Any military girlfriend/wives out there?

Ok...so living in San Diego makes in hard to find a quality man that is NOT in the military...mainly the Navy. It's crazy...you find someone....get to talkin'...in the Navy. On top of that...you don't find any locals...all these Navy guys are from all over the US! So when their term is up...they go back home...and the ones I tend to attract are all East Coasters...go figure.

So anyway...I met this guy...L...sweet sweet sweet guy...and you guessed it...in the Navy. I'll admit, I've been attracted to a Navy man before...ya'll remember that beef cake I used to post...*sigh* at any rate, I only considered dating him because he was almost out of the Navy. Where L has just reenlisted :( L is a very sweet guy. Wants to open up and share his whole world with me. He says he wants me to know everything. Which is great! But there are a few things holding me back...

1. He's 21. Yeah, ok...age is nothing but a number - this I know. And yes, he may very well be a mature 21, but it bothers me. I don't know why...but it bothers me. When we first started talking he was talking about all the nice things he has...blah blah blah...and I go to his place (which is nice and in a nice area, and has 5 roommates...yes 5!!) he shows me his room and there is a bed, a tv and a computer. Hmm....ok...I know I shouldn't base my liking him or not on his possessions, but I'd like someone a little more established than a computer, a bed, a tv and a car. I know this sounds so shallow...but that's just what I'm thinking. Now that I'm writing this all out...damn I sound so shallow....maybe typing this all out will be a therapudic session for me...bear w/ me ya'll.

2. He CAN'T kiss. I know...a small factor...but still. We were watching a movie and out of nowhere he starts to lean in and says "I'm going to kiss you now." WTF....first of all...that line...ut uh. That's a no-no...he's lucky I didn't laugh in his face. So yeah...he kisses me and it was terrible. I've never met anyone who couldn't kiss....this also leads to the 21 factor...21 and inexperienced.

3. I can't stand his laugh...it's so annoying. I roll my eyes when I hear it...if I can't stand it now...imagine what will happen if I start dating him - I'll be on annoying laugh over load!

4. This is the big one....HE'S IN THE NAVY! Not that guys in the Navy are bad...but they go underway (out to sea) so often. He leaves every Monday and comes back every Friday and is home for the weekends...not a bad schedule...I can deal with that. But lets say that time goes on, we start to date and I start to really like him. He leaves next April and is gone until Next November. That's crazy! I don't know if I can deal with that.

He caught me on line the other night. He said he was sad because he hasn't seen me in over a week. I told him that I was unsure of how I wanted to carry on our relationship. I wasn't sure if I wanted to date him or not. I told him that I had to think about it before making any choices because I really don't want to hurt him. He respected my answer, but admitted that he can't stop thinking about me. Which makes my stomach do the happy butterflies-in-stomach dance...but then I have to stop and question it again. I told him that the main reason was because he is in the military. He got a little upset at that, but could understand my thoughts and concerns. Then he came back with..."well, since you like me now...let's just go with it while I'm here." RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG! Alarms went off in my head when he said that. Ok, sure we can do that...but then when it comes time for him to leave, what happens then. He's already told me he can't stop thinking about me....and we hardly know one another...it can only progress from here. Will he actually be ok with us only being together until he leaves? Besides...that doesn't even sound right. You'd think that a girlfriend would stand by her boyfriend through the hard times....but these are hard times I'm not sure of.

I have friends with boyfriends/husbands in the military....it's not a pretty picture. Do I want that for myself? My roommate couldn't handle her boyfriend being gone for six weeks...how am I supposed to handle seven months?

I guess it's pretty obvious that my main concern is the military thing. But I'm still so unsure. What if he is really a great guy and I'd be happy with him. I've listed all the negatives, but there are some positives.

He called me all this weekend to make sure I was feeling better (I'm sick) and taking medicine to get better.

I fell asleep watching a movie with him and I woke up to little kisses on my cheek.

He's incredibly open about his life, his sad childhood, and the little dark secrets that he don't really share.

So yeah, there are some good thing, but I'm nervous. I know I want a relationship....but I want it to be right. I can usually tell if it will work between me and another person right away and I'm very torn at this moment. I'm not really physically attracted to him, but I'm willing to give it a shot because looks fade...when personality and communication stays forever. But then another part of me wonders if I should be physically attracted to him...I don't know...I'm just lost. There is so much more to write...but I guess I'll leave the table open for comments, suggestions and questions and I'll go from there.

Thanks All~
Evett

*sorry...this wasn't supposed to be this long!!*

I have some questions for you, Em.

All the positive things you listed had to do with how he seems to fawn all over you. Do you like who he is as a person though? Or is it just the attention he gives you? The reason I ask is that in any relationship all that attention and affection is probably going to die down, if only a little, and what you're going to have left is just him. Obnoxious laugh, terrible kisses, meager posessions and all. If it annoys you now it will only annoy you more in the future.

As for the military thing: I struggled through two years as an Army wife. Even if our marriage had been much much better, I wouldn't have been able to cut it much longer than that. Out of those two years he was gone ten months - and that was only training - I knew it was going to get much worse later on. It wasn't all at once, mind you. It was six weeks here, a month there - and all those good-bye's really wear you down after a while. Pretty soon I started to like it better when he was gone. I hate to say that but it's true. I resented having to work around his bizarre schedule (knowing he'd never be able to reciprocate) and walk on eggshells to avoid stressing him out whenever he was home. I doubt you'd be in anything close to the same situation (this was Special Forces - very high stress for the guys), but it takes a different mindset to deal with that kind of life. You have to be really dedicated to it.

From what you've said, and granted there's surely much more to it than that, I'd have to think there's probably someone out there who's a better match for you. You deserve to have the whole package. Don't settle for bits and pieces of it.

Edit: I don't want anyone to think that my advice hinges completely on the fact that he's in the Navy. I just think that you don't seem terribly gung-ho on a relationship with him in the first place, and the military issue is only going to make the situation worse. If everything else were positive and your only qualm was that he's in the Navy I'd say give it a shot. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

Thanks Pink...great food for thought!

Oh! I did forget to answer your questions....lol. Yes, I do like him as a person - but just not sure if I like him enough to make things exclusive.

Also...I forgot to add...that this guy kind of freaked me out....after only our second date, he started acting like we were exclusive...it's weird. But anywho...I'll let you know all the updates :)

Thanks

Em, I think you can probably find a sweet, caring 21 year old guy who you're also attracted to. Pink, great advise as usual.

It seems like you guys might be destined to be good friends. If you're not attracted to him and he's got all these little idiosyncracies that drive you nuts, you probably shouldn't date him. And he's a bad kisser?? And he's in the military?? Hang out with him, get pizza and beer with him, go bowling or whatever, but don't date him. I know there's GOT to be some really great guys in San Diego who aren't in the military...or who at least are good kissers. Don't sell yourself short.

Don't date him. You have already listed enough hangups about him here, all before anything has even happened. And the fact that you're not attracted to him pretty much seals it. Just be friends with him, if anything at all. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but there is definitely someone out there better suited for you.

p.s. Don't feel bad about not wanting the life of a military wife/girlfriend. That's a totally valid concern. Just like there are plenty of women out there who don't want to get involved in a romantic relationship with law enforcement officials, or firemen, or members of the bomb squad. Totally understandable.