Thinking It Through

Hi everyone,
It's been a long time since I've been here. I'd like to say I've missed being here, but honestly, since Addy's been here I have not wanted to do much apart from him. He's so wonderful and I love him so much. Unfortunately, all good things must end and right now I'm starting to feel sad that this will be the last few weeks he will be here. So many things are going through my mind and I hate all the negative thoughts I get when I think what it will be like once he's gone.

I've also just finished reading Katmeup7's posts. I am so sorry Kat. I know we don't know each other but I feel awful for you. I don't even want to imagine what you are feeling like, yet lately, I find myself thinking ahead at a time when that might be me at the other end of a "sorry, but goodbye" email. I know a lot of what I'm feeling is due to the fact that Addy is leaving and that I have no idea when I'll see him again. I hate it.

We have had a wonderful time and I'm going to hang onto the next few weeks for dear life. Because of our individual family situations, it's almost impossible to think that there is anyway either of us could move for at least another two or three years, and that's one of the reasons I wonder about a realistic future together. Hopefully we will be able to take at least one or two trips a year, but still, well, I'm getting depressed. It's just really tough after having lived together and been together for three months, to then have to wave goodbye at the airport -ugh! Someone stop me from carrying on!!!!

Anyway, I just needed to vent a little and I can't imagine anywhere else I could go to where everyone understands what I'm talking about. Thanks for being here ladies (and guys). I could sure use a bit of advice as to what to do with my head once he's gone. :(

I know very well what those last few weeks with him will feel like. I went through the same agony in my last few days with Remi. And the worst part is the not knowing when you'll be together again.

All you can do is what you are already doing..... spending as much time as possible with him.

I hate to hear that it will be a very long time before the two of you could move towards one another. That has to be heart wrenching. :( If Remi and I weren't already committed to being together now, I'm not sure I could carry on this LDR for that long.

But, if you do continue onward, Sunlover, we will be here for you and will give you the support that you need to carry on.

Come here and vent anytime. :)

I went through the same thing, and made the decision to move. Its worth anything to be with someone if they matter that much.

thank you for your sympathy. i must say, it's wonderful to have support here, even though most ppl don't know me well. i lived with P for three months one summer, and he left to go 300 miles from me for a professional job that lasted a year. i thought he might come back, but he enrolled in a master's program that was going to last another three years and he is over half way through that....we have remained entwined in an on again off again LDR, but finally we were planning on being together by the end of next year, but someone came along who changed that plan!!! i have to admit, the opportunity for a 26 y/o to meet someone who would peak their interest is probably far greater than a 53 y/o, and that's just the reality of the situation.

i'm not trying to be a doomsdayer here at all. i hope NOTHING even remotely similar happens to you. but i will tell you that it is damn hard to keep a LDR going unless both parties are committed fully. i think i was, i think he was only half heartedly.

i remember once hearing a man talk about his beloved wife, who was dying from cancer and he was slowly grieving her loss, while at the same time he had met someone he was slowly falling in love with at the same time (who he ended up marrying) and what a surrealistic, bizarre experience that was.....i'm imagining for P, that's what's happening right now, just not on such a dramatic level. i'm sure he still loves me, but someone else is there, tangible, fresh and interesting.

i'm really not being helpful at all.....and I'm sorry. I'm just continuing to vent about my own situation. so for that i'm sorry.

just keep a realistic open mind I guess is the message...life is for living. it's okay to delay gratification, but i'm not sure two or three years is realistic....esp. not for young men.

We go through so many similar experiences here - where else would I go to for support and insight? Thanks so much. I know you all understand exactly all of my sentiments right now.

Kat, I don't disagree one bit with you. It took me a little while and lots of convincing from my guy for me to go into this relationship. Not that I didn't already know I was crazy about him from the very start, but, I felt very much that it would be impossible for all of the obvious reasons. I've never tried to shield myself from the reality of all of the obsticals. I've told Addy as well as myself (a million times at least) that it's an impossible relationship - yet, here I am, and just thinking about him makes me smile.

There is no question in my mind that we love each other - yet, he is definately going to leave in a few weeks, and, we are both going to be devestated. He tells me we can do it. I tell him I hope beyond hope that we can. Maybe one of these days he won't want me anymore or maybe I won't want him anymore (I can't even imagine that ) but unless someone else comes along and sweeps me off my rocker (:D ) I guess I'll be here. Right now the only thing I know is that I'm in love, big time. Hopefully, even if/when it ends, I will have learned more about myself and about life and love.

Many of us in LDRs or just relationships with younger guys, (or just any relationship for that matter) will go through the sadness of having to let someone go. I hope that through it all, we will have the grace to let go with dignity, while holding onto the best memories of our lives. I know the first place I would go if I became one of the statistics. Right here.

Meanwhile, does anyone have any ideas on how to chain someone very tightly to the bedpost so that he misses his plane and has to stay with his girlfriend??? ;)

Did I mention the other thing I find here? Wisdom. :)

Wise words always make an impact on me. Thank you

sunlover...

I know exactly how you feel. Australia seems like it is on another planet when you think about the distance between there and the USA.

I was lucky enough to have been able to have my sweet husband visit the US twice for 3 month visits each time. And each time he had to leave and go back to Australia was the hardest thing for both of us to deal with. Each time he left was a time of not knowing when the next time we would see each other again.

