another silly question

sent a care package to my YM he got it and was very happy about it, in fact he missed the Fed Ex man and drove an hour to pick it up. When I talked to him he said "dont feel obligated to keep sending me stuff" which i took kinda in a bad way. Then I asked him when he would reply to my emails, he said he will when he gets time. I said do I send you too many? He said no I love getting messages from you. I said well dont feel obligated to reply to each of my emails, (I was being polite) and he said okay thanks baby. LOL, I hate those reactions!!!! This LDR is gonna piss everyone off around me, because I can't stop picking up on little things and reading into them. Is there a pill I can take to get rid of the constant thoughts in my head???? Geez!

Anyways, I dont want to play games, that is why i haven't held back, if I want to email him, i do, if I want to call him I do. But, does anyone think that the games must exist a little bit, especially when dealing with a YM? There is a fine line between too little and too much and I not sure where I stand. I send at least one email a day, and call maybe every other day or if i don't hear from him all day I will call him or email him trying to get him to call back usually. He says he loves getting my messages, so I dont feel that I should stop, but I have also been known to send too much and do too much for people....

Well, Red, if he is telling you that the amount of times/ways that you have contacted him are fine with him, then to me that's what you should rely upon.

Communication is everything in a relationship. It's both your jobs to always be open with each other about everything. So, sounds like he's telling you it's ok. So, now stop worrying over every detail. Relax. Or, we'll have to get Sally over here to whack you with her hockey sticks! Inside joke -- let me know if you haven't been reading thoses posts. LOL

Anyway, you can stress yourself out completely by worrying too much. I learned that the hard way. I stressed so much in the spring that now I have caused my arthritis to go into a flare. So, don't do that to yourself. Stress can affect you physically. Just be yourself. Then, every once in a while, touch base with each other to see how things are going between you. Use that opportunity to ask for feedback, but don't ask him all the time. He may get tired of you asking and perceive that you're being needy and you don't want that.

Relax! :)

I haven't read those posts, but if Sally needs to whack me with a hockey stick, so be it. I think it would do me good, right over the head.

Women put alot of thought into gestures and men don't always. I'm not sure why that is the case. Maybe it's just college guys, I don't know.

Phil is always complaining about money and tonight he showed up with 12 bucks worth of magazines in his hand. I said, "Gee it would be nice for you to spend 12 bucks on a token of love for me." and he was like ok honey I'll drive you to the store to pick out flowers.

They are just clueless sometimes, ok? *big smile*

You are so right!!! I was watching something on TLC about the male brain, it is so wired differently than ours. But, that is why we are so practical and smart !!!

Originally posted by bubbleee
Women put alot of thought into gestures and men don't always. I'm not sure why that is the case. Maybe it's just college guys, I don't know.

Phil is always complaining about money and tonight he showed up with 12 bucks worth of magazines in his hand. I said, "Gee it would be nice for you to spend 12 bucks on a token of love for me." and he was like ok honey I'll drive you to the store to pick out flowers.

They are just clueless sometimes, ok? *big smile*


Remi did the very same thing when we were in Bucharest. Right behind the apartment building where we stayed, there was a flower stand on the corner. We passed it nearly every day. It was on the way to the mall. I love flowers and he knows it. Yet, he never thought to buy me any. But, one day he went to the mall and came back with a huge stack of magazines for himself! But, buy me flowers? No. He didn't think of that. So, I asked him the same question you asked Phil. And, he said he just didn't think of it. Next time he went to the mall, I thought he'd bring me home some flowers then. No. He brought me home two chocolate bars. Two for me and two for him. :rolleyes:

WR,

I laughed out loud when I read your story. I can relate girls, I can relate!

Originally posted by bubbleee
.. I said, "Gee it would be nice for you to spend 12 bucks on a token of love for me." and he was like ok honey I'll drive you to the store to pick out flowers.
...
Lol, guess my brain is wired more like a guy's 'coz I would actually consider this kinda sweet ;)

And Red, I agree with Whiterose on clear communication, especially in LDR ... you said you don't wanna play games (which is good imo - not playing games, that is ;) ), but try to be careful then not to send mixed messages (like "don't feel obliged to reply to my emails" when you actually WANT him to reply ...).

I think in that sense LDR can be a good practice for more open communication - there is no other way but actually SAYING what you want/need/mean for it to work ... - and I think this is something a lot of people can use some practice on.... ;)

Originally posted by Carazy
I think in that sense LDR can be a good practice for more open communication - there is no other way but actually SAYING what you want/need/mean for it to work ... - and I think this is something a lot of people can use some practice on.... ;)


You are SO right Carazy. Here's a prime example. The other night, I was feeling a little insecure. Remi had gone to a party where I new there would be nothing but people his age. I tried hard to fight off images of him dancing with young women, or even taking one home with him. Then, I'd slap myself in the face and wake myself up from the nightmare and try to talk some sense into myself. I know Remi. I know that he won't stray. But, it's those women I don't trust. ;)

Anyway, I just needed some reassurance from Remi. So, in a round about way, I dropped hints that I needed reassurance. Ex. I even said at one point, "I wonder if the day will come when you'll wake up and wonder 'what the hell am I doing with her?'"

I had hoped he would say, "Don't you worry Kitten. I will always love you." My plan backfired. Instead, he didn't like it at all. He doesn't like it if I put myself down. So, instead of reassurance, I got a lecture. :rolleyes:

I said, "Tell me what I should say to you to get the reassurance I need." He said, "I don't know what to say, but don't say something like that again."

So, I said, "I guess I need to just say, 'Remi, I am feeling a little insecure right now and would like some reassurance.'" He said, "RIGHT. That's it!" He said he just needs me to tell him and he will give me what I need.

I don't know why we think that men are able to read our minds or interpret our vague messages to them. I am learning more all the time to just tell him what I need and to stop analyzing everything he says and does, which was a huge problem for me in my last relationship.

WOW, Dragonfly, thanks a ton. You are right, I think if they say it once you have to assume it is that until further notice, lol. And I do overanalyze, I think i do more than the norm. Im sure people will agree with me after reading some of my links. :) I find it quite interesting and wild, the differences between men and women in love. It almost seems that it should never happen based upon the differences. I do have to say that he surprises me with his words probably 3 times a week.

I can relate to this, Red, because at the beginning of my LDR I'd send my YM at least an email a day, more often two or three. He has text messaging on his cell phone too, so I'd usually send a little mini-message on that.

Then later that day, we'd chat online and sometimes he wouldn't say a word about the messages I'd sent him. I'd have to resort to saying something like, "Uh, hon... did you get that email I sent about such-and-such?" And he'd usually say, "Nods, I did, thank you." And that was IT! :rolleyes:

Finally I said something like, "Look, I'm a little peeved. I like sending you little messages throughout the day, and I think you like getting them, but it would be nice if you would acknowledge that you got them so I wouldn't have to ask."

He was so sweet -- he did a complete 180. First he apologized all over the place, then said I was right to be peeved and that he never wanted to take me for granted. Now he emails me nearly as much as I email him -- mostly news items that he thinks will interest me (he's usually right, he finds some really topical or just plain interesting stuff). But he always signs it with something cute and affectionate, like "Love from your snuggly boyfriend." :)

It could be that you just need to be upfront with what you want. Don't beat him over the head or anything, but just state what you would like. It could be that you just need to give him a little tap with a clue-by-four, know what I mean? ;)

That's great advice Scarlet, do you mind if I steal that? That is exactly what I feel, please just acknowledge. But with him busy at school I just dont' want to make him crazy that he has to respond to every single email. Do you think it's okay to say please just acknowlege you got it?