so frustrated! help, advice?

Hi, all. I'm new here...posted in the newbie section...

I have some serious questions that maybe someone can help me with. Basics, lol...but painful for me.

Commtment. We've been together just shy of 4 years and we have a small son together (planned, and he's next month). I want marriage and he is not interested. Scared he says of the long term commitment...but....what aboutt he child we have and the commitment that takes? Is that not a lifetime? It hurts...he at one point said that he wanted to get married and was planning a ring...I knew of this and of his intentions. Well, it went away. He never told me, we had to get in an arguement about it and then he told me that he actually had no plans for marriage. I tried to digest this.

Going out with friends. Why does this hurt me so? It's no the actual going out - it's that it's weekly and for hours and hours...6 is the shortest amount of time. They get together, then decide on the movie and see what time it's playing, go out for drinks and pool, and he comes home reeking of ciggs and is pissed because *I'M* unhappy because he was out again...

OK - I know that these things are not at all only age related problems, but I know that his age is a factor, kwim? He's 22, and I'm 35. Are there any questions I can answer so I can get some clear help or understanding or some thoughts to chew on?I love this man with all my heart, but I CAN be alone if I must. But life is so much more joyous with him...I want to make this work, to continue to work. But these things are upsetting and I'm hurting...

Love and thanks,
Kidgie

that you are hurting. I really am. I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't... and alot of this is definitely a product of age.

He's 22 and admits he's not ready for marriage. You know, I'm 32, been married twice and am definitely 'not ready' for marriage! It's not something you can push some one into.

But, it does sound like, for you, it's re-evaluation time. How is the rest of your relationship? Is it just the issue of him going out every week?

Lots of guys of all ages keep their once a week "guys nite out" thing going. At 22, it's pretty healthy. Heck, I'd like a "girls nite out" more often, but my girlfriends have lives! :o So, it rarely happens.

Although, I prefer to spend my time when my kids are with their respective Dads with my YM. He, for now at least, spend his with me. Not that I don't fully expect things to change. They do! There are things he likes to do that I don't want to keep him from, nor do I want to go with him. You know?

But, I guess you need to ask yourself what it is you really need and expect from a long term relationship (with this guy or any guy.) Marriage isn't an "end all" and so many people think that once they are married they don't have to worry about cheating. :o

In fact, conversation I had last week: Gyn says "I am very reluctant to give you an IUD if you're not married. The risks for PID are high if he should cheat." I said, "Lady, my first husband cheated on me with a blonde bimbo he worked with and my second one with our male roommate... marriage is NO determination of whether or not the guy I'm with is a CAD." She relented and I get the IUD on the 23rd. :p

I just don't like seeing people get all wrapped up in the world "marriage" as if it were the end all goal of their entire lives! You have a YM you love, he goes out once a week (come, there MUST be more) and you have a child together.

I'm really, really sorry you're hurting. I wish I had decent advice. Maybe knowing more about the situation would be helpful, too.
~phosphorescent

Just hearing from another person helps a lot. You know, if it were really just once a week, I'd be ok - but it's the hours and hours out that get me...but maybe I can ease a bit. I am not really sure just what it is that hurts so much about that - I mean, I'm not denying I have issues...lol...who doesn't, anyway? But it just comes across as....sneaky (?) almost? That's not quite right...but I guess he wants the spontinaity (gee, I will learn to spell, one day, on a quite day when I have time) too. I can deal with every Friday let's say...I'll try. We'll talk. Last night was a huge explosion when he came home. He was tipsy, I was irked.

The relationship otherwise is pretty good! The best I've had. There are some issues that are cultural and some sexism issues/machismo type issues, but in some ways I think we can hurdle those. When we mesh, we are wonderful!

As for marriage - his past has some issues with trust that are just sooo hard to deal with. He knows that marriage is important to me so he says that he will do what he can to try and deal with his stuff...but he's done nothing now and it's been a few months and that is what hurts. At one point, just days ago, we seemed closer to that same direction, and after last night's battle, it's not, I suppose. He said some hurtful things and he's STILL in bed, so no work has been done to heal from that yet.

I don't happen to see marriage as an "end" at all, but rather a begining and a way to express the love and commitment we have for one another, publicly. Just wanted to clarify that one...lol...oh, and if we ever do marry, it will be my third, his first.

This is really tough for me. He is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I worry that he and I both my not be mature enough to handle the difficulties that arise. I don't know...I need help...no doubt about it.

