Having a difficult time

I've been lurking here a while and decided to finally join. I'm 48 years old and my boyfriend is 32. We have been together for 10 months. But, it has been a roller coaster ride of emotion for me. At first, I thought that I could handle the age difference, but lately, I'm having some doubts.

I've never been in a relationship before that had such a huge age gap. I have so many worries about this that I'm thinking of breaking up with him. I'm just not dealing well with it right now. I have been hurt so many times in the past. And I can't get the notion out of my head that he is going to leave me for someone younger. I also worry about whether he is going to want children. He has never been married and never had any children. What if he decides he wants some as he gets nearer to 40? I'm 48 and there's no way I can have children and not even sure I'd ever want any. Oh, we talked about it, but he always says it doesn't matter. But, I wonder, you know?

Do any of you worry about these things? And if so, how do you cope with them?

Hi Stacy!

Welcome to ageless site, its a pleasure of meeting you, as a young woman at 20 Im dealing with an older guy 8 years older than me. We are long-distance, & I tell you gurl you gonna have obstacles in your path that is why God is testing your faith to see if you can handle it or not. And beleive me this guy will not leave you for anyone else, cuz if there's love between yall with a spiritual connection. no one cant break that bond. When God starts he always finishes it.;)

Goodluck & God bless you

Hi Stacy and welcome. You've come to the right place. There are alot of wonderful members here who have lots of good advice and support to offer you.

I am 46 and am engaged to a man who is 18 years younger than me. I know very well the kinds of feelings that you are experiencing. I worried about all the same kinds of things. Still do sometimes. It helps to come here to talk about how I feel.

Have you tried talking to him about your concerns?

Hi Stacy,
I've been around here a little while now, and from what I've read, most of us have felt the same feelings as you are experiencing.

My best advice would be:

-Don't give up on the relationship because of fears of the future. If you have no ground to leave an otherwise great relationship, then stay.

-Do not let yourself be mistreated, or fail to express your needs because of fear of losing the relationship.

-When you feel like pulling back out of fear, give your partner more love instead. Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your lover is much better than withdrawing and arousing fear in your loved one.

-Finally. BE POSITIVE! noone knows the future; its best to visualise a positive outcome and strive for that outcome, rather than be caught in inertia because of uncertainty. Noone can be certain about the future, not in any relationship.

All the best. You deserve to be loved !!!

Hi Stacy,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I am 29 and my YM is 18 and a senior in High School, we have been together for about 2 months. I am sure he sees many younger prettier woman at school on a daily basis. I have felt the same fears of what if he left me for a younger woman. I have struggled with that issue and one other one too...let's say I wait for him to graduate from college, start a career and get ready to settle down and have a family and then him all of a sudden decide...OH your not what I want anymore. I would be at least 5 or 6 years older and back at square one! I have thought about that so much that I was debating on whether to breakup with him or not. Other then those two issues I am 100% happy with him. I love being around him and he makes me feel so special. I have talked of these fears with him and while he understands what I am saying he can't 100% say for sure what the future holds...no one can and I don't expect him to make those kind of promises. But I have come to a decision....If I was to breakup with him because of MY insecurities and because of the fact that I CAN'T tell the future I would be First VERY unhappy and Second possibly ruining something beautiful and lasting. I am NOT willing to take that chance. It is hard to find someone that makes you so happy and to throw it away because I don't know what the future holds seems like a huge waist to me.

I have a sister that is in a very awesome relationship for over a year now. Her man is sooo great to her. And believe it or not she too has these same fears and they are the same age. When I told her of my fears she said you have 2 choices you can breakup and be unhappy or stay be happy for what you do have now and see what develops. I think the second option sounds much more appealing.

The best advice I can give you is to trust your instincts only you know how you feel. An awesome quality God gave us women is our intuitions.

I hope this may have helped some and good luck with whatever you decide. Welcome to ageless the women here are wonderful!

Thanks everybody for your positive replies. I was feeling pretty down when I wrote this last night. Yes, Whiterose, I have talked to him about how I feel. He thinks I'm being silly.

I don't think silly is really the right word. More like not giving yourself enough credit. Our YM are with us because WE are who they want to be with. If they wanted a younger woman, they'd most likely have one, don't you think?

I think it's good you share your fears with him, and it's great, too, that he reassures you.

As for the age gap... he's in his 30's. He's definitely an adult and you don't have a lot of the same issues I have with my YM (32/19), because my worries encompass that change from 19-25 men go through. Will I make it through that with him? I don't know... but it's definitely worth shooting for in this case.

NOT that I'm trying to belittle your age gap... not at all, at all. What I mean is that, at 32, men are a bit more settled in their decisions and aren't kids anymore. He loves you and wants you.

You know, even if he were older than you, there's still the threat he could leave you for a younger woman. Same age, same problem. Risk is part of all relationships, numbers counted or not.

Your worries, however ~ ANY worries ~ are always legitimate and you shouldn't feel badly for having them. But, letting go of a relationship because it has 'risks' is a bit... well.. depressing, don't you think?

~phosphorescent... thinking romantically... again...

I know that everyone is right. I could just kick myself. I need to stop focusing on the age gap. I guess I'm just getting a little closer to that big 5-0 than I want to be.

But, it's so wonderful to come here and hear from you all. It makes me feel much more positive about my relationship with Roger. I know that I need to believe in this more. I think I can get there with your help and support.

You know, you are disrespecting HIM by assuming that he doesn't know what he wants. The man is 32! By now, he KNOWS what he wants! Not all men want children. They'd rather play with nephews and neices and give them back. A lot of guys are really rather neutral on the subject. Women, more than men, crave reproduction, and it's biological. Men just like doing the act! ;)

Believe him when he says he wants you. Why shouldn't you? You've been together 10 months. Let it flow, let it flourish.

