Telling family about his age

I have spent pretty much all weekend with my mom, which is extremely rare. Today we talked a lot which is something we never do. I never share with anyone much about my life, especially my family. I've never told my parents about any relationships I've had. Until today.

I talked to my mom about my boyfriend most of the day. I shared almost every imaginable thing I could share about him. I told her about his background, his family, a big event that took place in his childhood, his career, his daily life, etc. I told her I wanted her to meet him. (I've never ever brought a guy home. Ever!) Then she asked how old he was. I froze! I was too scared to tell her his real age in fear of her reaction. I lied. I don't even know how old I said he was. I can't remember what I told her. I don't think I said anything older than 30. I feel horrible having lied to her about his age. But I didn't feel ready to tell her his age. She sees pictures of him and I in my house. I'm sure it's obvious that he is older than me. I'm sure he doesn't look 40 but I'm also sure he doesn't look close 22.
My parents are 14 years apart so you'd think my mom wouldn't freak out about his age. We are 18 years apart.

Then after this event we went shopping together. I was looking at birthday cards. I figured it would be a good opportunity to tell her his real age. I just didn't know how to do it. I couldn't look at Happy 40th Birthday cards in front of her.

Geez! I've created a mess. Now I don't know how to tell her without his real age. My mom will be hurt knowing I lied to her. This will interfere with her ability to understand why I was scared to tell her to begin with.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What have you done or what would you do if you were me?

I lied too...but I got lucky...my parents didn't mind the age difference. They weren't even hurt that I lied...my Dad understood - my Mom said I was silly for lying in the first place.

I'd say to tell you Mom that it felt good to share your life with her, and you enjoyed the Mother/Daughter moments you shared while spending time together. Tell her the truth. Let her know that you didn't mean to keep it from her, but the whole "opening up" experience was different and you don't know why you did tell his real age, but you feel that she should know and that you would hope she would understand...being in an age gap relationship herself.

I wish you all the best...
let us know how it goes!

~EM

Bella...

I think it's much better to come "clean" and tell her... tell her you were afraid because you really love him and you love her to.. and you wanted her to like him for him and not his age etc.... She must not have anything against age gaps because she is in one herself...... I'm sure she'll understand...

If you keep going with the lie it will just get bigger and bigger and definately will be harder to get over....

Originally posted by MerAlove23
Bella...

I think it's much better to come "clean" and tell her... tell her you were afraid because you really love him and you love her to.. and you wanted her to like him for him and not his age etc.... She must not have anything against age gaps because she is in one herself...... I'm sure she'll understand...


Tell her the truth seems easy since she herself has been married to my father who is 14 yrs older for over 30 years, but isn't like that. I am the youngest of all my parents children. To them I'm still the baby and sometimes they like to treat me like a baby. Which is part of the reason I'm not close to anyone in my family. My mom is also very old fashioned. She is stuck in the 20's, literally. She will really freak out because he will be 40 years old in 4 weeks and I'll only be 22. I don't think my dad would freak out as much but I'm far more scared to tell my dad.

It's just complicated! I don't live with my parents. I live an hour away. I guess I'm not ready for their disapproval.

Bella....

When your ready... you tell her..... :) You'll know when the time is right....

:)

I didn't tell my parents for 3 months.... my parents are very traditional... and can be extremely judgemental... They surprised me....but I told them when I was ready :)

Last night while Ageless was down and I found myself bored out of my mind I decided to go on AOL IM which I never use.

There I saw one of my cousin's was online. We talked for a long time. I haven't talked to her in over a year. She asked how my ex was doing which obviously led to me telling her about my current boyfriend. I then decided to share some pictures of my OM and I with her. So I sent her a link to my pics online. She views them. Then she asks, "How old is he?". I laughed and said he was older than her. (She is 33.) Before telling her his age I asked her how old she thought he was just out of curiousity. She said he looked younger than 30 but in his late 20's. I told her she must be full of it! Then I told her he was 40. Her parents are 20+ years apart so she didn't make a big deal out of it or anything.

But telling her will help me tell my mom. My cousin is the big mouth in that side of my family. I'm sure she already has told all her siblings, parents, my grandmother and everyone else in our family that I am dating someone who is 40. One of the persons she has told or will tell will then call my mom to freak out, I'm sure, and my mom will find out. Then my mom will ask me about it and I'll explain to her why I told her he was younger than he is. Hopefully this will happen as it will be easier for me. LOL!

Bella Belle,

I have people like that in my family.... I mean -- if I WANT to get the word out about something, I know EXACTLY who to call because it will spread like wildfire! haha! Good luck and keep us posted!

Originally posted by SkiBunny115
You would rather your mom find out from someone else that you didn't tell her the truth from the get-go?

No, not really. I wish I was just honest about his age to begin with. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this. But since I find it more difficult for personal reasons to just tell her myself this situation breaks the ice (sort of) for me.

A lot of times my mom forgets a lot of stuff so she may have even forgotten his age when I told her days ago. Either way I will be telling her that I was not sure how she'd react which is why I didn't tell her his age to begin with.

For me, this will work best. :)

I'm in a very similar situation in how to tell my dad about my OM and me. I'm 34, he's 57. My dad is 67!! My mum has alzheimers disease and won't really understand. But I'm not sure how my dad will take it.

I've always gone to my mum with things like this, she never judged but gave good advice. Now I have to tell my dad something personal about myself, which my mum always did for me. I am dreading it.

I am still his little girl and for me to be going out with an older man. And god forbid, wanting to move the US to be with him is going to be hard to take. Especially with my mum being ill.

I don't have any clue what he will say, or think of me. So I have just decided to wait until I feel ready. Of course that could mean a call from the States to say I've already moved...lol

What ever you and I decide, it'll have to be done eventually. Good luck :confused:

LOL...that was funny Hedge....:D

Well Belle...I'd agree w/ Bunny...I'd rather have my Mom find out from me then through a loud mouth family member. It would be first hand information...and there will be no room for twisted truths. Be strong!

~EM

I am 20 and my OM is 44. I was scared to tell my father (my mother knew before I did that I was in love with him), and the idea of bringing him home was horrifying (my dad is 49 and my mom is 46). But my dad loves him and thinks that he is a great guy. My dad never liked any of mine or my sister boyfriends. He didn't even like my brother-in-law. You never know they might surprise you.