don't know how to ask my ym out

I have met a wonderful ym, he goes to university and works full time at a store. It is hard to start anything up in the store, and have not found the courage yet to ask him out. Don't want to fumble this, he is very special, but seems mature beyond his years. Please any suggestions on how to get him out of the store to talk!

Len

Wait until he gets off work, then go get something to eat.

I am a little old fashioned, and probably just insecure, but I have never asked a guy out...... On the other hand, Joe had a great answer and one I could live with myself. Maybe just a casual, " hey, after work Im going to stop at ------- for a bite to eat, would you like to join me?" well that would be my approach anyway. :rolleyes: GOOD LUCK hope things work out.

One of my great strenghts is that I'm never afraid of failing or being rejected by a woman.

This means that despite not beeing a particulary handsome man I have dated some gorgeous ladies. I just ask them out without hesitating!

JUST DO IT!

If he's interested he will be flattered and accept.

If he is not - You can move on to other things.

If he is interested - everything you do will be great.

If he is not interested - everything you do will be wrong.

Good luck!

R.

Welcome to Ageless! It is great that you have met someone who interests you. How big is the age gap?

Why do you think that he is interested in you? Unless you are receiving very strong signals from him, it would be best not to ask him out. What have you two talked about? Do you have any common interests? There is a very goodlooking guy who works at one of the local supermarkets I go to who, I could swear, flirts with me every time I pass through his lane. But, I have noticed when I pass through other lanes and see him from afar that he seems to give special attention to almost every woman he serves. I can tell by the women's reactions.

I have a boyfriend, so I am not interested in dating him. Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't ask him out unless we had established a more personal rapport and I was sure that he liked me in particular. It would be too embarrassing for me to go back to the super if he turned me down. Since it is my favorite shopping place which offers a lot of items I can't get elsewhere, I wouldn't want to risk it.

So, whatever you decide to do, good luck and keep us updated!

This really all depends on the situation, but I think it's ok to help a guy make the first move. I'm like Charo in a way. I don't ask men out, but I make it easier for them to ask me. Offer him the rope, if he doesn't grab it, there's a reason. Let him know you are interested, toss out an idea such as possibly going out for coffee sometime or something harmless like that. Then the ball is in his court, and leave it there. If you get nothing back, after a time, move on. Just some thoughts. :)

I appreciate all the good advice. I am 43 y/o so that is quite a stretch. I just have not ever dated younger men, so don't know how to go about it. He just seems set apart and special for some reason to me. Is very responsible, helping support his child, going to school full time and working full time, pretty impressive for such a young guy. I also never ask guys out, haven't had to in m y age group, but his one is much younger.

He doesn't get off work til late, so can't ask him out there. Maybe on weekends. I have thought maybe is better to get an email dialogue going with him, as it is awkward to just stand around talking in the store with others about. Any thoughts? He has my email, customers are requested to give it.

I don't know for sure if he is interested, but he seems to get a little nervous, shaky voice when I am in front of him (I don't look half bad at all!), he is so young, so shy, hard to converse with him out in the open, and he seems reticent to say anything about himself.

Look forward to more advice.

FYI, if he is working for a company that requests your email, it is actually illegal for him to contact you on a personal matter or begin correspondence with you for any reason other than company business. These are laws he will not break, if he is a decent person. :D SOOO, if you WANT to start an email correspondence with him, next time you're there, hand him a little card with your email and maybe IM address (yahoo or AIM or MSN) and tell him you'd really love to 'chat' sometime.

THAT definitely puts the ball in his court, should he share an interest in YOU, and it's NOT the same thing as 'asking him out' where you might be labeled a pervert or anything.

So, that's my suggestion. Good luck and welcome to Ageless!
~phosphorescent

Based on my experience:

I wouldn't assume that "he'd ask you out if he was interested". I literally threw myself at "E" for quite a while and while he did notice all that rapt attention and cleavage - he still couldn't get it through his mind that I wasn't just a flirt and um.... would never have asked me out if I hadn't more or less propositioned him.