Love,
K.

Hi, Kidgie! I see you have seen the movie, Harold and Maude. It's one of my favorites, heh.
As to your situation.. My take so far: you two seem to have very different views of commitment and relationship. You are looking for a partnership of equals, he apparently is of a more traditional, partriarchial mindset. You are seeking the shared bond of a witnessed marriage, he is "afraid". I agree that having a child together is a long term commitment, but unfortuantely many men, especially the macho type, do not regard having a child with someone as any kind of tie or commitment. They seem to think that the more children they sire, not necessarily by the same mother, the more "manly" they are. I'm not saying your man is that way, it's just an attitude I have noticed that many young men have who are into that "macho" , impressing their fellow men mindset. To me your options right now consist of either:
1) deciding he is not the man for you, and looking for someone who is more willing to be an equal, sharing, communicating and committed partner, or 2) accepting this man the way he is, swallowing your discontent, and know that most likely you will have to raise your child by yourself even if he living with you and you will most likely not ever get from him the type of partnership you desire. Remember, you cannot make him change. Only he can do that. If you look at him and think, "If only he would do ______differently, we could be happy!", then you will most likely never be happy. The best partner is the one you love just the way they are, warts and all. Oh, and welcome to the boards. :)

If he isn't ready for marriage, then he isn't. I'm not sure that it's fair to insist that he be ready at 22 - some people just aren't. (And I speak from experience because I was one of them).

This doesn't have to hurt you so much if you try to focus on the fact that he isn't ready for marriage - the concept - not marriage as in - YOU. Since he knows you want to get married and he hasn't run for the hills yet, it does sound like he may get there in time. So the question becomes - do you want to wait?

No right or wrong answer there. Just a personal decision about how much you want him, how important it is to you to be married, how hard it is emotionally to wait and so on.

And it may take years, not months. My late husband proposed when I was 24 and I accepted that proposal when I was 27. He waited for three years. I still don't know where he found all that patience -lol.

About the going out with his buddies. I hear you when you're saying that it isn't the fact that he goes out with them, but something about the "how he does it" that is bugging you. I think the more you can articulate that, the easier it might be to work out some compromises that will reduce the pain for you.

Can he check in on the phone once every four or five hours? Can he tell you what happens after he's home? Can you come along once or twice to see what it's like? Can you find some things of your own to do on these nights that fill your mind up with thoughts other than him?

Just some ideas to consider.....

Think about what, given the situation that you're in, you both can do to make it less hard on you. That's in HIS interest too - as you'll probably be alot easier to be around if you're not feeling damaged.

Originally posted by Kidgie
Just hearing from another person helps a lot. You know, if it were really just once a week, I'd be ok - but it's the hours and hours out that get me...but maybe I can ease a bit.... Last night was a huge explosion when he came home. He was tipsy, I was irked.

Well, often times alcohol can effect a persons judgement, so give him time to sober up and try not to put him on the defensive. I mean, if you walk into a conversation with "You always" or "you never," a persons going to automatically get defensive. (NOT that you do this, but food for thought... just in case) Maybe express it more in the sense that, "Hey, hon. I know you like to hang with the guys, but it makes me feel (fill in the blanks) when you go out after I've gone to bed... " or whatever the scenario is thats upsetting you.

The relationship otherwise is pretty good! The best I've had. There are some issues that are cultural and some sexism issues/machismo type issues, but in some ways I think we can hurdle those. When we mesh, we are wonderful!

Cultural issues are getting to be more the norm these days... thank God. :D But, yeah, it can be harder to take the sexism things, I think, as we get older as women. Heck, we're established, pretty much, already! Who the heck do you think you are, mister! LOL But, think about it. I'd rather have a guy with some macho issues than a man who I feel couldn't or wouldn't protect me (i.e., my last two husbands). With that, comes some downsides. Well, with everything there are downsides! It's a weights and balances thing.

You say he's the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, AND you have a child together. And you've been together now for four years (that's pretty good there!)... I think, maybe, finding a way to communicate with each other will be very beneficial. I won't suggest couples counseling, because I'm guessing the 'cultural' and 'macho' issues will cause an argument, which I think is what you're trying to avoid.

Continuing the fighting, that is. But, we all go through rough spots. And I agree, the waiting is HARD. But, you really do have to fairly factor in his age here.

