Accepting the inevitable...

Does anyone have any feedback on the age difference being so great that it gets depressing when you think about how you know you won't be spending a full lifetime together? How do you prepare for that? Also, how do you deal with the fact that the OM is aging and the YW is still youthful?

My OM is 49 and I am 23. We have been dating for a few months. I get really sad some days when I think about how much life he has already lived and how I was not apart of that. He has been married once before and had 4 children which are around my age. Also, he has lived a life as a musician and as a construction contractor and successful design consultant. He has achieved a lot in his life and sometimes I feel like "little me" compared to him -- what does he want from a young gal like myself!?! I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself but sometimes I get a little overwhelmed with all he has accomplished and I feel so dissapointed that I was not there throughout the years to share that with him... simply because, well, I was literally a child back then!

Also, he was so handsome when he was younger! He still has the charisma and somewhat of the looks now, but his age is starting to set in with him: he's beginning to turn grey, some cheek frown lines are developing, he's balding. The irony is that his female clients all flirt with him because they're older women and view him as the cute "younger man!"

The thing is when I look at the photos of him taken not even 10 years ago -- he looked so awesome! I find myself fantasizing about how good he looked before and how I wish I could have been with him then. Obviously I am not just with him for his "looks" but I won't deny that the age is starting to set in with him. Does that seem shallow of me to notice those things? I suppose it's not so much of a big deal... but I DO notice it and can't help it. Fortunately the sex is so amazing that I can't really complain!! Atleast his age has NOT caught up to him in that regard!! And his personality, charisma, intelligence, and life experience are all so attractive to me. I really just want to love him for HIM.

So how do you deal with the fact that you won't be "growing old" together and how to come to terms with all this?

Well.. I'm sure we all have thought about that from time to time.... but who's to say you won't die first? I live each day as it comes.. I am 29 married to a 46 year old man and we just had a little boy together....... When i was 23 My fiance of 7 years died at the age of 25 years old.....so Unfortunatly it could happen at anytime.... if this man makes you happy and this is what you want.. then GO FOR IT.... :)

It's true, it can be sad if you start to dwell too much on the fact that you're not going to have a "lifetime" together. I do this occasionally, not so much because of our 13-year-age difference, but because we met later in life (he's 61 and I'm 48). So then I turn it around on myself and say, thank God I was blessed to meet this man and experience a joy that I've never known before. Whatever time we'll have together is a gift that I will always cherish.

Like MerAlove, I too lost someone young; I was widowed at 40 when my husband died of a heart attack at age 45. So I also know that anyone, young or old, can die at any time. I don't want to lose someone again to death but what's the alternative -- to never love? Loving is what makes life WORTH living!

So be grateful that you and your boyfriend found each other and appreciate every day you have together. There is an Art Garfunkel song with a great line: "How many people hold the ones they love just like there's no tomorrow?" A great love is worth the risk of loss and pain.

Hello

I am 30 my OM is 50. I rather have 10, 15 wonderful loving years with him, than not have him at all. I used to dwell on this a lot in the beginning, but when i pictured my life without him, I couldn't handle it . If u found a grea loving relationship, hold onto it. Some people search a lifetime for what u have & some never find it.

Don't worry about years down the road, live for today! No one knows what will happen tomorrow. I broke it off a few times due to me dwelling on the future & I was miserable without him. Thank God he was so understanding & took me back.

And as for him aging & showing it, my OM is has white hair & wrinkles coming in, & u know what, i love every single white hair & every single wrinkle. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

You could have someone your own age, that is good looking & he treats you like totally crap! Its whats inside that matters!! My man is older However, he is still a VERY good looking man!! I think he is stunning!! I wouldn't want him any other way!!

Hope this helps!!

Originally posted by NJGirl0129
Hello


And as for him aging & showing it, my OM is has white hair & wrinkles coming in, & u know what, i love every single white hair & every single wrinkle. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

You could have someone your own age, that is good looking & he treats you like totally crap! Its whats inside that matters!! My man is older However, he is still a VERY good looking man!! I think he is stunning!! I wouldn't want him any other way!!

Hope this helps!!


Wow, NJGirl (I'm also an NJ girl!), this is so well said! I agree with this completely. My OM too has grey hair and a lived-in face but that life is what made him the wonderful human being he is today. I've seen pictures of him when he was younger but back then, he wasn't the man he is today, the man I know and love. It is completely true that it's the heart that matters most.

I used to worry that my OM would die before me and leave me a young widow, but a few weeks ago, all that changed.

I went to the hospital for a kidney infection, and while there, i got a terrible headache. the docs were afraid my brain was bleeding... i was terrified, and so was OM... they told me that if it was, i could die. they did a spinal tap, but they screwed it up. after making a pincushion out of my back (14 needles total) they told me that my brain was fine, but now they had caused me to leak spinal fluid... i would get a little headache, but i would be ok.

well, for two weeks, i had the worst pain i have ever felt. every time i sat up or stood up, my head and neck felt like it was going to explode... i was pretty much bedridden, and i was miserable.

meanwhile, OM was still just as healthy as ever, going to work and taking care of me when he was home.... he never complained, never showed how afraid he was. later he told me that he was terrified that i was going to die...

anyway, the moral of my long, drawn out story is that any of us could go at any time.... enjoy what you have now, and dont worry about what his past has held without you (it has made him into the man you love today) or what the future might hold.... cherish every moment as if it were your last, for it very well may be....

btw... i am fine now... took awhile, but no more pain!:D

Wow marksangel! I am really touched by your story. Thank you for sharing that and I hope you will feel good as new soon. You are right about appreciating the moment -- for in reality it is all we have. Thanks and God bless.

Marksangel....wow...incredible story...thank you so much for sharing. I'm happy that you are ok and wish you all the best...great insight.

:)

I am a yw of 36 dating an om of 59. He has two grown children and I have one teenager and two little ones. In this relationship, he is the one who is afraid. I am quite comfortable with his age and don't fear the prospect of his aging appearance. I believe the reason for this is because I have been married twice before and know how ugly a person can become when a relationship goes bad, and how beautiful a man can become when you love him. My first husband was also 22 years older and much more attractive as a younger man. Our relationship failed not because of the age difference, but because I was too young at the start. Be sure that you have experienced enough life and are on solid ground before committing to anyone - older or younger. Not doing so is one major cause of break ups. Of course this is just my opinion.

great insight Barb...thanks for sharing it w/ us :D