living together vs. independence

this is just something i was thinking about and wondered what others thought about it as well.

my bf recently purchased a house close to where he works and attends classes, and about 45 minutes away from his parents-where he lived) and 35 from me. As an aside, I've been helping him move and having a great time doing it--finding stuff in thrift stores, etc.

but anyway i digress. he spent some time trying to figure out how i would react to him moving that far away (no longer a 5 minute trip to my house). personally, i think its great. i think its good for people to live by themselves for a while. i never ever did until 3 years ago.

what do you guys think? would you prefer your ym had some experience living on their own, or do you think it doesn't make a difference? and, do you prefer your own space, even if you spend more nites together than not, or would you rather be sharing a home?

obviously this isn't a right or wrong kind of thing--i've just been pondering. i wish i'd lived alone when i first left home

If you have previous experience living on your own - this can make you a great partner.

If you have previous experience living with somebody else - this can also make you a great partner.

For a young man both are valuable lessons to learn in life because they teach self-reliance, responsibility, sharing... cooking :)

Living together doesn't have to mean losing one's independence. In fact, one can learn that by living with somebody else.

I was 12 when I left home to go to a boarding school in another country and this was great experience.

I was 17 when I moved into my own apartment, living on my own, in yet another country, and this too was great experience.

As a result I became like Superman - I can cook, I can fix things in the household, I can iron, I can take care of the garden, I can...

<B>PS: Anyone wishing to marry me? :)</B>

If I weren't already taken, Yavor! (melt)

Teeheee...

Well, my take is actually very similar to Yavors. You can learn alot from both scenarios and both can be highly rewarding!

I moved out of my folks house at 17. Lived with my brother 100 miles away for a year, then got a house with two other friends. THAT didn't work out at all, cultural differences and original rules being broken and therefore friendships ruined. Major learning experience. (Hey, if you set down ground rules, you follow them!)

Anyway, I then lived alone for 5 more years. THAT was WONDERFUL. Just me and my kitties. My boyfriend would come by when it was mutually agreeable and leave when I asked. I enjoyed my independence highly.

I married for 3 years, then divorced and lived alone again for almost a year. Then married again ~ and am divorcing again (waiting period of 1 year required in my state... almost there!)

Anyway, when YM and I started dating, I had my place, he lived fairly independently out of his parents basement apartment. When I moved 50+ miles away to my "dream house," he was there every night for over a month when I told him he might as well move his stuff in and call it official, we were living together anyway.

And he did...

And things are going GREAT. Living with him is probably about as close to a good living arrangement as I had living with my brother ~ we just click so well and read each other so well! My brother had 17 years to figure out how I was to live with. YM just knows instinctively!

We do for each other, we do for ourselves, and I don't feel I've lost my independence. I don't know if he feels he's lost his or not, but I can't see why he would feel that way. He knows I'm pretty easy going and encourage him to have a life outside our little family/house/relationship. But, for now, everything kinda revolves around our responsibilities ~ work, the house, each other.

And I can definitely relate to cherishing those moments you have alone! OH YES. I have two kids. When that freak moment happens when both kids are off with their Dads and YM isn't home and I can sit there with the TV off, no radio blaring, no one playing the drums or the guitar or asking me questions or requiring their attention and I can just SIT... I go out, sit on my porch swing, watch the trains go by, read a book (NOVELTY OPPORTUNITY THERE) and think, "WOW, I need more days like THIS!"

Yes.. Cherish them, I do. But, then I cherish my YM when he walks in the door and goofily mimics Ricky from "I love Lucy" by yelling loudly, "LUUUUUCY, I'mmmm HOMMMEEEE."

LOL
~phosphorescent

yes, both can be good

is gennerally a good idea to take the opportunity to live by yourself at some point in life

i lived alone for a couple months befoe i was married (right out of high school). i've always been independent, so i learned to do a lot of stuff for myself. have been *alone* with my son for the last 5 years. don't like this kind of alone though.

Yes.. Cherish them, I do. But, then I cherish my YM when he walks in the door and goofily mimics Ricky from "I love Lucy" by yelling loudly, "LUUUUUCY, I'mmmm HOMMMEEEE."

my son does this too, and even though i don't have a SO, it makes me feel like i'm wanted

PS: Anyone wishing to marry me?

you got a good start.... :D young, engineering (could maybe get some help with the homework...) hummmm

Yep, I agree with everyone else here. Living with someone else (even if it's just parents) gives you experience in HOW to live with someone else. However, I do think it best for everyone to have at least some time living on their own as well.

I was never really on my own until after my first marriage broke up. And then I was doing it on my own and raising 2 kids! I think it would have helped me to have been on my own before that at least for awhile.

Chiron

I think it's crucial for ym to live by themselves or with roommates, paying bills and rent, going to the grocery store and deciding what food to buy, doing household chores, and working a full-time job before ever entering into a live-in relationship with a girlfriend. Otherwise, you've simply taken the place of mommy. And that's not healthy for either party in the relationship.

Living on one's own is an important developmental step that can't be overlooked. The importance of finding out HOW IT IS YOU LIKE TO LIVE, AND WHAT YOU WANT TO LIVE LIK

DITTO to what Polly said