And yes... welcome!
~phosphorescent

Originally posted by Kidgie
Just hearing from another person helps a lot. You know, if it were really just once a week, I'd be ok - but it's the hours and hours out that get me...but maybe I can ease a bit. I am not really sure just what it is that hurts so much about that - I mean, I'm not denying I have issues...lol...who doesn't, anyway? But it just comes across as....sneaky (?) almost?
It sounds like you may suspect something else is going on besides him being out with the boys. 6 hours are a long time, I agree and the question I have is when does he leave and when does he come back? I mean does he leave very early and come back around 2am when the bars close, or leave later and come back in the morning?

I don't happen to see marriage as an "end" at all, but rather a begining and a way to express the love and commitment we have for one another, publicly.
I dont know how old your child is, but I just wonder why you didnt settle the "commitment" and marriage issues before having a child . The way I feel, if I see marriage the way you do, and the person I was with was not ready to set a date or he put it off but didnt mind having a child, Im sorry, there is no way I would have a child knowing this man is not all into the marriage and commitment and responsibility of a relationship for the "long haul"

The relationship otherwise is pretty good! The best I've had. There are some issues that are cultural and some sexism issues/machismo type issues, but in some ways I think we can hurdle those. When we mesh, we are wonderful! Who do you live with 90% of the time? The one that wont commit, goes out for hours and hours, has sexism /machismo issuse you have problems with or that guy you mesh with ??? I was asked once and it was a big shock to realize the great person I saw "inside" was NOT who I spent most of my time with so it did little good to dwell on his good points when it was the cheat and liar and abuser I lived with 90% of the time.

This is really tough for me. He is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I worry that he and I both my not be mature enough to handle the difficulties that arise.

I know you love this man, and I do know what your going through . I went through it for years and years in several relationships, building my hopes on false promises and wishful thinking rather than the reality of the situation. Maybe this isnt you, but the way I see it, you didnt draw a line when he backed out of marriage, you went along with it so you wouldnt lose him, hoping he would change his mind. To me, going along with his terms, and having a child, have only said one thing to him..... he can have you and the relationship without marriage. You havent seemed to put your foot down about much , and I wonder what you will do when the 6 hours out with the boys turns into all nighters? You say yourself he is doing nothing to work on his issues. Have you ever suggested councelling? Can't say I give them tons of credit, but my main point would be to see if he were even willing to take some kind of steps to change things in your relationship. If he isnt, I guess its going to be up to you to decide if you want to live with this y/m on his terms or demand more for yourself, with him or without him.
The main thing is for YOU to seek help for YOU, for insight into yourself, help in understanding and overcoming your fears and insecurities and so on. Learn to see the wonderful person you are, the great gift you have in your child, and how to set your boundries and settle for nothing less than respect and commitment in your relationship............for your child as well as for yourself.

Excellent post Charo!

I warn people against this all the time when they get involved with a very young man...that SOME DAY, he'll discover the wild world of "clubbing and bars". I love when women say, "Oh, he's not the partying type." and the guys is like, 18-20.

My ym went through the partying stage. He and all of his friends turned 21 right after I met him. A year after that, it was like they were addicted to going out! I went out with him as much as I could, but when he went out alone, I HATED it. I was such a b!tch when he would come back home. I told him, "If you're out to get someone else, or even flirt with girls, then this isn't the relationship I want to be in!" He assured me he was out to be with his friends.

That stage passed. His friends are getting married now, and no one goes out all that much. It was rough getting through it, but it passed and the get togethers are much less frequent. They are still necessary for a guy though. He NEEDS to connect with his friends and not feel imprisoned by his gf.

About the baby, there's not a lot I can say except that at his age, it's a pretty frightening thing to face, being a father, and in his mind, having to provide for a family. That may also be why he goes out so much. Don't lose touch with him sexually. Have sex, and when it gets to where you can't, go oral. Staying sexually connected is very important. Also, go out with him when you can, and yes, you can have a couple of drinks! It won't hurt the baby whatsoever. Wear make up, be positive, don't be some nag that he resists coming home to. Reward him when he IS home, by, like I said, being oral, giving a massage, whatever. Don't expect a 22-year-old man to be sensitive to your needs, it won't happen. At least not to the degree that you want it to. An older man would be able to do that, but not him.

Another choice is to say, "If he can't be what I want, I'm outta here!" You can do that too. He may come around in a few years, and he may not. Be prepared, if you go that route, to except total responsibility for that baby. Your ym is in a self-centered, egocentric stage right now. It happens. He's not ready, he said it loud and clear, and you can either try to ride the storm out and see what happens, or cut him loose and try as best you can to make a life for yourself and your baby as best you can.

