Thank you for the advise you gave me

Hi. I just wanted to post and say thank you to all the people who gave me advise in regards to my ym and me.

Well he broke it off today. I really tried hard this 8 mths to make things work but he asked for a break in the beginning of the month because he slept with someone else, and today he fessed up that he and she had been together for 2 months.

Says he loves me but also loves her and her divorce finally came through so he wants to pursue her.

I am really hurting badly, but I just wanted to take the time to thank you all for supporting and advising me then.

Oh Waterlily, I am so sorry. :( What an awful thing to have happen to you. Please stay with us and talk about things. Even if he has decided to end things, we can still offer you all the support that you need.

((((( HUGS )))))

*typical southern expression of condolences approaching*


BLESS YOUR HEART !!!

that sux driveway rocks. i'm so sorry to hear that happened to you.
and ditto what whiterose said, stick around plz.

btw, i'm Tracy. don't know if i posted to your thread or not earlier, but HELLOOOOOO THEEEEERE !!! :D

Trace

Am very sorry to hear things didn't work out for you Waterlily. I have also just lost my YM and know how bad it feels. So I would reiterate what people have already said and say stick around here and let all these wise people help you get through this. Remember too to take care of yourself. That has helped me - although it was hard to get used to putting myself first, I am quite enjoying it now! And it certainly helps the healing process.

So don't worry - you'll get there. As someone said to me, it's not rejection, it's redirection.

Mx

Thank you for your kind words and support.

I'm doing okay, I have good moments and bad moments when I miss him.

He was a big part of my life for a lil over 2 years.

First year and a half was amazing, the last 8 mths had been down hill.

Instead of letting things go, I tried harder and harder but he let things go, got confused and finally a month before our break he had started seeing someone else (who was going through a divorce) and 3 weeks into the break he broke up with me because the other woman's divorce came through and told me his feelings for her was growing stronger and stronger and the feelings for me was fading.

Not much I can do but to take care of myself and get back to the happy me I used to be. I am a very loving person, I have a lot of love to give, would be a waste if I stuck around feeling miserable so I am trying really hard to live my life without him.

I am more social right now, calling up old friends and actively going out.

I really thought we were going to be happy together but I guess if things are meant to be he will come back or I meet someone special who will love me and I can love.

Whatever the case, I have faith that I will be okay. I went through a breakup of a 9 yr relationship once but I still got through it, so I know I can this time too.

It was a long distance and it was hard on him. I can't blame him too much for doing what he did.

Waterlily,

I can hear the sadness in your post, I'm really sorry for your recent break up.

I think you are doing all the right things for yourself but it is really hard to let go of what might have been. I know if I were in your shoes after 2 years, I'd feel the same way.

I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I hope you can find some peace with your situation soon.

A big hug to you, dear.

I take it he doesn't realize this divorce woman is just in transition and will clamp onto any willing soul until she gets back on her feet...oh well live and learn for him. I hope when he comes crawling back, you will remember that he lied and cheated his way to that other relationship and there determine his character.

As for you, you're doing the right thing...taking care of you. It will take time to foget about him, but time IS a great healer. Getting out and hanging with friends is the best thing to do, right now, let them hold you up for abit until you land back on your feet. This was not your fault and you deserve someone far better to be your life partner because it is in his nature to recognize the good in you and want to be a part of it.

Paris

I very much agree with irparis. The other woman is just divorcing, she has to have time to heal, and when she is ready, it may not be this ym that interests her at all. He is probably her tool of making herself feel that she is worth being loved, which is important in a divorce situation. No doubt she didn't know she was intruding into another relationship either..

So you must be careful. get lots of caring friends and fun things to do. and heal yourself so that If and when he comes back and says he changed his mind (read that as the other woman moved on), Don't be ready to accept that apology or all of the " I have always really loved only you!" Because... Have no doubt in your heart that he would/will do it again.

and look over your trying to keep him when you felt he was slipping away. I am sure he felt those vibes and however subservient you made yourself, you still weren't the fun loving and carefree person he had known for a long while.

Hi. thank you for your kind words.

I'm trying hard to move on, and live my life, and be back to the happy me I used to be.

