should i write him another letter?

I'm taking a poll on this question...Should i write scott b another letter ?

scott b approached me again today...it seemed that fossy's prediction came thru...i sent her the letter that i wrote to scott b to clarify some miscommunication...she said that scott b would feel oddly encouraged...and it seemed to me that she turned out to be right...so scott b approached me again today twice...

first time when he approached me and said hi...i looked up and noticed that his face was bright red as if he were embarrassed...i said a distancing hello and turned my head...he sensed my desire to not engage w/ him...so he left me alone...

second time he approached me again and said "i got your message and didn't open the letter"...i said great and cool and turned my head and walked on and didn't even look at him...he once again sensed my reluctance to engage w/ him, he left me alone...

the thing is, he had been trying to engage me again and again ever since our massage session over a year ago & felt rejected right away if i don't react certain way to him right away like saying hi to him right away...i gave up on him long time ago b/c of the way he made me feel, i.e. rejected every time after he felt rejected when i had no intention to reject him in the beginning...the man is simply hypersensitive to rejections...

while he seemed to not care how his behavior made me feel, it bothers me to see him feel pained very time after feeling rejected by me intentionally and unintentionally...he never seems to stop trying to engage me...

i care about how he feels only b/c he's a fellow citizen in God's kingdom on earth and that he's a spirit brother like everyone is either a spirit brother or sister to me...he hasn't fully embraced the Gospel...i do believe that was the reason for him to treat me w/ the disregard the way he did...

i got a list of things that he must do if he wants to date me ever...i feel like sending him that list so that he would know what to do if he wants to date me...otherwise, he would just keep bumping the wall and get rejected by me every time & be pained thereby...just b/c he treated me w/ disregard when he thought that he had no interest in me any longer, doesn't mean that i should do the same w/ him...after all, he is a child of God like everyone else...

so what does everyone think? i would like to see whether you all think that i should or should not write him that letter...

thank u all in advance for your response...

what would this letter state?

Originally posted by greeneyedgirl
what would this letter state?

i want to tell him a list of qualities/attributes i'm looking for in order to date him...

what amina said was soooo what i was gonna say.

if he doesn't fit the bill.....then he doesn't and why should it matter.

plus i'd trust no man that "changed" for me. because i'd believe that once they got me......they'd pull the original version outta the closet.
so no no no gal.

Are you hiring an employee? No, so a list of qualifications is inappropriate and... kind of insulting, really!

:)

the next day i went over to his place to clarify some thing to him...somewhere in our conversation, he accused me of misleading him by saying NO even after i had explained it to him about my unpleasant encounters w/ that annoying guy after i was out of that annoying guy's presence...

i felt so played after realizing that he did a number on me & was way too manipulative for me

You go from him being "a spirit brother" to dating material in 2 seconds. Like I said before, unless you like drama in your life as well as being treated badly... stay away. Do not "pass go, collect $200, or ANYTHING"... just ignore him and let his feelings be his feelings. Maybe for the next gal, he will grow up.

Originally posted by Amina315

What is the point of telling him what you want in a man? He either IS it...or he ISN'T it...a letter isn't going to chane any of those things...nor is he going to come out in the open and say "oh..yea..about that letter...it said you needed your man to be honest...well...actually...I'm a big liar...so...does this mean we can't date?"

P.S. My money's on the fact that he DID open that first letter...(who wouldn't???)

*******

yes he did open the letter b/c i couldn't see why else his face was bright red when he approached me and said hi the first time...

the reason why i wanted to send him that list was so that he would stop approaching me and feeling rejected every time afterwards...he's hypersensitive to rejections from me and i see his whole body react to the pain of rejection every time and it really makes me ache just as well watching him aching like that every time when i greeted him w/ apathy or attempts to brush him off...i thought that if i sent him the list, he would know that he doesn't fit the list and would stop trying so he wouldn't be rejected & aching like that again...that's my thinking...

actually i was trying to help him move on out of me...

Originally posted by greeneyedgirl
what amina said was soooo what i was gonna say.

if he doesn't fit the bill.....then he doesn't and why should it matter.

plus i'd trust no man that "changed" for me. because i'd believe that once they got me......they'd pull the original version outta the closet.
so no no no gal.

*****
yes i have the same concern about him ever changing for me...he really needs to embrace the gospel fully in order to have any lasting meaningful changes...i think that there's a part of him really wanted to live closer to the gospel...else he wouldn't have chosen me...he's weak in the gospel and i'm strong in the gospel...that part of me appeals to him...

Originally posted by PinkCat
Are you hiring an employee? No, so a list of qualifications is inappropriate and... kind of insulting, really!

:)

***yes i was wondering about that just as well...i just thought that he might be hurt less if i had told him the straight out truth so he would quit trying w/ me and get hurt every single time...it's been over a year since we had that massage session and he had never stopped trying to engage me even w/ every brush off and apathy i gave him.......

Originally posted by yellowrose
You go from him being "a spirit brother" to dating material in 2 seconds. Like I said before, unless you like drama in your life as well as being treated badly... stay away. Do not "pass go, collect $200, or ANYTHING"... just ignore him and let his feelings be his feelings. Maybe for the next gal, he will grow up.

*** i thought about being apathetic to him...the question i had in mind was "is that helpful to the situation?" i've still not able to answer that question...

I think you are spending way too much time trying to "help" him do ANYTHING at all. If he isn't what you want ( and it doesn't sound like he is) ..then don't waste your time on him AT ALL. Just go on with your life, be polite and distant, and quit worrying about his feelings or anything else. You are sending him mixed signals by keeping on with the letters or whatever, and then ignoring him. If you don't want him, then don't pay him any attention other than to be polite if you run in to him.

Originally posted by Nessa
isn't this the scott that dragged you in front of another man and DEMANDED to know if you knew him?

if so why do you care if he knows what you want in a partner?

***last friday, he lost interest in me b/c we had a miscommunication ....i wrote him a letter to dispell his myth about me b/c i didn't want to find my professional reputation tarnished...i'd not bother otherwise...when i saw him again, it seems to me that he had regained interest in me and tried to engage me again...i brushed him off again and just saw the pain on him again...ever so instantaneous...and it appeared that his whole body ached every time he got that apathy from me...it's really hard to see anyone ache like that and not feel a thing

Originally posted by Inahnia
I think you are spending way too much time trying to "help" him do ANYTHING at all. If he isn't what you want ( and it doesn't sound like he is) ..then don't waste your time on him AT ALL. Just go on with your life, be polite and distant, and quit worrying about his feelings or anything else. You are sending him mixed signals by keeping on with the letters or whatever, and then ignoring him. If you don't want him, then don't pay him any attention other than to be polite if you run in to him.

*** he tried to run into me...deliberately making opportunity to run into me...it's really too much effort to live my life around dodging him...i will definitely take notes on what you said about giving mixed signals...

nessa, anima, inhania, pinkcat, greeneyegirl & yellowrose...

thank u all very much for taking the time out and respond to my post...i really appreciate all of your input...

hugs,
ng

i just took a look at the poll...wow, what an agreement amongst you wise wonderful ageless ppl and friends...100% in agreement...

my friend fossy was right on and the rest of u also...i'm still trying to figure out the heck i was for not figuring out that my first letter encouraged him rather than discouraged him like i thought it would...so no more letters for sure!!!!!!!!

thank u all for your input...i really appreciate it...