Another option is to terminate the pregnancy (don't know how far along you are). It's a painful choice, but sometimes it's one that makes the most sense.

Whatever you do, I hope it brings you a more hopeful future.

Uh, Polly, he's a two year old, too late to terminate.
Kidgie, here's where communication is vital.
If he was old enough to plan a now, two year old, he's old enough to belly up and be a man.
No, you don't need to take all responsibility for raising your son if you decide to go this alone, the laws pretty well govern this. And for your son's sake, make sure he takes all the responsibilty he has to if that's the route you go. 22 is young, but once you are a parent, that's your first priority, male or female. And a child needs his father in his life.
A 22 year old woman that's a mother wouldn't be told it's ok to go dump your family so you can have your party years, and neither should a man.
That's one thing I always pounded into my son's heads, you make a choice to have sex, you be prepared to have that girl in your life for the rest of your life, because there is no fail safe method, and it's always a possibility.
Anyway, as far as the going out, I agree that there should be a number you could reach him at anytime, in case of emergency. I think that if he's going to have his night out with the boys, you need to have the same time out, give them some boy bonding time. And do NOT call it babysitting when he is with his father, ok?
Heck, go to the movies, go to an evening hair salon, just go walk around WalMart, whatever, but take some time for yourself.
And I'm sorry, but "scared of a long term commitment?" He's already made the longest commitment there is, he's a father.
This is where some outside help would come in handy. From you, its going to sound like nagging, from an outside person, he'd probably listen.
If you can possibly make an appointment with a counselor, and tell him you're feeling stressed, and you'd like him to go with you to help you cope with things, you're a lot more likely to get him to go with you, than by telling him, he has a problem, and you want him to get help.
Appeal to that macho side by asking his help. And basically, that is what it boils down to anyway. You can't change someone, you can only decide what you'll allow yourself to tolerate, what your own boundaries are. And you have every right as his mate, the mother of his child, and a human being to be treated with respect.

I am sorry I cannot offer any words of advice. My heart aches for you and your family. I can offer you my prayers.

Only comment I wanted to make was this... at 17 I was a mother... at 19 I had 2 kids...

My kids are my responsibility at any age. I don't get a free pass because I am younger than most of the other parents at my daughter's college freshman orientation. I hate the idea that our culture sends a different message to young men.

If males get a free pass, its because females have such a low opinion of them already that we do not even have an expectation that they will rise to the occassion and be the men that their organs made them.

sad sad sad

GREAT! I haven't ever gotten so much good advice at one time ever in my life...lol...thanks so much ya'll. I had a good feeling about this place and I've been proven right. Gotta like that... ;)

I am rereading all the posts to me and it honestly looks like a bit from here and a bit from there is just what I need. Here's an update w/o writing a novela for ya'll!

Last night, he had a terrible tummy ache...so I took (I have to admit, I am off on the names right now, give me time!) someone's advice and doused with intimate care ;) which seemed to go over well. Earlier in the day he came to me (after obviously reading the note I left for him) and kissed my neck and said (with humor) "you're a oain in the @ss, you know that?" And then we kissed. We were both wrong in the arguement and reacted rather than responded to the situation. This week, we must decide on some guides so both of us are happier. Me nagging and being a b!tch isn't gonna do a thing but drive him away (and, about 90% of the time, this ym is the best there is, so...ya know...) and him buttering me up during the week and then racing out for hours on end at the end of a "good Juan period" is defeating the purpose of he and I getting out together. that was what I meant by "sneaky." It seems that he'll do all this stuff, be extra wonderful (like I said, "butter me up") and then what seems to me, suddenly say, "can I go out tonight?" or, "what night would be best to go out this weekend with the guys?" (which is a nice way of saying, "you pick, but I'm going no matter"). So the sneaky feeling comes from that. I don't think at ALL he will cheat on me, but I also think that setting up situations in which cheating is more likely to happen is not a good idea (ie, bars, nightclubs). So the movies I'm usually fine with - it's the time out and the bars. There is no idication of him cheating on me, and I can always reach him on his cell phone and he always text messages me with an appox. time that he'll be home. But the 2 am and long hours need to alter for me. I'm just not comfortable with that, but I am willing and can accept one a week going out. He likes to just have it happen, and I am really a routine kind of person. I love knowing that every Tuesday, I see my mom, and every Monday I see my dad...he's not quite like that. But! We BOTH need to compromise I figure, so I'm doing all I can to understand the development of a ym (lol, I got some great help with that from , "Older Women, Younger Men - New Choices for Love {or something like that} GREAT book, ya''ll know it?) and he's just gonna have to do some scheduling...seems fair?

