Is there a heart as big as mine?

I am new to this....but I wanted to have others to talk to that are in similar life styles as myself. I am a 31 year old single mom of 3. In the past 2 1/2 years I have dated younger men. But in the end of each dating experience they would back out, run away, disappear lol whatever term you would like to use, because of my children or the fact I couldn't just up and do whatever I wanted or also due to I have heavy finacial obligations. I was always up front from the beginning I was looking for a serious relationship and that I have 3 children. Most said they were too, and that they loved kids, or they were ok with the fact that children would be apart of the relationship. But always in the end that wasn't the case. They say they think I am great......love spending time with me........but can't handle the rest of the package deal. I am a strong, loving, affectionate, caring person....I have heart big enough for my children and for someone special. But I am finding that finding someone with the same characteristics is not very easy. I have always been attracted to younger men......older men can't seem to keep my attention, and usually are boring to me....But I have had terrible luck finding a younger man that is ready for a serious and involved relationship....Is there such a thing?

Hi Raveness,

Don't feel sorry for all the men who got cold feet and left you. Why would you feel sorry for somebody who wasn't ready to commit to a relationship with you, whatever his reason was?

I know a woman who divorced last year with two small children. She's been looking for a partner and there were times when she felt deeply concerned because the men she was dating turned out not to be what she was really looking for. She then blamed herself for these failures (!) and even for not being a good and caring mother (!), although in fact her children love her for the great mother she is. Isn't it rediculous to feel guilty for men who weren't suitable for a serious relationship with her?

So, be proud for what you are! Be a proud mother and show that you are proud of your three children and that you love them! Whatever you do, don't compromise with yourself or your children when you're considering a relationship with a man.

Terrible luck finding the man of your desires, a man with heart at least as big as yours? :)

Luck isn't involved here at all, such a man definitely exists and is looking for you right now! :)

I find that sometimes, especially after looking for a while, when a woman isn't looking, it finds her.
kinda like when some women are trying and trying to get pregnant, it's the time they weren't trying that gets the job done.

be young, be confident, be a mom. you will exude all the traits some lucky guy is looking for. just take care of you first and the love will come.


Tracy

32, mother of 3 under 5, dating Lewis 19 who has no children. wasn't looking and fought it tooth and nail.

I agree with Tracy, that you're most likely to find someone when you're not looking. And I really don't think you should keep your options so limited, because there are some truly wonderful and young at heart men in our age group, too.

I wasn't looking for a YM. I wasn't really looking for anything. My YM (19, I'm 32 with 2 kids) had been my friend for nearly two years when my marriage dissolved (okay, I was dumped ~ dissolved is just a nice term for it.. LOL). YM loves my kids and loves me, and I think *I* fret more about the long term implications than he does. I get waves of worry.

Anyway, his worry is that I'll find some great older guy and leave him. :o We all have our worries, but you're right that its VERY hard to find someone who loves you AND your kids, too. That's a good part of the reason things dissolved between my husband and I. He chipped away at our relationship over many years by allowing my son to be treated badly by his son and his mother, and also by his own indifference towards my son. Eventually the chasm was unbridgable...

I would suggest that you focus your attention on your children, keep your options open ~ there are some really great men in ALL age groups ~ and tread carefully among ANY age group.

Anyway, welcome to Ageless and I wish you a lot of luck...
~phosphorescent

Raveness ~

I have to echo Tracy and fos4snt - love will find you when you stop looking, often when you least expect it, and sometimes when you're REALLY not looking for it at all.

My mindset was all three of these things when I met my boyfriend (ym).

Consider finding new places to meet men. I met my bf on vacation in another state. While you don't necessarily need to leave town to meet someone new, consider that maybe there's a different 'breed' out there for you. And maybe that breed's homebase is somewhere else.

Separately, you said: "I have always been attracted to younger men......older men can't seem to keep my attention, and usually are boring to me....But I have had terrible luck finding a younger man that is ready for a serious and involved relationship....Is there such a thing?"

First, I have to say that for me, the opposite was true. Before I met my bf, I had only been on one date with a ym (10 yr diff), and that was 2 years ago. Other than that, ym bored the heck out of me, or rather, bugged the heck out of me, and I was always looking to date men a few years older than me. What I'm getting at is maybe you want to consider broadening your target age range.

And, yes, there are ym ready to get serious - check out the success stories on this website. My ym is very serious about us evaluating our relationship for marriage. We are both already in marriage mindset (for each other). At 22, he is very ready to get married. (My 45-year old ex had never been married, and until we met, his longest relationship in his entire life was 9 months! We were together 5 years. I wonder if he'll ever be 'ready'.)

Hang in there. Sometimes love sneaks up and whacks you over the head just when you give up. :)

I want to thank all of you for your insight.......I know trying to look for love is like finding a needle in a hay stack.....but just waiting around for it to happen is a hard part for me, at times loneliness is a real issue for me, and I seriously was beginning to think that ym just weren't stable and mature enough for the type of relationship that I want. I am very glad to hear that there are success stories of ow and ym. I don't limit my sights to ym....I just seem to prefer them more than men my age or older. Thanks again......and if anyone else has success stories or even not so successful ones please feel free to share. This lets me know I am not the only one with these thoughts and hopes.

Raveness