is it possible an older woman will never get over the age gap?

this is completely new to me....... i have been seeing an older woman now for close to 4 months and have never been happier.... i am 28 and she is 43... but she doesn't think she will ever get over the age gap.... i keep telling her that there is nothing wrong with it and that it happens all the time.... i think the problem for her is that her children are 21 and 23 and that bothers her that they are almost as old as i am....... is there any chance she will get over this?

Hey:

I think it's good advice to never say never :-)

However, you have only been seeing each other for four months; right now just enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself. Way to soon to be worrying. At four months you really don't know each other fully. Successful relationships are built on strong foundations. Just work on building the foundations, getting to know each other deeply and try to have some fun without worrying about what tomorrow may - or - may - not bring.

Rabbit

we have actually been working together for 5 and a half years and in this time i have gotten to know her extremely well...... she sometimes feels that i am smothering her but maybe that has something to do with all the time we spend together at work and away from work..... i forgot to also mention that this is an open-relationship... which i really don't like but have agreed to as long as i can be with her....she has been in 2 long relationships that were bad and doesn't want a commitment at this time....i hope she will change her mind at some point but until then i am willing to make the adjustment to an open relationship..... although i find it hard and frustrating sometimes.

Hi fyulaba and welcome to agelesslove. I agree with everyone else. Don't rush things with her. If she is feeling smothered, give her room to breathe.

When my fiance first approached me about interest in a relationship with me, he was 26 and I was 45. He was only 7 years older than my oldest child. I said NO WAY. But, I couldn't stop thinking of him. He gave me the space and time I needed to sort out my feelings.

So, I came here to Agelesslove. I wanted to talk to others who were in age gap relationships to find out if it is possible to have a relationship that lasts even when there is an age gap. Six months later, I was ready to let him into my heart.

Just go with the flow. If she is truly interested, give her the space she needs to sort things out. And do encourage her to check out this site.

Good luck to you. :)

Well, fyulaba,

Firstly, welcome aboard. Secondly, I don't have much in the way of advice. I have been with my GF for about a year, and things are fantastic, but the age-gap still comes up. By the time most people hit their forties, they have a fair amount of baggage, and frequenty have walls up due to past hurts.

That was the case with both my GF and myself. Things have moved along at a slow but steady pace, and we've concentrated on our friendship, saving anything more for marriage. I have found that building the friendship has enabled us to work out a great many things. Still, there are times that the age gap is an issue. I don't think that it always will be, but it there are no instant fixes.

Good luck,

DanE

As much as I think agr can work...the truth is still the truth.

She may not ever get over the age difference, although 15 years is nothing compared to others here.

Being uptight about the age has more to do with fears and insecurities of wrinkles, aging, body image and younger women then the actual number. She may get over it, but its always hovering in her mind like Medusa ready to strike. She knows it and perhaps this is why she's keeping it an open relationship,although to tell you the truth, I don't think that's fair to you. If you find it hard and frustrating, what are you going to feel when someone more suitable comes along.

What happens if she finds someone more suitable and terminates your relationship...you're selling your soul here for a plate of potridge, don't you think. Not to mention that you're willing to participate in this sham at the cost of your own self esteem. No one is worth losing your best self.

In keeping an open relationship, she keeps her options open...Is this what you want...because as insecure as she is with the age gap, an open relationship keeps her from putting in any effort to work with you on developing a real relationship if her self interest could also lie eslewhere, again with someone more suitable. but if you willing to sit in the sidelines, hard and frustrated, well, only you can decide if this is worth it to you and your self worth.

Paris

I think it's just natural that most people feel awkward dating or jumping into a relationship with somebody who especially is alot younger. There is this lingering question as why can't he/or she date somebody their own age???

I say give her a little more time to adjust and hopefully things will work out. For many in here it's been wonderful to say the least...good luck.

the waxer

Are you sure it is the mainly the age-gap that concerns her? If she is saying that she feels smothered, I would try to find out more about that. Find out "how" and "why" she feels that way. I just left a relationship where I felt that way so I know what a bummer that can be.
Good luck!

Paris...wonderful post!

By keeping an "open relationship" she is in essence not putting any work into the relationship because her options are always open. ALL relationships are lots of work, but especially if there are any negativities coming from the age gap from friends, or families, or her own mind...

Introduce her to this site so that she can put her fears out here, but I think what Yellowrose is saying too is quite valid. Maybe its not so much the age gap as it is other factors such as her insecurities, or the dynamics of your relationship itself...

Anyway! Good Advice Everyone as always...