Yeah. rejection is horrible, but it's just as horrible and embarassing for them as it is for us and I finally told myself that if 16 more years on the planet hadn't given me enough inner resources to manage this, then I hadn't learned as much as I thought I had.

It was *hard*, but the reaction was a most enthusiastic yes and a boyfriend of five years duration.

So you never know. :)

Originally posted by Nessa
Why not ask him about his choker and rings? what a great conversation starter....

Now thats a cool idea. I like that.

he is so young, so shy, hard to converse with him out in the open, and he seems reticent to say anything about himself So what have you two talked about? Any similar interests are usually the clue for me if I want to mention an up-coming event.

Rather than suggesting getting a bite to eat, I suggest going for "coffee/coke". Some young guys are low on money and are afraid they might have to pay for the lunch/dinner. Usually meeting at Starbucks etc. is very innocent. You can simply say:

"I would like to hear more about your ideas/experience/thoughts on XYZ. Want to go grab some coffee? Would tonight be okay or does tomorrow at lunch work?"

But you have to find out more about him. That is the key to get this off the ground (or on the ground... :D ).
Best to you!

PS Oh... I just thought of another idea... if you can think of something that he has an interest in, you can send him information about it via email.... ask him for his email address! Another good way to get conversation moving.

The whole thing sounds too sketchy, and you can't be positive he really is interested in you.

I kind of like the gettting his e-mail address, but even more, I like the idea of you getting into a small, light conversation with him about something, maybe some product you heard of that they don't have, and him saying, "Well, I could call you or e-mail you when we get it in." That gives him a chance to ask you out if he IS, in fact, interested.

Order something they don't have but have access to, that's not expensive. Offer your e-mail addy saying, "I'm not home much, but I always check my e-mail." It would be easier for him to show an interest via e-mail, more so than by phone or in person. If he doesn't want it, then you can pretty much resign yourself to the fact that he wouldn't be interested in dating you, because even a shy guy will find a way to get to talk to a female if he really wants to. Hormones overrule fear when it comes to that!

Not in my book, Lencarol. Welcome aboard, by the way. There is almost that amount of difference between myself and my GF, and I am almost your age.

Having worked retail, he may be uncomfortable even comming close to asking out a customer, due to the fact that the employees may have been instructed not to. While he probably is not expressly forbidden from asking a customer out, it is generally not considered good form by most employers. I like the idea given earlier about giving him a card with your e-mail with a note on the back inviting him to conversation. That provides a way for him to contact you if he chooses to, and if he doesn't, then you know not to continue to waste your time.

Best of luck to you, Lencarol,

Dan-Echo

Thanks everyone SO much for the input. I feel like I have found a goldmine here! I especially appreciate the advice on how to email to get him talking at least.

I did go to see him last night for the fourth time. Four must be the charm as when he saw me he just lit up and said "You came back!" Totally warm and friendly, so unlike the other times when he was so shy. So, don't know what happened, but am glad it did! Being so young, of course, he talked the whole time about himself and the sports he does.

After that, it was easy to give him my card, as he was putting my info into the store computer. As I left, he said he would email to keep me up to date on his life (no ego here!) and that it was so good to see me again. So time will tell...

Thanks again everyone.

L

Let us know what happens, ok?

I love a good story, potentially romantic ones.

I love these stories too Raven, I LIVE for 'em! It sounds really good, Len! Chocolate is always a pleaser, whether you're male or female (although a beer might have worked even better! LOL) I found it kind of amusing how he just assumed you'd want to hear "how his life was going"...some egocentrism going on there.:D Maybe at this point, he does want to ask you out, but assumes that because of your age, you wouldn't be interested in him. If he does e-mail you though, and tells you about his personal life in the e-mail aside from the store, he's definitely interested in getting to know you better. At this point, just keep some light conversation going back and forth. I would let him ask me out if I were you. I'm afraid that if you ask him out too soon, it'll scare him off.

