Still shocked

It's been 5 days since that fateful email and subsequent phone call. I think this is the longest I've gone without communicating with P for a long, long time. It feels weird.

My friend just yelled at me on the phone saying, "You met him when he was 23 years old. His brain wasn't even finished developing and you were 50! What the hell did you expect?" She said that everything he was telling me about the future was just him playing out his little fantasy in his head, and that I should have never taken any of it seriously. She also said that the next woman he is involved with will really be having a relatioinship with me, because he will be applying everything he learned with me and doing it with her.

That was not exactly helpful, but probably true. (She later apologized.) I don't think we pick who we fall in love with, it just happens if the timing and chemistry are right. And three years is nothing to sneeze at.

I just want it to be three months from now and this feeling is gone.

I guess on some level, I'll always love him. It was just too intense of a relationship for too long to not be somewhat legit.

its true that the male brain doesn't finish until about 25--thats an interesting point she made, and probably a valid one

Of course it was legit, Kat. Your friend meant well, but now she has only stirred up more doubts you don't need to worry about right now. He didn't break things off with you because of the age gap. He ended it because he found someone closer to where he lives.

You are absolutely right that we don't pick who we fall in love with. If we did, then, wouldn't our lives be much simpler?

((((( hugs )))))

I know he ended things with me because he met someone else. But I also know that it means his level of commitment just wasn't there either, and that is what is heartbreaking to me. We have spent so much of our lives intertwined over the last few years, it's hard to imagine that he would do this at this stage of the game....I've been waiting for him to grow up! But the reality is that there are a ton of people his age to meet....there are very few my age. I was meeting a lot of people and dating a lot of people in my twenties. I didn't want to settle down, not really. Not until I was about his age.

I need to relax about this and move on. I know I do. It's not worth worrying about and feeling this sad about. He's certainly not worrying about me right now.

Yes, I suppose I need to grieve to some degree.....BUT, I'm not going to let this drag me down...this isn't the first time we've had issues and broken up, but it IS the last, and it IS the first time I've never wanted to talk to him again...at least not for a long time. I hope he is feeling badly. He should. But my guess is he is too narcissistic to feel much sadness over losing me. I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on him, but he should have recognized the time, energy, patience and love I put into three years of loving him and rewarded that with some commitment and love in return.

I'm okay, really. I'm laughing again, a LOT. Everyone at work is glad to see my old personality back because last week it was GONE. I really don't feel I need a lot of time to grieve over this relationship....I think I've processed it all along as it was happening, and now it's over and OH BOY! I get to be with someone who REALLY deserves me....I look forward to it. Not right now, but within a few months.