Gee, all these things are running through my head.

I agree 100% that staying connected sexually is a good idea - for lots of reasons. I must admit, I am begining to wonder if the old saying is true though - The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...and his genitals! (only partially kidding, bear with me). Whenever we go out, I always look good and pulled together and he loves my body (4 kids later! yay!) and my brain, so all that's good.

Yes, a 2 year old is a bit too old to consider abortion. Plus, he was planned, and his responsibility to the baby is not at all in question. The cultural issues are fun, wonderful and frustrating at times. His uncles are kinda like one member mentioned - the many children and such. This is Juan's only child, and he wants no more. I happen to want another, butt hat's a different post! He is more stringent on the bc than I am as a result. That's not the aspect of machismo I mean AT ALL. I mean more like he wants a plate made for him and waiting when he comes home from work if he comes home later than dinner time, he likes for me to deal with his laundry and iron (though he readily irons himself). I stay home, he goes to work - we are rather traditional that way, though he'd like me to work (I am becoming a lactation educator, but it's a slow process for me at this time). He just figures I'm home, he's the breadwinner, if I do those things, I'm helping win the bread. I feel the same, and so that's all good. when I did work, it wasn't like that - it was more evenly distributed.

I think he is getting closer to marrige....here's an example: His sister has 3 kids, and is 18 - but they all say, "at least she's not married!" meaning that the children may not have been a good idea, but marriage is permanate! I know it makes little sense, but maybe that's the Catholic in the family...? His uncles have gf with children, an one lives with a woman that has 2 children, but marriage is not at issue. Seems that that is a bigger form of commitment in his family and he's terrified. I have to respect that, but not sure how long I can wait. He's worth so much to me - but years of not marrying will cause more trouble in my heart. He's coming along, I can hear it in his words and thoughts (we are talking of buying a home soon-ish and that's connected to both of us). Trust is the biggest thing. I cheated on him in the first 6 months that we were together, and when I was married to my second dh (a 7 year age gap, btw, me older), I cheated a LOT on him, and Juan knew this was happening (I was clinically depressed and self destructive and those days are over, long story probably not for this board). But I have done all I can and will continue to do all I can to prove my loyalty. I know that plays a role, but even he said to me that he knows that at this point, years later and my mental health being fine now, that this is his issue now, not mine anymore. He was severely abused as a child...he takes a lot to open up. Counseling and machismo...sorta, kinda, pretty much. Opening up to another human is hard - though he said he'd do it. We'll see. I just want movement in this relationship. I want to know what to hope for in the future, where he sees this relationhip going - he says all the way, but marriage is still up for question. I want to make sure we are on the same page, even if we use different terminology to express that.

Someone asked why I'd have a child without the commitment issue settled first...well, there is of course a stroy to that, but basically, I didn't think I could marry again, until after I was really pregnant. I didn't think I ever would I felt so awful about having had 2 by 33. I was embarassed by the idea of it. Now, after the baby was born, and I see us living the lifestayle of married folks, and my fears of looking foolish went away, AND I fell even more deeply in love, marriage became an issue. He had for a long time said yes, he wanted marrige...but then he got terrified and didn't tell me he was not going to propose. But he didn't tell me for months...he was too scared to tell me that he was too hesitant to get married...THAT was a big, long, horrible arguement. Not telling me was worse. I was looking at dresses and he had no intention of marrying me. That is slowly clearing up now - see above pragraphs for more info...

Gee, I know there was more, but I already went on and on....I'm sorry. But I am so grateful to talk about this! Ya'll are GREAT and I really already feel comfy here. thanks sooooo much for that! I even mod on another board that uses VBulltien (but a diff. version) and have over 6,000 posts there as a result...and I feel better HERE talking about it!

I'm sure I'll be back. Soon. I know there is more that I didn't address and I hope for more replies!

