M24yo is interested in ME! Advise needed...

Hello, all!
I am a 33yo Female, single with no children. This 24yo guy has made it clear that he is physically attracted to me & he thinks I'm a cool chic. He has not applied any pressure & in truth is waiting for me to make a move. Recently, I did make a move. He was pleased.

But, here is the thing: When we are around each other, we are both quiet. I vary in my talkativeness. I think I am sometimes waiting for him to speak and sometimes I have no clue what to say to him. {Suggestions, please!!!!} I think he is always somewhat that way - one word responses & mumbling is common for him. Shy? Being 'cool'? or Has nothing to say? :confused:

He says age is just a number & it doesn't mean anything to him. So, he does have thoughts in that head of his. How do I encourage him to talk more? I did ask him what he wanted... response was not really a straight answer. He indicated that he was okay with hanging out with a cool chic with benefits (foreplay, etc); he also indicated that would be the lesser choice without saying what would be the best. Point blank, I want a dating relationship with him or someone else.

We are definitely different people. We seem to have very little in common. If we do not talk about ourselves & our thoughts then how in the world will this ever work?

I'm going to have to take charge & initiate the interaction - but I don't want to be a controlling-B.

Thanks for any comments or ideas to try.

NN

Why not? This is a statement that I have repeatedly used for not asserting myself and being ME. It's my own way of being a self-defeating B to MYSELF.

I think the one thing you need to get over is thinking that you need to change who you are in order to have someone be interested in you. How do you get them to... ?

Hey, I understand the frustration, not trying to be a major B in my response... LOL. Actually, I'm just being ME. And you know what? I AM A B! I'm quite proud of it, too. My kids refuse to do what they're told and I bark JUST LIKE A DOG. ROFLAO.

No, really. If you're the talkative sort... talk. Talk and talk and talk. If he can't handle it, he'll run away and you're all the better off as a result. BE YOURSELF.

Do not think there is anything wrong with you if he's not interested in you when you're just being you. It's got nothing to DO with you. It's just not right. BUT, you might be surprised. Let yourself be yourself, say what you please, do what you want, be a mega, uber, super B if you feel like it. He might just go, "WHOAH, BABY... COME TO PAPA!!!"

LOL...

Don't change who you are. Don't even second guess yourself! Somebody out there is going to see you in your prime and glory, doing your own thing and fall madly, head over heels in love with you... and the second you start to change to 'make them happy' they're going to wonder who the heck they ended up with and BEG you to be a B.

BBBBBBBBB UTiful!
~phosphorescent

That's the best feeling in the world!!! Im very happy for you!! I had the same issue with my YM. We actually do still have issues talking to eachother. Sometimes we don't know what to say. But it's like they say, those comfortable silences are golden. But, we do have a lot in common, once we get on a subject of commonality we can talk all night. You just have to get to know him more to figure out what you have in common. It's early on enough. Are you looking for a boyfriend type relationship, or just kinda friends with benefits? If it's the later you don't need to figure out how to talk at all! :)

Congrats!!

That is just it - I'm not a B. I think he wants me to be in control (not necessarily controlling). He wants a take charge sort. Which I am the take charge type, a leader. In the long term, I do not always want to take the lead - which if we can get to know each other, I believe I won't have to.

Friends -- I have.
A dating partner or boyfriend -- I do not have. I want to explore that possiblity.

What I'm really looking for is icebreakers & approaches to finding out who he is & what he likes. He is a bit tight lipped.

Although he is interested, I need to let him know that I am interested in dating him. Not the friends with benefits - which I think he misunderstood me to be saying that that was what I wanted.

NN

It's hard to tell you a good icebreaker, are you going to go out with him anytime soon? Or is this an office flirty thing as of now?

You wanna know what I say when I don't know what to say and there's that awkward silence? I say... "AHHHHH LULL! WASSSSUUUPPPPP.... " or something silly, provacative, goofy, or I'll even flat out say... "oh, how awkward, I haven't a CLUE what to talk to you about right now... lalallalaa... brain fart!"

Humor always goes a long way.

Sometimes, just babbling nonsensical things until he laughs uproariously... and if he doesn't laugh... BAAHHH... phoey on him.

I can't be with someone who doesn't laugh, or at least give me an astounded "what the" kinda look. Or respond in some way! If I was into necrophelia, I'd visit a graveyard. LOL.

Don't worry so much. Awkward silences in themselves can be fun.

But, fun is the key word. FUNFUNFUN. Joy, bliss... finding the fun in the dark spaces and the awkward moments.

GOOD LUCK!
~phosphorescent

Hello Natural!

Stu (my fiance) and I are pretty much the same age as you and this YM.(me 34, he 24) You do forget about the age difference pretty quickly when its only 10 or so years, so dont worry about that side of things:)

If I read your posts correctly, you seem to be saying that the challenge you are facing is that you are both a little passive in nature, and you also feel a bit of pressure to take charge of the situation (which is not usual for you?). Perhaps you could treat this situation as an excercise in going for something you really, really, want?

