What do YOU consider a long-term relationship?

Is it a year? Is it 3 years? 5? If your living together or married? Long distance or in person?

What do you interpret the term "long-term relationship" to mean?

Yes, I feel that if the people are still digging eachother after a year, they are a long term.

Good question Jody....

Well I would say 1 year and up....but it's different for everyone .....I know couples that are committed and married within 6 months... and consider them Long term .....

I'm not sure about online.... I've never been in that situation..I would say at least a year also.......

I think defining a ltr is a subjective exercise and kind of depends upon your stage of life. A long term relationship for a 16 year old might be 6 months! I disagree that online relationships cannot be long term, but I respect that this is the opinion of others. I would note that it is truly hard to appreciate the ldr/online experience if you have not had that yourself.

As for my own take on the measurement of a ltr, I am not sure really. I feel that I am in a ltr right now. We are planning a wedding in January. We have been in a relationship for 17 months, although only 10 months of that is irl. I guess I think I am in a ltr, when it feels like long term!

With Devon, it just feels like a long haul thing... I love him so much and I feel so loved. I know that this is someone I want to spend my life with. I have dated men for more than a year irl and have just as strongly known that it was not a long haul thing.

marcy that is a Long Term!! And congradulations on your UPCOMING wedding... :) Another Successful Age Gap Relationship!!!! YEAHHHHHHHH:D

hehe thanks Mer!!!

Thanks Nessa! We're excited about it.

I agree about the marriage thing. LOL if you think about it... not all marriages are long term relationships... just ask mr. brittney spears ;).

I consider my relationship with Paul to be a LTR even though we're doing the long distance thing right now. We've been together nearly 3 years now and get to see each other when we get the chance. We're also planning on going to look into immigration over there the next time I'm over there for a visit. I guess we're all entitled to our own opinions and I respect that but to me, we're in a very strong and comitted relationship with each other and nothing will ever change that

I think online LDR's can definitely be long-term (like the one I'm currently in), but that's if the people involved have already met IRL and continue to make plans to meet as often as they possibly can.

If two people have only met online and never IRL, I don't know if I'd even classify it as a real relationship. It's way too easy to develop a fantasy around that other person, and it's also far too easy for one or both of those people to misrepresent themselves. Some people construct an elaborate fantasy about their online partner that can go on for months, and then five minutes face-to-face blows the whole thing out of the water.

I just don't think you can really get to know someone until you meet them IRL. You can certainly get an idea of them -- but until you meet, that idea is a fairly fragile thing, and not strong enough to support all your long-term hopes and dreams.

Originally posted by Nessa
I think i should clarify my statement.

I am not saying that LDRs are not real. I am not saying they are not committed.

WHAT is not real to me is for example someone who is in an LDR and has been in one for say 18 months and has NOT met the person. To me that's a bit over the top.


Now if you are in an LDR and meet as often as possible then that's a different issue all together. And adding in the immigration issues that makes it even more complicated in terms of time frames.

Do NOT for one minute think that I do not think that LDRs are not real. I just have some criteria that I think needs to be met such as face to face meetings.

I think I owe you an apology Nessa and I really am sorry, I completely read what you'd said all wrong and now you've clarified what you said I have to agree with you. I had something on my mind when I was reading this earlier and guess I just lashed out a little, I don't usually do that.

Wow, that is a hard question. I was married for well over 10 years. We were engaged & living together after only 2 months and married 2 years later. At what point was it considered "long term"? We were definitely committed to each other and stayed together a long time. To someone who was with the same person 10-15 years, it would be hard to consider 1 year "long term".

With my last bf, we were together over 2 years before he was killed. Looking back, I don't think it would have lasted much longer than that. We didn't live together, but I was at his place just about every night & helped pay bills. But it sure felt long term at the time. I found out after he died that he was planning to go back to his ex-wife. So, even though we had spent the last 2 years doing things and sleeping together, there was obviously lack of commitment. So, in that case, 2 years of dating wasn't long enough to play out whether or not he was there for the long haul.

Jeremy has said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He said he loved me after a couple weeks. So, the "outlook" is long term, but how can anyone tell if it will last?

I guess you only know if it's long term once you've been through it! ;)

Anyhow, I would say it would take a year of actually living together for me to consider it "long term" for myself. Until you have actually lived together, it's still "dating" in my book. And dating is never "long term" as far as I'm concerned as it is lacking true commitment.

This is a really good question. I can't answer because I often wonder if my 5 year relationship is considered long term.
Does a relationship of 1 year carry the same weight as a relationship of 5 years? And what about a 5 year relationship comapared to a 10 or 15 year relationship?

