Confused!

I'm 18 year old guy who fell in love with an older woman who is 15 years older than me. She has a fiancee and she just uses me as a fling. I think she's the greatest thing. I normally don't fall in love and always send them packing before I do but then I met this woman and something sparked. I don't know if she feels the same way about me because she wants to get married into something secure and to get her child back. I confessed to her my love the other day and she kept saying I don't know. Please help me out!!

KRAZY IN LOVE

Originally posted by Krazy18
She has a fiancee and she just uses me as a fling. I think she's the greatest thing.
I don't know if she feels the same way about me because she wants to get married into something secure and to get her child back.

I confessed to her my love the other day and she kept saying I don't know.

KRAZY IN LOVE

do you really need an interpretation as to what is going on here?

it sounds like, from your description, that she is using you for amusement. by saying "i just don't know" she's stringing you along.
you need to chalk this one up to exp. and move on, i think. totally MY opinion. but i've known a woman like this.
i'm really regretful for you that this is happening to you.
this lady has alot of baggage to begin with and to add to that, it sounds as tho she's just toyin' with you.
but ultimately, you gotta go with what you think is best for YOU, not her.
let us know how you are and welcome to Ageless. stick around. there are people here who are much more eloquent in helping people.
best of luck to you

Trace

Hi, Krazy. I read what you have to say and it just hurts me to see you care for someone like that. Stop and think..do you want to be involved with someone who is dishonest and selfish enough to "have a fling" with someone while she is engaged to be married to someone else? I don't think you do. One rule I learned from my own past mistakes is, "if they will cheat on someone else, they will cheat on you, too". You cannot trust and respect someone like that. She is old enough to know better. I know you're feelings are strong right now..but if she answers your declaration of love with an "I don't know"..then I would take that as a "no, but I don't want to be that blunt about it". Try to move ahead and get over this one~ you deserve someone who will love you exclusively and with the same passion that you offer.

Originally posted by Krazy18
I normally don't fall in love and always send them packing before I do but then I met this woman and something sparked.
KRAZY IN LOVE

Hmmm, Krazy, I have to admit that this comment sent up red flags for me. You "always send them packing before I do" fall in love. Why is that? Do you lose interest if they want a commitment? Could it be that the feelings you have for this woman are so strong exactly for the reason that she is emotionally unavailable to you?

Please look at your motivations very carefully before going any further with this. If you do decide to procede, listen to the wise advice these other folks have given you.

I guess I should really send her packing but thing I forgot to mention about my declaration of love to her is that i was dead drunk and I guess thats why she said I don't know. But I guess I should send this one packing too. I really like her and I would like to spend my every waking moment with her. She always says to me she considers herself a mentor to me. I just think its very weird about all that is happening to me and I honestly appreciate everyone's advice! Thank you.

There's a time for all of us when we quit sending people packing before we start to feel for them and here you are. Since this lady already has a fiancee, she may not be the best recipient for all these feelings, but the fact that you're having them is pointing to something in you that is changing. Congratulations!

Now look around and maybe someone will come along who is available and able to reciprocate these feelings. When it happens, it's the best thing in the world.

Hello Krazy,

Quite a lot of people out there are attracted to `unavailability' in a partner, much more than they are to availability. What I mean by `unavailablity' is that the object of interest is somehow not completely present in the relationship.....either emotionally, or physically. This can because of circumstances...ie the partner is already married.....or personality....ie the person being pursued seems to lack interest.

What sometimes happens with these kinds of situations is that when the unavailable partner becomes available (leaves their marriage to be with the lover, or shows interest in the relationship when formally there was very little), the person who is attracted to `unavailability' loses their attraction to the newly available partner. This leads to rejection, confusion, and hurt on all sides.

I know it sounds strange if you have never heard of this phenomenon before, but its true enough, and common enough too. Theres typically psychological reasons behind this.

