Rel. great with much older man, needing advice about my son

Hey all,
I'm new to this so please bare with me if it's too long. C and I have been knowing each other for 4 years now. We met over the internet in a local chat room. Being very wery of chat room friendships,we both decided to keep it simple. We both went through some very rough relationships, and both having one child out of the marriges. We have become very best friends during the years. Recently we decided to take our relationship alittle farther. Both having bad marriges in the past, we have decided to take things slow. We had always talked on the phone and had always wanted to meet face to face, but circumstances always kept us from seeing eachother.
Finaly, last weekend I drove up to see him. When i got there, he was very surprised to see me there so soon (it should have taken me 4 to 5 hours to get there, but arrived in 3). We had the best time of our lives. My emotions for him went through the roof. He is a very well known photographer in his city so I was able to see many of the sights that he has taken his photographs. It rained almost the whole weekend, so we spent alot of time indoors. We got to know each other even more then we had before. This time our conversation centered around relationships and if ours might have a chance. Being that I'm 26 and hes 56 we had alot to offer eachother mentaly.
Now that I'm back home we talk every day now and looking forward to seeing each other again. He is an awsome man. I couldn't ask for anything more. We are looking forward to a slow but meaningful relationship.
I have one boy who is 5. He and I are close. Recently for the past year him and his dad have become alot closer then we are. I had gone back to school at night so he would have to stay at his dads for the night and I would work during the day also. During the year we grew further apart. Now that there is a possibility of me making a carrer change and moving away from my home town, I am torn between the job and my child. I don't want to take hin from his dad, but i have a huge job opportunity in another city.
So if you could, please send some advice or comments. I would greatly appriciate it.
Thank you

Hi! Its good to ehar people of 30 yrs age gap can get along. Howver, as far as your child and the ob opportunity. This quote may help you with your dilema. Im not sure who said it but here it is:

"Nobody ever uttered these last words on their death bed. Damn, I wish I could have worked more".

Hope this helped.

Mark

What is the best for both of you. It sounds to me that a better job would make a better life for your son. He can spend time with his dad during the summer and some holidays. I think he will understand that the reason your moving is too give him a better life and I mean he will understand when he gets older. It's a hard choice but, do what's best for you riight now and no matter what your boy will alwyas love you, after all, you are his mommy.
Good Luck!!

I've got to disagree. Children need their fathers. The only way I can see this type of situation benefiting a child is if you were in dire straights financially and this was the only way to get out of that. Otherwise, if you're doing fine but just want to do a bit better, think hard about the impact it will have on your son to have his father cut out of his life to such a large degree. They'll never be able to have a normal relationship if they only see each other a few times a year. I think that would affect a person far more and far longer than a slightly lower income would.

Don't move your son away from his father. That would be extremely selfish and WILL have a negative impact on your son's life. Either get his dad to agree to move too, or stay put. If you're going to move, make sure it is within 1 - 1.5 hours of driving time from his dad.

I understand evryones feeling and I know how much my husband means to our boys but, if I was divorced from my husband and I found a better job in another state and I had to move I would. Don't I get to be happy too or are all my sacrifices for my kids. Yes, I would absolutley do everything in my power for my kids to see their farther but, should I be miserable just so my ex gets to see his kids. I am not only thinking about myself but, where is the middleground so, that I can be happy and my kids can be happy?

Originally posted by Jennifer
Don't I get to be happy too or are all my sacrifices for my kids. When you have small children, yes you should be willing to make sacrifices for them. A lot of sacrifices. They aren't toys to be drug around wherever you feel like going. Kids grow up and then you can do whatever you want, but as long as they're dependent on you, you have a responsibility to do what's best for them.

And it isn't only about his father getting to see him (although a father has as much right to see his kids as a mother does), it's about a child being able to grow up with a caring father in his life and being better adjusted as an adult as a result of that. You really don't seem to understand the tremendous impact it has on a person to grow up without both of their parents in their life. There is no way to make up for that.

Well first Welcome to Ageless....

I haven't really been posting due to the fact I just had a baby almost 3 weeks ago.... I don't have much time right now.. Doing to much baby showing off LOL...

Don't worry about your age difference.... seems like you guys hit it off JUST FINE....