Oh...I fell in love with Harold and Maude at age 13. My friend had a bootleg copy of it (along with Rocky Horror, I might ad!) When Juan first saw it, and did NOT saye, "Ewww" at the bed scene, something clicked for me...lol...he was only 17 then. We got together right as he turned 18!

with love and hugs and great thanks,
Karen aka "Kidgie" :D

I love Harold and Maude too! :D

Hi Kiidgie,
After reading your post I thought to myself " WOW that girl can type more than I can" LOL
I really hope things work out for you and your y/m and Im really glad you like it here. I do too. This is a special place in my opinion, where I think the people really WANT to be of help and reach out to those going through things they have already been through and experienced.
Sometimes people can really relate to issues and when they think they see someone heading down the same path, tend to get rather outspoken and maybe not tactful in the way they reply, but some of us just say it like we see it , some have an ability to be comforting or encouraging, some can make you see your situation in a way you hadnt before, but in our own ways we all are here to help even if it means saying GET OUT OF THAT MESS NOW.
. All I guess Im trying to say is I liked how you said you took a little from this post and some from another that you felt applied to your situation, yet didnt get offended by things that were said that didnt apply.
Ill close with one thing I saw in your post that caught my eye, when you said ...... " I mean more like he wants a plate made for him and waiting when he comes home from work if he comes home later than dinner time "

wants a plate made and waiting even if he comes home later than dinner time???? Do you mean if he comes home later due to stopping for drinks or just messing around and showing up home when he feels like it?
HOLD ME BACK, been there done that BIG RED FLAG... CONTROL WARNING LOLhttp://www.heathersanimations.com/female/349.gif

Charo, love - you wrote:

"wants a plate made and waiting even if he comes home later than dinner time???? Do you mean if he comes home later due to stopping for drinks or just messing around and showing up home when he feels like it?
HOLD ME BACK, been there done that BIG RED"

LOL...wants that done for him when he comes home from WORK...lol...I wasn't clear, was I? I babble...you may have noticed, which is probably why I got less replies after my first one, huh?! Eeek! Anyway, he prefers me to be the one that makes dinner - I'm home, it makes sense. He wants to have dinner for him when he gets home from work is what I meant - like a plate saved in the oven, or easily accessible leftovers. I am not explaining that one well at all...he doesn't often bathe the baby, he does little on a regular basis hosehold wise (but I admit, when he doesm it's like a whirlwind the place is spotless - he cleans when there are NO KIDS around and there are 4 here on a regular basis!) I'm still not articulating that part very well right now...

But things feel good, look better inside right now. Perspective and optimism is in right now. Going to post a question to ya'll soon...

Love,
Karen

I just wanted to comment on your comment about not getting offended...oh, no. I do of course at times, like if its a personal attack and sometimes when it'snot, but that's usually a mean spirited post. The advice I got was good advice, it came from the hearts and from the experience of others, based on the reality that is theirs...so I can apply what works for me into my life, learn a bit, and leave the rest. :) I try.

VERY glad to meet you!

Love,
K.

Thanks Kidgie, its not that you dont explain things well, just that i sometimes see things from 5 different angles and want to make sure what a person means.
My house runs pretty much the same in as far as I do most of the cooking, and am the one at home so yep it makes sense. Just was thinking if you meant he would come home at all hours and expect you to have something for him to eat. Or expect you to get him this and get him that when you were busy and he was home laying on the couch.( flashback to something I was familiar with ) which got my blood pressure going LOL
My y/m is a whirlwind too when he cleans the house. Funny, he can take 20 min and I can take hours and yet it still looks pretty much the same when each of us is done. ( at least on the surface hahaha)
Hey, glad to meet you too Kidgie, and Im glad things are going well and this is an up time for you.
When your down this is a great place to come to for encouragement, direction , advice etc but when your UP its great to know you can come and share that too with people who are genuinely happy for you . I know it puts a smile on my face.!
http://www.heathersanimations.com/cats/Animation03r.gif

Everytime I think about cooking my heart melts with desire - and not just for fine food :-)

Some time ago I learned that cooking can be much more than a culinary and social hobby. Much more than a way to please your own tummy and those of the people you love.

I would never miss an opportunity to cook together with my love. Cooking, with a grain of creative imagination, is an extremely seductive opportunity to have great fun together. Wow! I deliberately don't want to be graphical here, dear ladies, not because I feel ashamed, but because you have great imagination and I just want to tingle your appetite!

I suppose you know the cake "Better than Sex". Could there be anything better than sex and this cake? Yes, seducing your parner while preparing it. Tip: the recipe requires whipped topping :-)

For some people sex begins in the bedroom. For others at dinner time. For us in the kitchen :-)

Woah, I got a bout of hunger now!