The M Word

Am I crazy to freak out about Marriage? I have another thread here about my minor issue.... After 3 great years with my YM. ( I am 46 and he is 28) He's talking marriage. All of a sudden all the insecurities went haywire. I never really thought of the future i just take every day as it comes. But Now I wonder am I taking all his youth away? Or what if i can't have any more children? Can I really Adopt at my age???? Oh my ... I got such a headache from this. What do i do? sometimes I feel like Kicking up my shoes and giving up then I sometimes I just know how sad I'd be without him.

How many here are Married? or talking about Marriage. Does this scare you as much as it does me?

The "M" word is banned from our household for the moment. No one is allowed in our household to get married until they hit their late twenties - LOL.

(I'm 40 and he's 24).

However, you've got a grown-up there. Don't you think he thought about all this before he asked you? There may be exceptions, but most men actually don't ask women to marry them unless they mean it.

:)

I'm assuming he knows that you're 46 and a bit past your childbearing prime? He doesn't think that you're actually 32? Then it sounds to me like he's fine with not having kids of his own if he can have YOU.

As humbling and astonishing and nutso as that may sound, it seems like that is the decision that he has come to.

So if you'd be sad without him and miraculously, it seems like he's be even sadder without you, then why don't you spare yourselves such misery and maybe go ahead and get married.

Marriage is no guarantee of anything. It's always a flyer into a mysterious future. But it sounds like he wants to share that future with you and you want to share it with him. That's just about the only good reason to get married that I can think of. :D

He'll still have what's left of his youth. He'll just get to spend it with you by his side.

Hi Morgan,

I'm 57 and happily married for two years to Dave who is 31. :) We are having a ball. I highly recommend marriage if you feel you are ready for it. If not, give it time to grow on you.

Are you sure he wants a child? Dave doesn't like children very much so no worries here about it. Not everyone wants to be a parent -- or can be a parent for that matter. A lot of younger women can't have children either, but they get married anyway. Life isn't always about getting exactly what you want. Sometimes you make sacrifices when you love someone.

As for stealing his youth. You gonna sell it on EBay? My arthritis is acting up, so I'll put in a bid. :D Seriously, you are ONLY 46. You aren't exactly over the hill and won't be for a long time. By the time you're old he's not going to be any spring chicken either. Not every YM wants to party and live a wild life. My husband would live as quietly as he does now...only he'd be lonely. You need to let HIM decide if you are stealing anything besides his heart. He's a big boy and his life is his so he can give it along with his heart, to the woman he chooses.

Of course I worried about Dave marrying someone as old as I am, but the longer we are together the more perfect we are as a couple. I was surprised, as was he, how marriage just seemed to relax us. No more worrying about it ending...just the knowledge that we were each loved and free to concentrate on building a future.

Three years to talk of marriage is about right. Why not talk about it some more and try to figure out why it frightens you so? Bet you've been hurt in the past, like most of the rest of us. But this is a new game and he's different and he loves you, so why not let yourself at least think of the possiblities?

Peace,
Jane

I'm 46, my husband is 35 and we've been married eleven years now.

I never felt as if I was stealing my husband's youth--we enjoyed each others' company nothing more, nothing less.

We were married within six months of knowing one another.

Sometimes it's good not to over think things.

My two cents.

Peace,
thatgirl

Thanks Bears Angel, Thatgirl, and Desert for your replies.

I am considering the proposal. I just can't say yes yet until I'm 100% over my insecurities.

personally, i can't wait to marry Lewis.
we've already talked about, discussed how it would be. my health being a drawback. him being a step-father to my boys. if and will we have a child together. where we'd like to live someday down the road.....new england, of course. our income. my ex. just about everything we could discuss, we've discussed MANY times. sometimes giggly, sometimes somberly.
bottom line: i'm looking forward to starting the rest of my life when him LITERALLY by my side. i've never been more sure except two other times in my life of something. i was extremley sure TWICE before ...... that i was pregnant. :D

LOL...then you may wait awhile. I am still not 100% over my insecurities, but I have said "yes" to Troy's proposal and we expect to marry next spring if all goes according to plan. I HOPE one day I will beat my insecurities...but just in case I don't...I'm not letting it stop me from going ahead with our life together. :D

I know I know. I keep telling myself. I am letting them take control.

I almost said yes this weekend. We went out for dinner and went to a jazz club but these damn voices in my head!

Inahnia your right though... I can wait for ever to be completely sure... you guys have definatly got me thinking!!:D

Tracy your so cute!!!! read this and started smiling :D

Originally posted by DarkestHour5
Tracy your so cute!!!! read this and started smiling :D

cmere and let's see ;)

LOLLLL kk ;)

me 45 adam 24, married. works for us very well, settled my insecurities down and i just feel like my life has really officially begun and he and i will be together forever. i trust adam with all my heart and love him very much, for us marriage has brought us closer and much more secure. i am incredibly glad i made this choice and got over my gitters. best of luck to you also.

Yes, I agree that its hard to take `until death do us part' terribly seriously nowadays, not when so many people end their marriages.

I agreed to marrying my fiance because for us, being married together before our supportive friends and family is a powerful action which openly demonstrates our intentions for the relationship.

I don't think you can assume that everyone wants to really TRY to make a relationship work nowadays, or that being in a relationship equals committment.

So I guess marriage for me was a way to define the type of relationship we have, as well the way we intend to conduct ourselves in the relationship through the various challenges placed before us. Its also a terrific way to tell each other how deeply you value and love them.

I also agree that being engaged has a really nice `security- building' effect. I do love looking at this ring on my finger, and letting it sink in more an more each day how deeply I am loved, and how happy I am to have found Stu to share my life with. I love how he keeps taking my hand into his, and looking at the ring with this beautiful look of joy on his face. Ah, stop me before I make everyone sick:))