As a comment, I believe passive guys( like passive women ) can become more assertive with experience,. guidance, and time.....and mostly they want to because it sucks being trodden on! Its not usually a permanent affliction....just a phase on the path to maturity. If this is what is worrying you most, i would say enjoy being more assertive yourself, and make it a goal to encourgae your YM to assert himself too. My gut feeling is that if you two wind up in a relationship, this issue will not be much of a problem in the long run.

ALl the best!

I can be & often am assertive.

Purhaps I am holding back because I have scared guys off before. I am going to do this. In fact, I've already taken a step toward starting things with him. I called him & invited him over last Saturday - & he was here (for a short while). He had borrowed someone's vehicle (because his is not operating) & the owner called wanting it back.

Like I said - he is a little tight lipped. I know he has a collection of Hot wheels from his childhood -- noticed they are all of 1930's thru 1960's cars. No 70's or 80's. We spoke briefly about old cars. That is one similiarity that we share.

I met him because he lives with some friends of mine (share a house). Basically, he & I come from different worlds. But that does not mean it won't work. Today, I even asked the friends that live in the same place about what he likes to do because I wanted ideas ... and they only had a few clues.

I want him to feel comfortable with me & to open up & talk. fos/phos made the suggestion of me - talking away. I think that is along the right track. Talking & asking him questions.

Originally posted by red
We actually do still have issues talking to eachother. Sometimes we don't know what to say.

Hmmm . . . I find this very interesting . . . one of the biggest problems Joe and I have is both of us talking at the same time or interrupting each other to talk!!!! http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/chat1.gif

Seems we never run out of things to talk about! :D

Mmmm. . . up for another debate baby!?!?!?!?!?!?!? :p

It sounds like the first thing you need to talk about is the friends w/benefits topic...you say you think he misunderstood...make sure it's not a misunderstanding...that may be what he's looking for...and you're not...so make it clear from the start what it is you DO want from this relationship and what it is he wants...then go from there...

He may be the quiet type...or maybe he has the same fear you have...running each other off...lol...you might have to take the initiative...ask him to tell you about his self...guys love talking about themselves...ok...before I offend someone...MOST guys like talking about themselves...that in itself can be the ice breaker you need...it will let you know what you may have in common...or it may remind you of a story you can relate to...but by all means be yourself...don't be afraid...you might as well be yourself from the start...he'll eventually see the real you sooner or later so let her come out now...at least then you'll know weather he likes you for you or just cuz it's cool to hang out with a cool chic...don't worry...you'll be fine either way...Good Luck...and keep us updated...

Ummmm.

If you want to find out who he is and what he likes...you could....ask him. LOL.

I find the straight forward - honest approach is best. Tell him how you are feeling about this situation. Don't wait in frustration for him to open up, guessing what kind of relationship he is open to. Saves time to ask..... and expect a straight answer.

Rabbit

Maybe he will be more talkative and open the more he gets to know you. Just try to keep the dialogue open and going and see if you can get him involved.

Maybe nice and simple positive questions like- If you could have a dream vacation where would you go? Or, What's your dream car? Or, What was your most favorite gift to receive?

Things that are positive and light that he can answer and you can get to know him more. You should also share with him your positive answers, too. Maybe you will discover more things in common than you know.

I understand about your needing to know what he seeks from a relationship with you. And if you have tried to get him to open up and all he is doing is talking in circles, then maybe you should be a little more blunt/forceful. Tell him what you want and expect and explain that you need to know what he wants and expects, too.

Your post reminds me of my first date with my ym. We were talking and I said that by the 3rd date a person will know if they are suited for the other person. He confessed to me last week, that my saying that, scared him a little. He took it to mean that I felt I would be ready for marriage by the third date.LOL

Communication and interpretation are both very important.

Best wishes with getting him out of his shell.

Elenni

Peachy & Joe, you guys are so cute. :p


Welcome to agelesslove, Nature. I agree with everyone else who says don't be afraid to take the lead. Nothing at all wrong with that. He may just need some time to warm up to you. Or, he may be shy.

I can tell you that my guy and I talk online like parrots, but when we were together in person, he tended to be very quiet at first which caught me off guard. So, I just went into talkative mode and forced him to talk. :D You can do it, too. Think of all sorts of things to talk about. Sooner or later you will find out if he is just shy or if he simply isn't a talker.

And I agree with Thunder. Get the cards out on the table with him now. I would be a little concerned about the possibility of him assuming it's a "friend with benefits" situation, if it were me. Nothing better than good old communication in my view.

Good luck with him and keep us updated on how it's going. :)

Hmm...well I would tell him that you want a relationship with a person and ask him if he genuinely wants a relationship with you.

In relation to you and he having different interests and being different people, well I think you should give it a go initially.

LOL.

After reading some of the early posts, I realized that I was holding back (see 9/21, 5:54pm) - whether it was due to making sure it was something I wanted to do or because I was concerned I'd run-off yet another fella. -- I'm guessing that he was not straight forward with saying what he wanted because he didn't want me to disappear. LOL.

