're struggling with a "telling the family" issue, it's kind of inspirational.

^^ I've seen that film... yeah, it's quite inspirational!!!

His willingness to jump right in and do what he can to show your family where he stands, says good things about his character and the courage of his convictions. He could easily have expected you to handle things with your family yourself, and to choose between himself and your family if necessary; but he is instead eager to put himself in squarely in the middle of whatever happens. I don't think he would do that if he wasn't sincere about your relationship, and if he didn't recognize the importance of family.

I know!! That's why I'm so in love with him!! :D Deep inside, I know that my parents will eventually see that, his comittment, and will end up accepting him as a very very important part in my life... but I don't think is going to be easy!!

So ok... I'll take my parents out for diner, I guess this Friday night (my mom's birthday by the way) and introduce my boyfriend to them... wish me luck!! God, I'm nervous!!