he's afraid to committ because he's 23 years older

I am in a yw/om relationship. I am almost 37, he is 59 1/2. We have known each other for 9 months and have been dating for 7. I am completely comfortable with the relationship and want it to last forever. Although he loves me very much, he is afraid that he will truly be an old man in a few years and I won't want to be with him anymore. I have assured him otherwise but it is to no avail. We have both experienced a lot in life, so maturity is not an issue. His concerns are that he will fall ill and I will have to care for him, or that he will become physically unable to satisfy me. I am a personal trainer and he is very fit and healthy. I don't see this is as an issue. He is also concerned that he will want to retire south and I won't be able to go because of my children. (I have joint custody with their father and we live in the north) I am willing to work with him on this issue. I understand his concerns but disagree with them. His love seems so genuine and we have so much in common. We have an honest relationship and communicate well, but I fear that one day, his fear will break us up. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Is there anything I can say to convince him to live for love and happiness and stop worrying about things that may never happen? Are there statistics on the success of these relationships that I can present to him? We are so much in love. Shouldn't that be enough?

It damn well should be enough - and sadly it isn't. Please keep in mind that what I'm about to write is from my own personal experience....it may or may not be the same type of situation. I met D when I was 21 and he was 38. Now I'm going to be 24 and he is 41. I loved that man with all my heart. I had so many doubts...but at the end of each day spent with him I was so happy that I couldn't imagine being without him....I still can't. We only had a 17 year age gap and he HATED IT. We'd be at dinner and we'd be eating, talking and laughing...then out of no where - he'd get this look on his face. It was a look that I knew too well. It was the look of happiness fading away. He loved me and I know he did. We never got to the point of saying it - but I knew it and he knew it. But he never understood how it was possible. He didn't understand how I would love him while 20 feet away was a younger man. I could belt on for days on how I felt, how I always be by his side, and he always said I was too young for him. It was heart breaking...mainly because we went through this whole song and dance multiple times. Breaking up, getting back together, we're on, we're off, we're on and finally...we were off. I couldn't do anything....to this day I still miss him so much. I still love him with all my heart. I sadly compare all my dates to him...and I just can't move on...I try, but I always fail.

Advice? I'm the wrong person to give advice in this situation. But I wanted to share my story with you. Because I know the pain and the hurt that you are going through. Ask any member that was around when all this was happening...it was crazy...and I let myself get emotionally wounded...but I don't regret it. If D called today - I'd go back. Be strong, stand your ground and never stop loving.

All the best!
~Em

OMG...how rude am I?!
I forgot....WELCOME to the board!
I look forward to getting to know you :)

~EM

Hey Barbara!!

Welcome To Ageless!!!

My husband is 17 years older than I am.... I was the one in the relationship that had an issue with the age.. He never even found it to be an issue....

I came here when i was in doubt... and glad I found this forum because of that....What he needs to do is stop thinking about the future.. No one knows whats going to happen....You could pass away before him .. You can also fall Ill and he could take care of you...s o who knows really.... My late fiance died when he was 25 years old....I planned my whole future and it was all gone in seconds!!

The communication you both have is great... and you need that.. however, I do fear it will be a problem if he can't get over this hump.... To bad he doesn't come here maybe we can talk to him or maybe read some stories...about age gap couples!!!

Good luck...
Keep Us posted...

I hope to see you get more involved in the rest of our board!!