Unhappy Ending...

Hey Gang-

Although I don't post here much, I've been a member of this group for some time and enjoy seeing the interaction and support among everyone in the group. That being said, I've decided to share the latest developments in my own relationship.

A bit of background-I'm Sue (32) and my husband of 17 months is Sandy (62). We've been a couple since February 1997 and knew each other a year before we started dating. September 1998 we moved in together, July 2001 we were engaged, and May 2003 we were married and September 2003 we purchased our first home together. Sounds great so far, right?

Well, later this week our separation agreement will be finalized and next week I'm closing on a townhouse I'll be living in.

Sandy had gotten a job last September and made a promise that if it interfered with us that he would look elsewhere. Well, he's still there-commuting 1 hour each way, working out of control hours (it's Home Depot and shifts vary....6AM-3PM, 4PM-1AM, 12PM-10PM...you get the idea) including weekends. I was very supportive of him and this job at first but after about 6 months I realized it was taking a huge toll on us. We're never together-he works every weekend, and his hours just suck. He's basically just been very unemotional about the whole thing which makes me feel even worse.

Of course, there's a bit more to the story than that-but I'm tired of typing. The job has only made what wasn't great even worse. Slowly over time this relationship has been falling apart and I can't hold it together by myself. I know I have my own faults as well but I will be bold enough to say that I've adjusted my life and tried to work with him and I've accepted things he's done without batting an eye.

Anyway-as things are now-we're amicable. We're able to remain civil without any problems and have already decided who will be taking what. I'm not sure what will happened next-but that's the story for now.

Take care-

Sue
:(

Sue,

It saddens me to read your post. I was so excited for you when you got married. I've always wanted to sit and chat w/ you on Yahoo.....but always felt like I shouldn't for some reason....maybe I should :)

Anyway - work tends to take a toll on relationships. But - obviously - it depends on the people. Some decide that their home life is more important and others take the work end. I don't mean to be nosey, but I wonder...maybe he got sucked into the money. From what I understand Home Depot is very good to their employees. Maybe he worked so much to maintain a certain level of employment for benefits. Who knows, I'm rambling because I really want you two to work.

At any rate, I'm not in your shoes - and I wish you weren't in your shoes. I hope you are doing ok and aren't torn and hurt so badly that it's hard to function (I've been there). Please keep us posted and let us know how YOU are doing!!

All the best
~Evett

Hey Sue, I was married on May 3rd, 2003 as well, and like you, my marriage didn't last either. That wasn't over a job, though -- my ex left me for two other women only a few months into the marriage. Mind you, now one of those women booted him out and he's living on a very limited income with the other one in a student house. In contrast, I'm now in a much better relationship with a younger guy, getting back on my financial feet, and feeling pretty damn good.

It really sucked for a while though, so believe me, I know what you're feeling. :(

PM me if you wanna talk or just vent.

(((HUGS)))

Evett-I've thought about chatting with you too but I never really have-say hi if you ever catch me online. The worst part about the work situation is that he doesn't NEED to work-ever again, but he's chosen to, even at the risk of our marriage (don't get me wrong, there's more to it than that), even if he changed his hours or went part time, it would have been helpful but after a year of begging and pleading it doesn't matter. Ahh, life goes on I guess.

Scarlet-Maybe our date is a bad one. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, I can't even imagine what you went through.

Thanks to you both for the kind words and support.

I'm sure there is so much more to this story. I bet your fingers would be nubs by the time you finished typing it out. But know that we are here for you...and now I'll drop a line to say hello when I see you on line:D

I know you don't know me Susan but I'm so sorry to see you're going through this pain.

Oh susan

I'm soooo sorrry... i had no idea!!!!! when I see you I'm going to IM you... or you im me if i don't see you!!! I'm here for you girl!!

i don't know what to say right now.. I'm speechless.....

xoxoxoxo
Meredith

Dear Susan,

I am so sorry to hear about your seperation. My boyfriend and I have the same 30 year age difference as you and Sandy.

Have you both considered marriage consuling? Or even a priest?

I know things must be rough but stay strong!

Ness, Fool, Mrea, Lola-
Thanks you guys. :)
I hope even if this doesn't work out I can still hang out here.

Oh no Sue.

I am really sorry for you. I don't know you well, but even just by reading your brief story I am suprised by your separation. Yes, hang out here with us, we can be your strength when you need it.

I am sorry Sue to hear about this.

I hope you find peace in your decision, whatever it ultimately is. I can't help wondering why on earth he would work nutty hours if its having a detrimental affect on your marriage, especially if he doesn't have to. It sounds like there are definitely other problems. I just hope that you find happiness.

Originally posted by SUSAN203
Ness, Fool, Mrea, Lola-
Thanks you guys. :)
I hope even if this doesn't work out I can still hang out here.

What do you mean you "hope", you better KNOW that you can still come 'round these parts. I haven't been in an age gap relationship for about a year now and I'm still here. Even when D and I would break up for the few months at a time - I'd still be here. I've met such wonderful people here and have made this my home. So you better come around :D

Sue, I don't get over to "this side of the fence" too often but I see we still can have a lot in common.

When my ex immersed himself in tennis and car shows, I just could not understand it. It was like he wanted to avoid happiness, you know?

But I am sorry that your marriage came to that. You seem like a strong person but I know it still hurts. Best to you, dear heart.
Barbara

Thanks gang-i don't know what i'd do without you :(