I would therefore suggest that if your lover is aware of this phenomenon, or has experienced this sometime in her life, she would be very nervous about you changing your mind about being her partner once she ditches her fiance. Especially since you have a history of rejecting `available' girlfirends. I'd be very, very, cautious if I were her.

What do you think? Can you offer her any reassurances?

Fianlly, I agree with the others who say its best not to become involved with women who already have partners. For a lot of people you will meet in the future, that kind of behaviour can come across as a sign of you having little respect for other people's relationships, and that you have poor character strength. You'd be amazed at how much that can turn people off you! SO please be careful, and thoughtful about your actions right now, for they count.

Originally posted by Krazy18
I'm 18 year old guy who fell in love with an older woman who is 15 years older than me. She has a fiancee and she just uses me as a fling.

Face it: YOU GOT USED!

I think she's the greatest thing.

There's part of the problem, she doesn't reciprocate what you feel.

I normally don't fall in love and always send them packing before I do . . .

Ha! Here's another part of the problem: Love is something you never play with!

I don't know if she feels the same way about me because she wants to get married into something secure and to get her child back.

Uh. . . yeah! That's probably why you are feeling so bad because she's ALREADY ATTACHED!!! But then again, like she gives a rat's *** about her fiance anyway.

I guess I should really send her packing. . .

Looks like she already beat you to the punch!

I forgot to mention about my declaration of love to her is that i was dead drunk. . .

Hmmm. . . no wonder she just "tagged" you along!

I just think its very weird about all that is happening to me. . .

"What goes around, comes around!"

I feel you are just in the "thrill of the chase" mode. You want your cake and eat it too. Sorry to break the news to you but I think you need a little growing up to do. Since you like to pack people and things up, why don't you pack this whole experience up and ship it off to "Never do this again" land. Learn from your experiences and mistakes. Being the player and the "recepient," such as yourself, isn't always what it's quacked out to be huh?

Actually she hasn't dumped me I'm seeing her this week. She has told me several times she would hook up with me and go for marriage if it weren't for my young age since she feels nervous my age too. Sometimes I think I'm too good for her since she isn't that big of a catch but I like her personality. Its just something that stuns me and amazes me. What i don't like about this relationship is that I only see her once a week and that really sucks. She likes to consider herself my mentor and all she wanted for me was sex and friejndship, I mean its cool to have no-strings attached sex but thing is I accidentally fell in love with her! This was an accident I'm not very sure if I would reject her when she becomes available. Sometimes I think that this is a bad idea I mean she gets in the way of my plans and I obviously get in the way of hers. Everyone tells me I can do better than her but I'm not sure anymore if my looks alone can get this woman. What the hell do I have to do to get her to fall in love with me??? I might not even leave because of her but then again I don't know.

For one thing...and it's a major thing...she is ENGAGED!! She is planning to marry some poor guy who probably has no clue what he is in for. I feel sorry for the poor guy. She already shows she can't be trusted or faithful to a partner. Why would anyone want to be involved with someone who would turn around and do the same to them?

Has anyone thought of the fiance's feelings in all of this?

Nah the guy gave up his chance 2 years ago when he told her to go to hell. They were getting married but she had to go see her daughter who was in trouble and the fiancee didn't support her. So she left and now well she tells she wants to get married just to get her kid back she doesn't even love the guy she says he's too materialistic. I know I can get her but I just need the right tactic I alredy dyed my hair for her so she doesn't get bored of the same old thing. I need some tactics here!!! I have never fallen in love with an older woman and I would really like to know how to conquer one. Oh yeah and this woman I'm with claims she didn't have sex in years before she met me. Maybe she's telling the truth maybe she ain't. I can't be naive with older women they know all the tricks now I need some advice here about how I can have her at the palm of my hand and I won't misuse the advice ok, my promise!!! Oh yeah and she's also cheating on her fiancee with another possible fiancee. I really feel sorry for the guy who marries her which I hope will be ME!! She told me once that the she had me to take her "fire" out and to be able to hold out on both of them until one of them proposed well one did and she's still holding out on them. I really don't know what the hell she's planning!!!! She's a very tricky woman. Who knows wats up but I need some advice in conquering her soo hook me up please!!!

