Just when does it start getting better???

It's been 2 months now since my YM broke it off because I turned out to be 16 years older (and not the 10 I'd led him to believe for over 2 years!) Until this point everything was great although he does have a lot of pressures in his life just now - it was also a LDR which means we haven't seen or heard from each other since.

Still, we loved each other so much and I just can't seem to get over it. I have tried everything - friends are there for me, I am keeping busy, getting on with my life, etc. But I just miss him SO much. I have been unable to go to work for 2 days because I can't stop crying about it. I have had the odd good day in the last couple of weeks which has given me some hope. But the bad days seem to have got worse! I confess I DO still hope he will change his mind - what we had was so good I hope he'll realise he's made a mistake - and as long as I have feelings for him I will hope. But I also realise he may not and I really hope I can accept that eventually.

Any suggestions would be welcome - thanks!

Well I think since he found out your true age, he may feel you had deceived him and he may not be so ready to trust you in the future. I would try and tell him how you feel at present and see what he has to say.

Hi Lapafrax - I did this just before he told me he couldn't handle the age gap - was worried about us retiring at different times! and probably other potential problems too. Think he has forgiven me the deception but 16 years is a different story.

Manda, time will eventually heal your wounds, but there's no way of knowing exactly how long that will take. All you can do is take it one day at a time, one minute at a time. It's ok to grieve. You are hurting right now. Not only for the loss of the relationship, but probably also kicking yourself for deceiving him about the age difference. :(

You might try writing him a letter expressing your feelings to him at this point in time now that it has been a couple of months. Ask him to explain what is really bothering him most at this point and whether he feels there's anything that can be done to rectify the situation.

Maybe he just needs some time.

Thanks Whiterose for the kind words. I have thought about getting in touch but his reply was so definite and he is so stubborn that I don't want to risk getting rejected all over again, especially not when I am still hurting so much. I do believe he will be hurting too though and he has a lot of other issues to contend with. So I think I will give it some more time and perhaps consider getting in touch later. I guess I just hoped I would have felt so much better by this point and am now worried I will go on like this forever!! Aaargh! Because the last couple of days have felt worse than when this first happened.

I can understand still hurting after 2 months. It is still too soon and I am sure you are feeling really raw. There are so many things involved that have changed. The death of a dream, the changing of your routine, the loss of a friend as well as lover.

Maybe we can all post some suggestions on how we were able to move on after a break up.

My little trick is to use a rubber band on the wrist. Every time I thought about "him", I would lightly snap the band on the wrist. At first, you will be snapping, left and right. :p But in a few days, it will lessen. In Psychology, this is called "extinction". But it really does the trick.

The other thing (which you probably should do before the rubber band) is to write in a journal. Write what you loved about him, what you didn't love, and conclude with a goodbye. DON'T SEND IT. This is just for you.

I must admit, that sometimes we don't "get over" someone. But with time, the pain in the heart will subside and you can move forward to love again.

Well I managed to go for 2 months without getting in touch but have just sent him an email! Said I'd been away for a while but was back now. And of course I didn't hate him (he'd finished up his 'final' email with 'please don't hate me') - that everyone had to do what it takes to make them happy. Just signed it M x.

Am I crazy? Or just creating more grief for myself?

If that was something that you felt that you needed to do, then that's ok. You're not crazy. You won't know if you're creating more grief until you hear his response. You need some closure on this due to the suddenness of his departure from your life. It's ok to want to talk to him.

Well I got a reply but it was very formal! Asked me where I'd been and said he has an interview next week in a place that's about an hour's drive from me (the actual job however is a good bit further away). then finished up with 'hope you are well'! Just feels so weird compared to the contact we used to have. But I am pleased to have got a response at all and will reply wishing him luck in his interview. I am disappointed that his message sounds so formal and distant but I spent a lot of time phrasing mine so he would think I had risen above it, so must expect him to have done the same. He just sounds SO over it! Grrr!

At least I am ensuring that I am still in his thoughts I guess.

Originally posted by Manda
Well I got a reply but it was very formal! Asked me where I'd been and said he has an interview next week in a place that's about an hour's drive from me (the actual job however is a good bit further away). then finished up with 'hope you are well'! Just feels so weird compared to the contact we used to have. But I am pleased to have got a response at all and will reply wishing him luck in his interview. I am disappointed that his message sounds so formal and distant but I spent a lot of time phrasing mine so he would think I had risen above it, so must expect him to have done the same. He just sounds SO over it! Grrr!

At least I am ensuring that I am still in his thoughts I guess. Hi Manda, maybe he was being "formal" because your e-mail was "formal" but it sounds to me like hes wanted to hear from you by saying " where have you been?" and maybe him mentioning he had an interview only an hour from you was an opening to see if you would suggest getting together to talk???? Maybe not, but you say hes stubborn, so even if he wanted to see you I doubt he would say it himself. I could be all wrong but you DID get a response back so thats something. Still, I know your hurting and the response was COOL and you may just have to face that he IS over it, but Im really hoping that isnt the case . Meanwhile the "gumband" suggestion from yellowrose may sound silly, but it does work. Keep yourself busy in the meantime Mandy, and when you start getting "down" thinking about him, make yourself get up and start doing something or thinking of something else. Easier said than done I know, but making yourself sick over this isnt going to help you or change a thing except hurt you physically along with the emotional pain you already have to deal with. BIG HUGS GIRL keep in touch