Swarrow's Dramatic LIFE!!!

Ok since I have been posting here I think I'll at least tell you all my first name but NOT my full first name (he he heee!!)

So here I go....(clears throat and extends hand) my name is Jarod Swarrow. PLSD to meet u.! :D

Well my O/W knew all about my career etc. I guess she just kept her head in the sand about the fashion industry etc, because now that she works as an administrator for one "her eye's have been opened"

So whats the problem. I am a professional photographer. And YES i shoot some pretty racey spreads for designers. I am VERY interactive with the models on the job only. When I do a spread or know that I am going to do work with x-model. I always get to know the models first, I do Alot of research, I interview them. I do Alot of one on one preliminary shoots to get an idea of what i want to do. One on one being just me and support staff w/ model.

So what kind of spreads do I do. Everything from Lingerie to Office Attire. To get a feel for how some fashion industries work. MOST Professional Models will do "Full line spreads" while they are under contract meaning--->For example, (I don't work for Victoria Secret) if you notice the same model will do "summer wear, swimsuit, night wear, lingerie, etc, etc).
My contract with the design companies mainly deals with Prof Models. I do some Semi-work prof but the bottom line is this. Once under contract I DON"T choose what spreads I do.

I am a male and i do enjoy beautiful women. I am not addicted to pornography, i don't go to strip bars now or before, i respect women.

The bottom line that has kept my career on track in this industry is that I respect women. the models can sense that and as a result are always very cooperative and work with me well.
For some reason my O/W hasn't really asked me in "detaiL" what it is i do at work. She has so far been "happy" that I am doing very well and has suported me thus far

Let me just say that I don't do anything raunchy, I never take contracts outside NAME designers, etc. U get the idea.

All weekend was great untill sunday night when when said she was really struggling with what I do for a living. She said that since she has had first hand exposure to what I do she doesnt now if she can handle "it". She wants me to seriously consider changing jobs because she can't deal with me in the industry.

Just some background before I get flamed. I don't have a college education because I started straight out of highschool. ALL my background is in photography. I love what I do NOT because I get to work with beautiful women but because I am very good at what I do and am talented. I have ALWAYS remained professional with the models while ON the job. I will admit to being involved with them AFTER jobs. Not before hand.


I am at the end of the road people. My o/w and I are great together. I guess it better be dealt with now or never. I am pretty much at the top of my career at a very young age and to admit I DON"T wan't to give up what I do..dropping my present job would make my present BASIC expenses immpossible. Why?? cause I would be forced to work at burger king. U get the idea.

History re-cap threads.. (Help she is about to find OUT...) and (UPdate: O/W vs XX's)

peace swarrow


:confused:

Errr, Jarod. I don't know what to tell you. Actually, I do. I'd tell her to quit HER job and switch fields, if she thinks it so easy.

I guess, I'm kind of coming to your defense here, because I, too, am a photographer. I'm freelance, but I've never, ever had a boyfriend get 'uncomfortable' about what I choose to do for a living (or, in my case, extra money). And I have done some 'racy' photo shoots for a variety of people, although, I draw the line at 'porn.' I won't do porn, but men and women both have come to me for 'nude' photo shoots, usually FOR their loved ones.

On this one, absolutely stand your ground. As you've said, you're at the top of your field (good for you, it's REALLY not easy getting there, is it?) and enjoy what you do. For crying out loud, if she doesn't love you for WHO you ARE.... oh, you get where I'm going here.

Ugh.
~phosphorescent

Gee, I'm kinda at a loss, too. It doesn't seem "fair" for her to ask you to change jobs......however, I will say that I myself could not be comfortable with your working in the fashion industry, after finding out about the 2 ex's. Personally, I probably would never have become involved with a fashion photographer in the first place, because of my own insecurities. However, let me throw this out ...there are more kinds of photography than just fashion. There are wedding photographers, freelancers, nature photographers, etc. You don't have to be locked into only one facet of the industry. I guess she is feeling uncomfortable with the fact that every day, you deal fairly intimately with beautiful, availablel women...and there is constant temptation to a betrayal of trust. And you have even admitted, here, to missing the old threesome. I suggest that maybe she is feeling all that on an intuitive level. Guess it's time for some real, honest, communication between you two, and a consideration of whether there is a compromise situation that could be worked out. If she is truely your "one and only" , you owe her at least the chance of some kind of compromise. I wish you much luck.