Originally posted by Krazy18
What the hell do I have to do to get her to fall in love with me???

You can't make anyone fall in love with you!

And who would want her? She has 2 fiance's and an 18 year old strung up by the balls...How many more will she pull into her web?

Sorry to be blunt, but this is ridiculous!

Originally posted by Krazy18
Nah the guy gave up his chance 2 years ago when he told her to go to hell. They were getting married but she had to go see her daughter who was in trouble and the fiancee didn't support her. So she left and now well she tells she wants to get married just to get her kid back she doesn't even love the guy she says he's too materialistic. I know I can get her but I just need the right tactic I alredy dyed my hair for her so she doesn't get bored of the same old thing. I need some tactics here!!! I have never fallen in love with an older woman and I would really like to know how to conquer one. Oh yeah and this woman I'm with claims she didn't have sex in years before she met me. Maybe she's telling the truth maybe she ain't. I can't be naive with older women they know all the tricks now I need some advice here about how I can have her at the palm of my hand and I won't misuse the advice ok, my promise!!! Oh yeah and she's also cheating on her fiancee with another possible fiancee. I really feel sorry for the guy who marries her which I hope will be ME!! She told me once that the she had me to take her "fire" out and to be able to hold out on both of them until one of them proposed well one did and she's still holding out on them. I really don't know what the hell she's planning!!!! She's a very tricky woman. Who knows wats up but I need some advice in conquering her soo hook me up please!!!

I'm sorry. I can't even believe you'd want to be with a woman like this. Please read what you just wrote. Read it as an outsider, read it as though you were one of your friends, whom you cared about and did not want to see hurt. You must really believe that you do not deserve to have a woman who can love you and only you. You must really believe that you are not worthy of a woman who can be physically, emotionally, mentally available, and all YOURS. It's very sad indeed. You must think that it's all a game, and that lies and deception are all part of true love. How sad. You want to conquer her? That's the prize? You must not think much of yourself, if that prize is what you are willing to settle for. Anyone who is willing to give love the way that you are, deserves so much more in return, don't you think?

Originally posted by Krazy18
I really feel sorry for the guy who marries her which I hope will be ME!!



you can NOT be serious????!!!????

This is quite a funny thread now:))
Krazy, you'll probably look back on all of this one day and marvel at your own innocence. Don't worry, we were all 18 once and you're allowed to dramatically mess things up at 18:)

Originally posted by Dragonfly
I have not responded to this thread as I have serious issues about the validity of this OP's situation.... and for that matter of the OP himself. His posts quite simply read ..... wrong ... and on so many different levels. Warning bells went off after I read the original post ... they have become nearly deafening as the posts continue. Were I analyzing these posts for truthfulness ... I am afraid what has been written would come up seriously wanting. But hey .... this is just my opinion.


I agree with you on this one. I did post a couple of responses, but not in the way I would normally respond to things. I have a gut feeling that something is askew...

Well, after reading all this . . . personally I hope you do get her!! It seems that you two deserve each other . . . :rolleyes:

http://www.othersteve.com/images/trollfactor.jpg

I was innocent before I met this woman. My self-esteem was through the roof 2 years ago now its slowly has been going down to nothing. I really like this woman and everyone keeps telling me to forget her. I just think thats what I should do. Thanks everyone for their advice.

This is honestly some crazy stuff going on. And if you think something weird going on then you're right. I rather not say but it has to do with age. This older woman changed me a lot for the worse I mean she got me smoking and drinking and doing some other stuff. It was my fault but if you guys thought something was up you guys are very right. I think this is a good lesson for me. I should never get involved with an older woman who has a twisted history. Again thanks a lot for your advice I really appreciate it.