I tried to call him last night but he was not in. I'll probably try again tonight. I'm going to tell him that I want a dating relationship. Then ask if he would be interested in dating. If he is - then I'm going to ask him out for Friday (that is if he does not already have plans). Thinking - we can go to supper, go shoot some pool. Then I will try to get him to pick something.

I honestly believe that he will be more talkative & open the more he gets to know me. Several have said it &, I am just going to let myself be me & talk. Elenni had some good suggestions for questions which helped me think of more to ask. I want to keep it on the light, positive, non-sexual side, at least early-on.


Thank you all.
I'll let you know what happens next....

NN

I know, that is interesting isn't it Peachy? We have conversations that will go on for an hour, then dead silence but comfortable good silence.

Okay, I called him.

I told him my interest in a dating relationship. Although he had a subdued response, he agreed with dating. Then I suggested going out Friday but he has to work Saturday morning. I have plans Saturday afternoon/evening & not sure when I will be back in town. So, I asked about next week. He said he didn't want to make plans then back out. -Thinking of work, I'm sure. Then he said he likes to make plans the day they happen. -- Which worries me - yet, I frequently do the same thing. I said okay & that was all I had. He said he was about to get in the shower but to call him after a little bit & we could talk.

Whoaa! Going to talk!

But, I swear -- I don't know how to read him!

NN

Hi, all!

Just wanted to summarize where this situation has lead....

I told him I wanted a dating relationship. Then said if he was interested in dating ME then okay. He may have been a bit surprised but said okay.

I asked about making plans to go out and he seemed kind of dispondent. But, said to call him. So, I tried a couple of times - no answer & left a message with a housemate another time. No call back. I dismissed it thinking he really did not want a dating relationship. I got busy & didn't try to call & no time to go over to see his housemates (my friends). Then was out of town for a weekend.

The weekend after being out of town, I was staying home. And at 8:30 am on Saturday -- he called me! Woke me up! Fortunately, I'm always happy to giddy in the morning & we had a nice conversation. He asked why I had not called. I told him that I had and all the rest. Anyway, he came over about 9:30am & stayed until 1:20pm. There was NO akward silences. Just nice & comfortable. :D

We have not had contact since, I'm not sure how this is going to progress. But, I'm not uptight about it.



NN

Hi Natural Nature,

Maybe this guy really fancies you, but doesn't know if he should fancy you. Speaking as a 26 year-old younger man, trying to persuade a 35 year-old woman that we could be happy, I first experienced the same thing. I thought, "what would my friends/parents/others think?" and other silly thoughts.

After seeing this lady for a little longer, and walking around town with her, we didn't get any funny looks and I felt totally natural. It was great! Maybe you can persuade him to go somewhere public with you. Once he gets over his fear that people will stare (because they never even notice!), then he might relax and open up.

Just hoping my older woman gets over the age gap fear herself, soon :-)

Good luck,

Richard

Congratulations on your new love interest!

Don't think that because you are older that you have to be in control of the relationship. You see, when you stepped back and stopped trying to call him, he called you. Give him the chance to take the initiative.

If you don't like just waiting to make plans for the same day ( I agree with you wholeheartedly, by the way), then let him know that you are firm about that. When a guy does that, it always seems that you are the last resort. If he thinks you are really special, believe me, he will make plans in advance.

Most people like movies, so you could always pick out a movie together at a theater easy for him to get to and then go for coffee or a drink afterward and discuss the movie. A movie discussion can spin off into countless other discussions.

Good luck and keep us updated.

Certainly will keep you up to date.


I realize that he may "not be that into" me.

He is so hard to get ahold of -- he is always out. He lives in a house with other people who have lived there longer & therefore it is more their place than his. The tenants that are there - have 2 dogs (total) with fleas. I know he avoids being around them as much as possible - because of the fleas & being non-house broken! He is also young & is probably playing.

I tried to get him this last weekend. Called his cell (he had told me it was not working right - it does not ring and goes dead quickly. He wanted me to know so that I did not get angry or think he was putting me off.) Anyway, I'm not sure that he even knows that I called. He has not called me again.

It is a wait and see situation. Meanwhile, I'm meeting new fellas & keeping my options open.


NN

Guess, I spoke to soon.


He called last night. He had just gotten my message. He wanted to be sure that I knew that and it was not him ignoring me. By george, I think he likes me! A certain something in his tone of voice.... :)

He is going to call tonight if he gets off at a decent time. (He has been working alot of overtime.) If he does call, he suggested making plans to watch a movie together. We talked for a little while but he had a friend waiting on him.


Bye,

NN


Richard: He told me sometime ago that age is just a number & that it didn't mean anything to him. Initially, I was the hold out. Not so much because of age but more because I was not sure that we wanted the same thing and that we appeared to have very little in common. I asked him what he wanted but did not get a clear answer. I thought about what I wanted for a while and when I knew I wanted a dating relationship, I told him. It was possible that I'd never hear from him again. However, after the shock wore off, he seemed pleased. We have gotten along better since. Probably because he knows where he stands with me. We are still very much at the beginning of this and are slowly learning about the other.