Originally posted by Trish
I don't really know what to tell you either, Jarod....but from every thread that you've started, and what I've gotten from alot of what you've said, it seems to me that your SO is dealing with a lot of insecurities.

I don't really think it's fair for her to ask you to quit your job when you've worked very hard to get to where you are....And kudos for doing it without a college degree because it's tough nowadays to get anywhere without a degree. You'd be starting over from scratch if you were to give up your current career. I guess there are other types of photography that you could do, but I'd venture to say that they wouldn't pay as well, especially if you have to restablish yourself in a different field.

You could meet women anywhere you'd work. Granted, it's inevitable that you'll meet attractive women in your field, but does that automatically mean you're going to be unfaithful? I don't think it does.

Every thread you've started has a recurring theme....your love and concern for your SO. It seems to me that this relationship is the most important thing in the world to you.

I'm just wondering why your partner doesn't know or feel that it is.

Everything Trish said. Seems to me that she was fine with everything until you told her the truth. I think it's unfair that she ask you to give up your job. She needs to allow you time now to prove that you can be trusted.

Hi Jarod!!
<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_29_100.gif' border=0></a>
I have to agree with most of whats been said here, especially by fos4snt.......I think your OW has alot of insecurities that are starting to cross the line into the "Unreasonable" zone......

I mean, sure you photograph beautiful women and when you were single maybe you got involved with some after the jobs were over, but now you are in love with and committed to your OW.

You dont cheat and no longer get involved with the women you work with and thats the bottom line.

I do believe you can keep it professional, and you seem very in tune to her feelings so...I feel its not right for her to ask you to switch jobs.

You are good at what you do and you love it.
How happy would you be working at BK (if it came to that!!). How would that affect your quality of life?
And Im talking in the LEAST of ways financially.

Its so rare and so special when we love what we do---she shouldnt want you to sacrifice that to appease her insecurities.

Especially in an artistic field, there is SO much competition...enjoy what you have built, dont give it up.

She needs to work thru her issues on this one. I know how much you love her but if she loves you, she wont ask you to abandon part of yourself.

Hope it works out for ya.

What everyone else said, plus this:

You haven't changed just because she's now got a clearer idea of what your career is like.

Ignorance may be bliss -- but she can't stay ignorant forever. She chose to take this job in the fashion industry, so she's going to have to come to terms with what she's discovering. This is all new to her, but it's old hat to you. Asking you to abandon your career because of her insecurities is not reasonable.

I would point out that she fell in love with the man you are now, and if you hadn't been determined to succeed in your chosen career, you wouldn't be that man.

swarrow,
You sound like a good, lovable guy in alot of ways, so please don't take offense when i say that I personally wouldn't stay with a man who devoted their talents to the modelling industry.

Some of my reasoning for this would be intellectual: I believe the modelling industry is responsible for imprinting some of the deepest insecurites in both women and men, which work against intimacy, deep love, and self-acceptance on levels which are required for love to prosper.

Someone who is working in this industry is recieving a pretty heavy dose of conditioning, every day, which eventually places their values in allignment with the distorted realites of the modelling industry.

You probably don't even recognise this when you're part it. Your own values tend to wind up reflecting the distortions, patriachy, and predujices the modelling industry represents (which are basically all about making us dissatisified with each other and ourselves so that we keep buying stuff we dont need)

Even you're insecurites become those which the modelling industry wish you to have. I couldn't be with a man who was unable to see this, or protect his mind from such destructive conditioning (for it hurts men as well).

On top of this, I would have emotional problems with you working so intimately with attractive, available women. To me, if a guy is working around women he finds attractive where there are vast opportunites to cheat, I'd be thinking that its because he really wants to be in this situation. He wants these opportunities, and that would tell me that I am not safe.

In your partner's situation, I truly would ditch the relationship, amicably. Thats nothing personal...its just that you seem to be in a space where you are having a lot of fun, without any negative consequences, and theres no real motive for you to be monogamous or devoted. In fact caring about someones feelings seems like a real drag to you, and considering your work, I don't blame you.

