Very Sad

My YM and I said goodbye today. He's been seperated for months and is going back to his wife. He says he's not in love with her but he loves her and wants to have children some day. (I'm 48 he's 33) and went through early menopause at 42. So no more kids for me. He says he truely was in love with me. That there has only been 2 true loves in his life. The first one committed suicide, then me. We talked and he didn't want to let go but knows he wants children. I told him to go and try to make his marriage work. That I would always love him. I do know in my heart we were soul mates. We talked about it. He said he never had a best friend like me before in a relationship. Sometimes love is not enough. My heart is breaking. My oldest daughter who is 21 said, Mom it's not working because ya'll won't let it work. If you really love each other it can work out. I told her sometimes you just have to let go. I would never want to be the reason he missed having kids.

pray for me

I'll definitely pray for ya' but it also sounds like he has some "issues" as well.

(((sara)))

I'm sorry that you are hurting... I will pray for you. Take care of yourself.

So sorry things turned out this way for you. I hope you know we are here for you . Keep us updated oh how your doing Sara. Ill pray for you, as I know many others will be doing too
http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/smileyhug.gif

Sara, I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you. But, it sounds like you are doing a very self-less thing by letting him go. Sometimes in age gap relationships, it really does come down to whether one is able to and/or wants children. I know that I worry about the very same thing happening to me. But, if Remi ended up telling me that having children is a deal breaker for him, then I could only do what you are doing and that's let him go. I'm sure that you really do have his happiness in mind.

((( hugs )))

I have 2 children which he adores, but I have experienced that already. We talked about it, he doesn't want any right now but he's afraid in 3-4 yrs. he will. I mean he definately wants children in his future. I know he feels very pulled right now, I saw it in his face the last time we were together. I know deep in my heart he adores me-it's just the kid thing. He is very much a realist. What can I say, a true Capricorn. We have been best friends for over a year. When his marriage fell apart, which has been coming for 2 yrs. we started seeing each other. I knew I should have waited for that chapter to close and that it was risky but he assured me age was no problem and we talked about kids then and he said, he loved me so much it didn't matter. He would help me raise my 10 yr. old. So I fell. but looking back, emotions are high when you first start seeing someone, he was already going through a lot with the seperation. I should have used my intuition and given it more time. Ah well, you live and learn. When we talked on the phone and agreed on this yesterday we said no phone calls, no contact. If he was going to try to save his marriage, that wasn't fair to her. I wouldn't want it the other way around. Then before he hung up his last words were, I love you-I'll call later on someday. (could hear him choking up) I didn't have time to respond but I'm thinking....didn't we just say no contact? I'll keep you posted just for the sheer amusement of it. but I will stick to my integrity for her and me. No contact. He made his decision. Thanks for your kind words.

I'm sorry for your pain. There is nothing really to say except that. It was a risk and it didn't work out in the end. You'll always have the time you spent together and the knowledge that you did the best you could.

I hope the closing of this door turns into the opening of another possibility that gladdens your soul and brings you joy again.

Thanks Desert Spring. I guess the hardest part of this is loosing a best friend. I think that is what I'm missing the most. He told me he never told another woman the things he told me. We were so open and honest with each other. Literally what popped into our heads we said it. Sometimes laughing at each other for being so stupid. We had been best friends for a year before his seperation. He called me more than I called him during the day because I'm not much of a telephone person. Sometimes he would call 6-7 times a day. Just when he thought of something to tell me. That is the part I miss the most. What is that song? "I will survive" And yes, I will treasure our moments together for the rest of my life. Do not regret one minute.

I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time in your life. I don't know you and haven't followed your situation but just from your post it sounds like you two had found something that it takes years for most people to find. I find it disheartening that he would choose to go back to a woman that he is not "in" love with and bring a child into this world in that situation. I was also married to someone that I loved but was not "in" love with. From experience I know that this type of relationship is hard, if not impossible, to maintain for long. Has he thought of the reprecussions of the relationship ending after there is a child involved? Why would he not choose to find a woman he IS in love with and have a child with her since he is thinking he'd like to have a child in 3-4 years?

Have you two discussed adoption or do you not want to even go the child route again?

Like I said, I don't know your situation but these were the questions I had when I first read your post. When I see people compromising with their relationships I just wonder why? This is sure to affect the child he eventually will have with his wife.

Originally posted by DarkAngel1962
I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time in your life. I don't know you and haven't followed your situation but just from your post it sounds like you two had found something that it takes years for most people to find. I find it disheartening that he would choose to go back to a woman that he is not "in" love with and bring a child into this world in that situation. I was also married to someone that I loved but was not "in" love with. From experience I know that this type of relationship is hard, if not impossible, to maintain for long. Has he thought of the reprecussions of the relationship ending after there is a child involved? Why would he not choose to find a woman he IS in love with and have a child with her since he is thinking he'd like to have a child in 3-4 years?

Have you two discussed adoption or do you not want to even go the child route again?

Like I said, I don't know your situation but these were the questions I had when I first read your post. When I see people compromising with their relationships I just wonder why? This is sure to affect the child he eventually will have with his wife.

DarkAngel thank you for recognizing how special it was. Any one that saw us together knew it was special. We just fit like a glove together. I don't think it will last for him forever because he is not in love with her. He told me when your in a loveless marriage you just get along and go with the flow. ??? I don't know what the deal is there, he told me once he feels sorry for her because she has no one else. But on top of all of it she can get pretty mean at times. Her jealousy just drives him crazy. She's been known to wake him up hitting him because she was angry with him. Yes, we talked about adopting even doing egg donor, and I was willing. I don't know he just all of a sudden went back. Very confusing. I know he still loves me though. He told me once he would never be able to stay away from me. This is the hard part. To tell you the truth I wouldn't be surprised if I don't hear from him soon. If I do I will keep you informed.

Thanks for the support.