Need some grown-up time... alone!

I haven't posted here in a while, but I'm feeling SO... conflicted right now...

MY OM is 43 and I'm 20. He has 3 kids under 13, and I genuinely adore them. He is very close to them, but they live with their mother and usually only visit him on weekends.

Since we live over an hour away from each other, the only time I get to see him is on weekends. I look forward to seeing him all week, and call me selfish, but sometimes I just want to be alone with him. I NEED to be alone with him once in a while. But between the kids and his roommate, who is ALWAYS around, we rarely ever have the opportunity to be alone together. EVER.

I LOVE my man, with all my heart, and I don't want him to think that I'm "competing" with his kids for his attention or anything. It's not about competition. His kids mean everything to him, and I respect that completely. I'm glad to know that he is such a great dad, whereas there are a lot of so-called "dads" out there who don't seem to care at all about their children. It's just that I don't always feel like I fit in to the picture or something... I'm always wondering if the kids like me, or if they don't like the fact that I'm always around... maybe they just want to be with their dad, and not his girlfriend? But they are all so shy and so quiet, they'd never tell us if it DID bother them at all. I make an effort to do stuff with them, to spend time with them... but when I'm there, I feel like it's the 4 of them together, and me on the outside. Or maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing?

I'm not really sure how to even talk to him about this because I don't want to seem threatening, or like I'm resentful or jealous of his kids.

I guess I'm not really sure of what to do in this situation, or if I'm wrong for feeling this way. I feel like we need to get the "spark" back into our relationship, which is pretty hard with 3 kids standing there... you know?

We have the exact same situation in reverse. I have the 3 children, and my b/f can pretty much only see me on the weekends due to work constraints.

He just came right out and told me....I really need to spend some time alone with you...that is not at 2:30 in the morning when we are both exhausted and the kids are all asleep.

We try to go to the movies or out to eat every weekend, and one weekend a month we try to spend a night at a hotel...just to get out of the house and away from everyone. Sometimes if we only have a couple hours...we will just go window shopping or hang out at Barnes and Noble and check out all the interesting books with a latte....

I don't have much advice on how to bring it up, but I do know that if J hadn't come to me finally and just told me directly...things probably would still be the exact same. And the thing is...I needed time alone with him too. We always have so much fun on our "date nights".....and I think that time spent away is a very important part of our relationship. I honestly didn't realize the extent of the situation until he came and talked with me about it.

And I wasn't angry, and I didn't think he was trying to take time away from my kids. The kids are a HUGE part of my life, but its important for him to know how important he is in my life too.

Same for you! You deserve some alone time. I encourage you to talk with him about it!

Wow thats difficult.....

Maybe you guys can plan a trip together.... ? and get away on vacation.....

an hour is not that far away from each other either..... Why can't he drive down there at least once a week.... I live about 50 min or so from my mother and father.. but I drive down at least 3 times a week and with an infant :)

Other than that.. Unfortunatly the children do come first and they need this time with there dad also.... this is a obsticle that you guys can definatly overcome.. its just not going to be easy!!

I hope you both find a way thru this

That was a great post, Cherubino!

Well thats because he's our son together......, However.. I did have a stepson living with me also :) for years before that......and We didn't have much alone time at home.....where he was living with us.. and unfortunatly we were in small quarters.... before we were married.....but he also wasn't as young as his children....

I agree that there needs to be quality time together alone without the children....I just don't think the weekend are possible considering thats the only time he sees them.... I think there should be more effort to the OM to drive down to her once or twice a week....or her to him....its only an hour :) To me I drive all the time and I think i'd understand more if it were 2 or more hours away.....Maybe arrainge a babysitter at night on a saturday so you can go out... spend the day with the children and go out for dinner alone.... conisdering you can find appropriate child care? thats another option

Thanks for all of the great advice, guys!

Another couple of ideas..how friendly is he with his ex? perhaps the visiting times could be altered slightly so the kids go home Sunday morning instead of evening, giving you all day Sunday alone?

Unfortunately, he and his ex-wife broke up on very bad terms... they don't get along at all and do not speak unless it is absolutely necessary (e.g. if there is an emergency with the kids or something of that nature). And of course, she really HATES the fact that her ex is seeing a YW... so asking her to do anything to make our lives easier is pretty much out of the question!

But I digress...

It sounds like they are only staying Friday and Saturday night this weekend, and going back to their mom's early Sunday afternoon. That means I'll be there on Sunday, so maybe that would be a good time to bring this up?

I appreciate all of your ideas. I'll let you know how it goes! ;)

Good Luck....

Make sure you keep us posted!!