trust issues

I have been dating a wonderfull man who is old enough to be my father. In fact, he has fathered a child who is older than me. I do not have an issue with his age by itself, but with what it brings. He has a failed marriage behind him, an experience which hurt him a lot. I think this is why he is so distrustfull of me. He is convinced that soon I will change and leave him, and he will be left alone and too old to pursue other relationships. It's reasonable given that I am 19.

Yet, this is the time when we need to trust each other the most. I have moved away to go to school. With his conviction it is hard to keep this relationship going. It would be immature of me to make the promise that I will never leave him, no one can ever gurantee that- no matter what their age!

Now, we are both sick of the distance. Something has to change. I think that his atitude is what needs the most improvment. How can I get him to trust me? And, is it right of me to try to convince him of something no one can be certain of?

Maybe we should just end it now.

Titania I can really relate to what you're saying. If you are feeling pressured and it doesn't seem that he completely understands you and you both have tried your best to understand eachother and it still feels stuck, then I would tell him you need to cool things off for a while. I know it will make you feel really sad and lonely to have to do that but it shouldn't feel that way for long seeing as how you are young, intelligent, and in college with plenty of opportunities to meet new people.

On the flip side, if you feel you really love this man, then be willing to do whatever it takes to be with him. However, just frivolously chasing him or letting him chase you without honest and pure respect for the other person's feelings will only lead to trouble later on. THe foundation of a good relationship is solid communication, honesty, and trust. You said it didn't seem like he really understood your feelings so it may be something you will have to talk about with him on a frequent basis. If he still only seems to care about his own issues then maybe it's not true love but just a projection of who he thinks you should be and how you should satisfy him.

I wish you the best of luck with this and let me know how it all goes!

Hey there and welcome to Ageless....

Well first I wouldn't say end it because you guys are long distance.. we have a great forum for those in LDR's and maybe posting there you could get some good support.....

All you can do is assure him that your trustworthy... that's all you have in a relationship.... You can't force him but I wouldnt' stand to have someone always questioning me.....Its up to you to know how much is to much for you...Just talk to him.. tell him how you feel... Your right.. You never know whats in the future... live for today it's the ONLY day your sure of :)

Keep us posted!!

Hi titania

First of all, Trust theLord with all your trials & tribulations:) Becuz he knows all & speaks it all. Your boyfriend needs to talk to you about his feelings & then maybe yall two can adjust to the changes out of this relationship. BUT ALWAYS TRUST & ASK GOD FIRST!!!!!

GOODLUCK!