Starting a family at 40

I'm sure this subject has probably discussed before, but I'm not sure about how to do a search yet so I'll ask again and hope that you kind folks won't mind responding again. My girlfriend is 40 years old (well, at least that’s what she tells me; personally, I don't believe that she's a day over 30) and she says that she wants to have another child when we are married. No problem for me, I love the idea of being a "dad." But she has some concerns about pregnancy at that age. From everything I've been reading, it's pretty common these days. Have any of you female members had experience with pregnancy after age 40? Are there any special concerns or risks that we should know about?

... my boss and his wife (she is also older) had a baby two years ago. She was 41. Her pregnancy was easier than my sisters, and my sister was 37 and delivered 6 weeks early. I guess a lot depends on the person... but with the medical advances we have these days, having a baby in your early 40's is definitely a viable option for many people.

BTW: Welcome to ageless and congratulations on your ensuing life plans... sounds awesome!

~phosphorescent

I too have a friend who had her first child at 45, three years ago and she is bipolar...had a really hard time when she was pregnant since she had to be off her meds.

she's fine now, and as far as i know hasn't had anymore, her husband was divorce with custody of his 2 boys and she was happy to be their new mom.

My mother was born when her mom was 52, in 1937, the youngest of 12, so imagine what great technology has since advance since that time. Go for it, as long as she is healthy, it can be done.

Paris

The only significant conern that I've heard for an otherwise healthy woman bearing children in ther 40's is that the risk of Down's Syndrome seems to increase with the mother's age, beginning a relatively sharp rise in the early 40's.

This is not, in and of itself, a persuasive argument against pregnancy; it's more a risk to be aware of.

my momma had my sissy when she was 40
my college girlsfriends mom had her little sister when she was 41
and since i'm 32 and Lewis wants babies, i'm not opting out of having a baby again when i hit around 40

if a doc ok's it, s'all good
just be sure to see a doc first is my advice on it.

Hi Mad4Michelle...

I am also worried about this.... I can't have children anymore.. I already have two girls one 20 and the other one is 22... He's never fathered before. I know he wants to. he says we can adopt...I'm still pondering the thought of that . I keep thinking I'm getting to old to mother. But the thought of it's exciting also.

I would be okay with adopting if it came to that. I like the idea of fathering a child someday with my wife, but that's only a very small part of the experience of being a parent. If she is going to stress over the possible problems of pregnancy at 40+, its not worht it to me to put the woman I love through that.

Originally posted by Morgan
Hi Mad4Michelle...

I am also worried about this.... I can't have children anymore.. I already have two girls one 20 and the other one is 22... He's never fathered before. I know he wants to. he says we can adopt...I'm still pondering the thought of that . I keep thinking I'm getting to old to mother. But the thought of it's exciting also.

My last daughter was born at 37 and absolutely no problems at all. I did have CVS testing at the recomendation of my Dr. It did ease my mind throughout the pregnancy about birth defects and Downs Syndrome. Made the pregnancy a lot happier. I don't know if you have had a hysterectomy or not. You don't say why you can't have children anymore. But there is also Egg Donor options out there. Even if you can't carry one anymore, it could be his sperm and a donated egg. At least it is half his. I would not mind it at all. I'm 48 and I would go for it in a heart beat for my YM. Don't worry about being older and your energy level, he's younger so he could be the playmate. LOL

Dropping in after a while away. I'm 47 and my husband is 25. We are expecting our first (and last!) child next month. My pregnancy has been fine with just a few more aches and pains than in my twenties. I had an amnio which told us that the baby is normal and healthy and it's a girl.

Originally posted by Suzette
Dropping in after a while away. I'm 47 and my husband is 25. We are expecting our first (and last!) child next month. My pregnancy has been fine with just a few more aches and pains than in my twenties. I had an amnio which told us that the baby is normal and healthy and it's a girl.


OMG, that is so awesome !!! I wish you two the very best luck . It is so cool you are willing to bless him with a child.

My husband and I plan to have one more child...Im 42 and have had five children already. Having babies later in life in much more accepted now than in the past....well...don't tell that to my own kids who think that Im WAY TOO OLD to have another baby=). I'm hopeful that all will go well for us too....praying daily about that now! Goodluck to you both.

No more children for me either -- endometrial ablation - english translation, lining of the uterus removed. Sooooo.... even though he says he doesn't want kids - and has stood by that for 1 1/2 years now, I think he would jump at the chance to adopt -- because he's one of those that ooohs and aaaahs over babies in the store and what-not.... and THAT -- is what makes me wonder if he - somewhere in the back of his mind -- really DOES want a child. My daughter is 19 and somehow I can't really see myself starting all over again. As a parent, our job is -- to work ourselves OUT of a job. I think I just did that :confused: And with pride. I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I did consider adoption too -- but I wonder also if I can hack it any more -- I'm nearly 45 and when you think "Whew -- I'm DONE" -- it's hard to think about 2:00 a.m. feedings -- again!!!

Originally posted by Jay's Love
I'm nearly 45 and when you think "Whew -- I'm DONE" -- it's hard to think about 2:00 a.m. feedings -- again!!!

I know exactly what you mean! I used to wonder how I'd feel when I got to my 40's how I'd really feel about having additional children. I used to think that I'd always want more. HA!! Now that I can really feel that I am aging, I am really not so sure I could handle raising another child. My son is 21 and my daughter is 11 and I barely have enough energy for them.

I can't have anymore children anyway. I've had a hysterectomy. And I am definitely declining physically compared to even 2 years ago. I'm looking forward to grandbabies.

Remi says he is fine with us not having children, because my daughter is young enough that he can help finish raising her. But, I did agree to discuss the option of adoption in the event he changes his mind. But, I think that he'd have to understand that he'd have to have a pretty big part in caring for the child. I don't know if I could physically do it anymore. So, I secretly hope that Remi will never change his mind and decide that he wants a child.

What about when the dad is older?

D&C, welcome to agelesslove.

Well, I've been in that situation as well. My ex-husband was 43 when our daughter was born. I think it's the same as when the woman is older. Each man is different in how they feel about the situation and have to decide if they are ready to handle raising another child.

FYI For those you in your 40's that feel like you are declining physically.... there is something wrong. You should not feel that way in your 40's. It could be thyroid, it could be female hormones or other things BUT you need to have it checked out and not accept that it is just "getting older".

I felt that way in my 40's and wasted probably 6 years that way. It turned out it was thyroid and hormone deficiency. Now at 58 I feel as good or better than I did at 35! Don't go down without a fight!

I had my last baby at 37 with my YM of 21.... Wow what a joy. Spoiled her to death. :p Now I am working on spoiling her 3 year old....:D

Originally posted by yellowrose
FYI For those you in your 40's that feel like you are declining physically.... there is something wrong. You should not feel that way in your 40's. It could be thyroid, it could be female hormones or other things BUT you need to have it checked out and not accept that it is just "getting older".


Amen, yellowrose.

I'm a year from turning 40, and I meet women my age who feel 'old'.

Maybe it's a hormone thing. Maybe it's their lifestyle. Maybe it's their mental/emotional state. Whatever it is, they should check it out. At 38, I feel pretty much the same as I did at 25.

Well, okay, I have a few more aches and pains. And maybe I can't stay up quite as late on a regular basis. And... *laugh* Honest, girls, if you're feeling that you're on the downhill, see your doctor, an herbalist, or your local physical trainer. (And don't forget your favorite YM.) ;)