I believe that long-term relationships via the net are definitely possible. However, the *reality* of it is confirmed when you meet. I have had MANY on-line friendships (have been on the web since '94) but I have only met one person in the flesh. She and I still talk (she is getting married to the guy she met while in a 'cooling-off' period between us at my request-DAMN!). The thing of course that one has to watch is that on-line relationships can get VERY EMOTIONALLY CLOSE VERY FAST!! By the way, I'm 48, male, mostly-white hair, steel blue eyes. 6' tall and about 280 lbs., so I'm a bit of a huggy-bear! Am interested in an ltr with a woman 20-35 (really just want a lady without a crapload of baggage!). Would be interested in your response.

I don't know how my post registered multiple times, but it did! Oh well!!

Yes, I definitely consider my 5 year relationship to be a LTR, but as you mentioned, I think I consider it such because of the seriousness of it and the commitment we have to eachother and the relationship.

what about a mistress? I know a woman who was a mistress to a married man for FIFTEEN YEARS.... is that long term? or does it not count because he was married???

This is an excellent point! I had a great client who was the mistress until her man died. If I remember correctly, they were together for 18 years when he died. She considered their relationship a LTR and very serious because they spent time together everyday and because they had a great love for eachother. . .
Interesting!

Love bear....

sometimes if you click submit more than once.... it will multiply the Post.... Sometimes the server is busy so it takes a few min to post.

However I fixed it for you and deleted the multiples...anytime you have this issuejust ask a Moderator to fix it... or you can edit yourself and delete it :)

Well, I really like the definition that Julianne came up with....

"Long term should apply to people who consider themselves a serious, devoted couple with 'intentions' of staying together.

Whether it is long distance or face to face, I think this definition best fits what I was looking for. Those who are in it for the long haul.

I have been with J for a little less than 4 years, and some people still don't consider that long-term because we don't live together 3/4 of the time, and we are not married etc. But it feels long-term. It feels just as permanent as a marriage.

Speaking of marriage...MARCY!!!!!!!!!! ((HUGS)) Congratulations to you and your Devon!!!

We have had several ageless weddings and engagements lately. We are very blessed! Please share with us the excitement of the planning and such as it progresses~! I love hearing about weddings!

I have struggled for the past hour to define what I would consider long-term. I agree that it's all very subjective. But, I'm just going to begin rambling and hope that somehow by typing this out, I can make sense of my opinion. :p


I'm not certain that I feel that a relationship that has lasted 1-2 years is one that I would consider long-term. I think that the first year of a relationship is the honeymoon phase. It starts with romance and exploring each other. Roots have not yet been established, but after a while the couple begin talking about goals. Once they decide to commit, then their relationship begins to grow roots.

Sometime between 2-3 years, those roots have grown deeper while the couple builds the foundation of their relationship. I think those first few years are the true test of whether a relationship will last.

When I go with my gut on this, I feel that a couple who have been together for at least 3 years, with intentions of staying together for the long haul, would be what I would consider long-term.

But, I do also like what Julianne and Jody said, too:

"Long term should apply to people who consider themselves a serious, devoted couple with 'intentions' of staying together.

I think that for purposes of this LTR forum, I would be looking for information from members whose relationship has lasted a minimum of 3 years years, and who have demonstrated a commitment to remain together for that long haul.

Now, please don't think that I don't value those relationships that have lasted 1-2 years. There is value in learning about all relationships.





Now, about the issue of LDR's and online relationships, which to me is a completely different topic......

I do believe that a couple has to have met in person before they can decide whether the relationship is "real" or not. But, I disagree with the suggestion that the couple has to meet several times in order for it to be considered a real relationship. I think it all depends on that particular situation. For example, in our relationship, Remi and I took a long time (well I took a long time :p ) to even decide whether to pursue a relationship at all. It was 6 months. Then after I decided to finally agree to pursue a relationship, it was 5 more months before we met in person. When we finally met, it was 13 months after we first began talking online. By then, there was very little that we didn't know about each other. So, the meeting in person was sort of a way of confirming that the man that I had grown to love and care for online was in fact the same man.

While we would love to be able to spend more time together in person before he comes here, it's just too difficult financially. So, while I agree that we both still have much learning to go through together once he's here beside me, I do feel that he and I have a relationship that has lasted now for 11 months since last October when I finally told him I was ready. And I don't feel that, in our case, not seeing each other more often makes our LDR any less real.

Webster's defines a relationship as:

"a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection); a state involving mutual dealings between people or parties"

We definitely feel a connection and have made a commitment to remain together all the remaining days of our lives. So, I feel that our relationship is real, although, again, I admit we have much more growing to do together once we are living together.

