Help Please

Hey Everyone

I'm so glad I found this website... I thought that I was the only one going thru this.

I have been dating my YM for about 3 years. I feel sometimes I am taking his youth away from him and that I am just going to get hurt in the long run. I know that I Love him... but He notices that I am reserved sometimes. He talks marriage and I can't even discuss it... His mother is horrible to me... she doesn't even speak to me when she sees me and does nothing but give me dirty looks.. he talks to her but she just insults me and tells him I am going to ruin his life.....

some days I want to just leave....and then I say why should I? I love this man....

I would like any advice you could give me.....

Hi Morgan! Welcome to Ageless. Umm..you didn't say how old your young man is, or your own age. Do you have a large gap? Tell us some more about you both. You will find lots of support and good advice here..it's a great group of folks.

Hi Morgan and Welcome,
In my opinion your right, why should you leave when you love this man, and apparently he loves you too.
So what if his mom doesnt like you. Sure it would be nice if she did, but Morgan, your y/m has been with you 3 years, and it hasnt stopped him from being with you and wanting to marry you, so isnt that what really counts?
I know how you feel about ruining his life, or that hes missing out on things being with someone older.. I have felt that way and still do on occasion. But my y/m says he loves me, wants to marry me, and I am what he wants and he is not missing out on anything, but that he has FOUND what he was looking for.
It was hard for me to accept too, but I was telling a friend one day, " yes but there are so many younger much more attractive women out there , and sooner or later he will wish he were with them"
She said " There are a lot of handsome men out there too, older and younger than you, who are well established , interesting, and could love you and even give you all the material things you could want....... are you wishing you were with them???? My answer was NO, and she said " well then, why assume he is looking or missing something, He chose you and is with you,just as you have chosen him, so enjoy it instead of tearing it apart , analyzing it. If it works, dont fix it.
So thats my advice to you too.
Meanwhile, many of us here have gone through the same feelings, and will be glad to give you any support or help we can. .
:D

I can relate to all those feelings, too. But, wow. Three years? I know I'll be happy as a clam if I make it three years with my YM. The way I see it is, you could be 'wasting' time on anyone ~ there is risk involved in relationships of any kind. But if it's great and you're both happy, try o' try not to let it get you down...

And you know... you could get a horrible MIL in any relationship, too. I've been married twice, both to men only a few years older than me. One of them had the nicest mother you ever did meet (and I still love her like a Mom) and the other was an utterly selfish, controlling, manipulative and mean mother who looked for any reason to disapprove of me...

My YM's mom and I, for the most part, can be nice to each other ~ I try my best not to let it show how hurt I am that she says horrible things about me behind my back (that rather unkindly find their way back to me), but I also don't spend time with her in person and have NO idea how that's all going to play out if and when it ever comes. My YM has lived with me now for over two months.. almost three, been together for.. OoooOooo eight months this month. ;)

And my Mom is fairly disapproving, but we also simply don't discuss it and I try to avoid talking about my YM to her, as she scowls. :D Oh well. I can't please everyone. My kids adore him, I adore him, living with him is soooo easy... and right. As long as its what he wants, I know its what I want and we both keep trying, I don't see why it won't work out. I accept the risks involved in any relationship ~ it's worth it to love and be loved.

I say... welcome to Ageless.
~phosphorescent

Hiya Morgan and welcome welcome welcome

DETAILS girl, we need details. lol

ages, yours and his, and let us know what you want to see happen in your future with him. you kinda let us know how HE feels about the future, how bout you?

we love to dish out advice and you'll get plenty of good advice from the gang here.

I'm 32 and my YM is 19. 6 months TODAY, woot !
got roses delivered today. :D



Tracy

Hi Morgan,

I'm 57 and Dave, my husband of two years, is 31. When you have a large gap you always worry about "stealing his youth" -- at first. It's something you should be over by now. As you mature as a couple you can see that you match and that his youth isn't lost. People all live different lives. Some party and act like kids until they die and some choose to settle down and live quietly with someone they love. Are they having less "fun" than the ones who party? Or have they just made a different choice for the direction of their life?

My husband choses the quiet life. He would live the same with or without me...only without me he would be lonely. Together we have a lot of fun and enjoy each other's company. We are part of each other...neither is complete without the other.

Do the two of you have fun together? Are you better together than you are apart? Is being with you denying him things he wants to do, or is being with you what he does want to do with his life?

I love being married to Dave. We plan our future, trips and going back to school and moving to a new city if we an manage it. We have dreams and hopes that we refuse to let the age difference get in the way of. He's my friend, my lover and my partner as well as being my husband. Marriage made it feel as if the last shoe had dropped. No more worries...just the two of us being in love and being happy.

Oh yeah...mom. I don't know many married couples where both moms like both partners. Dave's mom and I are cordial, but we each think the other is a bi**h in private. Some people have to totally avoid the in-laws. That's not just agegap though. If mom wants to hate you she will *find* a reason. Just smile, be happy and let her stew in her own sour juice. :)

Peace,
Jane

Welcome to ageless, Morgan. You've made it for 3 years in this relationship and are just now having doubts? Or, have you had these doubts all along? Are you able to discuss your concerns with him?

These other posters have already given you wonderful words of wisdom. Live for today and love him now. Don't worry about what tomorrow will bring. And forget all about his mom. If you marry, you're not marrying her, you'd be marrying him. :p

Hi Everyone

Thank you all for your great advice and words... this is such a great site . I have been lurking for months i'm glad I decided to "come out" :)

I am 46 years old... my YM is 28. your all right.. I am just going to enjoy my relationship... I think what scares me the most is the "marriage" talk. I had these insecurities when we first got together... but seemed so carefree for awhile. Now he is telling me how much he wants to marry me and I think I'm totally freaking out!!!

Thank you all again!!