update and seeking advice (as usual)

Hi all!

Here's a little update:
I am totally confused. G is making a HUGE effort to make things work, and that confuses me even more. I have been seeing him and it feels so good to be with him. But then I go home and start thinking about all of the problems we have. He is such a wonderful person and he is working on his issues, as I am working on mine. I wonder, can we really overcome the problems we have? How is it possible that I so enjoy the time I spend with him when we have so many problems? BTW, none of our problems were abusive in any way (except for some neglect).

I saw my sister this evening. She told me that she doesn't think that G is the one for me. It's funny because I remember having a conversation with her about this before G and I got together and she said the exact opposite. She then thought that G and I would make a great couple and she foresaw us getting together. I asked her how much of her opinion today (that G and I are not right for eachother) was based on the age difference and she answered "a lot." She said she feels like I am missing out on all of the "fun" that comes with being my age (of course she means "fun" by HER standards). My point in this story is that EVERYONE I know is SO against our relationship that I know it is influencing my decision to end it.

Just before we broke up, G started talking about getting married. Our relationship was too unstable to have gotten married at that point and in a way I felt like he was talking about marriage as a means to fix our relationship - which is bad, bad, bad, but I also think that I may have made our problems bigger than they were because I am scared. It would be so much easier to not be with him.

Any thoughts? I know I haven't given you much to work with, but any word of wisdom would help.
I think with a lot of effort G and I could make our relationship work, but the thought of making such an effort on top of the effort that comes with having everyone against us is exhusting.
What do you do when so much is against you? Has anyone experienced this in their relationship?

p.s. please be gentle, I am kind of fragile these days.

Hey moon.....

Seems to me you do love him but the problems that you both are having are weighing over you both...

Men tend to just wipe things under rugs and think they will go away... and we want to fix them.... My husband does that drives me crazy..

I would take it slow... talk .. go on dates... and discuss how you feel to him... tell him what you don't like ... what the problems are as you see it... and discuss it.... sometimes the other party can't see what they are doing unless you point it out to them....Then just listen to your heart....and if you see things not changing them maybe its time to move on... but if you see things changing and you accept it then don't close the door on love.....I hope that made sense .. LOL I"m tired.. my baby had me up verrrrryyyyyy early LOL .. These days I feel like a walking zombie hehe..

Keep us posted
xoxo
Mer

I have decided to "go with the flow."
I think that I have picked our relationship apart to death and I can't do it anymore. So I decided to just let things happen the way that they are supposed to. That DOESN'T mean that we aren't going to have to work at it if we want to try again. It just means that I have to stop analyzing every little thing.


Mera- You are right. I do love him, but we need to take things slow.
Then just listen to your heart....and if you see things not changing them maybe its time to move on... but if you see things changing and you accept it then don't close the door on love.....

Amina- This is an area I really need to work on, but you are so right. Why in the world should I care so much what others think? Who are they to impose their beliefs and pass judgement on me? Especially when nobody is perfect. Again, this is something that is hard for me, so you all might be hearing from me again about it!

Cherub- I don't get into self help books, but this one sounds very appropriate, so I might pick it up just in case my "go with it" theory goes right out the window!

Oh Moon~

I think you should "go with the flow" and stop picking your relationship apart! There is no need - it will only make you exhausted, irritated and confused. But what you should do is speak up and communicate EVERYTHING. When there is a time (and we have all been there) when you are sitting there thinking:

"Why did he just do that"
"Why did he jsut say that"
"What does that mean?"

All these questions should all be asked. There were so many times when I would think these things and let the moment slide hoping that everything would just fade away. Keep youself informed about the relationship, but don't over analyze - I'm one of those people and trust me it does nothing.

I hope you are doing well....keep us posted
All the best
~Em