Just a little vent....

i go so up and down n my confidence in this relationship. Right now, there is no definition -- maybe friends who sleep together. After a month hiatus and then hanging out again platonically, here we are again. I see him a couple times a week and one of us stays over ,without fail.

Last friday we had this amazing night...out drinking and dining and so many wonderful discussions...we talked about how when we were together we never called each other girlfriend/boyfriend...so just to see how it felt, he repeated in my ear a few times: "Jessica my girlfriend, My girlfriend jessica...jessica, my girlfriend...and i said C-- my boyfriend. It was so sweet. He talked about us taking a weekend RV trip, and did i want it to be with others or just us; then it was a wonderful night of...you know...as usual.

Nothing was decided as far as our status -- i told him i just wanted to stop having 'talks' and maybe we could just take it as it comes right now. But then i get frustrated not having any definition to the thing and it's not like i don't have other opportunities to go out with other people.

Plus, i am not sure i want him to give me some definitive answer b/c that is scary...maybe i need to not see him for a week or 2 and let him remember how much he misses me when i'm not around...sometimes a little more distance is a good thing in a relationship....

What is scary? The relationship itself? or because of his age?

I guess it would just make it very much more REAL...for us to decide to be an actual couple. Then i'd have to do battle with the 'rents and other naysayers...just not my idea of fun.

so far we have really just winged it, being exclusive but always saying we were free to date others.

But i suppose i am adult enough to deal with all that if i'm adult enough to have rampant sex with a considerable older man. Course, it's not like either of us is willing to jump in completely and say w'ere together -- i think it's just too much to deal with right now for both him and me...