a crossroads . . . to say the least

just a bit of a recap of the story so far

met my OW (40) online through a fandom webpage when i was back home in canada, before coming over to the UK. very casual friendship, didn't really know each other age.

she suggested meeting when i finally got here, we've been out 4 times together. I thought there was something there (mabye there still is, i don't know)

i guess i thought she was interested, little things were said, a bit of flirting, lots of flirting online. but today she was doing some heavy flirting with a guy. keeping in mind that she was shot down by this same guy many months ago (january) and he lives in the american midwest, i'm not sure if i should pack up and move on before i get hurt (more than that did) or should i just wait and see?

we're supposed to get together next weekend, she only having every third weekend off. it's her turn to plan the activities, and she's keeping it hush hush . . . everything seemed to be going so well until this . . .

don't misunderstand, she's not "my gal" or anything like that just yet . . .

just don't know what to do gang

Maybe you should just come out and ask her if she is interested in you. And tell her that you are interested in her, but not if she has her eyes on another man...

I know she isn't "your" gal, but maybe if you just told her you are interested in taking things forward then she would stop the flirting Im's with other men.

Be honest, if it bothers you that she openly flirts, let her know. But, don't do it in a jealous, possesive manner. Do it in an, "I am interested in you" manner.

I am not really one to give advice, but if I were her, I would want to know that you didn't like it and that you were interested...that would certainly open my eyes.

Elenni

thanks Elenni

i think i was very surprised, to say the least, because things were going nice and slow between us, there was a real comfort level there, with definate potential.

I've had friends tell me that i should just forget about the incident, they tell me there's a big difference between flirting with someone you've never met and someone you see regularly.

I think i'll stick with it, and see what happens next weekend, but please keep the feedback coming :)

maybe she doesn't want slow,sometimes. maybe she doesn't want comfortable, sometimes. maybe the flirting is a way to have some excitement.
if you talk to her, tell her how you feel, "kick it up a notch" that just might be the excitement she's craving from you and you will have said what needed to be said.

communicate, communicate, communicate. can't say enough about communication. folks always assuming that other folks know what they're thinking. it doesn't work that way. talk to her !!!!

and let us know. :D

Tracy

thanks tracy, but i'm not exactly sure how to broach the topic. "hey, and by the way your flirting with so and so makes me really jealous" ???? i see that as more akin to sticking my foot down my throat! :D

i dunno, mabye i should just forget about it, as i said before we're getting together next weekend (tentatively, it being her off weekend and all)

i'm gonna sound really childish saying this, but before "this" all happened, i was planning on greeting her with a peck on the cheek and see how that went over . . . a kiss at the end of the evening? mabye, depending on how i went. I'm thinking I may just stick to my original plan.

Sorta along the lines of what you were suggesting Tracy, take it up a notch . . . mabye it was her way of prodding me in that direction? (not a very comforting thought though) regardless, by this time next week i should think i'll have a better gauge on where this is all going.

Stick with your plan.

It's a good one.

Peace,
thatgirl

umm, how long has this relationship been ongoing? that'll help me in my response to the kiss on the cheek comment.

details, please ! :D

Originally posted by greeneyedgirl
umm, how long has this relationship been ongoing? that'll help me in my response to the kiss on the cheek comment.

details, please ! :D

yeah, sorry :)

let's see, i see her every 3 weeks and this upcoming weekend is it, so that makes 9 weeks about, this weekend is the fourth date.

Originally posted by thatgirl
Stick with your plan.

It's a good one.

Peace,
thatgirl

yeah, i think so too, i was just chatting with her via IM, she just got off her day shift . . . i sorta raised the issue of her flirting, which she thankfully didn't take offense to (something that I wouldn't have expected of her anyways) and laughed at my attempts to broach the subject. she just told me they were good enough friends to joke around with.

mind you, i think it would have killed me if she'd added "just like you and me"

ick lol :D

i dunno, i can't really get a read on her about me at all . . . mind you we men are not known to be the most observant people on the planet when it comes to women!

it could go either way next weekend.

i'd be expecting a big ole KISS not a peck on the cheek if i agreed to go out with a guy i was interested in romantically by week 9 and the fourth date.
of course, that's just me.

:D
Trace

Originally posted by greeneyedgirl
i'd be expecting a big ole KISS not a peck on the cheek if i agreed to go out with a guy i was interested in romantically by week 9 and the fourth date.
of course, that's just me.

:D
Trace
yup :D

don't know for certain if she's interested in me romantically though . . .

although, last night she did mention not having a clue what she was going to plan for our evening out this upcoming weekend. I (a bit of a slip on my part lol) assured her that no matter what we did i would enjoy myself. i'm sure you will, she replied.

there is a fine line between being full of yourself and thinking there may be potential there lol

she is someone i would have described as "out of my league" which is probably my biggest stumbling block towards thinking of her as attainable. I've been insufferably cheery for these last 2 months lol

did i mention she once dropped by my work (when i wasn't there, sadly) and turned on the siren to try to get my attention . . . the psychoanalysis is jumping off the page lol

ok, i'm done gushing . . . honnest! ;)

I say KICK IT UP A NOTCH too LOL
You sound like a really nice guy and someone who respects a woman. Taking your time is good, but one way to know if she is romantically interested is not a peck on the cheek. I say go for the big one and see what the response is. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Nobody is better than anyone else the way I see it, and apparently she doesnt feel your "out of her league"....whatever LEAGUE that is lol, since she is still seeing you and seems to enjoy your company.
Wishing the best for you.:D

yea . . . but i'm a little worried about ending the evening with a kiss on the lips, even just a soft one, which could be seen as moving too fast . . . she's just really so special to me, and i don't want to blow it.

then again, i've got to wait 3 whole weeks between dates, so i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little axious to see something substantial develop.

so do i do nothing, a peck on the cheek or try for a kiss . . . .?

smartest thing, i suppose, would be to play it by ear . . . if i can figure out exactly what that is lol

Well, its really got to be up to you and what your comfortable with.
It is terribly scary to think of a possible rejection if you go for the kiss on the lips, if she just wants to be friends, but then again, maybe she is wondering why you havent shown signs that you want more, or is thinking thats not something your interested in.
Im sort of surprised after all this time you dont have a feel for what she wants in this relationship, but then again maybe she is like you and waiting for you to make a move if you want it to be more.
So, lets take the worst scenerio,.....say you go for the kiss on the lips and she turns her head. Well, then you know thats not where she wants to go, and you simply continue on, kiss her on the cheek, and say Im sorry if I offended you. She will probably say its ok but........and then go on to explain how she feels. SO maybe youll find she isnt interested romantically, but youll still have a good friend and at least you will know where you stand. On the other hand, you could give her that kiss and she could return it WOOOO WOOOO then you also know where you stand and things move on to a deeper level . .
:D

yea, you're right Charo . . . the idea of being rejected is just all too vivid a spectre at the best of times lol

but fortune favors the bold . . . or is that the foolish lol ;)

i guess the best thing to do really, is a kiss on the cheek at the begining of the night, and if things go well enough throughout the evening a kiss at the end of the night.

i still have no idea what we're doing this weekend . . . as silly as it sounds, if she picks me up in her car it'll be a little hard to give her kiss on the cheek without looking awkward or trying to kiss he on the lips, rather than meeting at a resto or something . . . . i guess i can only wait and see . . .

definately not bad sign :)

i was chatting with her over IM this morning, and (as i may have mentioned) it's her turn to plan our outing this weekend. She mentioned being alittle low on cash and that mabye we could go for a walk in a park or something along those lines . . . doing the picnic thing :)

i'm sure you can all see me beaming whereever you are ;)