tereska
08-07-2004, 09:54 PM
Hey everyone in LDR!!
I just thought I should introduce myself. i've been a member of ageless for awhile now and I feel like I've bored by YW/OM comrades to tears with my epic relationship saga, but I've never posted in LDR since I'm pretty new to the LDR world. I'm 25, my husband is 45. We met on vacation in the Nevada Desert while I was living in rural Alaska and he was living in Los Angeles. So, we pretty much started Long Distance. When we met in the desert, I stayed at his house in L.A. for a weekend and we fell totally in love...crazy love...we knew eachother for only a few days but already it seemed like we knew eachother forever. Our connection was so fluid and beautiful and easy. When I went back to AK, we talked on the phone for six hours a day...I felt like I was thirteen again and newly infatuated with the telephone. I decided I had had enough of living in my tiny cabin in the Tundra and I moved to Los Angeles three weeks after we met. Very shortly after we just threw caution to the wind and drove down the 15 to Las Vegas and got married in a tiny chapel off the strip. Crazy. That was two years ago.
Our life together in L.A. was almost perfect. We had a beautiful house on the beach, a dog and a cat, some caged doves, and some goldfish. On sundays we shopped for vegatables at the Farmer's Market and at night we lit bonfires in the back yard, barbequed steaks and drank wine and talked about our plans. But I just couldn't be happy with him. Actually, I was stricken with the worst quarter-life crisis in history: I couldn't be happy with anything. I wasn't sure of my career, I wasn't sure of my friends, I wasn't sure of my marriage. All my friends were living far away, they were single, dating hip, young dudes their own age. I felt weird that I was suddenly married to a middle aged politician while everyone else I knew was engaging in long drunken nights of youthful, bohemian debauchery. I felt left out of my youth, I guess. I felt threatened that I was still searching while my husband was making the front page of the L.A. Times. But while I loved him more than anyone or anything, I kept planning escapes. I kept wondering, "is he the one for me?"
That's how we ended up here, in an LDR. I decided that I had never really had the opportunity to be "young and single" in the big city, back with my friends, my PEOPLE. So I got an amazing job in NYC, a great apartment in the W. Village overlooking the Hudson river, and here I am, alone on a saturday night, sitting in my great and fabulous apartment in this great and fabulous city on this breezy summer night alone--not out carousing with my friends or painting the town red or just being young--but just missing my husband. After all the complaining I've done about my marriage, about my husband, and about my life in general, I'm now just sitting here at home regretting I ever left him.
What's amazing is that he totally understands! He gets that I'm 25 and I need to do silly mid-twenties things. He remembers when he was 25 traveling like a vagabond around the country, just seeing things. I guess he had enough faith for both of us that we really belong together.
So, he, by some miracle, has not given up on me. I'll be giving notice at my job and I'm planning on moving back with him and committing to him for real. He deserves the very best in life. He deserves a wife who will completely be there for him, and I want to be that woman. I hope I can stand up to my end of the bargain before freaking out again. The next time I want to just leave town and show up on the door step of some grimy truck stop tavern in the middle of Colorado or fight my way through midtown congestion, I can always take him with me. I don't need to be unattached to do everything and anything I want.
And I'm so thankful to everyone at ageless for letting me vent my feelings. You guys have listened to me go on and on about "I'm so in love with my husband" to "I'm leaving him forever." And I'm pretty embarassed about my vascillating posts, but I'm just so happy that ageless exists and that there are such great and empathic people like you out there who know how incredible and messy and beautiful and wild relationships--especially "unconventional ones"--can be.
So anyway, now I'm here in an LDR.
I just thought I should introduce myself. i've been a member of ageless for awhile now and I feel like I've bored by YW/OM comrades to tears with my epic relationship saga, but I've never posted in LDR since I'm pretty new to the LDR world. I'm 25, my husband is 45. We met on vacation in the Nevada Desert while I was living in rural Alaska and he was living in Los Angeles. So, we pretty much started Long Distance. When we met in the desert, I stayed at his house in L.A. for a weekend and we fell totally in love...crazy love...we knew eachother for only a few days but already it seemed like we knew eachother forever. Our connection was so fluid and beautiful and easy. When I went back to AK, we talked on the phone for six hours a day...I felt like I was thirteen again and newly infatuated with the telephone. I decided I had had enough of living in my tiny cabin in the Tundra and I moved to Los Angeles three weeks after we met. Very shortly after we just threw caution to the wind and drove down the 15 to Las Vegas and got married in a tiny chapel off the strip. Crazy. That was two years ago.
Our life together in L.A. was almost perfect. We had a beautiful house on the beach, a dog and a cat, some caged doves, and some goldfish. On sundays we shopped for vegatables at the Farmer's Market and at night we lit bonfires in the back yard, barbequed steaks and drank wine and talked about our plans. But I just couldn't be happy with him. Actually, I was stricken with the worst quarter-life crisis in history: I couldn't be happy with anything. I wasn't sure of my career, I wasn't sure of my friends, I wasn't sure of my marriage. All my friends were living far away, they were single, dating hip, young dudes their own age. I felt weird that I was suddenly married to a middle aged politician while everyone else I knew was engaging in long drunken nights of youthful, bohemian debauchery. I felt left out of my youth, I guess. I felt threatened that I was still searching while my husband was making the front page of the L.A. Times. But while I loved him more than anyone or anything, I kept planning escapes. I kept wondering, "is he the one for me?"
That's how we ended up here, in an LDR. I decided that I had never really had the opportunity to be "young and single" in the big city, back with my friends, my PEOPLE. So I got an amazing job in NYC, a great apartment in the W. Village overlooking the Hudson river, and here I am, alone on a saturday night, sitting in my great and fabulous apartment in this great and fabulous city on this breezy summer night alone--not out carousing with my friends or painting the town red or just being young--but just missing my husband. After all the complaining I've done about my marriage, about my husband, and about my life in general, I'm now just sitting here at home regretting I ever left him.
What's amazing is that he totally understands! He gets that I'm 25 and I need to do silly mid-twenties things. He remembers when he was 25 traveling like a vagabond around the country, just seeing things. I guess he had enough faith for both of us that we really belong together.
So, he, by some miracle, has not given up on me. I'll be giving notice at my job and I'm planning on moving back with him and committing to him for real. He deserves the very best in life. He deserves a wife who will completely be there for him, and I want to be that woman. I hope I can stand up to my end of the bargain before freaking out again. The next time I want to just leave town and show up on the door step of some grimy truck stop tavern in the middle of Colorado or fight my way through midtown congestion, I can always take him with me. I don't need to be unattached to do everything and anything I want.
And I'm so thankful to everyone at ageless for letting me vent my feelings. You guys have listened to me go on and on about "I'm so in love with my husband" to "I'm leaving him forever." And I'm pretty embarassed about my vascillating posts, but I'm just so happy that ageless exists and that there are such great and empathic people like you out there who know how incredible and messy and beautiful and wild relationships--especially "unconventional ones"--can be.
So anyway, now I'm here in an LDR.