Silverlasha, the divorced woman, knew he had a girlfriend.

Geez,

What is this lose your YM week?
Sorry to hear of your loss...it must be hard to hear that he wants to pursue someone else and you didn't even know he was in a relationship with someone else????

(apologize if this is gone into in another thread I didn't see it :) )

Man oh Man... Big Giant Hugz

You're in prayer Waterlily. :)

wishes for better times for you.

sounds like he doesn't deserve you.

Damn! Im really sorry...I know how much it hurts to be betrayed like that.

Someone else said it..and I say it too..He didn't deserve you, and you definitely did not deserve to be treated like that.

What a disappointment.....((hugs))

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...and hang around here, we will do our best to keep your spirits up.

I'm sorry. Ouch. Take good care and I hope you find a happy place again ....soon.

I am a little lost about something and I am hoping you all can help me figure this out.

One of the things I said to him, when he broke up with me, is I asked him, why does he fall for someone so vulnerable because she was going through a divorce when he met her 2 mths ago. His reply was his desire is to help someone. So I said, then if I was needy then it would have helped? and his reply was I don't know.

So, then is it better to be needy? Is this a quality that one must have?

I needed him because I loved him, I didn't love him because I needed him if you know what I mean. I am able to take care of myself, I have family and friends, and a career. I probably will never be needy.

I feel really lost, can someone give me some insights?

Some men are savers by nature. They need a damsel in distress to save to feel good about themselves.

Unfortunately you wanted him... not just a savior. Sadly... he just wanted to save.

Also I have found you can be too needy. I felt the same way you did. I didn't love him because I needed him . But needed him because I loved him. I wanted to say I love you and hear the words to feel valued.

I too was an independent person. And even took care of him, financially, and keeping his morale boosted.

But he got bitter, When he started distancing himself from me ...that is getting in touch with me a lot less than he had and not saying I love you in his emails, (he even stopped saying dear in his hello). I got a bit frantic, I called him and left messages. I emailed often telling him how much I missed hearing from him. I was told that he thought he was my lifeline. I told him I could swim just fine, he said that without him to keep me afloat, I would sink. Then he said that I never had a conversation or wrote an email that I didn't say the words I need, or I want.

I tried to change my language, but how else do you say, I need to make an appt to see the doctor? or I want to talk to you? please phone? Yes, those words were in my emails and conversations, But they weren't meant to be cries for help. They were normal conversational usage. But due to a number of factors, one being meeting in real life, and my appearence not being what he had thought, He decided I was asking too much of him. I had gotten the "wrong" idea about him. Granted, he never offered to return my credit cards, nor to repay me for buying him a car, the insurance and many other things, but he also didn't want to feel obligated to me to "be" there for me to give me any explanation for his behavior.

BTW I guessed wrong on the divorcing woman knowing about you. But how much did she know?


Your ym isn't going to give you any reasons to help you in your closure over his dumping you. He just got involved with a new woman. She appreciates him everso, and you were no doubt getting too demanding and wanting to know what was going on.

Perhaps he can't even explain it himself, but he has to have been looking for a woman, to have found one so easily.

Hugs, I am so very sorry!

Thank you for sharing your story with me Silverlasha.

My ex has been a brutally honest person (till he cheated).

So in the beginning of August, he had told me this girl when he was with his friend in a parking lot, approached him and gave him her phone number to call her. He told me this. And he also told me that she worked for the internet provider his home uses, and was calling her with some email problems, and then became friends and asked her to join him and his friends out for a drink.

You might say i must have been really stupid to ignore this, but you see i work in a field full of guys and not many woman so i have lots of male friends so until this thing happened we werent really jealous of any of our opposite sex friends.

So thats how he met her.

I just didn't think things were progressing... thought she was just a friend...

To answer your question, the divorced woman knew it all. They split once, gotten back togehter, split once, gotten back together, split again, over this 2 mth course and again decided to get back together cuz her divorce went through, thats when he dumped me.

(((Waterlily)))

Take care of yourself and stay active, do things that make you happy. You have a great attitude. I wish you much comfort through your sadness.

XOXO