As far as the child... Now being a mother.. I would want my son to be around his father all the time.. although I am married....BUT....... I think this all depends on the situation of the relationship... If your son has a real hands on father and they have a great relationship I do feel you should stay around the father and not make such a tragic move... If it's to another city which is driveable... then ok.. but moving to far out would only hurt the child..... Although Like I said if the father has not much to do with the child or is of course a dead beat.. then by all means GO...... Even if he pays child support but hardly sees the child then your not hurting your child whatsoever.... so remember every move you make DOES affect your child... Not to say you have to give up any happiness for yourself... but you do need to sacrifice a little.....

:)

For some people, this wouldn't (and shouldn't) even be a question, they'd go automatically. For others it would be the worst thing they could possibly do. From what little we've gathered from your situation, (i.e. son is really growing close lately) I would say DON'T DO IT.

But you could also ask yourself....what would baby's daddy do in same situation? Would he follow the yellow brick road or stick close to his kid? I don't think it's more excusable for a father to ditch out geographically, but I do think it happens more often and for men it's not such a stigma of "You rotten bastard, you left your kid!" But you see, you're not a man, so you would be the "b1tch who stole my son." And in time your son might possibly view you that way too. Sons idolize their fathers, they have a huge influence on them, and if you removed him from easy reach, your son might be resentful in the future. Good chance in fact. Now if his dad was the one to leave....he might be more forgiving, because dad is Superman for a very long time.

I don't think it's wise, esp. if you're not in "financial straits."

I have kids and I know how much there father means to them and my casrifices go above and beyond.what I was really asking is what is the happy median. So that she is happy and her kids are happy. Nobody know more about sacrificing for the kids then I do. I have 7 with 1 more on the way and they basically run mine and my husbands life and i am verry happpy to do what iam doing for them. I feel that if she moves she is not doing just fro herself you can tell becuase she is mentioning her child but, the child may also benefit from the move. Yes, he may not see his father as much but, maybe where she is moving is better environment for her son. iam just playong Devils advocate. So, what is the happy median? Is there one or not?

Originally posted by louibaby24
Hey all,
I'm new to this so please bare with me if it's too long. C and I have been knowing each other for 4 years now. We met over the internet in a local chat room. Being very wery of chat room friendships,we both decided to keep it simple. We both went through some very rough relationships, and both having one child out of the marriges. We have become very best friends during the years. Recently we decided to take our relationship alittle farther. Both having bad marriges in the past, we have decided to take things slow. We had always talked on the phone and had always wanted to meet face to face, but circumstances always kept us from seeing eachother.
Finaly, last weekend I drove up to see him. When i got there, he was very surprised to see me there so soon (it should have taken me 4 to 5 hours to get there, but arrived in 3). We had the best time of our lives. My emotions for him went through the roof. He is a very well known photographer in his city so I was able to see many of the sights that he has taken his photographs. It rained almost the whole weekend, so we spent alot of time indoors. We got to know each other even more then we had before. This time our conversation centered around relationships and if ours might have a chance. Being that I'm 26 and hes 56 we had alot to offer eachother mentaly.
Now that I'm back home we talk every day now and looking forward to seeing each other again. He is an awsome man. I couldn't ask for anything more. We are looking forward to a slow but meaningful relationship.
I have one boy who is 5. He and I are close. Recently for the past year him and his dad have become alot closer then we are. I had gone back to school at night so he would have to stay at his dads for the night and I would work during the day also. During the year we grew further apart. Now that there is a possibility of me making a carrer change and moving away from my home town, I am torn between the job and my child. I don't want to take hin from his dad, but i have a huge job opportunity in another city.
So if you could, please send some advice or comments. I would greatly appriciate it.
Thank you


Louibaby all I can say is this do you really like this dude? How your child feel about this man? That's the most important thing, you have to sit your child down & talk to him & see how he feels about this situation. if it is good then allow him to be with his dad while you finish your schooling or job. but at the same time Pray, Prayers works 4 every situation in your life. And as for C, yall both need to get to know eachother a little longer b4 pursuing a relationship, make sure its the right thing, becuz you dont wanna get into something that you might regret later on in life, So be careful, & Congrats on your new job!;)