If the question of kids ever came up, and I really doubt it will, maybe you two could adopt? Or not.

Some guys are content with life just the way it is, and their wonderful woman by their side. Kids would put a damper on their lifestyle...not be able to travel as easily, messy house, all the chaos that comes with raising a kid...it's not all it's cracked up to be for some people.

If he ever changes his mind and wants to have kids, I'll ship you guys MY TWO for the weekend...that'll change his mind! :D

Hi Stacy,

I'm 57 and Dave, my husband of two years is 31. It's been a rollercoaster ride for us as well, but not because of anything to do with our ages. Dave has had a ton of health problems. He used to worry a LOT that I would leave him for someone healthy. You see, it's not just the OW who worries about being dumped if your partner trades up.

If he treats you good and he loves you and treats you like he loves you then you are letting your worries get in the way of your happiness. You worry about a tomorrow that may never come. We were sitting waiting for a bus a few weeks ago and there was a terrible car crash right in front of us. We almost got hit by one of the cars. We had it reinforced that there is no guarantee that tomorrow will ever come.

Why worry about what MIGHT happen in 20 years? When you are loved, grab onto it and hold it as tight as you can. Today is all there is, so make it as wonderful as is possible.

Peace,
Jane

Thank you Mrs.Hedgehog, Polly and BearsAngel. More wonderful advise from some very wise women. I appreciate that so much.

I am already beginning to feel better just after reading what everyone has had to say.

Thank you everyone for your loving support.

Stacy, I just wanted to reinforce what the ladies here have been telling you. I'm head over heels in love with my girlfriend because she is everything I've ever dreamed about in a mate, and there is no way I'm gong to let a 10 year difference in our ages cheat me out of having her in my life. It sounds to me that your younger man fees the same way about you. Don't let your worries cheat him (or you) out of that feeling!

Originally posted by BearsAngel
When you are loved, grab onto it and hold it as tight as you can. Today is all there is, so make it as wonderful as is possible.

Jane: You make me cry! AAAAHHHH... I could just HUG you. :D
~phosphorescent

I remember reading one time, it has to have been waaay back, about some 20-something guy getting married to a woman in her 70s. I think this was in the Nationa Enquirer or something like that. And I also remember about 12 years ago when I was working in Raliegh, N.C., there was the weekly newspaper listing of marriage licenses issued during the past week, and I remember seeing one about a guy 28 and a woman 68 who had gotten one - don't know anything more about them than that. Who knows, maybe they are on this board right now???

Joan Collins set a pretty good example by getting married to a guy who was 36 a couple of years ago, she was 68. You go girl!

I can't tell you all how much better I feel after reading everyone's responses to me. Last week I felt like I was carrying a huge burden. Oh, sometimes, I still have those seeds of doubt creeping in, but overall, I feel much better. I appreciate that so much.

I am enjoying this place. I think I'll stick around for a while.

Originally posted by Stacy
I can't tell you all how much better I feel after reading everyone's responses to me. Last week I felt like I was carrying a huge burden. Oh, sometimes, I still have those seeds of doubt creeping in, but overall, I feel much better. I appreciate that so much.

I am enjoying this place. I think I'll stick around for a while.

Hi Stacy, I dont have anything to add to the already good advice given, but Im glad you like it here , that your feeling better ,and that you plan to stick around. :D

Hi Stacey,

I am up very late tonight because i can't sleep for worry. My guy and myself are engaged and hoping to try for a baby. My problem is that i terrify myself with dark imaginings about being without him, nothing specific, but enough to make me cry sometimes. I have talked to him and he is always reasuring. The problem is that I am afraid that it is souring an otherwise perfect relationship. Today someone commented on a forum that my guy is on, he said 'Blimey you should dump the Mother and have a go at her daughter' (My daughter is a glamour model and the same age as my fiance). I am just so upset by the comment. Each time my fiance hears something like that I fear that he will be affected by what is basically ridicule at the fact that he is with someone so much older. I have no idea what advice to give you, but I empathise totaly. :(

i've questioned Lewis as to why he would want some 32 year old woman with 3 babies 5 and under, multiple sclerosis, no money and a mentally questionable ex husband who's a cop.
his reply : i'm the best person he's ever met. everything that he wants in a partner for life.
after i cried....i said, ok.
i've not asked again.

what did i do to deserve him?
never have i been so scared, hesitant, suspicious and slow to give my total trust.
these doubts are no longer an issue.
lordy, how i love him.

Trace

You know greeneyed girl, I wondered what a 32 year old would want with someone twice his age, and was told I was everything he wanted too
My y/m wondered why I would want someone who had a skin problem that has caused him to feel unlovable and untouchable most of his life. My answer to him... because hes the most wonderful person I ever met and everything I ever wanted.
ya know..... I think he answered your doubts with the best answer going..... your the best person he has ever met and everything he wants in a partner for life.
What did you do to deserve him???? You are YOU. !!!! and he loves you for YOU.
God bless you both, and BIG HUGS. You have found yourself a real winner and by the way.....so has he. :D

Originally posted by charo
You know greeneyed girl, I wondered what a 32 year old would want with someone twice his age, and was told I was everything he wanted too
My y/m wondered why I would want someone who had a skin problem that has caused him to feel unlovable and untouchable most of his life. My answer to him... because hes the most wonderful person I ever met and everything I ever wanted.
ya know..... I think he answered your doubts with the best answer going..... your the best person he has ever met and everything he wants in a partner for life.
What did you do to deserve him???? You are YOU. !!!! and he loves you for YOU.
God bless you both, and BIG HUGS. You have found yourself a real winner and by the way.....so has he. :D


ok charo....

i think i love you now.

cornbread for charo !

lol,
Trace