I tend to feel more like sally, the issues, to me, in a long term relationship that I'd feel more indentification with, are more, in the vein of, "HE KEEPS LEAVING HIS DIRTY SOCKS UNDER HIS COMPUTER CHAIR" *as I glance sideways trying to think of something to use as an example*
The relationship is established, we're past the, are we going to stay together or aren't we, and on to, now dealing with BEING together kind of thing.
And not that you have to be living together, either, but just established in a routine kind of life you're dealing with.
I still keep my eyes open here for the new poster, who's scared, all that, but I've hesitated to post anything just in general griping about my relationship because I still get that, "he's only 21, what do you expect" from people who are new to things. I'm past that, and sometimes get bored with hearing my own story. THAT'S what I was looking forward to in a long term relationship area. And sometimes its nice to vent, and just snarl about the normal things you'd snarl about with any man, without having his age thrown in my face. Yeah, like the dirty socks under the computer chair, got nothing to do with his age, got everything to do with being male.:p
Even out here in real life land, that's the first thing I hear, usually, from casual friends, they can be sitting there complaining about their partners till they're blue in the face, but let me bring up one thing about David, and they're all, well, what do you expect? So I usually just keep my mouth shut.

I saw something VERY INTERESTING to me in Julianne's entry. When I look at various sites on the net and when I meet women in person nowadays I keep hearing this "friends first" stuff. In my opinion a romantic relationship is inherently different than a friendship though hopefully there is at least eventually friendship involved. I have VERY SELDOM had a romantic (for lack of a better term) relationship that started with a friendship (though I HAVE had romantic relationships that ended up friendships). It's been my experience that usually people form friendships because of having some mutual experience (working at the same place of employment, for example). On the other hand, romances are based more on needs and our perception that this other person may meet those needs.

Hey I split this thread a little... I liked the Idea of Pet Peeves so I just moved them there ;)

Even out here in real life land, that's the first thing I hear, usually, from casual friends, they can be sitting there complaining about their partners till they're blue in the face, but let me bring up one thing about David, and they're all, well, what do you expect? So I usually just keep my mouth shut.

I know this is a little off the topic, but I just wanted to comment on how much this bothers me too!!! I used to get the same reaction from my friends only it was "what did you expect? He IS almost twice your age!" As if that has anything to do with anything!!! Do they really think that if our partners were our age we wouldn't have any problems or annoyances?!?!?!?

The relationship is established, we're past the, are we going to stay together or aren't we, and on to, now dealing with BEING together kind of thing.

I think for the purpose of this particular forum, that this definition is perfect, Bella! The OW/YM section is more for the newbies such as myself that are looking for validation & support.

Even though Jeremy & I have only been together a short time, I don't tend to dwell on things too long, so I feel like I've already moved on to this stage. We don't live together yet, but I'm sure I'll be here a lot more once we do! :)

I consider myself to be in a long term relationship with my husband. Even though we met online 3 1/2 years ago and it took 18 months for us to finally meet face to face, once we did meet, that is when the "real" relationship began. But both of us committed ourselves to each other from a distance after 6 months of online and phone communication and that was "real" too, at least for us it was real. He lived with me for 3 months the first visit and then we were apart for 5 months until he could come back to the US again. He stayed another 3 months and then I went to Australia after 7 months apart and we have been together since! Our total living together time has been about 14 months, but I have been in love with him and committed to him for much longer than that.

I have to admit that one of my hopes in suggesting this forum was a hope to hear from people in the really long-term relationships i.e. longer than mine at five years, 2 months - in the hope they could help me figure out what the dickens is going on in mine - lol.

I know that 5-7 year thing is a thing, and I've only been through it once myself and somehow this experience is feeling very different than that one. (Which may be the difference between being the much older partner instead of the much younger one).

Oh well :D

Maybe in time .......

I suppose anything is long-term as long as it encompasses the dailyness and the exclusiveness that people have described.

But I'm really interested right now in stories of people dealing with real changes in their relationships over the years.

Because I am one confused cookie. Maybe I'll start a new thread - lol.

Desert... I don't think hes here anymore... however he may lurk so maybe try to PM him...but I know that CowboyTX I think there were numbers after that name... He is the YM and actually did an interview with Jody on his relationship about a year ago.... Maybe less... probably the very beginning of this year... anyway.. I believe they have been together a very long time and probably have gone thru the changes....

Also,

Jennifer from our side of the boards has been with her husband for years..... they have 7 children together and she's pregnant now...She is 35 and he is 55.....You may want to contact her :)

I hope that helps