Just my two cents worth...

Hey, Jarod!

I'm with the others here who have said they would probably have been leery of becoming involved with a fashion photographer -- solely because of my own insecurities. Gawd, some of those models are intimidating enough in one dimension, on the printed page! Like us mere mortals could never measure up to that, you know? And you work with them in the flesh??

Having said that, however -- my insecurities are MY problem, and it's up to me to deal with them. I don't think that you should have to make a major career change in an attempt to "fix" her insecurity (and I doubt it would work for very long anyway -- intimidatingly beautiful women are everywhere and anywhere).

Maybe it's time to sit down with her and have a discussion about what (other, less drastic) measures she needs to reassure her about your feelings.

Yes, Trish. I have been following jarod's posts for some time. Have you read of his other posts?

Scarlet and I were talking about this thread a bit, and one thing we noticed was that nobody's brought up the idea of couple's counselling.

From what I can tell, swarrow, it looks like you really do care for your woman, but you two don't see eye-to-eye on many things. Most notably, she seems troubled by your career and past.

I think sitting down in front of a professional can only help the two of you. I'm sure you'd agree that she doesn't understand your opinion of the industry, and I suspect that you're having a difficult time understanding her position -- possibly through silence on her part.

In the worst case, you just waste some money and are back to where you are now. In the best case, you both can move past this with a deeper understanding and trust of each other. Since, given your skillset, changing careers is definitely not an option, it can't hurt to try.

Good Morning people of ageless.

Thank you all for your support and heartfelt honest responses. This forum has been an invaluable place for me to validate/criticize my present efforts in resolving my present situation.

Just a little comment to help you all if you have indeed been “damaged” by the philosophy and images of the fashion industry: Beauty that is “ageless” comes from the inside. Those of us who know the depths of true love and beauty know that it is not a physical thing. The spiritual admiration of another far surpasses that of the visually aesthetic. Many of the girls who work as models hang on the thin wire of aesthetic beauty from age 18 to 27 (if you are lucky). Super Models of course may go on for a few more years but are only backed by personal product lines. Most of these girls are crushed at the end of their careers as all their esteem evaporates as time fades what they hold most dear, their physical beauty.

And yes we air brush the photos. Heck we even use technology were we air brush the actual model with cosmetic paint. OMG the secrets out..lol. They have bad hair days, bad skin days, bad eye days, bad thigh days and the list GOES ON and ON. And of course I hear it ALL day long. LOL. They eat next to nothing. They exercise almost everyday. They can’t just run around and be care free like all girls should be. They are like porcelain dolls that have to tip toe through life hoping not to smash everything they hold dear.

So any one wannah be a supermodel.???

Ok back to the subject at hand. I appreciate the suggestions about finding other means of photographic work. Or course as most of u know that the artistic field is saturated with upstarts, veterans, rookies and everything in between. Developing a “niche” is a good 5 year endeavor if you are lucky that is classically called the “starving artist” stretch of ones career. It is however a loooooong term side upstart option that will take many long weekends and late nights to cultivate until a client base is established. We are talking realistically over 8 years to “switch”. (unless I am lucky)

Thank you for validating my hesitation to even consider moving jobs because of my O/W insecurities. “It’s the little things that Kill” in the words of BUSH (the band). At the heart of this issue is my inability to convince my O/W of my love that will only be proven by time. In the between of now and then, is her insecurities that torture her as she lets them make her doubt my integrity and faithfulness. We will be definitely considering bringing these issues to a professional counselor who will without a doubt in my mind reiterate everything that has been said thus far in this forum. I will challenge her on her ability to love me for who and what i do. It may be a difficult thing but who said that love wasn't difficult. In the END she will have to choose to take a chance with love or run from it for fear of a broken heart.
This is my favorite song when it comes to days were life is just kicking me down and I am afraid to look over my shoulder.


Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you¡¯ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit out or dance

I hope you dance¡I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livinin might mean takin¡n chances but they're worth takin¡n
Lovin¡n might be a mistake but it¡'s worth makin¡n
Don¡¯t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin¡¯ out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit out or dance

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you¡¯ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit out ot dance

I hope you dance¡I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance¡I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone)

Thanks all for your inspiration and support,

Peace
Always thankful
Jarod Swarrow

Hey Jarod... I'd LOVE to be on the other side of the darn camera sometime! HAHAHAHA...

But, you made a VALID point. Beauty is on the INSIDE. I think we photographers sometimes have a better grasp of that than people who only get to see the end product ~ and constantly, unfavorably compare themselves to the "end product." :D I put soooo much work into my end product and almost half of what THEY see is the work I've done fixing them up! Tricks of lighting, make-up, touch-up, spot fixing (I work in black and white)...

I do so like the comparison between gynocologists and photographers. HAHAHAHAHA... oh yeah, you see enough "beautiful" people, you begin to think most of them are truly ugly, because they THINK they are better than everyone else. :rolls eyes:

Anyway, I still don't have any relationship advice for you this time around. But, you love what you do and you do what you love, but that doesn't mean you "do" everything... :o

I've photographed some amazingly gorgeous men... men who knew and believed they were gorgeous... and I find that, in itself, truly disconcerting.

Of the weddings I have done, one stands out as my favorite. My favorite photos came from this event. Neither the bride or groom were what I would consider "beautiful." But, their pictures shows their happiness with each other and their 'day' and were truly fabulous ~ beautiful people, to the core. It's the only wedding I made an album of for myself! Because *I* had such a good time at their wedding and the pictures reflected the mood of the day and their heartfelt joy in eachother, I was proud to have been given the opportunity to be there and document it.

~phosphorescent

Well, you sound like you are going to try to do everything you can to work things out. It takes a long time and a lot of encouragement from our ym to help some of us with big insecurity issues over the hump. The more time passes that we see that our ym are faithful and continue to love and support us, the better things get. I wish you both lots of luck and hope that your love for each other will see you through this. I think you have a good attitude, Jarod, and thanks for the pep-talk about the "real" modeling scene. :)

I kind of didn't want to get into a `bagging the modelling industry' type of debate. Hence I haven't gone into much detail regarding my views.

However I HAVE worked extensively in the industry as a creative professional. I wanted to `change things' but I basically learned that its not possible in that industry.

When I was 19, I lived with one of AUstralias most successful PR professionals for a year, as her horse groom. Jan Geary's clients were Ray Ban, David Jones, Coles-Myer, as well five top- name fashion labels, just to name a few. Through Jan, i met most of the top people in the Australian fashion and modelling industries.

To give you a picture of what this woman was like, each day she would come home and show me the pictures of models she had dealt with that day. I was her groom, but she insisted that I look at these pictures, and listen to what she had to say. She would say just horrible things about them , criticising every blemish and imperfection. She would frequently hold parties with many other successful, multi-millionaires in the industry and they were all the same.

Over time, she and her rich friends in the modelling industry had no problem extending their criticisms to me. Once, at a dinner party I helped her prepare, she told me she would kill herself if she had my thighs...right in front of everyone!. She would bring home information about plastic surgery, and tell me how if she looked like me she would not be able to go out in public. This. amongst snickers and giggles from other key figures in the industry.

Now, I was a 19 year old, pretty, size 10 blonde with long hair, and lovely features. I was very popular with men and very sweet. By the end of the year I was bulimic, size 8, and my personality had completely shut down.

I later went on to become a videographer, and I really wanted to change things in that industry. But I found the people in this industry just so distorted in their minds. They couldn't even recognise a reason to challenge the stereotypes. They didn't care about anorexia, bulimia, or the consequences for women and men everywhere. And unlike just about every `real' person I know, they truly think fat is worth committing suicide over.

Hence, I had the opposite experiences to those of you who claim that model-industry workers are open minded, have realistic ideas about how people should appear, and are somehow more deeply attuned to spiritual beauty. I DO believe you if you say that you have experienced this, but I did not. I found the opposite to be the case.

OK, fos4snt mentioned photographing gorgeous men - actually "amazingly gorgeous men".

Ummm....isn't your OW in the same industry as you, now? What about all of the male models that she'll be around?

Kinda a double standard, hmmmmm??? Is she going to change jobs, too?