We both hated it! We both cried our eyes out. I went to the airport the first time, which was so hard! The second time I had a shuttle pick him up and take him to the airport. Neither one of us wanted to deal with that scene again.

But we had made a commitment to each other and to the relationship. That commitment is what kept us going through everything. Granted there were days when I would be so angry and frustrated and felt cheated because I didn't have more money or the means to make frequent visits to see my love nor him able to see me. The weekend couldn't come fast enough as far as I was concerned, when I would finally be able to hear his voice on the phone. Thank god he was able to purchase a "boost" international phone card that allowed him several hours of talk time. He spent $10 a week to talk to me on the phone. Not a bad deal!

In a LDR there are no guarantees how long it will last or whether you can endure the distance and separation. But then again there are no guarantees in any relationship about how long it will last or endure. The challenges are great in an LDR, and it takes a lot of trust and a strong commitment to stay with it. It takes a lot of emails and phone conversations, but there are ways to keep romance alive even at a distance.

The thing that kept me going on most days, was knowing that I was not in it alone and that he was angry and frustrated and having his bad days just like I was. It wasn't easy for either of us. We spent a lot of time being there for each other when things were rough. Talking through our frustrations together helped to create a strong bond.

I wish you all the best in dealing with the upcoming separation. I know it will be rough, but like someone posted before, in my situation, I decided that life is short and I was willing to make a lot of sacrifices to be with the man of my dreams and live my life with him. And he was willing to do the same. That is the commitment part of it.

Sunlover, hello and hugs! I stop by ageless now and again, and couldn't help but say a few words to you on this subject.

I believe that we can have what we say! Simply. Let me try to explain this ... It probably has more to do with faith than just wishing on a star for something that may not be realistic, a positive manner of thinking and believing.

What I'm really trying to say here is that if this relationship is what you truly want to happen, then believe it will survive ... through anything. Don't feed even the most remote negative thought and/or "words" into the situation. Make your mind believe that it can survive, believe it, meditate on it (not how it will happen, just that it will) and "see" you and he together (again, not in a specific place or setting, but just see it as done). DONE being the key word here. The mind is very very powerful. I believe many times people actually talk themselves out of exactly what they want (i.e. jobs, relationships, opportunities of all manner). I believe feeding even the slightest amount of negativity (what if's or I expect it, or oh well, if it doesn't work sort of thoughts) might truly be the kiss of death for any situation. I won't say it's not difficult to monitor and guard your thoughts and then your speech, but it can be done. I've tried very hard to make this work for me in my life and have seen it work for the negative as well as for the positive.

Why not give it a try. It's much more fun to think positive things no? I believe when you find someone you are truly connected to, it will work out ... just not always as we would like (fast and easy, lol). Faith talk says, see it as done, see a day to day model of what it will be like when you two are together, see yourself laying in bed beside him chatting and laughing and having a great time, making love, see you going here and there and sharing ... see it done!

I'm sure you know I wish you and he all the best. I will pray for you ... and hope you can let go of any possible negatives and just think positive things ... You may be surprised that little things that needed to be worked out are ... while you are distanced and then make you even more perfect for each other when you finally do come together ... I know you don't fall in love often, so I am certain this is a connection for you ... a soulmate if you will. I wish you all the best and pm me if you would like more of this faith/positive talk, lol.

I will end with where I got all this in the first place. Yep, it's a scripture and says, "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speakeths". In other words, what you really and TRULY believe down deep, will be spoken out of your mouth ... it's an automatic thing actually ... When we realize this, we can ultimately change many things in our lives. Change our deep seated beliefs to reflect what we really desire, and our lives will follow.

HUGS YOU ...

dy :)

Wonderful post, Dy. :)

Great post DY!!!

You are right! Through all the stuff me and my husband went through, we always had the image and attitude that we would be together. We didn't know how or when, we just kept that in our thoughts. And eventually it all worked out. We just had to be patient and not give up the thought of being together!

How nice to hear from you both.

I don't know if you remember Guin, but I did write you a long time ago about how a relationship with that much distance works. You were right then and gave me good advise. It worked then. Again you've given me the inspiration I need to realize that "YES" these relationships can, and as in your case, do work. How great is that?? Thanks for the thoughtful post. Your experience in this is definately inspirational. I do appreciate it.

Dy, WOW! It's been such a long time - it's wonderful to see you here again. I must tell you, that your thoughts on positive thinking reminded me of how Addy got here in the first place. When we first began this relationship, knowing the immense difficulties we could encounter in getting together, we made a conscious decision, and wrote it down, that we would be together, and not only for a week or two, and here we are, over two months together, and several weeks left to go. You're right. I need to remember this. I do need to know that we will be together and that we can and will see it through.

I believe this is called visual manafestation. In truth, when I think carefully, every thing I visualized before he got here has happened almost exactly as I visualized it. I guess that with the upcoming seperation, the sadness of it leaves me week spirited and it's difficult, at times like that to see things positively. But I will, because I know it does work. And, it will work.:)

Thank you.

Yes, Yes, Yes ... visualization!!! And it DOES work. I've made it work and Guin has made it work and truthfully, I believe it is easy to manifest what you are believing for because it is "supposed to be". Now I'm talking spiritually, but tis true nonetheless.

Good for you ... You have all the tools, now just put them to work missey, lol. All the best, and I'll be prayin ...

:)

PS Did you say Addy is from somewhere in Australia? If so, when you have finished your visit, we will have to exchange pms, lol. ;)

hugs