Anyway, yeah, keep us posted!

Well if you are as you say in your early forties, slim, blond, and attractive, there shouldn't be a problem in getting this guy to talk to you. I went through exactly the same situation when I was 22 and she had just turned 40. I admit the age difference can present a little difficulty especially in deciding who will make the first move. The fact is though that most younger men would give their right arm to be with a more experienced women and you showing your interest in him by showing up at his workplace on a repetitive basis and handing him your business card should give him a clue. If I were you and you really want to get to know this guy why not try the direct approach. Ask him how he feels about older women. Then you will know for sure what your odds are!

Hi Lencarol,
Please dont let one xperice,change your mind about us YM.For some of us,realy like O/W.Remember for he only one of many many in the sea.
On a side note....just going to say,to a fellow Texan.

The Shadow

Um, lencarol, if you're going to be dating a YM, better to nip the negative comments about age in the bud right now - and I mean this as an affectionate tip 'cause I'm rootin for you!

Just FYI, because I know any references to his age (even teasing) makes my 23 year old YM crazy! :)

Best wishes for you both!

To Shadow, thanks for the encouragement. Will try to ride this one out and see what happens.

To Kristin, I know is not a good thing to be negative about his age. Just is frustrating at the moment. Am sure things will turn out okay. Of course I need to get a life instead of waiting on him right? Am in between jobs at this time, (go back end of October)so need to get busy with my house, so much to do really which I have been putting off. Especially before colder weather hits. And my yard is a mess! Okay, will get busy now...

Originally posted by lencarol
I have met a wonderful ym, he goes to university and works full time at a health food store. It is hard to start anything up in the store, and have not found the courage yet to ask him out. Don't want to fumble this, he is very special, only 23 but seems mature beyond his years. Please any suggestions on how to get him out of the store to talk!

Len :)

Just a thought, lencarol. If he hasn't emailed you yet, you can take it two ways. One, he's not interested or two, he didn't think you really meant it.

I'd say, next time you're in there... just sweetly ask him if you could have his email. :D Just a thought...

As for the goth thing. Usually just a stage some younger people go through. Heck, *I* went through it, too, back when it was relatively unfashionable to do so. Yep, I was one of them Southpark 'freaks' back in the day. Had to go through my doom and gloom phase... :D It's part of the process of discovering who you are.. where you fit... some of it is legitimately based on curiousity in the occult, but most of the time its not. It's a fashion statement, and most people really do leave it behind after a while. These days you're nowhere near the "outsider" by dressing that way as you were... oh, say 15 years ago. But, I also did the hippy thing (yep, bell-bottoms and fringe jackets, in the 80's when everyone else was - gasp, gag - wearing leg warmers and sweaters tied around their shoulders).. so, its all a part of self-discovery.

My YM was very goth when I met him. He's found his 'look' now, and to be honest, I LOVE IT. MmmMmmmm... short black hair, long chops (sideburns) and plain T-shirts with camoflage pants. Yum. Much nicer than the big pants, studded belts, tons of necklaces, earrings and bracelets and tiny little braided long hair. But, contrary to his mothers insinuation, *I* had nothing to do with his look. I liked how he looked when we met, and all the phases in between, and I like how he looks now. He knows he can change it anytime, and it won't change how I feel about HIM. HE is not defined, in my eyes, by what he wears... I love him for who he is inside. If he wants to go back to goth, more power to him. :D

~phosphorescent

Well I am bummed. Has been four days since I saw my ym, and we talked in his place of employ. Gave him my card, to which he seemed pleased, said he would email me--but no email forthcoming. So don't know what to make of it, probably should just chalk it up to him saying he will, and not following through. Should I just give up already? I think I have done my part. What a waiting game!